Prologue

December 5, 2010

Ricky and I have been living together for one year, it is so hard to believe. So much has happened in such a short time, yet it seems so long ago.

I broke up with Ben back in March. That was really hard to do; I think if it wasn't for Ricky I would have cried for weeks. I still love Ben and I always will love him, but only as a really good friend, I still call him from time to time and we hang out but we are just not right for each other. We both kind of knew it the whole time we were dating but it was still heartbreaking to go through a break up.

Adrian got accepted to a really good college prep school in San Diego, she had been on the waiting list since her freshman year, so once she got accepted she and her family moved down there. I think she left to get away from the drama, as well as going to the school that she wanted to.

When she finally realized that she didn't need Ricky her whole life became better. She made the high honors list the last term she was here. She also one the Louisa Kulling award, which is $2500 towards college; she received it for her paper on Jane Austen, her favorite author. She really found herself again and I was happy for her. The last that I heard from Grace was that Adrian got accepted to NYU and was going there next fall.

Jack and Grace tried and failed yet again at a relationship. This last time they really knew it was not going to happen. Grace knows what she wants and Jack barely knows where he wants to go for dinner when they go out.

He is dating Angela, the head cheerleader. Grace is single and happy, and having a fun senior year. She likes not having to please anyone and she can just be herself.

Senior year, I can't believe that it is Ricky's senior year. We decided that what we both will do is go to community college for 2 years then see where our lives are. His parents were so happy that he was even doing that, they were afraid that nature was going to overpower the nurture. But he did it, and even though he would never admit it, he was proud that his parent and I were proud of him.

December 17, 2010

Tonight is the big Christmas concert, I have a solo in God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen. I was so nervous, I couldn't believe that I audition and then never in a million years did I think that I would actually get it.

I was in the lobby with my parents, "I don't think I can do this, I'll mess up. I just know it!" I was nervously biting my lip, and tapping my foot. My dad, who had john, rubbed my shoulder, "Ames, you have practiced since the middle of October, Ricky's helped you, you'll do fine and john will be cheering for you and Ricky during your solos."

That made me smile "thanks daddy, well I have to go back stage. I'll see you after the show," I gave John a kiss "bye baby I love you."

"Bye, mama I love you," and John gave me a nice big kiss. I smiled all the way back to the stage room. When I walked in I was looking for Ricky, I found him in the corner talking to our friend Andrew who plays the saxophone. Ricky saw me and walked over to me "how are you doing?"

"I'm good" I lied, which he knew.

"No you're not, but you'll do fine, no you'll do great. You practiced so hard and it sounds amazing" he kissed my cheek. "Did you see Jjohn and your parents?"

"Yah they just got here, John looks so cute in his black corduroys and his new white reindeer sweater, nice job shopping daddy." I gave a little laugh.

"I'm glad you like it, it wasn't easy for me to talk you out of buying the little Santa suit," Ricky smirked.

I gawked "what I think it was cute."

"On a little baby but not a 1 and half year old, and besides we don't live in a cold climate, so he would of sweated right through it, that outfit is light enough for our area."

"I know this one is better sometimes I wish we lived in a different place and not Los Angeles, I don't know where I would want to live, or maybe I wouldn't want to live anywhere else just maybe go somewhere else for awhile. I don't know I am rambling on right now. It is almost our turn to go on stage the choir will be done in 5 minutes," I took a peek at the stage thorough the door and saw the choir on stage. "I don't know if I can do this," I leaned back against the wall.

Ricky brushed the hair that had fallen in face behind my ear, he always did that and I loved it, maybe even better then kissing because it was so sweet and gentle and showed me he really cared, "Ames" he whispered, "you will do amazing, don't over think it and if you get nervous just look over at me."

Just hearing those words made me feel better, then to actually do it made me feel even more confidante that I could do it.

I flashed back to when he was helping me practice.

I was practicing in our room, I moved in with him over the summer it sort of happened gradually, then one day all my things were in his room and i just stayed there.

I had messed up on a note "I can't do it, it doesn't sound right, no matter how much I practice it just doesn't come out right, why can't I get this note?" I asked myself. Ricky walked in the door "I thought it sounded great, other then the A being flat, just need to work on that. But other than that it sounds amazing. I can help you with that, do you want my help?" He came over and sat next to me on the bed.

"I would love it," I moved to lean on against the headboard and he sat at my feet. He told me to play the part over again, which I did and again the A was flat "ugh! I'm never going to get this. He should have picked Rachel, she wanted it so bad, and she probably would do a better job than I am."

"Amy he wouldn't have picked you if he didn't think that you couldn't do it. Now stop complaining how much you can't do it and let me help you. It is really simple to fix that A flat." Ricky lightly tapped my foot to have me stop complaining.

"Alright then how do I fix it?"

"Let go of the note sooner, you're holding it to long so that is what is messing up the rest of it. And make sure you keep tempo and don't speed it up. Try it."

I did and it worked "Oh my God I did it, I actually did it and it sounded great, oh thank you so much!" I put my French horn down and kissed him. "Now let's see if I can do that again, so how goes you're solo?"

"Well it really isn't a solo,it's just drums, but it is going good, I guess. I think it is awesome that Mr. Salinger is doing carol of the bells by the Trans Siberian orchestra, it's so edgy and not that boring regular Christmas music."

"Band kids on stage now!" yelled Mr. Salinger.

'This is it' I said to myself. I walked onto the stage and took my seat, I don't get stage fright really more of a fear of messing up a note, but I had no problem playing in front of an audience, well as long as I couldn't see them.

Mr. Salinger introduced us, applause, and we began the first song was O Come All Ye Faithful, then The Little Drummer Boy, then We Three Kings. 'Those went fine, oh God my song is next, breathe Amy it is going to be ok, you know this, just breathe, oh God here it is…' wow I did it and it was perfect. I looked over at Ricky really quick and he gave me a wink.

We played 4 more songs before Carol of the Bells. Our final song for the night was Silent Night. Our song choices this year were great. So glad we didn't do any of the pop Christmas songs like the choir did, classic Christmas songs are way better.

At the end Mr. Salinger took a bow and we headed into the stage room one more time.

"I want to thank you guys for doing such a great job this year, and Ms. Juergens very nice on your solo." Mr. Salinger said before leaving the room.

"Way to go Amy," Rachel, Sarah, ken, and Keisha said.

"Thanks" I smiled.

I grabbed my things and made my way to the lobby to see my parents, Ricky would meet me out there.

"Amy I am so proud of you," my mom hugged me.

"Thanks mom, ok let go now." I gently pushed her away.

"I mean it Amy you did so well, I had no idea that your band was so good."

"Well Mr. Salinger is one of the best teachers in southern CA. Now enough about me please, where is john?"

"Oh your father has him out in the car with Robbie they got fussy so your father is driving them around. Do you and Ricky want to go out to dinner with us or are you just going to go home? If you want we can watch john for you if you guys just want to have night alone." my mom knew that Ricky and I have sex, but we made sure not to flaunt it because I think it still kind of upset her, and I didn't want to be one of those people who flaunts having sex all the time, esp. when we didn't.

And actually they invited me to move back in with them back in July, but I declined, but they did watch john from time to time when Ricky and I wanted to be alone. I think they actually were happy that I didn't, because they could hang out with john like grandparents, and not a second pair of parents.

"Um I'll ask Ricky, but I know I would love to join you guys for dinner where are you guys going to go?"

"No where special if you and Ricky aren't joining us we were just going to get Chilis to go."

"Oh mom then don't worry about it, we have plenty of food at home that we can cook ourselves and to be honest I am not that hungry, but I'll ask Ricky…"

"Ask me what?" Ricky said from behind me "hi Anne" he gave my mom a kiss on the cheek.

"Mom asked if we wanted to have them watch john for the night so we can be at home. Do you want to?"

"Well we haven't had an evening alone in a while, but only if you guys want to."

"oh it is no trouble at all, and besides it is cute to have Robbie and John together, so we will take him tonight and you guys come pick him up tomorrow morning around 10." When mom made up her mind it was final. So we grabbed our things and followed mom out to their car.

John and Robbie were asleep I gently kissed him; I missed him every time he sleeps over at my parents house. Ricky kissed him and we watched as they drove away.

"So what do you want to do tonight?" Ricky asked me, as we walked to his car.

"I want to get out of this dress," I said and I noticed the smirk on Ricky's face "don't be a pervert, you know what I mean," I laughed.

"What?" He laughed. As we drove home he held my hand. When we got home, I suggested he make something for us while I changed clothes and we could watch a movie and see how the night went from there. I knew what he wanted to do, but I wasn't about to give in that easy, and besides I wasn't really in the mood.

"Here I made you a grilled cheese with tomato just how you like it. What movie are we going to watch?" Ricky handed me the plate and sat down next to me.

"Actually I didn't find any movies I wanted to watch i was thinking we could watch a show. We have the Tudors, United States of Tara, Big Love, NCIS, White Collar, Burn Notice, the list goes on. What are you in the mood for?"

He leaned in "you know what I am in the mood for."

I gently pushed him away "maybe later we have all night."

"Well that isn't a no, I guess NCIS." We flipped it on; I curled up on the couch and placed my head in Ricky's lap. After two hours of watching TV, it was 10. I started to get in the mood, "hey Ricky do you want to go to bed?"

There was no answer "Ricky?" I sat up from his lap, he had fallen asleep, and I couldn't help but laugh. I kissed him which made him stir "uh, what time is it?"

"Quarter past 10, I asked if you wanted to go to bed" I emphasized the word bed. It was like someone had given him a shot of sugar, he shot up "let's go" he grabbed my hand and led me into the room.