I have been here for hours, sitting on the top floor of a abandoned building my back resting on a wall looking at the city, it has been chaos for weeks and now it is so quiet, it is almost scary. I think of all I have lost, my family, friends, my life which has changed so much I feel I have lost it too.

Tobias is coming in my direction, he walks toward me with caution, I probably don't look really appealing right now, my heart is lost and I have act so coldly since my brother died, not that I don't want to share time with him, he is the love of my life, well of what's left of it anyway. I just feel this fear in my guts whenever we are together, I need him so much, too much, I don't think I would survive loosing him, I don't think I would have survived all this without him. Thinking of him dead… oh my god my heart is racing and my hands are shaking I want to stop seeing those pictures in my head, pictures of him lying on the floor still.

Here he is, standing next to me, I want to look at him but I can't. He slowly sits next to me and gently puts his arm around my shoulders, I bury my head in my shaking hands, we stay like that for a while until it hurts so much I break into tears, my all body is shaking now but I can't tell him that it hurts because of him, after all I need him too, I don't know what hurts exactly, everything is so confusing, I am so lost I need to be alone to pull myself together but in the same time losing him is my bigger fear so being away from him would be as hurtful if not more than having him here. The pain is so strong my arms push him away on their own, I don't control myself anymore, everything is blurry and dark.

As soon as I realize what I have done I look at him, my eyes full of tears I can not see his face properly but I can feel is eyes looking at me, "i am so sorry" I say, "what's happening? Talk to me" he answers. I have to talk to him, I owe him that, I have to tell him I love him so much it hurts. He comes closer to me but not too close and says with a tender voice "I love you Tris, I love you so much! I know it hurts to lose someone you love and I can't imagine how hurtful it must be to lose your all family but I want you to know that I am here for you". At the sound of those words I can feel the heat rising from deep inside me and the words coming out of my mouth screaming "here! you are here but for how long? How long are you going to be here with me? Am I going to lose you as I lost my all family?!", as I say it I realize it doesn't make any sense but I can't help feeling the fear of loosing someone I deeply love again and even if I already lost my brother when he became a traitor he was still alive and then he saved me, proving he wasn't that bad, he loved me. The angriness that kept me from being sad from his betrayal is gone but so is he.

He comes to me in a rush and takes me in his arms pressing me against him so tight I can not move, I can't shake, my body starts to calm down at the feel of his strong body. He doesn't say anything at first and then whisper with a trembling voice "I love you so much it hurts thinking you could disappear, when I start thinking at my life without you in it I can't breathe, I can't think, but I know I have to be strong, we have to be strong because -together- is what we are now, we are together and when I think of you being in my life I feel happy, I feel in love, I feel strong", I didn't think it like that, past the fear would be the light? Love? Hope?

I press my lips to his as strong as I can, we kiss desperately as if this was the last time, his body, my body tight together as one. He slide to the right resting his back to the wall and guide me to sit on his lap, facing him, my body as close as possible, the pain releasing as the warm wave of comfort is invading me. His hand on my back pushing me against him as if I could be even closer, I kiss him on the cheek and the neck, he sighs and tilt his head back to quickly come back to me, his hand is now starting on the back of my neck, to my collarbone, to the zip of my shirt, I let my arms down and look at him, his eyes are shining from the tears he had, I couldn't see them before as my eyes were wet from sobbing so hard. His hands unzip my shirt as I bring my hips forward, I need him closer, I need him, I reach the hem of his t-shirt and lift it over his head, as soon as his hands are free again, he lays them on my shoulders letting them slide to the tip of my fingers taking the shirt with them. I can feel his bare skin against my bare skin, his chest against my chest. His fingers slide from the bottom of my back to my neck making me shiver, we kiss so hard it hurts sometime but I don't want to stop, I want it to last forever. I unbuckle his belt and unbutton his pants, he looks at me and bite his lower lip, I move my hips forward kipping my eyes in his, he closes his eyes for a second and sigh, he puts his left hand in my hair behind my ear, leans forward and kisses my neck his right hand caressing my lower back and pushing me forward then his hand brushes over my side, touches my breast with his fingertips making me sigh. He touches me as if I was the most fragile thing in the world, gently, slowly, I feel warm, I feel in love. He brushes my stomach with the back of his fingers down to the edge of my pant which he unbuttoned. I know I will have to separate from him for a short moment to take it off so I can be even closer to him but I wait as long as possible, I want to stay close to him, I want my skin to touch his skin. I brushes his chest with my hands and looks at the pants I have just opened, he puts his fingers on my neck the palm of his hand down my chin and lift it so our eyes meet. We now look at each other knowing what will happen next, I am comfortable, I am not scared of him anymore but I don't want to pull away from him even for a few seconds, I press my lips to his, I want him, I crave him now and he seems as desperate as me so I lie on the floor and lower my pants, he takes off my shoes and help me out off the last thing keeping me from him. I am close to him again faster that I thought I would be, we kiss intensely as we become one.