Cassie stared out the car window watching the trees pass by. This time she knew what the earth name for them was.
This time she was staying on the planet that she had come to know as home.
This time she had only lost one woman, not her entire race, not everyone she had ever cared for.
This time it was the second woman she had ever felt comfortable enough with to call her mother.
This time she would be going home with Sam, and this time they would grieve together.
She closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the seat in Sam's car. Janet's car was still at the base, but she'd apparently left it to Cassie in her will.
A gentle hand landed on her shoulder, Cassie turned her head with effort. More than anything she wanted to sink into the ground and just let it swallow her up into a hole as deep and as empty as she felt.
"We're here, Cass. It's time to go in." Sam's smile was sad. Cassie knew that if anyone could understand how she felt it was Sam. Sam had offered to talk, had offered to listen, but talking and listening were the last things that Cassie was interested in at this point.
Sighing loudly, Cassie rolled her eyes and unbuckled her seat belt. "I still don't understand this, we never did anything like this when Daniel died."
This time Sam's smile was genuine. "It's hard to have a wake for someone when you don't have a body, Cass. This just... well, it helps give some people closure."
Cassie opened the door, slowly moving to get out of the car. "I still don't get it, Sam."
Moving from the car, Cassie knew that as much as Sam would try to understand this just wasn't something that could be explained. The memorial service at the SGC had been dull, hollow and completely useless. It had made her feel so empty that she'd fled the Gateroom in search of someplace quiet, someplace familiar, someplace that would help her to think of her mother.
She'd found herself in the infirmary, though she wouldn't have been able to tell anyone the path she'd taken to get there. The area was primarily deserted, those that were able were all in the gate room at the memorial. Only one or two nurses remained to look over the remaining injured personnel.
No one bothered stopping Cassie, or had even noticed that she was there as far as she could tell. Quietly, she'd snuck into her mother's office and curled up in the over-sized chair Janet had kept in her office.
Cassie'd felt comfortable there. It was quiet, it was familiar, and if she closed her eyes and inhaled the faint floral scent that was still fresh in the air, she could almost convince herself that Janet was still there.
She had no idea how much time had passed or where else anyone may have looked before Teal'c had found her there. She hadn't cried, she hadn't broken down, she'd just been numb. Teal'c's ever-soothing presence had almost put a crack in that resolve.
As she walked through the doors of the funeral parlor she was struck with the thought that each time she encountered death there always seemed to be some new ritual, some new ceremony, some new... something that seemed to be added to the whole ordeal. The people around her couldn't seem to just mourn the loss in private and move on.
The phrase 'misery loves company' ran through her mind. Seeing the number of people, dressed in black or military uniforms milling around the room with flowers all along the edge, she could understand where it came from. Seeing the way Jack casually reached over and squeezed Sam's hand, the way she gave him a teary smile in reply made Cassie understand, just a little, that the death of one seemed to bring together many.
Cassie stared at all of the people that had shown up for the wake. Many she knew, people her mom had been friends with, people from around town, people from the SGC. But there were several faces in the crowd that she didn't recognize - many in Air Force uniforms, but some in regular suits. Though that didn't mean they weren't military - Jack was wearing a regular suit instead of his dress blues, and Sam was wearing a black pants suit.
One man stood out on Cassie's radar. A man she was sure she recognized but did not know. Sam and Jack seemed to recognize the man as well, well enough to go over to him anyway, which gave her the perfect opportunity to slip out and mourn Janet the only way she knew how.
There was a nice garden on the grounds attached to the funeral parlor and Cassie found that the cool, fragrant air reminded her of Janet's favorite perfume. Finding a secluded spot over by a reflecting pool, Cassie curled up on the grass and wondered if Sam would freak when she noticed she was gone or if she'd be oh, so, damned understanding.
A part of her wished Sam would freak a little. It was unnerving to have someone - even Sam - know how she was feeling so well. Part of her wanted Sam to break, even just a little, so that she would feel free to break too.
The grass behind her crunched and Cassie instinctively stiffened. The shadow was too big to be Sam, too still to be Jack or Daniel. Somehow it seemed that Teal'c was the one charged with the duty of finding her when she wandered off.
She waited for him to say something, waited for him to try and convince her to go inside and play the part of the 'normal' Earth teenager who had lost a mother for the second time. She even waited for him to do something completely inane like tell her to get up because the grass was going to ruin her skirt.
She didn't care.
After the last week she never wanted to wear it again anyway.
He didn't do any of that, though. He stood for a few moments, staring out at the reflecting pool, and she was starting to wonder if he even realized she was there, when he sat down next to her on the grass.
He didn't say anything, though she fully expected him to.
Instead, he just sat there, his legs folded before him, his hands resting lightly on his knees.
If she hadn't known him as well as she did she would have though he was sleeping or kel-no-reeming. Instead, she knew he was lending his support and just being there for her, while he grieved for her mother in her own way.
So they sat there for a while, both of them staring at the reflecting pool.
Cassie closed her eyes and thought of all the times she'd thought she might have lost a member of her 'family' - when Sam had been possessed by Jolinar, when Daniel had 'ascended', when Jack had been lost on Edora, or when Teal'c had run off to take revenge against Tanith.
There had been so many times when she'd thought she'd lost someone close to her, only to be spared the pain and grief of permanent separation. So many times, she'd been lucky. So many times that she'd almost stopped worrying.
Somehow SG-1 always managed to make it back.
Janet rarely traveled off-world, and though footholds and other disasters had happened on the base, the chances of one of them taking Janet's life had barely crossed her mind. She'd allowed herself to become complacent.
Sighing, she leaned over and rested her head against Teal'c's arm. His strong, stoic support had been there for her more times than she could count.
He was her anchor, her alien uncle who reminded her that no matter how truly alien she may feel among the Tauri at times, this was exactly where she belonged.
His arm slowly came around her, squeezing her to him ever so slightly.
"Ready to go, guys?"
Cassie's head turned at the sound of Jack's voice. The silence between her and Teal'c had been so comforting, so complete, that she missed it. The understanding smile on Jack's face tempered the loss though.
She looked down, brushing the grass off of her skirt as Teal'c helped her stand. "I guess I'm as ready as I'll ever be." She replied softly.
"Sam... Carter, was thinking we could all do dinner together." A childish glint twinkled in Jack's eye. "I suggested steak and a good pie for dessert."
Something about the whole thing made Cassie smile. Things weren't going to be the same, that was for sure, but there were still people here that cared about her - and she cared about them. Once again, even as bad as things were, she was lucky.