PART 1: "Sun Is Coming Up Slowly"

Updated Author's Note: I appreciate that 2nd person narrative can be a bit weird to follow, but hopefully I've kept everything clear enough(!) I felt that it was the best way for me to get right inside Jane's head.

This is set right at the end of 3x06 "Money Maker" - you don't necessarily need to have seen it, but it does provide some useful context. The end of the episode didn't sit well with me (I figure a lot of people feel the same way!), and this is just how I think the episode should have ended.

I had originally planned to finish this before 3x07 aired, but I didn't get round to it/had writers' block/was really busy. As such, this is slightly AU in that it doesn't follow any of the canon plot from the episodes following 3x06.

Rated T for swearing; there is nothing too risque otherwise.

As a disclaimer, I have no rights over any of these characters; I'm just exercising poetic licence. The fic title is that of a song by Slow Club, and the chapter titles are lyrics from said song. I borrow these with thanks. This applies to any and all future chapters.

Enjoy.

In front of your bathroom mirror, you took a quick glance at yourself and sighed. You looked like shit, there was no denying that, but you allowed it - you hadn't slept much. Splashing cold water over your face, you cursed and grumbled under your breath: "I wish I could arrest people just for being shit-awful mothers."

You'd spent the whole night stewing, unable to switch your brain off. Thinking. Thinking about her. You'd left her house the previous evening, around midnight - you hadn't wanted to leave, but it was what she asked of you. I'm fine, she'd said, Don't worry about me. Naturally, all you did was worry about her. It's all you ever do. You had thought about protesting, but you could tell from the look in Maura's eyes that she just wanted to be alone.

You replayed the conversation in your head as you paced around your apartment.

"It hurts, Jane." You left a beat, allowing her the space and time to talk. "I hadn't expected everything to magically resolve itself just because I discovered my mother, but this was further from anything I could have anticipated."

"I'm so sorry, Maura." You tentatively reached for her hand. She took it and gently squeezed your fingers in thanks, but didn't look up to meet your gaze.

"I didn't think -" Maura stopped and simply sobbed for a few moments. "She - I just wanted to help. She doesn't even want to acknowledge me, Jane. It's like I don't even exist."

"Maur, don't think like that," you soothed, pulling Maura closer, "You do exist, and you you're pretty damn important - to a lot of people."

You wrapped your arms around her, one hand tight on Maura's waist, the other gently stroking the back of her head; her chin rested on your shoulder. You wanted nothing more than to be able to make it right, to take away all of Maura's bad feelings. She had suffered so much recently, and you felt awful. I'm a cop, for crying out loud. It's my job to protect people. What kind of person am I if I can't even protect my best friend?

You stayed like that a few moments longer, but that was when Maura pulled away, and asked you to leave.

Now, there you were, at 4 am, unable to sleep and unable to get Maura off your mind. You certainly weren't expecting to hear a knock at your door. "Who the fuck?" The door rattled again, and you quietly padded across, keen to look through the spy hole. "Jesus, I'm coming," you breathed.

You had to look twice, just to make sure your eyes weren't deceiving you. It couldn't be, could it?

"Maura." It was all you could breathe out as you opened the door. She looked broken, tired - she was in a state much like your own. Tears were slowly falling down her cheeks and that tipped you over the edge. You responded the only way you knew how: you held her.

You took Maura by the hand, and snaked an arm round her waist. Together, you carefully crossed your apartment, heading towards your room. Beside your bed, you turned her to face you and offered her a small smile. She simply sniffed, and you brushed a couple of stray hairs from her face. Finally, her eyes met yours, and you knew what you needed to do.

Starting with her trench coat, you began to began to undress her. There wasn't time for modesty - you had seen each other in various states of undress many times before. This was about Maura, and making sure that she knew you cared. You took the time to fold her clothes, knowing she'd appreciate it. You offered her a t-shirt; it was the one you'd worn the last time you'd slept in your own house. Maura didn't mind and pulled it on, then slipped her own bra off underneath, dropping it to the floor without regard for decorum.

She climbed into your bed, and mumbled something at you. It didn't matter what she'd said, you knew what she wanted. With haste, you removed your own clothes; first your trousers, then your shirt. Wearing only a vest and your underwear, you followed Maura into bed. Like you'd done so many nights previously, you let the shape of your body line up with Maura's, sharing your warmth. One arm slipped under her neck, your other rested on her hip. You placed a soft kiss behind her ear, letting her know you were ready for whatever she had for you.

That's when things got difficult. The two of you lay there for roughly an hour; Maura cried, mostly, and you just did what you do best. You held her, and caressed her, but mostly, you just loved her. It was hard for you, but you knew you had to just wait for Maura. She needed to take this at her own pace.

Finally, Maura spoke. You nearly missed it - the words were barely above a whisper, but there was no denying what she'd said.

"I need you, Jane."

You didn't respond immediately, taking the time to choose your words carefully. "Anything, Maura; I'll give you anything."

"Did you mean it, earlier?"

"When, Maura? What?"

"Today," Maura started, her voice still soft, "You … you said -"

"It's ok. Take your time."

"You said that I'm incredible, Jane. Did you mean it? In fact, what did you mean?"

"I, uh, yes - I meant it. Maura, you're an amazing human being. You wanted to give that girl a kidney, your kidney. Sure, she's your half-sister, but -" You faltered; you were going in the wrong direction with this. "Maura, this isn't about the kidney."

"I know. That's why I asked."

"It was … an excuse."

You felt Maura's body stiffen as she repeated your words. "An excuse? I don't understand."

"Yeah, Maur, an excuse." You took a deep breath, and slowly exhaled. You needed to compose yourself. There was no use in getting worked up. Just be honest with her, Jane. The truth can't hurt. "It was an excuse to tell you that I think you're incredible."

"I still … I'm not sure I know where you're going with this Jane." Maura wriggled in the bed and shuffled around so she was facing you. It was her turn to touch you, and she placed a hand on your chin. You wanted to pour your heart out to her, but eventually decided against it. There was no use in making Maura upset.

"It'd be a bit weird, Maur, if I was just to tell you that I think you're wonderful all the time."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why would it be weird, Jane?"

"Jesus, uh … because, because -" You felt your palms clam up, and your breath hitched. Finally you snapped. There was no stopping it now. "Because it's crazy, Maura; you're my favourite person on this whole god damn Earth. You frighten me, sometimes, with your intellect, but I don't know what I'd do without you. And do you know what the worst part is? You're my friend. My best friend, but still just … just my friend. I feel like I shouldn't feel the way I do, Maura."

"And … h-how do you feel, Jane?"

You wished the ground would just swallow you up. You'd already said far too much, but it was just too late.

"It breaks my heart to see you like this, Maura. I want to protect you, and care for you and -"

Sighing loudly, you rolled onto your back, and placed your hands behind your head. Maura, shifted uncomfortably beside you, before nestling in the crook of your arm. It reassured you. It told you that she wasn't completed overwhelmed by what you'd said.

"And what, Jane?"

"I can't say any more, Maura." A beat. You didn't allow her the time to question you, and you certainly didn't notice the realisation creeping across her face. "It'll change things."

"No it won't."

"Trust me, it will. If I say this, I can't take it back."

"Trust me, Jane. I might surprise you."

"Really? I doubt that."

"Please, Jane. Just say it." The urgency in Maura's voice caused you to look down at her. It was then that you understood. Maura's eyes told you so much. Slowly, you realised that Maura knew how you really felt. She just wanted you to say it first.

"Fuck it," you whispered. What's the worst that could happen? "Maura, I … I think I'm in love with you."

"I know."

You looked back to Maura and cursed at the small smirk on her face. Allowing yourself a slight laugh, you wrapped your arms round Maura's torso and intertwined your legs with hers.

"Is that all you have to say?" You placed a soft kiss on her forehead.

"I guess so. Keep going, Jane. I also know you weren't finished talking."

"I get angry - when people have upset you. I feel like it's my duty to make them stop, like it should be me that looks after you. At first I thought it was mere kinship, Maura - we're the only women in that department. It's more than that though. I care for you more than I do any other friend."

"I have noticed that. I think … I think I like it."

"You're calm, Maura. Very calm. This scares the shit out of me."

"You've made me feel better, Jane. I think I can sleep now."

"You don't have anything you wanna say?"

"No, not yet."

You were shocked, and a little hurt. You'd just told her everything, well almost everything. You'd given her the most important bits, anyway, yet she had nothing to say. You thought about trying to make her talk, but deep down you knew it wouldn't of any use. You could tell from her tone that she didn't want to.

"Let's sleep, then, Maura." You shifted a little, and pulled the covers further up your bodies.

"Goodnight, Jane."

Suddenly, everything was quiet, save for the ticking of a wall clock. 6.19 am. You had work in less than two hours. Lying there, you knew you weren't going to get any sleep. You felt slightly sad though, because despite having never been closer to Maura, at that moment, you'd never felt so alone.