Love. The simple yet great word that has such effect on many people to do
such things that could turn anyone's life upside down. This four letter
word that could be connected to become three words that two people share
into one love.
But however, I will never experiance this such 'love' because my love life is so out of reach. I've fell for one.....but he left me because his parents divorced, he was so depressed that he couldn't bear to spread the burden to me. But when he left me out in the cold, he left more than just a burden on my back. Weighing me down on a scale. Making me sink lower and lower to the ground.
I fell for a second, but he was a two-timer.....or more like a multi-timer only looking for someone to toy with. He didn't have any feelings to anyone but himself. Making him another face in the crowd to me. A heartless human that God created to try to make me lose my way into challenges in this world we call earth and limbo. To me more like a seven hell trap. A trap I can't escape from.
Then I fell again for another....this time, I felt a true connection to this person, but things were in my way, I couldn't reach my crush, I couldn't reach high enough. Even if I screamed out the name of my love, I knew that person wouldn't hear me. The human ear would never hear the plea of another unless they were close by, but I was too far away. I was far from this person to hold, to kiss their tears away. I wanted to hold this person. To hold them in my arms, to kiss their fears away, to tell them everything was okay. To tell them that the face of the earth would never cut between our hearts. To be their happiness, to make them laugh their sadness away. To be their sorrow, to let them cry on my shoulder. To be their anger, to face the neglecting of this cruel world. But....I can't....I just can't because my love is loving another....and that love doesn't even know that I have such feelings. That person only accepted me as a friend....a _friend_.
It pains me....it stabs my heart with an icy cold knife that slides down my chest sending cold grief into my mind and soul. It starts to toy with my mind, causing me to stop thinking of what I do anymore, causing me not to think about anything but the one I wish to love, the one that is so far- distanced from me.
I try to run after my love, yelling for that person to come back, to tell that person to stop walking away from me, but no matter what I do, my love keeps on striding away, becoming father and farther to reach, hard for my legs to carry me that far. I curse myself for giving up so easily.
Does my love know what they are doing to me? Does that person know that they are stabbing my constantly with jealousy and betrayal, but they are too blind to see that.....their human eyes are far to blind, blinded by their own love that they shared to each other, but never to me.
I know I am greedy, but to be honest, I wish happiness to everyone that can experiance love. And I also wish those who are in my shoes right now, my regards. But my soul, my soul needs to mend on it's own, since I know I won't be mended by another.
I lost my love to him, I lost my love to him. I can't believe I letted anything like that ever happen between them. How could I not stop them before my heart would be tossed aside like a useless object? Was I too weak to do so?....Possibly yes. I admit that I am weak, maybe too weak.
The knife of truth and pain stabs my heart. The tears of water and blood drip from my eyes, rolling down my cheeks and falling from my chin and dripping onto my hand. The blood is all over my shirt and jeans, leaving a scarlet trail that trickles to the floor. All I can see is black....just black without no end, no end of this cold and horrid tunnel of fate. It began to be hard to breath, my need for oxygen began to rise, my gasps are loud and raspy. Pain tingle from my head to toe, surging me with undescribable torture. I expected a light to be in the end of the tunnel, but this black pit is never ending, the light too far to reach. Like the light moves away from me, not wanting to see me in happiness and enjoys my pain as a time-waster through the years.
I beg, I scream, I cry......I plead for help, I plead for mercy, I plead for someone to save me....but it never comes. So I continue my painful slashes and punches of abusive love. The love that only saw me as a punching bag. That's what love saw in it's eyes, the gleam of 'devil may come.'
How can love be this cruel? So cruel to those who wish to love? Is God trying to challenge me to find out why and what is right? Or is Satan trying to turn me into a souless shell, a pawn to control my mind to do his dirty work of sin and betrayal? Is this what life is ment to be? Is this what anyone goes through? Is love the true cruel one, that blinds anyone of the truth?
I'm so confussed, my mind is going in circles, my heart is wandering in a dark and cold forest of never ending roads. Every step I take is a painful stab on the back. A burden that hangs around my neck like a heavy pendant necklace, a symbol of regret and grief....and sorrow.
So what do I do now? I'm in the middle of a maze with one end to light and one end to darkness? Do I follow the rules and face the musical pain? Or do I cheat death and life and face the debts later? Every where I turn is a dead end, a dead end that holds chains to hold me down.
Why love? Weren't you supposed to be joy and happiness? Were you supposed to be with another to hold hand and hand? To hold each other through the rain and sleet? Was it all just an illusion for me to play rehearse on your game?
Everyone saw my perky happy self. Behind the mask, is something that is so sad, upset, wishing for pure love to pass by me. I am happy with life, trying to never worry anyone. But deep inside, it's all screaming of tears and torture to get out of this hell hole. Bleeding and crying fifty- thousand tears, trying to scream out for someone to save me, awaiting for my knight in shiny armor to rescue me from darkness. But that knight will never come, because that knight is entangled with another. And no one.....no one can hear me.
My heart is ripped to a million pieces, thrown to the ground and stepped on by my love's foot, without them noticing. Because they are too blind to see the pain they are sending into me, pouring the torture that they are unknown of giving me, that I recive the blood and wounds that never heal.
So my tears of grief will never be wiped away from another hand but my own. I have to stand on my own to live through this limbo. To live through the game of love. I've got in this, and I will get out of this......on my own.....from this point on. Since no one gave a damn to look for me. I need to support myself with my own two shoulders, my own two hands and my own two feet. To take the hell by the punch, to run through the flames of truth and face the cold deciet of neglect and heart brokened.
And I will leave love behind, to live a life of care free. To only be held by the arms of God and God alone. To throw love aside, and to only give love to God only. To leave the pain behind and relax to light, but not live the life of love with anyone else, since I've been through the de-ja-vu before. My tears and bleeding will be no more. I will look at my old love and ask one question when I leave the face of the earth after the 7 days. The seven days that I will face my crush and try to give them a second chance, even though they might not change my mind, since it's already made up and is sick and tired of living through devious torture of this world. I will leave this cruel world in seven days.....seven days....
So, my friend, do you think you can stop me?
But however, I will never experiance this such 'love' because my love life is so out of reach. I've fell for one.....but he left me because his parents divorced, he was so depressed that he couldn't bear to spread the burden to me. But when he left me out in the cold, he left more than just a burden on my back. Weighing me down on a scale. Making me sink lower and lower to the ground.
I fell for a second, but he was a two-timer.....or more like a multi-timer only looking for someone to toy with. He didn't have any feelings to anyone but himself. Making him another face in the crowd to me. A heartless human that God created to try to make me lose my way into challenges in this world we call earth and limbo. To me more like a seven hell trap. A trap I can't escape from.
Then I fell again for another....this time, I felt a true connection to this person, but things were in my way, I couldn't reach my crush, I couldn't reach high enough. Even if I screamed out the name of my love, I knew that person wouldn't hear me. The human ear would never hear the plea of another unless they were close by, but I was too far away. I was far from this person to hold, to kiss their tears away. I wanted to hold this person. To hold them in my arms, to kiss their fears away, to tell them everything was okay. To tell them that the face of the earth would never cut between our hearts. To be their happiness, to make them laugh their sadness away. To be their sorrow, to let them cry on my shoulder. To be their anger, to face the neglecting of this cruel world. But....I can't....I just can't because my love is loving another....and that love doesn't even know that I have such feelings. That person only accepted me as a friend....a _friend_.
It pains me....it stabs my heart with an icy cold knife that slides down my chest sending cold grief into my mind and soul. It starts to toy with my mind, causing me to stop thinking of what I do anymore, causing me not to think about anything but the one I wish to love, the one that is so far- distanced from me.
I try to run after my love, yelling for that person to come back, to tell that person to stop walking away from me, but no matter what I do, my love keeps on striding away, becoming father and farther to reach, hard for my legs to carry me that far. I curse myself for giving up so easily.
Does my love know what they are doing to me? Does that person know that they are stabbing my constantly with jealousy and betrayal, but they are too blind to see that.....their human eyes are far to blind, blinded by their own love that they shared to each other, but never to me.
I know I am greedy, but to be honest, I wish happiness to everyone that can experiance love. And I also wish those who are in my shoes right now, my regards. But my soul, my soul needs to mend on it's own, since I know I won't be mended by another.
I lost my love to him, I lost my love to him. I can't believe I letted anything like that ever happen between them. How could I not stop them before my heart would be tossed aside like a useless object? Was I too weak to do so?....Possibly yes. I admit that I am weak, maybe too weak.
The knife of truth and pain stabs my heart. The tears of water and blood drip from my eyes, rolling down my cheeks and falling from my chin and dripping onto my hand. The blood is all over my shirt and jeans, leaving a scarlet trail that trickles to the floor. All I can see is black....just black without no end, no end of this cold and horrid tunnel of fate. It began to be hard to breath, my need for oxygen began to rise, my gasps are loud and raspy. Pain tingle from my head to toe, surging me with undescribable torture. I expected a light to be in the end of the tunnel, but this black pit is never ending, the light too far to reach. Like the light moves away from me, not wanting to see me in happiness and enjoys my pain as a time-waster through the years.
I beg, I scream, I cry......I plead for help, I plead for mercy, I plead for someone to save me....but it never comes. So I continue my painful slashes and punches of abusive love. The love that only saw me as a punching bag. That's what love saw in it's eyes, the gleam of 'devil may come.'
How can love be this cruel? So cruel to those who wish to love? Is God trying to challenge me to find out why and what is right? Or is Satan trying to turn me into a souless shell, a pawn to control my mind to do his dirty work of sin and betrayal? Is this what life is ment to be? Is this what anyone goes through? Is love the true cruel one, that blinds anyone of the truth?
I'm so confussed, my mind is going in circles, my heart is wandering in a dark and cold forest of never ending roads. Every step I take is a painful stab on the back. A burden that hangs around my neck like a heavy pendant necklace, a symbol of regret and grief....and sorrow.
So what do I do now? I'm in the middle of a maze with one end to light and one end to darkness? Do I follow the rules and face the musical pain? Or do I cheat death and life and face the debts later? Every where I turn is a dead end, a dead end that holds chains to hold me down.
Why love? Weren't you supposed to be joy and happiness? Were you supposed to be with another to hold hand and hand? To hold each other through the rain and sleet? Was it all just an illusion for me to play rehearse on your game?
Everyone saw my perky happy self. Behind the mask, is something that is so sad, upset, wishing for pure love to pass by me. I am happy with life, trying to never worry anyone. But deep inside, it's all screaming of tears and torture to get out of this hell hole. Bleeding and crying fifty- thousand tears, trying to scream out for someone to save me, awaiting for my knight in shiny armor to rescue me from darkness. But that knight will never come, because that knight is entangled with another. And no one.....no one can hear me.
My heart is ripped to a million pieces, thrown to the ground and stepped on by my love's foot, without them noticing. Because they are too blind to see the pain they are sending into me, pouring the torture that they are unknown of giving me, that I recive the blood and wounds that never heal.
So my tears of grief will never be wiped away from another hand but my own. I have to stand on my own to live through this limbo. To live through the game of love. I've got in this, and I will get out of this......on my own.....from this point on. Since no one gave a damn to look for me. I need to support myself with my own two shoulders, my own two hands and my own two feet. To take the hell by the punch, to run through the flames of truth and face the cold deciet of neglect and heart brokened.
And I will leave love behind, to live a life of care free. To only be held by the arms of God and God alone. To throw love aside, and to only give love to God only. To leave the pain behind and relax to light, but not live the life of love with anyone else, since I've been through the de-ja-vu before. My tears and bleeding will be no more. I will look at my old love and ask one question when I leave the face of the earth after the 7 days. The seven days that I will face my crush and try to give them a second chance, even though they might not change my mind, since it's already made up and is sick and tired of living through devious torture of this world. I will leave this cruel world in seven days.....seven days....
So, my friend, do you think you can stop me?