They Are So Strange. Or If Turtles Read Fanfic.
Disclaimer: I do not own the turtles April or Casey.
Rated R for sexual discussion. M/M & M/F relations in the discussion.
Author's note: I got the idea for this story after reading some of the naughty turtle stories. Some rated R others rated Nc-17 from off the Tmnt archive. I couldn't resist it. Lots of fanfic refeered to. Please R&R. Thanks.
" I don't get it humans are so strange."
" Careful Raph Casey, and April resemble that remark." Leo commented.
" Casey especially" Mike laughed.
" That is NOTHING to what you find on the web about us," Raph snorted.
" Looking at fanfic again Raph?" Don grinned at him.
" Yeah, talk about strange!"
" How much you guys want to bet he only reads the mature stories only?" Don teased.
" Hey I read the other stuff too," Raph snapped at Don as the others started to laugh at Don's last remark.
" Have you ever noticed most of those mature reader stories have Raph in them? How come he's the lucky one, someone tell me that huh?" Mike pleaded.
" I've been telling you for years I'm the BEST and, the fans know it," Raph boasted " Of course there are times it's a drawback. What ya gonna do?"
" No personally, I think it's your bad boy attitude Raph. I've heard say that lots of girls go for that sort of thing. Figure on taming the wild spirit with their love" Don theorized.
" I knew my attitude would pay off one day. I've nurtured it well." Raph grinned, "If human girls would ACTUALLY go for us then uh…send them to me. I mean realistically what kind of girl would be hard up enough to date outside her species? If there are girls that hard up for turtle love well, I'd like to meet them personally you know. Hell even if they were only in it for the strange and, exotic I wouldn't mind" Raph leered.
" Could you imagine it though? I mean humans wouldn't have a shell to protect them from our shells and, I bet it would hurt" Don winced at the thought.
" What would you know about it Donny from what I've seen on the subject you haven't got a girl yet."
" You're looking on the wrong sites then Raph. I found a couple some don't get as in depth as others do" Don replied.
" All right say a human is willing would it be possible for us to impregnate them?" Leo wondered.
" According to the fans yeah Leo."
Don shook his head at Raph's response " Highly doubtful. Most mutations are infertile, though there have been instances where the mutation has been fertile and, breeds that can often lead to the next link in the evolutionary chain. Making the species stronger or better.
We are dealing with two different species however so I would have to say even if we did mate with a human she wouldn't become pregnant unless the mutagen we came into contact with really changed things."
" Humans have strange ideas on that Don or why the fanfic on it in the first place?" Raph asked.
Don shrugged " I personally enjoy Survival of the Species…"
" Even that one was weird Donny I mean Shredder and, Splinter being buddy buddy behind our backs" Raph shook his head as if that was too much even for fanfic.
" I don't like that one" Mike mumbled.
" Well whoever wrote it realized that some reptiles and, amphibians can and do change their sex in certain instances. That is what I liked about it" Don said.
" I don't want to be a GIRL!" Mike protested.
" Gee You're looking good tonight Mikayla or is that Mica sweetheart?" Raph teased winking playfully at Mike.
" Get lost Raph or is that Rachel" Mike retorted tossing a pillow at his brother for lack of another weapon.
" Shut up Mike!" Raph tossed the pillow back at him.
Leo chuckled slightly at his two brothers. " What about the other stories ones that don't deal with mature subjects?"
" Hey, some of those are just as strange though interesting reading. Check them out for yourself Leo. Stop meditating and, start surfing the web. Or go into a chat room they can be a lot of fun" Raph replied.
" If fans can dream up that for us why can't they dream up some turtle girls for all of us? I mean I know there is Venus" Mike said.
" Venus? Who is that?" Leo inquired.
" Leo,Leo,Leo when will you get with the times and, start surfing the web? That is where you will get a real education" Raph rolled his eyes. The web was the one place Leo hadn't lead them to.
" Venus. She was supposed to be in the glass jar with us and, Splinter somehow overlooked her. She was then raised in China or Japan something like that in the way of the Shinobi. Years later she comes to New York and, finds us. Well here is to hoping bros." Mike informed his brother.
" Now her if she was real would be able to become pregnant? Egg bound? I don't know how mutant turtles give birth. I mean turtles lay eggs but it is possible the mutation might of changed things to allow for live birth" Don wondered about that even as he said it.
" We won't know the answer until we find a female turtle who might be willing to mate with one of us to see what happens" Leo replied casually.
" It could be fun finding that out" Raph smirked.
" If it was real but it isn't" Mike moaned.
" Don't that just BITE!" Raph remarked pulling out one of his sais and, playing with it " Tell me am I the only one who noticed the mistake in the mature stories?"
" No I've noticed it too" Don shook his head.
" What?" Leo asked, " and don't tell me to start surfing Raph."
" Start surfing Leo. In those mature stories people keep saying that our family jewels are somewhere under our shells" Raph chuckled " I mean they know turtles have a carapace and, a plastron. I doubt they know what a scute is but the family jewels are never kept where they think it is."
" I guess knowing the proper name for upper and, lower shell is enough for them. Besides humans don't have tails and, mammals who have tails usually have the male equipment in another spot" Don suggested.
" Yeah I suppose but what does it take to learn the facts of life in the matter at hand? Look at any turtle and, you ought to know it isn't under our shells. It is far more protected than THAT. Let's face it not all turtles can close their shells up completely which means any predator could get at it. Makes me squirm just thinking about it" Raph muttered shifting uneasily in his seat.
" Maybe humans feel the mutation changed us enough to put it into a different area" Mike suggested helpfully.
" It still isn't a good place Mikey" Raph declared.
Mike suddenly laughed " Wait a minute I just realized the ones with Venus in it. How do they? I mean they have No…"
All the boys knew where Mike was going " Desexed OUCH! We're its. They give us a girl and, make us ITS. That is justice at work all right" Raph nodded as if to say what can you expect.
" Maybe they wanted to insure there wouldn't be any dirty stuff," Leo mumbled.
" But the fans do it anyway Leo in their usual way. You usually have Venus. Now there is poetic justice." Raph grinned. " Though I still can't figure out why they can't go on the web or read a book or watch a nature show to get the facts of life turtle style."
" Maybe they don't want to learn Raph. Besides those stories are meant for fun not education" Don answered gently.
" Yeah Donny I know you do machines."
" You did it with Casey" Don shot back.
" So did you" Raph responded without missing a beat, " I'm also the only turtle who got April."
" I forgot about the one with me and, Casey. I knew I should of tampered with the sight of that one" Don muttered to himself.
" Forget about it Don. I mean you and, I both know we can't help what people put us into. We can't help it if the fans are strange can we?"
" You have a point Raph we can't help what they put us into," Don agreed.
" Well they won't learn about turtle sex that way but at least I'm getting some girls."
" You think so Raph? I mean how can you get them if they don't have the package in the right place so to speak?" Leo wondered.
" In the fanfic world if I get them. I get them."
Don gave an amused grin " I found one today where Mike gets your girl Raph. Makes her His."
" Aww, Donny you hafta show me that one" Mike begged.
" You can have her Mike I have enough to spare in the fanfic world."
" Raph you are so generous" Mike laughed at him.
" Course any female out there who wants to try the REAL thing I might be willing to oblige them. Show 'em the true meaning of tail wrapping."
All the boys broke into laughter at Raph's wicked grin and, last comment, " Got to admit Bros, it does give a whole new meaning to getting some tail."
Author's note: A scute is a piece of shed turtle shell. Yes parts of the shell will dry and, flake off as the shell grows. A turtles jewels are kept in the cloacae, which is found on the tail of a reptile.