This is the first sad/depressing fanfiction I have wrote. I feel like I'd be good at writing stuff like this though (even though I know this is pretty crap). Anyway, hope you enjoy!

For once in his life, the hand that had always been there to greet and help him out of every pool and bath in his life hadn't been there waiting for him.

He would never feel that warmth ever again...

The first time he realised this, was when him, Nagisa, Rei and a new guy (who had replaced him) had swam in a relay together. The new guy was no where near as amazing as he was. Haru never even bothered to greet him properly.

There was no point...

After finishing the relay in fourth place, Haru looked up and noticed a hand being held out to him. It was much smaller and when he took it, Haru noticed it wasn't as warm as he was used to. Haru thought that his hand would suit Rei's very well.

But when Haru saw the hand held out for him, he had to fight back tears that were threatening to spill onto his face. He didnt blame Nagisa for bringing back memories of him (he probably didn't even notice).

"Are you okay, Haru?" Rei asked. He had noticed the tears.

Crap.

"I'm fine," Haru responded. He tried to look like nothing was wrong but he didn't fail to notice Nagisa and Rei look at each other in worry and understanding. (They knew the reason.)

The new guy however, "aww. Is Haru crying because he lost?" He was grinning. Haru didn't say anything but Nagisa and Rei looked at the guy with disgust.

"You may not know what happened, but don't ever laugh at Haru! He has his reasons." Nagisa yelled. Haru was a little shocked but it didn't compare to the shock on the other guy's face. He grinned soon enough, though.

"Aww, what happened? Got into a fight with your best friend and he left the swim team? Sometimes I wonder how anyone could get close to you; you're so distant."

Haru had never doubted his relationship with him ever. Haru had never thought that for a second that their friendship was fake. And when he realised he loved him more than a best friend, it was already too late.

Rei and Nagisa were about to defend Haru and say something but Haru decided he would tell the new guy straight. He knew Rei and Nagisa would try to explain things in a way that wouldn't upset Haru or would just leave him out all together. Haru took a deep breath and stood forward.

Nagisa tried to stop him but Haru knew how stubborn he was.

"The man, Makoto Tachibana, who used to be part of our group isn't here with us anymore, that's true. But what you dont realise is that he never would have left us because he wanted to," Haru explained.

"What? He had to leave because his mum and dad said so?" The guy still had a grin on his face.

"HE DIED!" Haru yelled. He noticed the tears in Nagisa and Rei's eyes. He also noticed how everyone was looking at them. And he noticed the genuine shock on the guy's face. "Makoto Tachibana, the person I loved, died. I have to keep swimming for him, it's the only thing keeping me alive!"

Later that night, Haru was lying on his bed, wide awake. The only thing Haru could ever think about in the night when he was alone was Makoto. Why did it have to be him? Of everyone in the world, Makoto was the one who deserved death the least.

Haru clutched his shirt where his heart was and let himself cry for once in his life after his best friend died.

"Makoto... I miss you so much. I miss you so much the only thing keeping me alive is swimming. And even then, swimming doesnt feel free anymore. It feels like a prison cell just to make me think about you. If I didnt have swimming I would have let myself rot right next to you a long time ago. But I know you wouldn't want that. I swim for you. I swim for you because it's the only thing keeping me sane. I love you Makoto. God I love you so damn much! But i'm sure you know that, dont you Makoto?"

Haru would give everything he had, even his own soul, to see Makoto again, to kiss him. But it was far too late for that. He had spent 17 whole years with him and it took him 18 to realise he loved him. It took him 18 years to realise that Makoto was going to die and when he did, he realised he would never feel the warmth of Makoto's hand ever again...

Wow! I just realised i may have gone over the top but oh well. When it comes to angst, I get right into it. Thanks for reading!