A/N: This is a re-post of this story. It was originally posted last May, but when I was reading through it the other night I noticed a bunch of errors so I took it down and edited it. Now I'm posting it again and it's hopefully written better.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything you find you recognize from the Harry Potter series. The song this is based off of belongs to Dashboard Confessional. It's called 'For Justin'. There's another part towards the bottom (you should know where when it gets there) where I use a very small part, like only a line, of the song 'Burn This City' by Cartel. I believe that's all that I don't own.
One year.
One year since the Battle of Hogwarts took place.
One year since Harry defeated that monster of a man.
One year since the war ended.
One year since my best friend, my brother, my twin died.
It's been a messed up process trying to move on from it. How does one really move on from that? He was my other half. Everything had always been Fred and George, George and Fred, Gred and Forge. Now, it's just George. "George did this and George did that." "I'm worried about George." "George hasn't been looking too well lately." "Someone should stop in and check on George regularly." Not Fred, never Fred. No one even mentioned his name. For, if you mention the name the whole family would tear up. Silence would bear down on them all. No one wanted to have that happen, even if it was in memory if my beloved brother. How can I move on when they all pretend like he didn't even exist? That's certainly no way to heal. My heart's still not whole.
Today is the day they can't ignore his death though; can't ignore his life. It's the first annual War Memorial Ceremony. Harry goes to speak. Hermione goes to speak. Ron goes to speak. Neville goes to speak. So many people go to speak. So many people who have lost so much - lost so many. Each speech honored everyone who died. Each speech talked about the grief of losing a loved one. Harry, Hermione and Ron each honored Fred silently. They still couldn't bring themselves to say his name. It was "a brother" "a friend" "a great man". It was never "Fred". And then Neville had gotten up there. Neville, the last person I had expected to even consider Fred, who had mentioned him.
"Many were lost, as everyone knows. Many died for our cause, our freedom, some willingly risking their lives and some sadly having no choice. Today marks one year. One year since we've been able to live in peace, not fear. I've yet to find my peace though. I've got a battle raging inside me. I'm torn between celebrating our victory and mourning the loss of so many great people." He looked up from the cards in his hand here and scanned the room as he went on. "The former Professor Lupin - who was undoubtedly the best and most beloved defense teacher in all my years at this school - bravely came to fight the battle leaving a wife and son home. His newly wed wife, Nymphadora Tonks, a brilliant Auror and new mother who came after him to fight by his side. A terrible side effect of war, an orphaned baby who'll never have more than stories and pictures of his parents. Colin Creevey, a personal friend of mine, who, despite not being of age, came back to fight this war, for all our freedom, his brother's freedom. Fred Weasley who, even in dark times, found a way to bring laughter and smiles to people with his pranks and jokes. I know him and George had both gotten me through a lot of dark times with their joke shop and products. And I've been told he died with a smile on his face. Former Headmaster and Professor Severus Snape…"
I stopped listening after that. I couldn't listen anymore. I spaced out, ignoring the quiet sobbing coming from my mother. I stared at the floor, tears slipping down my face. Tears of grief for my brother. Tears of thanks for Neville.
I broke away from the crowd after the speeches were all finished. This is the time to mingle and catch up with others that fought for the same cause - lost loved ones for the same cause. And I couldn't bring myself to look at any of them, not today on this anniversary. I found myself in a random bathroom; I couldn't be sure which. I couldn't even be sure how long I'd been wandering before entering it. I moved to the sink to wash the tear streaks off my face, knowing they'd just eventually come again.
I looked up, and there he was. Merlin did I ever hate mirrors. Sure enough, tears sprang to my eyes again. I'd never hated having a twin. I actually found myself blessed to have one, to have him, until now. He's gone, and I'll forever have a reminder of him in myself. People will always look at me and be able to see Fred.
"Fred" I whispered, staring in to the eyes of my reflection. "I hope you can hear me where you are. I need to tell you. I need to tell you so much. I miss you Fred. A whole year has gone by with out you. A whole year and I'm still a sodding mess. A whole year and I can't look in the mirror still with out seeing you. I don't see myself anymore, only you. It's like the differences disappear. The extra freckles. The slightly darker eyes. They disappear and they become yours. All I can see is you." Tears steadily leak out of my eyes now, just as I knew they would.
"We just had a birthday Fred. We're another year older now; I'm another year older now. You'll forever be twenty. It was a pretty solemn affair. Nothing like our birthday has ever been before." I paused, remembering the twenty birthdays we had together, the gifts, the parties, the guests, and the wishes. "I said an extra wish for you." I laughed. "You're favorite wish, five years running. 'I wish this would be the year Hermione realizes what a git Ron is and falls in love with me.' I don't think that'll happen this year either Fred. I'll wish it for you for every year, but I don't think it'll happen. It can't happen. You're not here for her to fall in love with."
"It's been quite a life I've been living Fred. There was such a long stretch there where I didn't think I'd ever make it off the couch in our flat. Yes our flat. I've not even been able to move anything of yours. The dirty shirt you changed out of just before we got word of the battle is still hung over one of the chairs surrounding the kitchen table. Your room is still exactly how you left it, but a bit dustier I imagine. I wouldn't know; I've only been in it once. Hermione went in once too. She had been stopping by to make sure I was doing okay. You know mum, delegating people to check on me. I nearly chewed her head off when I noticed she was in there. She may not have been in love with you Fred, but Merlin did she ever love you. She just stood there, in the middle of the room, crying, sobbing. You know how you're room is. It's so… you. A 'beautiful disaster' I believe she later called it."
I stopped there, not sure what else to tell him. Heck, I wasn't sure he could even hear me, but I needed to get this all out. I needed to get everything I hadn't gotten out, out. Or I'd never make it another year.
"Neville mentioned you in his speech Fred. He said you, our pranks, our jokes and our products all got him through some dark times in the war. He's the only one who mentioned you straight out. I don't think the others could bring themselves to be the ones to make mum that much more upset. Mum, that's a whole different topic entirely. She's been okay Fred. As okay as a mum who lost a son could be."
"And I've got to tell you Fred. Angelina's been coming around a lot. She's been a real gem in helping me out of my mourning stage. I think I really like her Fred. I think I really like her and I could use your help with that. I don't know what to do. I'll have to ask Lee for some advice. He misses you too you know. He shows up from time to time."
I went on and on, telling him about the whole year, my heart mending a little as I went.
By the time I left the bathroom I was much more composed. My healing had finally taken a baby step in the right direction. I should have talked to him sooner. There had been so many things I'd left unsaid for too long. 'I'll talk to him more often' I decided firmly in my head. I could finally hope to get some semblance of a real life back together.
I made my way back down to the memorial and observed my family. My parents were seated with Professor McGonagall and a few other people I recognized as Order members. Bill was sitting with his heavily pregnant, due any day now, wife, doting on her in a way similar to mum when one of us became ill. Charlie was standing off to the side, talking to Hagrid. Percy was with what looked to be various Ministry workers. I smiled a bit as I noticed he was standing awfully close to the girl next to him. Ron and Ginny were together as were a group of their friends, seemingly a big group from the old DA. Harry and Hermione, Neville, Luna, Dean, Seamus, Hannah, Terry, Ernie, the list goes on. They were all sitting in a big circle, talking like this was any old school reunion. I contemplated going over there to grab a seat, but didn't want to have to interact with them all and quickly decided against it.
I turned to look the other way in time to see Angelina, Lee, Katie and Alicia heading towards me, Oliver trailing a few feet behind. Flash backs entered my head. Old Quidditch practices, late nights in the common room goofing around the fire, celebratory parties after any victories or any other reasons we could think of.
"Hey George," Angelina greeted, hugging me.
"Hey Ange," I replied, returning the hug. I exchanged various greetings with the others.
"Where'd you disappear to for so long? We were trying to find you," Lee asked.
"Just, wandering around." They all nodded, they all understood.
"Did you get a chance to see the memorial plaques yet?" Angelina asked softly.
"Plaques?" I asked confused. "I don't recall anything about plaques being mentioned."
"Oh George, did you even listen to the ceremony?"
"Of course I did," I said indignantly before mumbling out, "part of it anyway."
"Same old George," Angelina smiled lightly. She grabbed my arm. "Come on, let's go look at them." And then I was being dragged away from the group. "You holding up okay?"
"I'm holding up alright," I nodded slowly. I know she'll know when I lie.
"It's okay not to be you know. It's a sad day. It's an awful day. I've been a bloody mess."
"I know Angelina. I'm really holding up okay though. I'm healing you know." I paused. "Ange?"
"Yeah?"
"Thanks."
"For what?" I shrugged.
"For saying it's okay. For checking to make sure I'm okay. For not walking on egg shells around me."
"Your welcome," she smiled, squeezing my arm briefly before relaxing her grip again. "Here we are."
I stopped and looked. It was a plaque all right, a bunch of plaques, seemingly one for each victim of the Battle of Hogwarts. She shuffled me along past a few of them and stopped in front of one particular one.
Fred Weasley
April 1, 1978 - May 2 1998
An honored war hero.
At least we know that if we died,
we lived with passion.
"Who picked that quote?" I asked quietly after a few minutes.
"I'm not sure," she answered.
"I like it," I said a few moments later.
"It fits Fred doesn't it?" That's what I liked most about Angelina. She wasn't afraid to say his name - to mention what, who he was. She's not afraid it would hurt too much to mention him.
"Yeah, yeah it does." We stood in silence for several more minutes.
"You know," she said suddenly. "Sometimes I wonder what it'd be like if a lot of these people were still here. Professor Lupin and his wife barely got any time to be a real family. They barely even know their son. Professor Snape is finally definitely on the light side, and it's only revealed in his death. Fred co-owned an extremely successful joke shop. And had a knack for making anyone smile. Well," she laughed lightly, "unless they were the target of his joke, then they usually scowled." She paused. "I even wonder about Cedric you know. He was a Tri-Wizard champion. Merlin knows he was incredibly popular. He was good at Quidditch. He got good grades. He had so much ahead for him. And like all the rest, it's just gone. Any chance at a better life…"
As she trailed off I stared around, finally realizing how many people were lost. There were so many plaques; each representing some one whom died one year ago. These plaques don't even include any one who died before hand. Moody wouldn't have a plague. Dumbledore wouldn't have a plague. Sirius wouldn't have a plague. Cedric - the first casualty of the second war - wouldn't have a plague. And countless others wouldn't as well.
And that was when a part of me healed even more. I wasn't alone. I wasn't the only one who suffered a loss. And Fred's not the only one I lost. I would get through this because that's what is supposed to happen. That's what Fred would want. That's how life goes. And I was moving on with my life.
"Hey Angelina?" I asked while I nudged her arm.
"Yeah?"
"Want to go to dinner sometime?"
"Uh, sure."
"You don't sound very sure."
"Can you blame me? This is a bit of an odd time to be asking a girl out."
"No," I argued. "This is the perfect time. I'm moving on. I'm healing. And I'm taking you to dinner Saturday night." She stared at me briefly before nodding her agreement. I smiled.
'Fred,' I thought with a grin, 'my life just may turn out okay in this next year. I'll talk to you later.'
A/N: Thanks for reading! And thanks in advance if you review too!
