Max is deep in her notes. There's a Science test tomorrow and she can't fail that, although it seems hopeless. It's past midnight and she understands nothing. She groans and drops her book on her desk. She leans back, closes her eyes and tilts her head up. She could fall asleep now. It would be so good. To get some rest and hope this little problem would just solve itself. She sighs when her phone starts buzzing. She picks it up. Chloe, of course.
"Chloe?"
"H-hey, Max. You know that I love you, right?"
"You're drunk again, Price."
"It's not what I asked." she slurs "You know that I love you, right?"
"I love you, too. I thought you're sleeping."
"I could say the same."
"I can't sleep. Science test tomorrow. But what about you? And you could have come over if you couldn't sleep."
"I didn't want to disturb you. And…" she sniffles "it's much more complicated than that. It's like… I'm not sleeping but can't stay awake. It's… I don't know, Max. It's fucked up."
"I'm coming over."
The brunette takes her bag, and the spare keys for the Prices' house. She has a set of keys since February. Chloe had a serious breakdown out of the blue and she tried to kill herself.
"You don't have to come over. I'll be… fine."
"Oh, don't lie to me, Chloe. I'm coming over. Can you hold on until then?"
"Don't! Don't hang up, Max!" she sniffles.
"See? I definitely have to come over."
"Okay, it would be cool, yeah. But you just… can't help anymore."
"What do you mean?" she cranes at the gate.
"It's not you. It's me."
"Chloe, you scare the shit out of me, dude! Stop it!" she continues her way, fastening her steps.
"I just… I just wanna be honest, okay? But I wanted you to know that I love you."
"Listen, hold on! Please, don't do this to me!"
"This is what I do, Max. I just leave a path of pain and destruction behind myself. My life is… pointless."
"How can you say that? So, that I love you means nothing?"
"It means something…"
"So? Hold on a little bit, Chloe. Just a minute, I promise." she says as she sees Warren in the parking lot.
"Sure, sure. Whatever…" she sighs.
"Warren! I need to ask you a favor."
"At this hour? After curfew?"
"As I see, you're after curfew, too…"
"You've got a point. Where?"
"Chloe."
"Get in."
"Thanks." she gets in the car and gets back to the phone "Can you hang on for five more minutes?"
"Uh, yeah, like I still have some booze left, and I'm all alone, so why the fuck not?"
"It's not funny, Chlo, you're totally freaking me out!"
"Can I ask you something?"
"I guess."
"If you knew this is the last day of your life, how would you spend it?"
"I hope you're kidding…"
"Just answer my fucked up question!"
"Chloe…" she sighs "If it was my last day… I would call my parents. I'd tell them that I love them and they just have to go on. That things will be okay with time. And then I would go over to spend the rest of my life with you. I'd tell you how much I love you. And I would just wait. I'd want those moments to burn into my memory. I want those to be the last things to remember. You get it know? You're important to me."
"I get it. I guess."
"So? Would you just stop bullshitting then?" she sniffles.
"See? I'm ruining you. You should totally leave me."
"You're out of your mind!" she looks at Warren as he stops and mouth a "Thank you!", then gets out of the car "Stop this nonsense, Chloe!"
"Do you get it now?"
"What?" she unlocks the door and she's already on her way upstairs.
"I was born for this. To ruin people's life. They would either leave me or end up dead."
"You're out of your mind!" she stands in the door, looking at the bluenette.
She smoked about two packets of cigarettes during the night, there's an almost empty bottle of vodka at the end of the bed, and a bucket, too. The punk planned this. There are scattered papers all around her desk. It must be about the GED again. Max sits next to Chloe. She sighs but doesn't say a word.
"Now what? Out of words, Chloe?"
"I… Sorry I hurt you."
"Oh yeah, you really did! How many times do I need to tell you that I love you?"
"It's not about you anymore. I'm… not happy. I guess I've never been."
"You don't love me anymore…"
"It's not about you, for fucks sake!" she looks at her with tearful eyes "I'm just not happy! I'm not happy with myself or anything. My life is… I'm hella not content with it, okay?"
"Chloe… I am here. What's so terrible about your life?"
"You can't be serious… Max, ever since I was born, I was just crawling through life. And when you left me… my dad died, and even Rachel…" she cries "Would you be the next one? I don't wanna wait for that, Max. You'd leave me again or end up dead, too. I'm not ready for that."
"So you'd just try to take your own life once again? Yeah, I see how much you love me."
"Guilt-tripping, really?"
"You hurt me! You're just trying to… tear out my heart!"
"No, that's none of my intensions, Max."
"You're a terrible liar, dumbass! You hurt me, you want me to hate you, to leave you then you could just kill yourself, because you're left alone! This is what I have to tell you: you will never get rid of me! I love you! Is it so hard to understand?"
"You will leave me soon!"
"What?"
"After you finish high-school… Where will you go? You won't stay here, will you?"
"No. I won't stay here." she sighs "I need to get to university."
"See? There's no point in this."
"Chloe, why did you agree to get the GED then? Don't you want to come with me?"
"For what, Max? So I can ruin you, too? Look at me. And look at you. I keep hurting you."
"So?" she kisses her on the cheek "You break down sometimes but I still love you. I know it's hard. Working and studying at the same time, but… hey, you're doing this to make your life better, right? It will pay off, Chloe, believe me. It will."
"You don't get it." she shakes her head "Even if I'll be able to get through this, there will be something else I just won't like."
"How do you know for so sure, Chloe? You're not there yet."
"Because this is my life, Max! It's been like this ever since my dad died."
"And I left you."
"Don't blame yourself. It's not because of you. It's all me, okay?"
"Do you want me to… change it for you?"
"You already told me what happened when you saved my dad. Besides, you can't help that I'm so fucked up."
"Yeah, that's right, I can't!" she yells with tearful eyes, losing her patience "Look at this, Chloe!" she takes her hand, making the punk remember that she tried to kill herself in February "How do you feel about this?"
"Another failure. I can't even kill myself! I'm such a… pile of stinking shit! It's ridiculous! I can't even kill myself, Max!"
"Stop it!" she grabs her arms "Stop it already! Don't you dare to give up! I love you, you fucking idiot! You told me you love me too! Was it all a lie?"
"It wasn't."
"So what's wrong with you?"
"Everything! Everything's hella wrong with me! I was born to die!"
"We are all born to die!"
"You could protect me until now and I appreciate that, really. I really do, Max."
"So? Don't give up!" she cries "Please… I love you. And what would Joyce do, Chloe? She has only you now. Don't let her down. Don't let me down."
"You don't get this! I can't take it anymore! You don't know how hurt, how damaged I am! It hurts so much it almost doesn't hurt anymore. I'm this close to feel nothing at all, Max! And who wanted to live like that, huh?"
"Chloe…" she sniffles "If you die I'll have nothing left to live for. Don't do this to me. I love you. We'll get through this! Okay? Don't leave me alone." she hugs her.
"Don't do this." she sniffles "You make it so hard. Don't…"
"I love you. Please…" she buries her face in the scrape of her neck.
"Max… I can't… It's all bullshit. It's so not for me!"
"Then I'll… I'll help you out. You don't have to study or work, I'll… just don't leave me. Please."
"Max…" she caresses her back "Don't do this to me…"
"You don't do this to me! I'm begging you… I love you! If you don't love me, just… just tell me. And then I'll leave you alone, I promise."
"Max…"
"Just tell me."
"I… don't love you anymore."
"And now you're lying to my face!" she breaks the embrace "You're… You want to be alone? Fine!" she gets up but she turns back from the door "I thought I know you. But well, I also believed that I matter to you. Too bad. I'm sorry you've wasted your time on me. A pathetic, cliché hipster. I hope you'll sleep well."
She walks out but she hesitates at the front door. It can't end like this. It just can't, right? They love each other. She turns around. Chloe's standing at the top of the stairs. She's balancing so hard. Her tears are streaming down on her cheeks, she tries to say something but not a single word leaves her mouth. The photographer walks up to her. She looks into her eyes. The punk breaks down. She kneels before her and hugs her tight. Max sits down. She lays her head on her chest.
"I'm so sorry." she cries "I didn't wanna hurt you. I'm so fucked up! I really should… I shouldn't have been born either."
"Don't say that, Chlo. Where would I be without you, hmm?"
"You would most probably live a happy life somewhere far away."
"I doubt it. You make me happy. And that I worry about you means that I love you."
"I know. You keep saving my ungrateful ass."
"Sometimes you forget that if you can get through this you can move with me. We can move together, you'll find a job and all. You draw really well. You could be a graphic artist or something like that. How does it sound?"
"Tell me more." she sniffles.
"And I could visit you every day at work. When I'm finished with school for the day. And then I'd wait for you in our small apartment. I'd cook something for dinner. I'd ask you about your day. Then when we'd get to bed I know that you would hold me tight all night long. You would keep telling me how much you love me. Also that you want to marry me. To have kids and have a simple life. That's what you want, right?"
"Something like that." she nods.
"Then let's make it real." she runs her fingers in her hair.
"I'm sorry I told you I don't love you anymore."
"I know you didn't mean it. You want to protect me from yourself. But it won't work this way. If you try to hurt me, I'll know it's because you're about to break down. Besides, you can't get rid of me, dumbass. I love you."
"I love you, too. I don't want you to leave me."
"I won't. Hey, want to get some sleep? We both could use some, right?"
"Yeah. I'm… sorry I broke down again."
"It's okay. But let's not do this anytime soon. Or ever."
"I'll try."
"And try not to forget that I'm always by your side."
"Okay. Let's get some sleep."
The brunette takes her hand and leads her back to the room. She lies down. The bluenette looks at her as she scratches her scruff.
"Now what? Come here, punk!"
"I was just wondering…" she sits next to her "can I be the little spoon tonight?"
"See? You can be cute, too. Yeah, come here."
"Max?" she caresses the arm that wraps around her waist.
"Hmm?"
"I really am sorry."
"Let's forget about this, okay? Sleep. It'll do some good for you." she kisses her shoulder.
"So…"
"So?" she sighs.
"You're not leaving me?"
"Never."
"I love you, Max."
"I love you, too."