A/N: Yesterday, right after passing some of my exams (yupeee), I had a really huge craving for chocolate… and because I really like to bake things, I decided to bake my favorite chocolate soufflé. It is kinda easy and really good. So an idea came to my head… so we'll see how the story will turn out… you know me – I have something on my mind but the result can be pretty different from the original idea.
This story is not related to any particular episode, it's however set after Solitudes – but anyway I would advise you to read INTRO to my story "Taking little risks" – which is about me and my approach towards all SG stories… might be helpful, really.
And I still don't have a beta - so my mistakes are only mine... Hopefully I'm getting better with my English and my mistakes are less frequent. If you notice something - feel free to let me know, really :o)
Chocolate soufflé by Isobel
Cassandra was sitting in Janet's office on the base. She liked it there. Her mom was close, she wasn't afraid and besides, she could go to see Sam or Daniel any time. She loved them so much. She was slowly getting used to the life on Earth. She was slowly getting used to thinking about Janet like about mom. It was strange.
She could also go and try to find Jack. But it was hard to find him there. And sometimes she would like to see him. He was … different from the others. She loved him. And she couldn't understand it sometimes. It was something about the way he was looking at her. It was something about him being … so close.
Sometimes she had bad dreams, sometimes even nightmares, all about her planet and what has happened there. She couldn't make them go away. Once Teal'c found her sitting in the locker room, crying. And she told him everything about her bad dreams. She didn't expect him to do anything. However the big guy with golden tattoo on his head took her into his arms and told her about his own nightmares. It was their secret. He taught her how to accept those dreams and then make them go away. She didn't want to leave the room, she was scared. He held her for hours while she was sleeping in his arms.
To say that Janet and O'Neill were surprised to see Teal'c bring sleeping Cassie into the infirmary, would be an understatement of the year.
"Don't be worried, doctor Fraiser. Cassandra is all right. She is just sleeping."
That was all he said. He put her down onto one of the beds there and covered her with a blanket. After nodding at them all, he just simply left.
Cassandra had been feeling safe there on the base ever since.
Janet knew that her daughter had created some sort of a bond with many people. They all loved her. Well she was drawing now, looking happy and content. She was like a normal kid.
When Janet got a call from the General, she felt like crap instantly. One of the teams was trapped on a planet on the other side of the galaxy. They were most probably coming down with flu or something. But they were simply not willing to take any risks. Her presence was required there.
She called Sam and asked her to come into her office.
Cassandra saw her coming and ran to her. She hugged her really tight and gave her a kiss.
"Hey pumpkin. How are you?"
"I'm fine. I missed you!"
"I missed you too, you know…"
She didn't put her down. Cass kept holding her close so she just adjusted the girl in her arms to be able to stand properly and do something.
"What's up, Janet?"
"I have to go… SG-5 is most probably coming down with flu on P3X-014. General doesn't want to risk anything so…"
"So you have to go there and make sure everything is okay… come back with some blood to be tested and so on… yeah, I know the drill. No fun at all."
"Yeah… so I was hoping that you would take care of Cassie? I mean, you are not scheduled to leave anytime soon… and…"
"Hey, it's okay. Of course I will take care of her."
Cassandra smiled at them. Sam put her down and told her to go and take her stuff. Janet thanked her. She hugged the girl then and gave her a kiss.
"Be nice, okay?"
"Sure, don't worry. Be careful."
"I will."
Girls waved at her and left her. She had to tell the staff, get packed and leave within one hour. It was nearly lunchtime. Oh this was going to be a very long day…
Sam stopped by the General's office to ask him for a permission to leave the base and go home with Cass. General understood pretty quickly, after all it was his call that was sending Janet away.
Carter stopped by her lab to finish her work, and then she grabbed her things. Cass was waiting for her with big smile plastered on her face. It was always nice to spend some time with Sam. Especially now. She got so scared while Sam had been missing. She found out that only accidentally. She overheard Janet talking to Uncle George. She was allowed to call him that, but not in front of strangers. People on Earth can be strange when it comes to their names.
That evening was a sad one. She remembered her feelings. Sitting on the couch, thinking about Sam and also about Jack. Janet found her there and asked her about the sad face. Cass felt so scared. Like when Sam left her down in that basement.
"Is Sam dead?"
"What?"
"I heard you… you were talking to … General."
"Oh… honey I'm so sorry."
"What's going on?"
"The team was coming back home. They had some troubles. Daniel and Teal'c made it through the Gate. They will be fine. But Sam and Colonel O'Neill are missing. We are sure that they stepped through the horizon. They just … didn't appear back home."
"Are you going to find them?"
"I surely hope so, sweetie."
Cass cried herself to sleep that evening. Janet understood that those two would always have a special place in Cassandra's heart. She even realized that she was angry. Angry at those two for not coming back, for stressing the girl, for making her cry. Yeah, they would rather die than hurt her… but this situation… it was just so sad. It was so unfair! Janet knew that she would have to prepare the little girl for events like this one. With their job description…
So now, when Cassandra was with Sam, she was happy. She would be completely okay soon. And she even managed to save Jack's live. She would feel horrible for losing them. They were the only family she had. Slowly she was getting used to living with Janet. However, with Sam, she felt different.
She was a bit confused though. Sometimes, while thinking about Jack, her mind kept telling her that he had become her dad. She wanted to call him dad. And she felt like that it was okay for her to call him dad. But on the other hand, sometimes he was just Jack. And sometimes even Colonel O'Neill. She couldn't understand it… She would have to ask him sooner or later how to call him.
But at school when she heard other kids talking about their families, she kept thinking. Who was her father? Janet would soon become her step-mom, she knew that. But did she have a father? And then something warm spread through her veins. Of course she had a father! Jack was like her father. Teaching her things, showing her around, reading books to her, calling her every now and then, asking her about small things… it was not like she was trying to forget about the family she used to have, not at all. But this was another one, right?
On their way home they stopped to buy some lunch. Cass was feeling like eating some pasta. And Sam didn't mind at all. They ate in the living room, while sitting on the couch. It was fun. You know, eating from big bowls while having your feet on the table.
"Sam can you cook things like this?"
It caught her a bit off guard but she could only smile. She felt a bit ashamed though.
"No, I'm sorry. I'm not a good cook."
"Why?"
"You know, usually is mom the person that tells you how to cook."
"And your mom is gone."
"Yeah, she died when I was very young. And because I joined the army pretty soon, I got used to the food they have."
"Like in the commissary?"
"Yeah, like in the commissary."
"That's not really edible. Well, except the jell-o."
Sam had to smile. Yeah, she could understand that.
"Don't worry, Janet is an amazing cook. She will teach you how to cook."
"How did your mom look like? Was she beautiful? Like you are?"
Sam suddenly felt a tear in her eye. This simple question got under her skin too quickly. She wasn't ready for it. But Cass was sitting there, looking at her, waiting for some answer. The girl trusted her. There was a bond between them, an understanding and such a deep trust.
"I have some pictures, do you wanna see them?"
"Yeah!"
"Wait here…"
And then she left. She had to go to her bedroom. In her wardrobe, on the top shelf, there was a box. It was a pretty old box, wooden one. Sam had to sit down for a while. She kept touching the lid, not sure if this was the right idea. It's been ages since… the last time.
When her mom died, she collected some of her pictures and favorite items. She just couldn't let her go. Not so easily. She was so angry at her dad… she couldn't understand him. And because he wanted to collect and hide all of her mom's things, she hated him even more. It took her years to realize that he wasn't doing anything bad. He just wanted to move on and in the same time keep the things for his children. Anyway, Sam had this box. And wherever she travelled, it was always travelling with her. And yet, since the first day she had never opened it.
She walked to Cassie with the box. They sat down.
"Are you crying?"
"Well… yeah… but don't worry, it's nothing."
"Sometimes, while thinking about my mom, I'm crying too. Janet says that it's okay…"
The girl then hugged her. Sam had to chuckle. This little living miracle was comforting her in her long forgotten grief. She just kissed her head and thanked her.
Then they opened the box. There was a box with set of earrings and a necklace. It was white gold with some small stones. Very simple and yet very beautiful.
"My mom got married in these..."
"They are beautiful…"
"Yes, they are…"
She couldn't say anything else. Would the girl understand it? That she wanted to get married in her mother's jewels? That she wanted to take her husband there to the graveyard and make him to talk to her and introduce himself? Could she even try to tell Cass these things? She just choked back tears.
Sam was slowly and very carefully going through the box. She found some more jewels, a book, one hand-written journal, a scarf, bottle of perfume… and then there were photos.
She handed them to Cass and sat really close to her. Sam put her arm around the girl's shoulders and began with talking about the pictures. She was trying to describe the moments captured there. And soon she had tears on her face but she was also smiling. It felt so good to be able to talk about her mom with somebody who could understand at least a bit of it. It sounded crazy, yeah, she knew… but she really felt that way.
Cassandra could understand. She was a bright kid.
"Your mom was really beautiful…"
"Yes, she was."
"You have her eyes, you know? They are the same."
Sam just smiled at her. She noticed that Cass was holding one picture in her hand all the time. She asked her about it. Cass handed it to her. It was a picture of young Sam, she was wearing pretty dress and a summer hat. She was in the garden. Sitting on a swing. Next to her was her brother and behind them were their parents. Pushing them. They were laughing.
"This was taken at my brother's birthday party. Dad made it home to celebrate with us. We were so happy. It was just the four of us and my grandpa. He took the picture you know."
"You look really pretty here…"
"That's why you had the picture all the time?"
"Well… yeah. And … I wanted to ask you something."
"Okay…."
"Can I have a dress like you had?"
"You would want something pretty, huh? Summer dress with flowers?"
Cassie nodded shyly.
"Honey, trust me. You're gonna have it. Don't worry."
Cassie looked really happy. She went through the rest of the pictures then. She found one that captured her attention.
"Is that you, cooking?"
She was amused.
Sam took a look at the picture. She could be nine or ten years old. She was wearing an apron. She had flour on her face. She was smiling. Next to her was her mother, also wearing an apron. They were in the kitchen.
"Well… I never got to learn how to cook… So I am a miserable cook. But my mom could also bake. And she showed me some of her tricks. And this was… We were making my favorite dessert. It's a chocolate soufflé."
"What?"
"You know what? Do you wanna just play or … do you wanna bake with me?"
Now they were both grinning and looking happy. They would be baking together! Sam was proud of herself. And she was also afraid. It has been ages since the last time she got to bake this. It was a reminder of her mother, so… she has always been staying as far as possible from the oven. Well during the last few months Janet was trying to show her some tricks around the kitchen… which was kinda funny… But baking? Wow… it would be tough.
"You afraid Sam?"
"What? Me? No!"
She tickled the girl just for fun.
"It's gonna be fun. Let's go."
So they went to the kitchen. Cassie hopped onto the kitchen counter to wait for Sam to start with the whole thing. Sam disappeared. She went to the living room to put some music on. What would be baking without listening to some music?
She had the soundtrack for the movie Lion King. Janet told her that Cass has seen it few weeks ago. And of course, she loved it. So having the soundtrack could be a good thing, right?
"Okay… we're gonna need some things."
"What things?"
"Aprons, for example… and then a bowl, small pot, then few bowls that can go to the oven…"
"And you have that?"
"Well … yeah."
"And you say you can't cook…"
"Well sometimes people are staying over and they can cook…"
"People?"
"Well… yes. Like Janet or the guys from SG-1…"
Cassie was grinning at her. The woman really was amazing. She could remember how Jack kept calling her. He called her genius. Maybe he was right after all.
Sam handed her an apron. It took her some time to figure out how to tie that thing. Then she handed her four heatproof bowls for baking, a small pot and a big bowl for mixing everything.
"Okay, what do we do now?"
Sam had to think. It's been so long… and listening to Simba singing about being a king wasn't helping her at all.
"You don't remember?"
The girl sounded so amused that Sam had to smile despite the fact that she should feel offended.
"Go to the fridge and take four eggs from there. And butter."
Cass did it. She was standing there and waiting for some other instructions. She really liked the idea of baking… Sam took a deep breath. Once her mom said: "And maybe one day, while being a mother, you will see how nice it feels to be in the kitchen with your kid, doing things together…". Cassandra was not hers. But she loved her. And her mom was right. It felt really good.
She took some chocolate from her supplies, flour and sugar. She put those things onto the counter.
"Okay, here is the scale. And here is the big bowl. So we need 115 grams of sugar in there."
Cass took a spoon and prepared the sugar. In the meantime Sam turned on the oven. It would take some time to reach 200°C.
"Done."
"Good. Now break all four eggs and put them there to the sugar."
Cassie did it. She was concentrating on her task.
Sam took the scale. She needed 115 grams of butter and 115 grams of chocolate. She put them into that small pot she found earlier. It needed to melt together. She also managed to find plastic spatula. It was easy to mix these two things together.
She handed Cassie a fork to mix the eggs with the sugar. She liked that. It was fun.
"All right. Now you have to really slowly mix this. I'm gonna put the chocolate into your eggs, okay? Be gentle…"
"All right."
Slowly she put the melted chocolate into the eggs with sugar mix. Cassie mixed it together.
"Now the last thing is 50 grams of flour."
Cassie took the scale and into another small bowl she put the required amount. Then she added that to the big bowl.
Sam handed her grated coconut. All four heatproof bowls were lightly spread with butter. And the task for Cass was to cover the bowls with the coconut.
"You know, this is not necessary. But I kinda like it. Tastes good."
Cassie was smiling and Sam felt proud of herself.
She put all four bowls onto a tray. She let Cassie fill them up with the dough. Then they put those into the oven. Cassie was sitting on the ground, watching them all the time, while Sam has cleaned up the kitchen.
"When it will be ready?"
"In about 15 minutes, sweetie. It has to come up to create a small hill you know? It will be a bit dark on the top and nicely brown everywhere else."
"Okay…"
Sam was great that she could spend her afternoon with Cass. The kid was … bright and amazing. It always lifted up her mood to be able to be with her. And now she really needed it. After being rescued from that ice hell she kept having some troubles with sleeping. Her mood was down almost constantly. Janet noticed and wanted to talk to her about it. Sam refused, of course. What would she say? "I can't sleep because I keep seeing my CO slowly freezing to death? I can't sleep because I can't feel him next to me anymore? I can't sleep because I'm afraid?" Nope, talking to the doc was not an option. Not now. She had to sort it out in her head first.
So being with Cassandra was helpful. She didn't have a chance to think at all.
"Sam I think it's done!"
She chuckled at the girl's enthusiasm. They slowly took the tray out of the oven.
"Okay now we have to be careful. It's important not to touch it, shake it or you know… damage it."
"Why?"
"The center would fall down into the bowl …"
"It would destroy the whole thing?"
"No, it would be okay… just… no as nice."
They were standing there, watching the tray. Suddenly Cass started to sing. Sam was surprised. She knew the song, of course, who wouldn't know Hakuna Matata but anyway… Cass was smiling and singing. Who would be sad in a moment like that?
"Come on Sam, you know it, right?"
"Yeah… but I'm not going to sing…"
"But nobody's here… just me…"
And she gave her a variation of famous O'Neill "lost-puppy-look". And of course, it was working on her. It must have been working on everyone.
So the girls were singing together while laughing, flour still on their hands, with the perfect chocolate smell all around them.
"… it means no worries, for the rest of your days… it's our problem-free… philosophy…"
Jack came back from a meeting with three other team leaders. There would be a mission for all of them. Something about cooperating. He was so tired.
He hated to admit it but being stuck on the base was horrible. He would love to take SG-1 and go off-world again. But they were on a down-time for now. Doctor Fraiser didn't think it would be wise for them to go anywhere just yet.
He was completely fine for cryin' out loud! Yeah, a little headache every now and then… but how would you feel after a near-death experience in the middle of icy nowhere?
Before he could realize it, he found himself at the door of Carter's office. He's been spending lots of time with her recently. And yeah, he knew why. That damned woman saved his life and almost gave up hers to do so. He would do the same but that was not the point. The point was that he should not feel sorry for her. He should not feel like apologizing all the time. And for sure he shouldn't be feeling that horrible urge to hide that stubborn scientist in his arms all the time. All it took her was to give him that sad look. And he would do anything to protect her.
He should talk to her about this… but he was afraid. And besides he was not the let's talk about something serious type of guy.
Daniel kept bugging him about what has happened there. Could he tell him? How would it look? "You know, Danny, I was scared to death when she left and I was slowly freezing there alone…" naaah. Definitely not his style of speech. He couldn't admit this. It was just a mission. It happened. They survived. They are gonna be completely okay.
So why the hell he still felt cold all the time?
He knocked on the door-frame only to find the lam empty. Well, that was new. Carter not being in her lab? Hmm, something was going on, so much he knew. He went to see Siler.
"Siler?"
"Yes sir?"
"You know where Carter is?"
"Oh she went home sir… something about Cassandra."
Well that got his attention. He took his way to see Hammond. He was not willing to say much. But he allowed him to leave the base. There was nothing important going on there and besides, O'Neill was more like a pain in the ass lately. Hammond needed to talk to the good doctor Fraiser. Having Jack on the base was not a bad thing… but not for long time periods.
Jack left the base with a smile upon his face. He was about to spend some time with his little girl. The fact the she was with Carter had nothing to do with his happy mood. Or so he wanted to believe.
He tried to knock on the door but nobody answered. He tried to open it. It was not locked. He peeked inside. The first thing he realized was the Lion King soundtrack. Oh yeah, Cassie loved the Disney. He took a step inside. He saw a box on the floor in the living room, some photos and things around. That looked strange. The next thing he noticed was the perfect chocolate smell everywhere.
He went to the kitchen only to see Carter in an apron with flour on her face, singing with Cassie Hakuna Matata. It was hilarious. He was supposed to laugh and laugh. Instead of that he kept watching them. It warmed his heart to see them both so happy. Cassie noticed him and waved at him. He took off his jacked, left it in the living room and approached them. Carter was looking so nicely embarrassed.
Well then the next song started. It was the sweet and cheesy Can you feel the love tonight song. Carter didn't want to sing anymore. She was mesmerized by Colonel's eyes. But Cassie tugged on her sleeve to let her know that she was supposed to sing.
It was something like a walking on a very thin ice. It would mean troubles. It would mean dealing with feelings… and yet, this was … just a song, right?
"Can you feel the love tonight…."
O'Neill heard it and couldn't believe it. She dared. She … wanted to kill him, right? But when he noticed the big smile plastered on Cassandra's face, he couldn't resist it. They were not doing anything bad. They were just singing a silly song, weren't they?
Carter continued with the song.
"… the peace the evening brings? The world for once… in a perfect harmony… with all its living things…"
She couldn't understand what was going on. She was staring at him and her lips were trembling. He was standing there, looking at her, trying to read whatever it was in her eyes. And it was his turn.
"So many things to tell her, but how to make her see… the truth about my past? Impossible! She'd turn away from me…"
In that moment Cass touched his nose with her white hands. She still had them covered with flour. He smiled. When he looked back at Carter, he noticed one single tear on her face. He reached for her, to wipe it away. And she just kept on singing, even with her voice trembling a bit.
"He's holding back, he's hiding…"
And that was the moment when he lost it. He just winked at Cass and took Carter into his arms. This was getting way too serious. They needed to lift up the mood. Otherwise there would be some heavy consequences.
While the song kept going, O'Neill was smiling and dancing with his 2IC in her kitchen. Cassandra was laughing and clapping her hands. Carter's faced relaxed and she seemed like she was enjoying it as well.
When the song ended there was one moment when it looked like they would kiss. But they just simply couldn't do that. So they just simply parted.
"So what is this about?"
"Well, sir, we were baking."
"Yeah, I assumed as much from the flour on your face."
He kept smiling at them. This was… unbelievable. Carter covered with flour singing songs from the Lion King. Who would have guessed…
"Sam showed me how to bake her favorite chocolate soufflé."
"What? Carter, really?"
"Yes, sir. It's … something my mother showed me."
He understood the hint of sadness in her voice. He just smiled at them. Then he ushered them to the bathroom to wash their faces. He just cleaned his nose. He had to chuckle. This was really nice. It also felt… too much like a real home. The one he was missing. It would be so easy just to pretend this is all okay. Just to hold that amazing woman in his arms, feel her heart beating, hear her breathing. It would be so easy to pretend that … this was it. And would it really be pretending? He needed to think. He needed to sort everything out in his head. This was getting way too dangerous.
He looked into the living room. He didn't expect to find pictures of the Carter family… and those jewels. He really liked those in the blue box. While gold and small stones… hmm. Elegant and very beautiful. He could easily picture Carter wearing them. And to his surprise, he could easily picture her wearing only them. He had to chase that image away. Quickly. He just sat down. He was so screwed.
Carter emerged from the bathroom. She looked refreshed.
"Cassie needed to take a shower. She had the flour everywhere. I honestly don't know how that happened."
She looked content. She noticed those pictures and everything.
"Cassie asked me about my mother, you know? I usually never talk about her… but… with Cassie…"
"I understand that, Carter."
"Actually… It didn't feel so bad to talk about her, see the pictures… bake the soufflé…"
She chuckled. They just sat there in the living room, silently, waiting for Cassie. When she came, she was already wearing pajamas. It was early, yeah, but she liked to be comfy. She suggested playing a game then.
Carter's phone rang. She went there to pick it up. While talking to Daniel she kept watching her CO with the little girl, laughing, tickling each other on her couch. Could she even ask for more of her life? Yeah, there were some things… like setting things right in her family … and making this living dream a reality. She was surprised that Daniel hasn't noticed anything while talking to her. It had to look normal. She had to try to act normal. She was a soldier after all!
"Who was that?"
"Daniel. He had some news…"
"Yeah?"
"Sorry, sir. Well Janet should be coming back sometimes during the night. He was just about to leave when she contacted the SGC so he wanted to let us know."
"Oh, okay."
"Where is he heading?"
"Actually, here, sir. I thought that maybe… we could wait for him with some game… you know… enjoy the evening?"
"Yes!"
It was Cassie who was so happy about it… O'Neill could easily imagine being with Carter the whole evening alone. And then it hit him. She could obviously imagine that too. But they couldn't do that. So it was safer with Daniel being around.
They cleaned up the living room and prepared some desk games.
When Daniel came he was kind of surprised. But when Cassie told him about the games and the soufflé, he just smiled and came in.
The soufflé was amazing. They all liked it. And Sam even didn't feel sad about this… bringing back memories about her mother… about her childhood. She wasn't scared of them anymore.
In the evening they ordered pizza. They kept playing something till about 9 PM. Cassie was pretty tired then. She asked Jack to tug her in and read her a story. But before he could answer her, Daniel offered to tug her in and even tell her some story. Cassie thanked him, it was okay she guessed. Little she knew about Daniel's plan. He just saw those two adults there and he understood. They needed some time alone. They could even have it earlier… but Sam wanted him to come over. Well, something was going on… so it would be nice of him to give them some time and space, right?
Cassie kissed them both goodnight. Daniel tucked her in. They had a little chat that left Daniel with a very warm feeling in his heart. This girl… she is simply… a miracle. Then she asked for a story.
"Do you know the story about a Beauty and a Beast?"
"Nope…"
"Good. You wanna hear it?"
"Is it also a movie?"
"You are spending too much time with Jack…"
She just laughed at him. She wanted to hear the story. Of course that it was a movie as well… actually there were many movies based upon this story. But it was always better to hear someone tell you the story in person. Daniel was sitting on the bed, with the girl's head in his lap, watching her fall asleep slowly. Oh yeah, he liked that kid.
Sam was sitting on that couch, yawning. Jack was next to her, watching her all the time.
"Am I that boring?"
"What? No, of course not, Sir… I just haven't slept much lately."
"How so?"
"You know that ordering me to go home doesn't mean that I would actually go home and sleep, right?"
"Yeah… I was just hoping that you would get some rest…"
She looked confused, sad… or what was it written all over her face?
"Carter? What's going on?"
She couldn't tell him. Or could she? He kept staring at her, concern in his eyes. It was so unfair.
"Hey, Sam, talk to me."
It wasn't the first time he has ever said that. And yet if felt so strange… on the other hand… it felt right. You know, that feeling somewhere inside you, so deep you can't reach it, but you just know that whatever you're doing, you're doing the right thing. She couldn't look at him. She kept staring down at her hands. She was nervous. She was afraid.
"This morning when I opened my fridge… I felt the chill air. And suddenly it was like … like the air was gone from my lungs. I sat down onto the floor and I couldn't breathe."
Oh yeah, he could understand that. That feeling was one of those he has always hated. He wanted to say something but he couldn't think of something.
"Sir… I just… can't shake off that horrible feeling of ice surrounding me."
"Don't worry, it will pass. You just need a little time. That's all…"
"No, it isn't… sir."
"No?"
"When I close my eyes, I see you. Motionless, so still, there on the ice, surrounded by dark. And I want to touch your neck, feel your pulse, but there is none. And then I have the feeling of complete failure. I feel panicked. I feel horrible because of leaving you and letting you die, because of everything that went wrong."
"That's why you can't go to sleep?"
"Yes, sir."
"Sam…"
"I know that it is stupid, I know I should be absolutely okay by now. I am a soldier, I am travelling onto different planets. And yet after being stuck on Earth I can't… I just can't… I'm sorry, Sir."
In that panicked moment she looked into his eyes. And that look didn't allow her to look away.
He could see the panic in her eyes. But she had to see, she had to know. He just couldn't let her run away from him. Not now. Not ever.
He could see in her eyes that it took a lot of courage to say all those things. He knew that he was supposed to offer her something in return, tell her about his feelings, but he couldn't. Not yet. Not now. Not here… He just couldn't. He didn't want to screw her life or her career. She was just too valuable.
He knew that sooner or later he would have to deal with everything that was going on in his head. But he just couldn't do it now.
He just looked at her. She looked so vulnerable with tears on her cheeks and those trembling lips. He could see how tired she really was. He did the only thing he could think of.
"Hey, c'mere…"
And she moved closer. She didn't hesitate. She needed to feel him next to her. He took the quilt from her couch and wrapped her in it. Then he hugged her. He had never been holding her so tight, so close, with such desperation. What he didn't see coming was his reaction. He shivered, just like that.
"Are you cold?"
And before he could stop himself, he answered her. With closed eyes, simply honestly. No thinking.
"Yeah… since we got back. Can't shake that feeling off."
He felt her nod against his chest. And then he felt her hands, pushing him down. He was pretty tired himself… and yet this was something he was not supposed to do. Yet, he let her. He lied down onto the couch, with her almost on top of him, her head resting in the crook of his neck, just under his chin, on his chest. She covered them both.
"This should help… Sir."
He could sense the change in the rhythm of her breathing. By that time she was almost asleep. He kept caressing her skin, just to make sure that she was there, alive and warm. And before he could realize it, he was falling asleep as well. He wanted to tell her so much. But he couldn't. He felt content with having her there with him right now. He couldn't ask for more. He kissed her head and whispered something to her. He wasn't sure about her ability to hear him, but that didn't matter.
It was just them. Lying on the couch, together, close, all warm and comfy. Both lulled to sleep by the steady heartbeat of the other one. Was that even possible? Yeah, it was. No doubts about that.
When Daniel found them, he had to chuckle. Those two were impossible. As quiet as he could he has left the house.
He went back to the base. And to his very own surprise he found himself on the doorstep of the infirmary. He noticed that one of the beds was occupied. By woman. He went there to take a closer look. It was Janet. That scared him.
"Janet, what happened?"
"Well… the marines had just a regular flu. Or at least I believe so. We have to wait to tell for sure… so when I was going back to the gate… I sort of slipped and fell down from such a small tiny cliff."
"What?"
"Relax, Daniel. I was just a bit clumsy, that's all. I should be okay and ready to leave the infirmary in the morning."
"Good."
"What about Cass?"
"She is fine. They baked soufflé with Sam. And then Jack came and I ended up there as well. We played some games and now they are all asleep."
"What do you mean?"
"I went with Cass to tug her in. And I also had a very interesting conversation with her. Anyway, she fell asleep. And then I found Sam with Jack in the living room, sleeping peacefully on the couch. They were cuddling together, holding onto each other for dear life."
He was smiling then. Janet just chuckled. Yeah, she could picture it pretty easily.
"They both had some troubles with sleeping. Sam told me but she refused to tell me the reason. Colonel refused to tell me anything but those big dark circles under his eyes were speaking for themselves…"
"Yeah, they just needed to sort some things out I guess. And they are not needed her so why not to let them sleep peacefully, huh?"
Janet nodded. He was right. She had troubles with keeping her eyes open. And of course, as a friend, Daniel noticed.
"Are you tired? I should leave and let you rest."
"No, can't fall asleep now."
"Should I tell you a story about a Beauty and a Beast? Your daughter liked it…"
She could only smile. Cassandra had them all wrapped around her tiny little fingers. She just made herself comfortable in the bed and she let Daniel to tell her a story. He was a good man, a good friend. He could see the effect of some painmeds on Janet. She was all grinning and oh... she was so cute... He stayed there with her till she fell asleep. It was the second Fraiser girl lulled to sleep by his voice. Hmm, magic? Naaah, just tiredness. Daniel was glad that she would be okay though. She had a daughter waiting for her. And besides Janet was the only doctor Colonel O'Neill had ever respected. They needed her to take care of him. It was good to let her show him some needles from time to time…
Before the evening story Cass asked him about his opinion. She wanted to call Janet mom but she wasn't sure about it. But he assured her that the pretty Doc wouldn't mind. And soon he would see if he was wrong. But he was almost sure. Janet wouldn't mind, she would be thrilled.
He felt really tired by the time he reached his quarters. He just plopped down onto his bed. And he was dreaming about that tasty chocolate soufflé.
A/N: Ooookay, almost what I had on my mind in the beginning :o) So… hope you are satisfied with the story :o)
Oh and yeah we all know that while freezing to death, right in the end, Jack was calling for "Sarah" but believe it or not - Stargate with the Czech voice-over has "Sam"... and yeah, he was probably in love with Sarah, who knows what he kept thinking, what he had in his mind... he might be just asking for forgiveness before his last breaths ... we really don't know (well there might be a story about this... just give me some time...) but I just really love the idea of him calling for his 2IC. He had some feelings for her even back then... so who knows what was going on... the point is - you might say that during Solitudes Jack has been in love with his ex. But I can honestly say that the Czech version of SG-1 is different. Well it looks like there was some hopeless romantic translating the script for the Czech voice-over... :o) Okay, enough... just wanted to justify myself a bit... although - this is fanfiction, right? Everything is possible... :o) But you know me, I like being in touch with the original idea... and doing things just the way they could have been done by the real authors. Okay... enough :o))
Oh and yeah, I know that Jack's been hurt pretty badly and here he seems kinda okay... but people - this is happening few weeks after the story... and even broken bones need about 6 or 8 weeks to heal (I know, I've been there many times...) so - this is just in time when they are almost okay... still no mission off-world but they can walk and so on, you know... :o)) Hehe :o))
I really do love the Lion King… and I really love this easy-made chocolate soufflé. It is a real thing you know? :o) It is in grams and the oven is in Celsius – sorry folks, but I am Czech and this is what we have. So just for recapitulation – four heatproof bowls (7-12 cm in diameter), oven to approx. 200-215°C. You have to mix four eggs with 115 grams of sugar, then melt 115 grams of chocolate with 115 grams of butter. Use plastic spatula to mix it. Then add slowly the chocolate to the eggs, try not to mix it too much. Then add 50 grams of flour and that is it. It is always good to have the bowls spread with butter before putting the dough in. You can also cover the butter with grated coconut or almonds. And bake for about 15 minutes. And be careful then – don't push it or anything… go easy on it. It is pretty tasty hot – maybe with some whipped cream if you like... or even cold. Oh – and you eat it from those bowls of course. Hehe… :o)
