04/04/06 EDIT;
I've decided to leave Cowboys & Kisses alone just the way it is. However, I will be revising, rewriting, reuploading a cleaner (& better) cut of this story, Sealed with a Kiss. I hope you check that out – I'm really excited with the rewrite so far. – Stress.

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August 12, 1899

Dear Journal,

It's happened again. I was sitting with Kayla and Ryan by Kayla's bunk this afternoon when it happened again. I don't know why it happened but it did. One moment we were talking and it happened. Again.

"Hey Layna, you'se such a jokah." Kayla Lynch flipped her long red curls over her shoulder and grinned at raven-haired girl sitting on the bunk in front of her.

"Really, Kay? I had no idea dat ya felt dat way." Layna Kotliar's blue eyes gleamed with mischief as she basked in the attention she was receiving from Kayla and Ryan, two of her friends in the 5th Street Orphanage. Actually, they were more like her companions, really. Layna hadn't had any real friends, apart from her trusty journal, since that day when she was seven years old, almost eleven years ago.

"An' you'se such a perdy jokah, too." Ryan added, his hazel eyes twinkling as he winked in her direction.

Layna blushed and turned her head. Ryan had been flirting with her non-stop for the past two weeks, and she was getting a little bit nervous. Despite her reputation, Layna was afraid of guys and barely knew how to act around them. "T'anks, Ryan."

Ryan got up from the bunk from which he was perched and sauntered next to Layna's side. "No problem, sugah." He leaned over and gave her a hug. No one could accuse Ryan Lynch of being shy.

Once she felt his arms around her, Layna grew rigged and stiff. It was happening again.

"Hey sweetness. What's a li'l goil like you'se doin' out in da big, bad streets o' da Bronx by yerself?" The man, old, dirty and, by the look and smell of it, extremely drunk, slurred in the seven-year-old Layna's direction as she stood on the street in front of her parents' apartment building.

"I'se waitin' for me pa, mistah." Though her mother and father always warned her not to speak to strangers, Layna was never one to listen.

"Really... An' wheah is yer pa?" The man walked over to Layna so that she was standing directly in front of him.

"He's inside da hous--" Layna's words were cut off when the man placed his hands over her mouth and enveloped her in a tight bear hug. Despite the dirt and odor of the man's hand, Layna did the only thing she could do-- She bit down on his hand and hard.

"Why, you'se li'l..." the man cursed as he moved his hand from her mouth, giving her the opportunity to shriek one word "Pa!"

Upon hearing his daughter's panicked screech, Philippe Kotliar rushed from the apartment building, with his wife Marie right behind him. "Unhand my daughter, you scum!" he yelled, trying to tackle the man.

The man threw Layna easily to the side and lunged at Philippe. "Ya shouldn't a said dat, pal." he hissed as he withdrew a knife from his pocket and thrust it into Philippe's side.

"Philippe, no!" cried Marie, as she ran forward and threw her arms around her dying husband. "How dare you?" she sobbed at the man who stood crazed in the moonlight.

"Like dis." he sneered as he plunged the same knife used to kill her husband, directly into Marie's backside. "Now, for me prize." he chuckled to himself and turned to grab the little girl.

But she was gone.

"Layna, are you'se O.K.?" Kayla's face floated before her eyes. It was a face feigning concern, with fear behind it. She was afraid of Layna.

Layna stumbled off of the bunk and collapsed to the floor. "Yeah, I'se fine." She lifted her right hand to her head and tried to alieve the throbbing pain.

Ryan slowly backed away from Layna, disgust written all over his face. "What is wrong wit' you'se, ya freak."

Layna looked up at the boy, shaking slightly. "Ryan..."

"You'se jist a freak, goil. Stay away from me." He continued walking backwards, his hand reaching behind him to find the doorknob. "Kayla, let's leave da freak alone."

Kayla looked where Layna remained sitting on the floor. "Bye, freak." With those last spiteful words, Kayla followed her brother out of the bunkroom.

I won't be able to ever face them again! Every time I have had those spells, ever since the day I lost my family, I've been alone so no one has had to witness it. But, that changed today. The two people who were the closest I've ever had to friends know think I'm a loon. I can't live with people who know that something's wrong with me. I've kept my past to myself for the past ten years or so, and I don't think it's high time for anyone to know now. Even though I know there's only a week until my 18th birthday, and once I'm 18 I could leave the orphanage forever, I can't wait that week. It's just you and me, Journal, just the way I like it. I--

"Damn!" Layna swore, throwing down her pen on her bunk, as a sharp pain blinded her momentarily. She rested her head into her hands, letting her long, straight, black hair fall over her shoulders. It was happening again.

Layna panted heavily as she hid behind a box in a nearby alley. She trembled slightly as she held onto her knees and sobbed quietly.

"Li'l goil... Wheah are you'se? Eddie don't wanna hoit you'se, he wants ta be yer friend..." The dirty man was getting closer and closer.

Layna pulled herself to her knees and peeked out from behind the box. The man was out, standing in the dim moonlight, right across from the alley where she lay hidden. Layna gasped in surprise when she saw the man still brandishing the large knife that had just murdered her parents. This man wanted to be her friend? If he wanted to be her friend, why did he hurt her mommy and daddy?

The man, Eddie, paused when he heard Layna's gasp. "C'mon, sweetie. Eddie's gonna be yer friend. You'se'll like Eddie."

Layna curled back up into a ball and stopped breathing for a moment. She couldn't let the man find her.

Layna woke up in surprise, still laying flat on her belly, her right cheek glued to the page she had been writing on. "Must o' dozed off for a wee bit." she murmured to herself as she rubbed her head. The headache was slowly fading, but the memories would always be there.

She sat up on her bunk and tried to remember what had been happening right before she had fallen asleep. She scrambled to her feet and ran to her feet. "Good, it's still dark out." Grabbing her bag from under her bunk, Layna shoved the only other outfit she owned and the ragged sheet on her bed inside and pocketed her journal. Judging by the grandfather clock in the lobby of the orphanage, there was still enough time to go outside before curfew. If you behaved long enough to put yourself in the headmistress's good graces, Madame Pearson would let you go out as long as you were back by eleven.

"Where are you going, Miss Layna?" Madame Pearson inquired, pointing to the bag clutched in her hand.

"Just to visit some of my friends, Madame Pearson. I'll be back by curfew." Friends? What a lousy excuse.

"Sure thing, dear. Don't forget, dear, curfew is only half an hour away." Madame Pearson didn't really care what you were doing as long as you yes-ed her to death.

"See ya." Yeah, see ya nevah 'gain... Layna finished the thought in her mind, as she exited the doors of the 5th Street Orphanage for the last time.

Once she was outside, she breathed a sigh of relief. Freedom... She hadn't realized how much the orphanage had crowded her until she was outside. "Now wheah do I go from heah?" She looked all around the dim and dirty streets of New York. She hadn't thought about that before she left the orphanage, but she was not prepared to go back and face the horrified faces of Kayla and Ryan. Once was enough for a lifetime.

Figuring that it would be better to sleep her faint headache off, Layna slumped down against a brick wall and pulled her sheet out of her bag. Luckily, it was a nice summer evening and the thin sheet was sufficient to keep her comfortable.

Layna stretched her arms and snuggled up against the wall, trying to find the softest patch of dirt on the roadside. She yawned and reached back into her bag, pulling out her journal. With a sigh, she opened her journal with the intent to finish her previous entry.

Dear Layna,

Layna giggled in excitement. There was another message, a new message, in her journal. Her eyes raced through the childish writing on the page, eager to see the signature at the bottom. Kisses. She didn't know who Kisses was, or how she was able to write in Layna's journal when it never left her sight, but the little girl never failed to leave her encouraging little messages.

Dear Layna,

Don't be nervous and don't be afraid. It's just you and me, Layna, just like it's always been. Those jerks were just holding you back, keeping you from yourself. Don't pay any attention to their hurtful words-- they don't know anything about us. Anyway, even if they did, they wouldn't understand. Nobody ever will. It's just you and me, Layna. I will protect you.

Love,


Kisses

Layna fell asleep under the moonlight, a smile on her face. Kisses' journal entries often had that effect on her.