Co-authored with Nerdwen! This started as just a few lines because we were bored, then quickly grew into something more. Warning: MAJOR OOC characters, sort of a mix between a couple of Zelda games like Ocarina of Time and Twilight Princess.
EDIT AS OF JULY 29, 2013
To Iceheart (Guest): Sorry, but probably not. I co-authored this with Nerdwen, so it's her decision as well, but personally I think it's more of a standalone fic that wouldn't work too well with more chapters. But maybe we could compromise and make different oneshots with similar situations, like a series of unconnected oneshots? Or something like that...
Ganondorf: I will take over Hyrule!
Gandalf: You shall not pass!
Ganondorf: Get out of my way, you stupid old man!
Gandalf: You shall not pass!
Ganondorf: You're starting to annoy me.
Gandalf: *summons dead green army* in unison, YOU SHALL NOT PASS!
Ganondorf: *summons army of Gerudos* Get out of the way or we'll run you over!
Link: What?! Ganondorf escaped again? That's it, I hate my job.
Legolas: Hey! You copied my style!
Link: Who in the name of Farore are you?
Legolas: I AM THE ORIGINAL GREEN ELF IN A GREEN DRESS!
Link: IT'S NOT A DRESS! IT'S A TUNIC!
Legolas: Hey, are you a girl! Nice hat…
Link: *takes out ball and chain* DIE!
Legolas: You're a feisty one, aren't you. Hey, are you a hobbit? You're short! *jumps onto a tree and starts shooting*
Link: AAAARRRGGGHHHH! *starts demolishing tree with ball and chain*
Legolas: Huh! That's huge! How do you even hold that! And, you're ruining your dress.
Link: IT'S A TUNIC! *places bombs around the demolished tree*
Ganondorf: … at least he's not trying to kill me for once…
Gandalf: YOU SHALL NOT PASS! Hey, is that you, Legolas!
Legolas: Go away! Im trying to court this girl here.
Link: I'M NOT A GIRL! *bombs explode, sending bits of tree flying everywhere*
Ganondorf: … uh, Link's a guy….
Link and Ganondorf: temporary alliance
Legolas: I don't like hitting girls…
Gandalf: YOU SHALL NOT PASS!
Link and Ganondorf: DIE! *Link pulls out Master Sword and starts swinging while Ganondorf sends the army of Gerudo at Legolas*
Legolas: I'M DRUNK!
Gandalf: *makes a force field* YOU SHALL NOT PASS! As for Legolas, that explains a lot…
Link: Does that mean I can't kill him?
Ganondorf: I don't care! I'm the evil King of Thieves!
Legolas: So that creepy dude is her boyfriend? *jealous fit*
Link and Ganondorf: EW NO! *immediately run away from each other*
Gandalf: YOU SHALL NOT PASS! Well, we broke the alliance….
Zelda: Link! You missed our date! What are you doing! Oh great Nayru, don't tell me Ganondorf is back again… who are these people?
Legolas: What! She's gay?
Link: I'M NOT GAY!
Gandalf: You shall not pass!
Zelda: Um, what's up?
Link: Oh, Zelda! Didn't see you there… hehe… whoops…
Zelda: Why are you holding the Master Sword? And why was I getting reports of trees exploding?
Link: … Uh, well, it's a funny story…
Gollum: My precious, oh my preciousss
Link: Funny like that.
Zelda: …How in the name of Farore do you manage to get yourself into these situations?
Ganondorf: Holy Din, that creature is ugly.
Gollum: *poofs out of existence*
Gandalf: CAPTURE IT!
Ganondorf: Hey, you didn't say "YOU SHALL NOT PASS"!
Gandalf: Ha, it's contagious.
Legolas: Hey there, wanna go out with me? (to Link)
Link: *vein pulses in forehead angrily* How. Many. Times. Must. I. Tell. You. *takes a deep breath* I'M NOT A GIRL!
Zelda: Waaaait… why's he saying you look like a girl if he looks more like a girl than you do? Goddesses, this is so weird.
Ganondorf: Of course you'd know *suggestive look*
Legolas: *faints*
Zelda: Hey! Well you're a big fa-
*Ooccoo suddenly falls from the sky and looks around, confused. Then Ooccoo Jr. comes out and flies around, chattering in their weird language*
Zelda: Ummm… I didn't even know this was possible, but it looks like things just got even weirder…
*a miniature Sky Cannon falls from the sky and isn't smashed into tiny bits, then the Ooccoo pair hop in and are shot back into the City in the Sky*
Everyone: …What just happened?
Link: Oh nothing. *sarcastically* It's perfectly normal.
Everyone: O.o
Gandalf: *shakes fist into sky* YOU SHALL NOT PASS!
Zelda: *facepalm* I am surrounded by idiots…
Ganondorf: *to army of Gerudo* Hey, do you think that Legolas guy could make a good Gerudo? I mean, he does look like a girl already, so why not?
Legolas: What are Gerudo?
Army of Gerudo: *whisper amongst each other for a minute* Hmm, why not… but first, he must prove himself in single combat with two of our finest warriors! *all advance on Legolas with evil grins*
Legolas: But I don't hit girls! *reaches behind himself* And Link blew up my
bow!
Link: *Evilly* Oopsies!
Gandalf: YOU SHALL NOT PA-
Ganondorf: SHUT UP!
Zelda and Link: And the fight is OOONNNN!
Midna: *pops in through a Twilight Portal and sees an all out free-for-all* What the-? What is going on here?! I'm feeling the inter-dimensional repercussions all the way over in the Twilight Realm, and I can't get any sleep! Aarrgggh! *makes a giant portal and sucks Gandalf and Legolas through, then makes another for Ganondorf and the Gerudo, then makes another for Link and Zelda* Finally! Maybe I'll get a bit of peace and quiet around here now!
THE END