A/N: Fill for the FFXV kinkmeme prompt: . ?thread=317001#cmt317001

"Prompto has no idea that Noctis, Gladio and Ignis are in a three-way relationship. When they try to invite him in as a fourth person, he's incredibly confused and then panics. I'm envisioning some sort of progression from 'WHAT, EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS ROADTRIP IS WEIRD NOW' to 'well, I suppose this doesn't have to change our friendship', optionally followed by 'actually, maybe I'll go for it'.

Sex scenes are also entirely optional! I'm mainly interested in poor Prompto going '?' "

So this was supposed to be crack, but well, it turns out I can't write crack without at least a little angst. Crossposted to AO3.

CHAPTER 1 - IN WHICH THERE IS MUCH CONFUSION AND BAD COMUNICATION

There was something Very Very Not Right and it was quickly spiralling into Very Very Wrong territory. They were watching him, when they thought he wasn't looking, and they were whispering while stealing quick glances in his direction when they thought he was preoccupied with something entirely else.

At first Prompto thought it was just his usual paranoia. Even though he wasn't that chubby pathetic little kid any more, he would still sometimes feel like every loud laugh in public was aimed at him, and every time he caught people whispering, if they looked even for a fleeting moment in his direction, they were absolutely talking about how pathetic he was. He knew, of course, that it wasn't true and this was just his brain being dumb. He learned to ignore that little voice at the back of his head. Guys had better things to do than talk about him. Really. There was nothing to be worried about. Yeah.

But then one day, as he was feeding chocobos after a long day of trekking around Duscae, hushed whispers from Noctis, Gladio and Ignis buzzing unpleasantly in the background– he realized that he didn't HAVE to suffer in silence, he just has to stand up and sneak behind the tent to hear what they said. He could also just walk up to them and ask. But he was not desperate, thank you.

As Prompto snuck closer, he heard Noctis first, what wasn't surprising. Many detentions and stern talks with teachers in High School were due to the fact that the Prince couldn't whisper properly.

"…I just think it's not fair to him."

"Look, Noctis, it's…" that was Gladio, but he got cut off by Ignis, who loudly cleared his throat.

Ooops. Busted.

"Hello Prompto" said Ignis, peeking from the other side of the tent, and Prompto froze for a second.

"Hi guys!" he said feigning cheerfulness and trying to look not at all sneaky, thank you very much. He walked up to them. Aw, what the hell. "Soooo, what are you talking about?"

"NOTHING!" said Noctis way too quickly, and blushed. It was hilarious how Ignis looked almost offended at how badly Noctis lied, and how Noctis tried not to appear sheepish. Prompto didn't laugh.

He suddenly felt very, very cold.

"Chocobos" said Gladio smoothly, grinning at him as nothing happened.

"Chocobos" echoed Prompto.

"Yes, actually, chocobos" Ignis straightened his glasses, all business as usual. "I see they quite liked Curiel Greens. It is curious how they affect the speed – I do wonder why is that."

And from that point on the conversation took a nicer turn on chocobos, vegetables, and useless princes who didn't grow up right because they didn't eat carrots.

It was actually a pretty nice evening from now on. If it wasn't for the looks Noctis, Ignis and Gladio shared every time Prompto laughed (tried to laugh, maybe) it would be downright pleasant.

So it was actually a Very, Very, Very Wrong territory. It was quite clear what was going on - Noctis, Ignis and Gladio finally decided to do the only sensible thing and let Prompto go. Prompto knew that he was usually useless and that he didn't really fit into the group, but he really, truly wanted to. He tried. He was so sure he wasn't hindering them, that he wasn't a burden, but then seeing their current situation maybe that wasn't enough anymore. He knew that the guys wouldn't throw him away if it wasn't necessary - but Ignis and Gladio were Noctis's retainers first and foremost. If having Prompto here was creating danger to Noctis…

Prompto should just walk away on his own. It would save everyone's time and it wouldn't hurt as much.

But he couldn't. He would wake up, each morning, having this huge speech prepared, about how much he loved them all and how he was not going to be liability any more, but then before he could say any of this Noctis would mutter something snarky, or Ignis would say one of his horribly wonderful puns, or Gladio would ruffle Prompto's hair for one reason or another… and he would give himself just one more day. He knew he was selfish. But he just… He just wanted to be with them. Was this such a crime?

On the other hand the guys still watched him, and still whispered to each other, and once Prompto caught Gladio and Ignis in the Regalia when they said they were going for some spices, and they were so terribly embarrassed and secretive. They must have been talking about him, that's for sure, probably about convincing Noct that it would be best for everyone if Prompto just went away.

So should he stay, and live this self-indulgent fantasy of being one of the guys, or should he go and save everyone involved a lot of grief? It should be an easy decision, and he should be strong enough to make it. He wasn't. Well, that just proved the point.

But it seemed the decision was made for him, finally, when one day as they just finished eating dinner at the camp, Noctis cleared his throat in a rather kingly manner.

"Ignis, Gladio, I think we need some more potions and elixirs, maybe you could swing by the shop. We'll stay here." he said stiffly. And lo and behold, instead of his normal gruff reply of 'you have legs, Your Highness' Gladio just nodded seriously. And Ignis didn't say anything. No comment. No anything. Prompto suddenly regretted eating the second helping of the dinner, as he could almost feel it making a grand come-back. He toyed with idea of trying to go with the two of them, of volunteering to go by himself… But then if he didn't, it would finally be over and maybe he would be able to breathe properly.

So Ignis and Gladio went, still silent, what in Prompto's experience meant they were nervous. Figures. Fortunately (or not), nervous Prompto was babbling Prompto, so there wasn't any awkward silence in the camp. He talked about photos, cameras, photos, horrible blankets, tents, photos and whatever else, not that he was listening to himself, and Noct just sat there, almost unblinking, either creepily staring Prompto right in the face or everywhere else.

"We… we have to talk" said finally Noctis when Prompto took a light pause to take a deep breath. Wow. So this was it. He was getting dumped in this bromance.

"Yeah, I… this might be for the best" agreed Prompto, and prepared himself. He had to do it. Now.

"I'm going to leave today, you don't need to worry" muttered Prompto, and at the same time Noctis said a little too loudly: "Ignis, Gladio and I are together, and we want you to join us!"

There was a slight pause.

Then there as a longer pause.

"WHAAAAAT?!" shrieked Prompto, because, what? No, really, what? He… Ignis and … WHAT?

"Prom? What… Why do you want to leave?" there was a smidge of panic in Noct's voice but Prompto didn't really care about it now, because… WHAT?

"No matter, what did YOU say? About… you? And Ignis? And Gladio?" he realized there was a slight hysterical edge to his voice, but who could blame him. "I mean, Ignis and Gladio, okay, but you…?"

"Wait, what's wrong with me?" the noise Noct made was something between an offended squeal and his usual deep drawl, and Prompto would be extremely interested in how exactly Noct managed that tone if it wasn't for the fact that apparently Noct, Gladio and Ignis were in a relationship. Together.

"There's nothing wrong with you! Just with… BOTH Gladio and Ignis? Together? With you?"

"That's the gist of it, yes, Gladio, Ignis and I are item" said Noctis more calmly, but the fact that he was looking everywhere but Prompto and that he couldn't decide what to do with his hands spoke volumes about how nervous and off-balance he still was. It somehow made Prompto feel better. Slightly better. "And we would like you…"

"Dude" Prompto had to interrupt him because there were important questions just waiting to be asked. "Dude, how does that even work?"

"It works fine, but you see, what I wanted to…" Noctis didn't have chance to elaborate because, wow, so many questions.

"Do you take turns? Or do you, like, do it together?"

"That depends, but…"

"Don't you need a huge bed for that? Because Gladio is huge, man."

"Actually…"

"How do you hold hands on dates? In a circle?"

"We don't go to…" Noctis was visibly getting more and more frustrated, and Prompto should probably just stop and take a breath, but there were just so many questions in his mind and he wasn't really in control of his nervous babbling on the best of days, so how could he be now?

"How long are you together?"

"About 2 years now, but…"

"Oh gods, did your dad know? Does LUNA know?"

"No, and we don't…"

"Why didn't you tell me earlier?" Aaand that was the one Prompto didn't want to ask, but, yeah, it kinda slipped out. Because they were friends, right? And friends told friends about this sort of things. Prompto told Noct about his first kiss, and his dates, and about his 'biology lessons' with Belva, pretty girl a year their senior. He also told Gladio and Ignis (almost) everything about it, and now, boy, did he feel stupid. Because either friends didn't tell friends about things like that, or…

"Wejustdidn'twantyoutofeellikeathirdwheel" said Noctis quickly, looking kind of guilty, and Prompto had to replay it in his mind to get it. Oh. There was so much wrong with that sentence. But most importantly…

"Dude, wouldn't I be the FOURTH wheel?"

Noctis blinked.

"What?"

"Wouldn't I be the fourth wheel? There are three of you. Like, like a tricycle and…"

Noctis blinked harder.

"Did you just compare our relationship to a… tricycle? Really?"

"Well, there ARE three of you." It was an absolutely logical association and Prompto had no idea why Noctis was getting all hang up on it especially in light of the fact that he was in relationship with both Gladio (!) and Ignis (!) at the same time (!). Oh yeah. That. "How did that start, huh? Who started? I mean someone had to start, wow, that must have been an awkward talk, yeah? How did Gladio agree to this? Oh Shiva, how did IGNIS agree to this?! Did you have to spike his Ebony with something? So you woke up and poof! Suddenly you want to be with the two of them? It was probably Gladio's pecs, I told you they were a weapon of mass seduction and you didn't listen to me… Or DID YOU? Oh gods, what about the…"

Two strong arms clenched his shoulders tightly, shaking him, and Prompto wobbled slightly, suddenly realizing how lightheaded he felt.

"Prom, breathe. C'mon. One question at the time. Slowly." Noctis was still shaking him lightly, looking all concerned instead of annoyed, as he should rather be, in Prompto's opinion. "Breath in. And out. Yeah. Like this."

Well, that was embarrassing. It wasn't the first (and probably not last either) time Prompto lost himself in his own head and set mouth on autopilot, but man, it wasn't such a big deal this time. It was just his best (and only, but who's counting) friends being in a relationship with each other for two years and doing, like, sex and stuff. No biggie. He only dimly realized that Noctis still didn't let go of his shoulders.

"You okay, Prom?" Noctis still sounded so concerned. That made Prompto feel even worse. Noct really had bigger problems that worrying about him being his usual stupid self. Sometimes Prompto just wanted to slap himself for being such a whiny crybaby, but then he would probably cry so yeah. Counterproductive.

"Yeah, sorry, I was just surprised, because wow. Who would have thought! You three – together! Wow. Congrats! And I didn't even notice…" talking about slaps in the face – Prompto just realized that he really, truly did not see that his best friends were together. At all. Oh Shiva. "I… I'm a horrible friend, aren't I?"

"Do you really think that if you were a horrible friend you would be here, with us?" asked Noctis clenching hands on Prompto's shoulders even tighter. Also, he was looking everywhere but Prompto again. So, something serious was coming. "Just let me say this, all right? No interruptions."

Prompto nodded. Noct's grip on his shoulders was sure to leave bruises now, but Prompto couldn't care less. They were so pleasantly warm.

"Yes, me, Gladio and Specs are together. And the important thing is… The thing is we talked and… We agreed that our relationship is serious and that we do want to be together as partners for as long as we can. And that our relationship, while great, will be even better with you, because all three of us really like you and it won't be the same without you. Well. Yeah."

Noctis fell silent and awkwardly patted Prompto on the shoulders, then took a step back. Prompto knew he should say something, but the loss of contact made him suddenly feel too cold to think, and his mind was already blank. What could he say? What was there to say?

The silence stretched.

"I blew this, didn't I?" sighed Noctis. There was something strange in his voice, but Prompto didn't dare to look in his face to see what it could be. "Prom, you… you are special to us. And we… And I want you with me for the rest of my life, no matter how. This is just a proposition – if you don't want us in that way we will still be friends, ok? Nothing will change."

Oh Noct.

"I know, buddy. Just… give me some time, okay? This is kind of sudden and… I just need to think. I'm not saying no, I'm just… I just need some time."

"Yeah, sure."

Another awkward pause. Well. Yeah.

Prompto tried to find something to say, something normal, but it all seemed stupid and besides Ignis and Gladio will be coming soon and, man, he did not want to look them in the eye tonight. So he decided to turn in early.

He thought that he would have a lot of time to himself to think; but alas, as he fell asleep the moment he laid down. He dreamt of doors.

When Prompto woke up, he felt wonderfully rested. It was going to be a great day, Prompto thought. It was warm, the birds were singing softly in the distance, there was a heavenly smell of breakfast coming from the outside of the tent, Gladio didn't wake him up with his snoring, and Ignis didn't flop his hands all over him at night, and Noct didn't kick him even once in his sleep…

And then the conversation from yesterday replayed at a high speed in his head. Once. Then a second time. Prompto suddenly wished for a stampede of garulas to come and run him over a few times, or maybe for an iron giant to punch him, he wasn't picky. This was going to suck. He didn't even want to imagine how will he just go and talk to them now – not only he now knew they were in a relationship but also he more or less turned them down. Should he tell Ignis and Gladio that he supports their relationship? Would it be too intrusive? Or would it sound sarcastic, seeing how he didn't want to get involved? Were they disappointed? Or maybe happy? Should he even say anything or maybe pretend this didn't happen at all?

Oh gods, he couldn't pretend nothing happened, because even he, with his abysmal social skills, knew it was something important and it would be quite asshole-ish. But he also didn't know what to say. In the books and movies all this romance stuff seemed easier and it was always obvious what to do. Prompto was quite sure that if his life was a book, the readers would be facepalming right now, embarrassed for his indecision and stupidity. On the other hand, Prompto did not remember any books or movies about BEST THREE FRIENDS DOING THE HORIZONTAL SAMBA AND INVITING YOU TO THEIR RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE OH SHIVA WHAT THE FUCK.

He felt a whine coming up his throat. He was not built for situations like this.

Lost in his misery, Prompto didn't hear Gladio coming in the tent, and almost jumped out of his skin when he heard a loud "Rise and shine, chocobo-butt".

"I'm awake, I'm awake!" he squeaked, reflexively throwing himself to stand up, realizing a second too late that he was still in a sleeping bag. He bounced back down, probably looking as a really wriggly and kind of dumb worm, hitting his back and head on the hard stone. Gladio was laughing, what, on one hand, was extremely rude, what the hell Gladio, but on the other meant that maybe, just maybe Gladio was not angry at him. Small wins. And huge losses, because, ouch, Prompto's back was killing him right now.

"C'mon, Prompto, don't kill yourself while gettin' up. That would be low even for you." Gladio snorted, but helped untangle Prompto from his sleeping bag, and ruffled his hair, so, yeah, win. "We were worried you died in your sleep, kid – both me and Ignis were sure no human being would be able to sleep more than Prince Charmless, and then some corpses are probably more lively in the mornings."

There came an indignant 'heeey!' from the outside of the tent.

"I was just tired, all this fighting and stuff…" Prompto was sure this was the moment he should say something about yesterday, but hahaha nope. He raised his voice a little. "Don't worry Noct, the throne of Sleepy-pantia is still yours!"

Gladio snored, and there was a disgruntled 'hmph' from the outside, so maybe not a great joke, but good enough. Prompto started searching for his clothes, strewn around the tent, still sleepy, still nervous and still not paying enough attention to what was going on because suddenly there was Gladio at his back, leaning in, and Prompto didn't even notice when did that happen.

"Don't worry, you and us - we're good" said Gladio quickly, and patted his back awkwardly due to the angle. He was so warm… Before Prompto could say anything, he was gone, probably to save his breakfast from Noctis.

This was… good? Prompto decided that he would just ignore the problem, then, and maybe it would go away at some point.

It didn't go away at any point during the morning, neither did it go away in the afternoon. The jury was still out on the evening, but Prompto suspected this also would be the bust. Breakfast was… either horribly awkward or awkwardly horrible. And it was just a start. Prompto tried to pretend he was busy so that others would NOT try to talk to him and he wouldn't have to make the decision whether or not to talk about The Thing, except when Gladio asked Noctis to 'help him with something in the tent' and Prompto almost choked to death. After that Gladio kept trying not to say anything that could be taken as an innuendo, and failed miserably. Ignis kept monologuing about spices, just to try to keep things natural and casual, but first of all no one cared about spices, and secondly he couldn't keep himself from including puns about 'spicing your life' and 'hot stuffs', what made Prompto even more uncomfortable. Noctis just sat there, trying his best to look casual and not like he had sex, like, ever, and certainly not with his two friends. Well, not really, but he just sat there and tried to be as invisible as possible. … It was just horrible, ok?

Prompto felt like a whole new world appeared suddenly before his eyes. The casual touches between his friends. The puns about sex. Accidental innuendos. Jokes about sex. Teasing. Ignis, Gladio and Noct ganging up on him. Gladio and Ignis ganging up on Noctis. All the things that Prompto always took as 'bros being bros' suddenly took on entirely new, terrible meaning. They all were an inside joke he was suddenly let on to, and oh boy, did he feel stupid now, thinking it all was just casually friendly stuff. Was Ignis really fixing Noct's collar, or was he just trying to get close? Was Noctis really interested in Gladio's book, or was leaning in for some contact with his lover? By the time they were on the road, prepared to take on a pack of coeurls, Prompto felt a headache coming.

By the time they dealt with coeurls, he had a killer headache, skinned knee, and a rather nasty gash on his arm, because of course instead of paying attention he was thinking about 70 different things which only one was connected with local fauna, and it was more about mosquitoes than big cats with pointy teeth and killer whiskers. Other 69…

Oh come on.

Other 69 were connected with all analysing things that happened during the trip which probably should have tipped him off that there was something between them. So he wasn't on top of his usual fighting game, and combined with the fact that his 'top game' was rather pitiful on the best day... let's just say that if it weren't for Ignis, Prompto would be either dead or very, very hurt.

Normally, after such a blatant display of incompetence and lack of attention on Prompto's part Gladio would spend whole trip back to the camp analysing the mistakes, picking out problems, criticizing every move ever made by Prompto on the battlefield, and giving tips to him and Noct. Prompto awaited this little talk almost eagerly, as it would give some semblance of normalcy and could give him something else to think and talk about.

But no. They went back to camp in relative silence. Ignis tried his best to act normal, bugging Noctis about his loose buttons, but it fell flat, Gladio just made some pointed grunts, and Noctis came up to Prompto a few times looking as if he wanted to pat his back, or say something, but in the end he didn't, and it was becoming more and more awkward with each attempt.

After rather tense dinner, when Gladio and Noctis went to train on the side, Prompto only wanted to curl up and die already. He sat on the edge of the camp, looking at the garulas in the distance, and imagining all the ways he could just die without it being a blatant suicide. There were a lot. It made him slightly happier.

After a while Ignis came over, handed Prompto a steaming mug of tea, and sat down beside him, so lose that they shoulders brushed when one of them raised the mug. They stayed like this, in silence, watching Noctis and Gladio trade blows in the distance.

"Does your hand require any further medical attention?" ask Ignis finally, and Prompto was so thankful for Ignis, he briefly thought about calling Dino and bargaining for an article about how perfect he was, so that the whole word would know. Not that there was any reason in particular, but somehow the tea, silent company and just the right measure of comfort was exactly what Prompto needed, and Ignis always, always, did things like this. Ignis was a gift to humanity at large and to Prompto in particular. When Prompto first met Ignis, he thought that Noctis's Advisor would be a stern, 'stop-having-fun' guy who will hate Prompto and look down on him and… stuff. But Ignis was cool, and fun and good at making you feel like you mattered.

Also, he was good at discreetly staring with growing concern, like for example he was doing now, because apparently Prompto got lost in his thoughts again and didn't answer. Good going. But before he could say anything, Ignis started talking.

"While I wish to speak for myself now, please be aware that this sentiment is shared by the three of us, even if Noctis and Gladio are not likely to admit it out loud. Without further ado: I am sorry and I wish to at the very least start my amends." He said stiffly. Prompto understood the words, sure, but somehow this whole sentence didn't make sense at all. "I do understand that not informing you about our relationship was a breach of your trust - while we did not technically lie, it was a deception all the same. I understand your anger, and …."

"I'm not angry!" interrupted Prompto a little too loud, bewildered, because what was happening and why and why did suddenly everything become so confusing? "I'm just… I'm just surprised! I'm happy and …and everything, for you guys!"

There was a brief silence, in which Prompto could swear he heard the cogs in Ignis's brain grind to a halt, and then switch to an entirely different configuration.

"I… I am glad. It was a concern of ours, and even if we know you to be a kind and quite accepting soul… Well, our fears not always follow logic, as you know."

"Hey, the fear of heights and small, enclosed spaces is NOT irrational!" shot back Prompto, absolutely happy he was being teased as normal. "Especially if you all insist on going into caves where the nature combines those two all the time! I got snatched once, and I don't fancy getting snatched second time by some ugly, horrible, weird daemon!"

"Well, your lean frame makes you the most 'snatchable' from us all, I'm afraid. Maybe a few training rounds with Gladio could help you with your 'little' problem."

"No, thank you very very much, a monster might kill me, yeah, but a few rounds of training with Gladio are going to kill me for sure!"

"Now, now, Gladio might be particularly strict, but he did train several people apart from the Prince. Majority of them lived, and, in regards to the rest, no one proved Gladio anything." Said Ignis in his trademarked matter-of-fact voice. "Many tried, mind you."

Prompto laughed, suddenly feeling lighter and more like himself than he did the whole day. Because that was it, wasn't it. He was worrying, and worrying, and thinking, and worrying, and imagining how in the Ifrit's name could Ignis and Gladio and Noct do IT together at the same time because how could this work? Because, yeah, Ignis is quite agile, and so is Noct, but Gladio isn't, and there were some positions Prompto could work out but there were some he couldn't and … wait. Maybe Noct used his warping?! That could work. Could it?

Bad Prompto's brain. Bad. No. Back to the topic at hand.

All his worry was mostly about how it could change what he had with the rest. But he just knew. He could still sit with Ignis and joke about Gladio. He could still get Noctis to rent chocobos by promising to eat the vegetables from his plate. He could still piss off Gladio by taking photos of his ass in battle. He did all that and it was okay before, so it would be okay now. It didn't HAVE to change anything, if Prompto didn't want to. So maybe his friends will be more affectionate with each other. So what.

"Let us get back to the matter at hand, though." Said Ignis, suddenly tense again and Prompto had a little mental whiplash because what was the topic again? Oh, yeah. "Even if you do not harbour any ill feeling towards us, you still deserve and, in my opinion, require an explanation."

Prompto seriously doubted that, but he really, really wanted one anyway.

"Please do not think that we did not tell you because we deemed you untrustworthy, or not important enough to inform. The issue was exactly opposite. However, back in Insomnia, we were more than certain our relationship would not last. Noctis was the Prince, destined to wed a noblewoman and secure the Lucis line. While both Gladio and I are not legally obligated to marry, we are the descendants of two noble houses, and for the good of our family and Lucis, we are required to, ah, prolong the family line. Therefore it was understandable that any relationship between us was a fleeting one. We… we decided that it would be best not to include you in it, as it would be a rather cruel way of toying with your feelings. We never wanted you to feel left out, or alone."

It was… kind of sweet, if you looked at it from certain point of view, surely.

"That doesn't mean you had to hide it" it honestly slipped out, as Prompto didn't want to say anything. He knew they had their (kinda stupid, by the way) reasons, and they had right to their moments of stupidity. He just… well. Ignis made a soundless sigh, one that Prompto learned to associate with him being uncomfortable.

"In the beginning, it was not intentional. We were not sure what our relationship actually was, or how to express what we were to each other. But as the time went by, it became harder and harder to casually tell you. We were worried about your reaction both to our relationship and our decision to delay informing you about it, so we waited for the right moment, creating a vicious circle. Noctis's wedding was to mark the end of our affair, so we wanted to inform you about it before in Altissia or forever hold our peace."

He suddenly stopped talking. Prompto just now noticed that his tea was already cold and that the sun started to set. The sounds of training also quieted down, and Prompto could only guess if Gladio and Noct decided to fish a little, or maybe if they chose to have some time to themselves not fishing.

It was all great, the stuff that Ignis said, that is, not the Gladio and Noctis doing sexy things somewhere in the bushes, of course… and also Prompto was almost sure Ignis didn't say any pun during the whole talk, and that was so un-Ignis-y that it almost physically hurt so it wasn't great either… actually there were only few great things about the whole situation, because there was also the fact that Prompto should really, really say something and he had no idea what. The whole conversation made him feel better, but also made him feel worse. There was this jumble of half-formed sentences, weird feelings and conflicting emotions, because it wasn't like he didn't feel anything for the three of them but… Eh. There wasn't really a point to thinking about it.

"Thanks, Iggy." He started and then proceeded to blink really fast as to magic up the rest of the sentence, because what do you even say? Prompto, not for the first time in his life and probably not for the last, cursed the lack of dialogue wheel in real life, like the one in Bass Defect series. He would totally Paragon himself out of this situation. Okay, what would Captain Dogmeat do and say? "I… I'm just… Thanks. It's okay, though. We're friends, we're not… married, or something. If you want to tell me stuff you do and if you don't then, well, it's your choice and that's okay too."

"I appreciate it immensely, however I cannot dismiss the issue so easily. We were in the wrong here, A friendship is based on the trust and reciprocity and we failed at both, seeing how astonishingly and quite frankly revoltingly open you were about your personal affairs."

Prompto was aware that Ignis was taking a jab at the entire mess with Belva, which, yeah, he might have gotten a little carried away (but was it really normal that when they kissed she… ah, nevermind), but this hit a little close to home. Prompto couldn't be angry with them, because he himself wasn't absolutely open with them, was he? Who was he to condemn them for keeping things from him out of fear if he did exactly the same? The familiar guilt crept up his throat, and to keep it away, he blurted out the first thing that came to his mind.

"Hahahaha, yeah, I tend to tell you guys everything and it's not like I have any dark past that I keep secret from you, right?" oh kill him now. Really. He suddenly realized that he was nervously playing with his wristband. Stellar job, Prompto. No, really, slow clap from the audience. He mentally prepared himself for questions, because Ignis was Ignis and he would know now.

But Ignis just made some stiff move with his hand, almost like he wanted to maybe touch Prompto's shoulder but thought better about it (actually he was probably stretching, because Ignis never did things without thinking it through first).

"Ah yes. Your nonexistent troubled past." Ignis nodded slowly, and took a sip from a cup, for what Prompto was immensely thankful. He didn't want to see Ignis's expression, no matter what it was. "Do not worry. Your hypothetical secret is save with me. However…" Oooh, Prompto was dead, wasn't he? "… in case of such a hypothetical situation I would insist on you considering confiding in someone, one of these days."

Yeah, no.

Did… Did Ignis know? Did he guess? Or was it a joke on his part, a quip? Prompto felt the headache returning.

Ignis took another sip. Prompto didn't look up from his shoes. Ignis took another sip. Prompto wondered if anything was resolved during this talk. Ignis took another sip, and finished the cup, by the sound of it. Prompto steeled himself for the thrilling conclusion of the conversation.

"Well it is about time we started preparing a light supper" said Ignis standing up, and offering a hand to help Prompto up. Prompto could have kissed Ignis (in totally friendly way of course) for finally ending this madness.

"We?" he asked hesitantly, because Ignis rarely let anyone near the stove, mostly due to the fact that he really liked those pans and whatnots. Also, after the incident with Gladio and a rouge steamer basket they just they all agreed that there were dangers only Ignis was prepared to face.

"I was hoping you could chop the vegetables… that is, of course, if you think you're cut out for it." Answered Ignis with his usual casual smugness. Oooh, two could play this game.

"I'll have you know I'm grate at this kitchen stuff" answered Prompto, trailing after Ignis. Actually, he realized, he did feel better after that talk. Even if it kind of crashed and burned at the end.

"Well, I must admit you are fairly decent with handling puns at least" said Ignis in his clipped, slightly amused tone. And soon they were back to normal, trading quips and puns, then Noct and Gladio came back with fish, which were totally useless as Ignis made a vegetable stew, and everything was perfect and okay and Prompto almost forgot a few times about them being an item.

The problem was that Prompto couldn't forget about them being an item for long. He just… He just had so many questions! There were so many things that were weird now! There were questions he was absolutely sure he would never ask, such as who tops (because on one hand Noct is the Prince, but on the other Gladio is like, the epitome of Toppy McTop guy, but then Iggy is always in control and … and Prompto really shouldn't think about it any further). He just resigned himself to keeping it under wraps. He was vaguely aware that if it was a regular relationship he probably wouldn't ask any questions…

Oh who was he kidding.

He knew he sometimes didn't have a filter when it came to talking about stuff, even private. Especially private. There wasn't a hard line drawn what one should tell their friends and what one shouldn't, so Prompto had to navigate this uncharted territory himself and boy, was he bad with directions. So after some careful deliberations he finally realized that it would be weirder NOT to talk about it with the guys and ignore it. Because he knew, and they knew he knew, so it was okay to talk, right?

It totally was. Yeah.

It was going to end badly, wasn't it?

The first question was kind of absolutely unimportant and popped into Prompto's head quite randomly.

"Noct. Noct. Noct."

"What?" came a little pissed off answer from the nearby chocobo. They were travelling since 5 o'clock in the morning, searching for the Cockatrice for a hunt, and as one could expect Noctis was. Not. Happy.

"Noct, that stains from yoghurt on the backseat of Regalia, remember the ones, like, two weeks ago?" asked Prompto suddenly aghast, because this was so horrible and how could they. "They were not really yoghurt, were they?"

"That was definitely yoghurt" said Noctis with all the conviction of a King. "Regalia is absolutely off-limits for this stuff."

Well, at least it was something.

"Noct. Noct. Noct."

"What is it this time?"

"Noct… I don't remember any of us ever buying yoghurt during this whole trip. I don't even remember seeing any yoghurt."

There was a rather pregnant pause.

"GLADIO! IGNIS! WHAT IN SHIVA'S NAME DID I TELL YOU ABOUT SEX IN REGALIA?!" shouted Noctis suddenly lurching ahead to ride along his two.. boyfriends.

And there was that. Prompto felt a little traumatised and tried his best never to think of any other unidentified stains on various surfaces, because oh gods.

"Heeey Big Guy!" began Prompto cheerfully one day, throwing his hand around Gladio's shoulders (more like a singular shoulder, but it's a thought that matters). Ignis and Noctis were busy with buying some fishing thingies, or rather Noct was busy buying and Ignis was busy looking disappointed in Noct's life choices, so it was just Prompto and Gladio on an epic adventure of buying potions and stuff.

And stuff. Stuff that Gladio held in his hands and which looked like an absolutely industrial amount of lube. Not that Prompto was an expert on the dosing of that stuff. But damn.

"Oh wow. You guys really… Wait, is this lube gysahl greens flavoured?" oh gods was it even real? Gysahl greens? He knew about cherry. And banana. But that one was… just bizarre. And in a weird way, not a cool way. Who came up with that stuff? It didn't seem sexy at all. 'Oooh darling, you taste like gysahl greens!' … yeah, no.

"Could you be any louder? I think that they didn't hear you in Tenabrae" muttered Gladio, somehow managing to take one more bottle of this stuff before going to the register. It was then when Prompto realized that both the clerk and two other clients were looking at them strangely. Oops.

"Yeah, sorry" said Prompto, quieter now, trying his best not to count the bottles of lube. There were… a lot. Besides, gysahl greens? He took a breath. He counted backwards from ten. It was their private thing and he really shouldn't ask. "But gysahl greens? Really? And what's with the amount? I don't think I've ever…"

"Prompto" Gladio looked, well, not entirely angry. But he looked exasperated, like Prompto broke something he just told him to put down (that happened only once, and the vase was really ugly regardless). Oh. So, not cool to talk about this stuff. Right.

"Yeah, sorry. I'll… I'll just go get a bag, yeah?" said Prompto quickly and fled. He heard Gladio sigh.

So. Talking about it with Gladio – not cool.

It was awkward. After the talk with Ignis Prompto was sure that it wouldn't, because the three of them were a pair… wait, no, were a … trio? Whatever. The three of them were together, but the four of them were still friends and it could be just like before. And Prompto tried his best – talking normally, joking normally (even with innuendos!), touching them exactly as often as before (exactly as often!) and trying to, y'know, include their relationship in the talks because it would be strange not to, right?

But somehow it wasn't right at all.

Noct would more and more often make those huffed noises of extreme embarrassment, Gladio would just tell him to shut up, and while Ignis was the most cool with it all, he had taken to cleaning his glasses more and more each day. Prompto felt worse and worse; he tried his best not to talk about it, but then it was awkward too, and they were even more embarrassed, and could someone just tell Prompto what in the gods name was he supposed to do?

Because they had all the rights to be embarrassed and angry at him, he was aware that they didn't really know how to react and sometimes he might be making it weird, yes, but would it hurt them to tell him what the hell do they want from him? How they want him to act? What did they want him to say? What did they expect, that he would, what, jump into their arms so that they won't have to pity their poor lonely friend Prompto?

He was being unfair. He knew this. It was a strange situation for them all and he might not be doing the whole 'communication' thing properly too. But… Couldn't they just…

It was stupid. He knew that. The whole situation would be probably resolved in minutes if he knew what to say. But he didn't, and the guys didn't say anything either, and it was getting worse and worse and… Naw, it would be okay. Just a few more days and it will be absolutely normal.

They were camping again. The weather was nice, the heaven was high enough to give them a rather nice view of the surrounding area (which Prompto immortalized by the absolutely staggering amount of photos). They ate a nice supper, Gladio's favourite that wasn't Cup Noodles (Prompto and Noctis both couldn't believe it was possible), and now they were chilling near the fire. Relaxing. Not killing anything. Aaaah, perfect life.

Ignis and Noctis were standing close to each other, near the tent, talking in low voices. It was almost cute. And Gladio… Gladio was looking at them with such a strange, fond, longing look that something in Prompto's heart almost broke, but, like, in a happy way? He wasn't really sure what he felt, but it was… nice. But sad. Stupid emotions. Couldn't they just come one by one, not in weird packages?

Noct and Ignis and Gladio. And him. He really was a third wheel, wasn't he? Or fourth.

"Hey Big Guy!" he said quietly, with just a little cheerfulness forced into his voice. " Look, if you guys want to…" have sex? Make love? Do the sausage dance? Neither sounded as cool and grown-up as he would like to so he settled on a vague hand wave. "… I can get lost for a while, there's some cool stuff around to photograph, no problem, it's cool, so just send me a text when you're…"

"Stop." Gladio sounded… angry. Not his usual brand of 'you children and your dumb games' but actually angry. Prompto flinched. "You have problem with something? Then say it, don't hedge around like a prude on a prom night."

"I don't have a problem" … what was it even about? He wasn't…? Prompto was completely okay with everything, he said it to Noct and to Iggy and… what?

"Well, you could have fooled me" there was something bitter in Gladio's tone. He looked so righteously pissed that Prompto burrowed himself a little in his chair. What did he do to deserve this? "You've made yourself clear, we heard you, so please, just stop it."

Stop what?

"Is there a problem, gentlemen" Ignis was as always a saviour of the hour. Prompto could feel himself relax.

"No, there's nothing…"

"Yes, yes there is" Gladio stood up. Prompto curled a little into himself, because what was going on, maybe Gladio got hit with confusion and it didn't wear off yet? "And you know it."

"Gladio, we talked about it…" and Ignis was sighing that longsuffering sigh now, and stole a glance in Prompto's direction. They talked about what now?

And why did they keep talking about him behind his back? Talking about back, there was Noctis behind him, leaning against him a little, to reassure him? Maybe? Somehow it didn't really work.

"Look, if no one is going to say this I will. It's one thing to get dumped, okay, I get it, but it's another to constantly rub it into our faces and doing this passive-aggressive bullshit... "

What?

Prompto was dimly aware of Ignis and Noct saying things, words flying over his head, and that they were angry, but he didn't have it in him to care because…

Was that what they thought he was doing?

It was. Well.

Ridiculous.

Absolutely, totally idiotic.

The almost-shouting match over his head continued, and Prompto should really do something to make them stop, but…

He was angry, he realized with a surprise. He was really, truly angry with the three of them and it was such an alien feeling he didn't really know what to do with the searing hot feeling deep inside his gut. No. He would not get angry. They were all tired, and this was a bit sudden. He tried his best, they tried they best…

You know what? No. They didn't.

They shouldn't hide it from him. They shouldn't just drop this bomb now. They shouldn't ignore this all after that. They shouldn't, and that was the biggest one, they really shouldn't just give him an fucking invitation to their relationship just because they thought he would feel sad!

He was not a charity case. Never. Not for Noct, not for any of them. And for them to throw him a bone because they felt he would feel 'left out'?

That actually hurt.

And did they think that they were doing him favours by not telling poor, lonely Prompto that they were together? Did they think he couldn't bear that? That he would, what? Jump from the bridge?

So what if he had crush on them, huh? Because he did, godsdammit, and he was okay with it never being reciprocated because they never seemed interested. It was okay, he was okay. But to have them just throw that in his face...

He was ignoring this before, because he didn't want to think about it. But they did ask him to join and he did say no, so everyone should be happy, and besides he was supportive and ... Was it not enough for them?

"What the hell do you want from me" he said, quietly, almost whispering, because if he allowed himself to say something louder he would probably shout and he didn't want that. Everything got still. There was ringing in Prompto's ears and everything felt as if from behind the glass. "I'm happy for you, aren't I? It's all okay that you didn't see it fit to tell me anything, yeah? Because I'm too stupid or… childish to just tell me, aren't I?"

"Prom…" that was Noct, and he sounded weird, but Prompto wasn't done, and he hated this whole situation but he hated himself a little bit more. He shouldn't. He really shouldn't. But something just… broke. He dimly realized that he had stood up at some point.

"I don't need your pity!" huh, Prompto didn't want to shout, but somehow he did. He really should stop now. "I never need your pity or your charity and I don't need it now. You don't have to jam me in your perfect little circle just because you would feel a little bad about leaving me alone! I don't need a pity fuck to keep me from whining!"

He risked looking at them. They just… stood there. Stricken. Even Ignis – if it was any other situation he would take a photo, because wow, that was a first and it should be kind of hilarious, only it really wasn't. He… oh god. He said those things, didn't he. He just…

"Prompto, I assure you…"

"Hey, it wasn't…."

"Prom, do you really think…"

They started at the same time, and Prompto just wanted to die, or disappear, or just drop down to his knees and beg them to forgive him and to forget he ever said anything, but…

He was just so tired.

"I'm sorry" he interrupted, and with as much dignity as he could muster at the moment he briskly walked to the edge of the heaven and further, to some rocks just underneath it. He didn't want to look at them right now, because he would take it all back and he would try to make it all better and this entire situation would become even more unbearable. Prompto had no idea what to do.

He was aware that Gladio made a few steps in his direction, and that as he was passing them Noct was trying to tell him something, in that awkward way of his, but he couldn't deal with this all now. He was sorry. So sorry. But he couldn't talk to them. If he did he would either cry, or shout, or just beg them for forgiveness and none of those things sounded appealing, thank you very much.

He didn't know how long he was sitting there, just staring at the sunset and then at the stars. Long enough. His body felt kind of numb. It was nice, in a way.

Then there were footsteps, and after a minute of just standing there, probably working up the courage or something, Noct sat down beside him. Not too close, but not too far. Friendly. Prompto somehow thought they would send Ignis, but it made sense that it would be Noct. For all of his careful indifference, he always took it hard when he felt he screwed up. At least it wasn't Gladio. That would have been a fun talk.

"I'm… Prom, I'm sorry."

"It's fine, dude." What else could he say? It wasn't Noct's fault, he just wanted to help. He didn't, but, well, it's the thought that matters!

"No, it's not, and you know it. So shut it and let me talk." Oh wow, forceful Noct, an ultra rare sighting in Insomnia but apparently more common in the wild Duscae woodlands. Nature surprised Prompto every day. "It all came out wrong. It was never about… convenience, it was about me, Gladio and Specs wanting you with us in this relationship. Because we do want you, okay?"

Prompto's mouth felt suddenly very, very dry. Was this… was this for real? Was it that easy?

"I was sure we were on the same page here. You are not a subtle guy, so we suspected you had a crush too" continued Noct, and Prompto briefly wondered if it was possible for the heart to break a rib or two, as it hammered mercilessly in his chest like a jackhammer. "And we didn't tell you because we were too scared we would hurt you. That part… didn't work."

Prompto chuckled nervously along with Noct, and to his mortification it came out kind of wet. He wasn't crying!

"So yeah, we thought we could skip some parts, but as it didn't work out, we're going to do it properly this time" said Noct suddenly turning to Prompto and grabbing both his hands in his. There was determination in his eyes and something else, something that made Prompto almost forget how to breath. "Prompto, we are going to seduce you."

Sweet Ramuh on his own stick up the Ifrit's ass. Prompto was going to die.

A/N: Hope you enjoyed - please drop a line if you did!