[Sports Night : 11:05 p.m.]
"This is Casey McCall alongside Dan Rydell and you are watching Sports Night. Tonight we'll tell you what you can possibly look for in the line up at Omaha for the College Baseball Championships. Also, could Kevin Eubanks from the Tonight Show really be right when he says the Sixers could win against the Lakers?"
"That plus, does a new coach mean a winning season for the LSU Tiger's football team? Pre-season glimpses tell us we have reason to hope…" Dan cocks his head to the side. "And many more mind bending stories to come your way. This is CSC, so stick around."
"And… we're out." Says a tech as Kim comes around to fluff up Casey's hair and another to buff Dan's face with more studio-friendly face powder.
Casey gives Dan a look. "Mind bending?"
Dan rifles through his notes. "Mind bending."
"Mind bending…"
Dan looks up, slightly perturbed. "Yes, Casey, mind bending… it's a saying."
Casey laughs slightly. "Mind bending?"
"Look, I was trying to find something funny to say, it just came out okay? LSU football hasn't had a winning season since the first season Dinardo coached, and before that, many years." Dan shrugged.
"Mind bending though?" Dana's voice asks through his earpiece.
Dan slams his papers down on his desk in aggravation. "Anybody else want to do this right now? Huh? I swear to God, the next person that says mind bending I'm socking in the jaw, got it?"
[Control room]
"Mind bending." Natalie says, a gleeful glint in her brown eyes. At Dan's groan she laughs. "Just testing you."
"Natalie!"
"Come on Dan, didn't you say you were going to sock me in my… wait, what was it you said…"
"Natalie…" Dan growled.
"Your jaw, he said he was going to sock you in your jaw." Casey helpfully pointed out, smirking at Dan's glare.
"Seven seconds, five, four, three…"
[Sports Night]
Dan smiles his winning smile and… "We're back, later we have an exclusive, live interview via satellite with new Louisiana State University football coach, Nick Saban, but first… it looks like the Tigers baseball team may be on their way to their third consecutive trip to Omaha as they…"
[Control Room]
"What's up with Dan?" Jeremy asks.
"He's moody."
"He's moody," Jeremy deadpans to Dana. "I knew that, what's up with him tonight?"
Dana shrugs. "He's exceptionally moody."
Jeremy shakes his head. "Not helping."
"His Dad's coming to town but he didn't tell Dan." Natalie answers.
Dana looks at her. "What?"
"His dad is…"
"I heard you, what do you mean?"
"He didn't tell him." Natalie said. "Casey, you're running ten seconds short, adlib."
Jeremy leans over, speaking softly. "If he didn't tell him, how does he know?"
"His mother let it slip."
"And why would he not tell him he was coming?" Jeremy asked.
"That's all I'm saying Jeremy." She said, smiling contritely. "Now, if you were my boyfriend, I might be inclined to tell you more, but you're not so…."
"Do we have to do this now?" Dana asked, aggravated at the seemingly never-ending battle between the two ex-lovers. "We're in the middle of a show."
"Is it my fault that she holds a eighteen month grudge?" Jeremy asked.
"Nineteen, and it's not a grudge. It's merely my way of annoying you." Natalie banters back.
"Well, it's working…"
Dana holds up her hands and looks at them both. "Either shut up or take it outside, I'm trying to do a show here!"
"Sorry," Natalie says.
"Sorry." Says Jeremy.
"Thank you." Dana says.
"But it's his fault…"
"Natalie!"
"Shutting up."
[Int. Dan and Casey's office : 12:10 a.m.]
"You want to talk about it?"
Dan shakes his head as he piles some papers into his briefcase. "No, Casey, but thank you for asking for the zillionth time."
"Danny…"
"I don't want to talk about it Casey." Dan says, picking up his briefcase and heading out the door. "He doesn't want to see me, screw him."
Casey follows him out. "Danny, you don't mean that and you know it."
"But I'd like to mean that, and that's what counts." He says as he gets onto the elevator. He flashes a fake smile at Casey's concerned expression and waves as the doors close.
[Garage]
He can see Natalie before he gets to his car and debates turning around and heading back up to the office. Before he can decide whether or not to turn around she's latched herself onto his arm and started dragging him towards the street and away from his car. "Nat, what are you doing?"
"You're taking me to dinner."
"It's after 12:00."
"Okay," she shrugs, not put off by his foul mood. "Then you're taking me to breakfast."
"Nat…"
"I'm awfully hungry Danny."
He sighs. "All right fine, but I really don't want to go to the bar right now."
She stops and looks at him. "Then what do you want to do?"
He frowns. "Drown in my sorrows?"
"Okay, then what will you do right now?"
"I don't know Nat, I really don't think I'll be good company..."
She smiles. "Let's go to Waffle House. It'll be deserted."
He smiles at her persistence and gives in. "Alright, fine, Waffle House."
"Waffle House." She laments, spinning him back around to his car. "Is far away, so you will be driving us to Waffle House, okay?"
"Do I have a choice?"
"No."
"Then okay."
Never able to be quiet Natalie began talking as soon as they'd left the parking lot. "I wonder if there's an International House of Waffles?"
"I think that's what Waffle House is."
"No, I mean, they have and International House of Pancakes, that's IHOP… they should have an IHOW… that would be funny…" she says, giggling. "Wouldn't that be funny?"
[Waffle House : 12:50 a.m.]
Twenty minutes later they are sitting in a booth, marveling at how they are not only two of few people there, but the only two people there, not including the one cook and one waitress.
She waits until the waitress and cook have retreated from hearing distance before she puts her hands on his and smiles at him. "So?"
"So?" He repeats.
"Don't pretend with me Dan. You never have to pretend with me."
He looks into her eyes and his hard wall starts to dissolve. "I can't."
"Can't what?"
He looks away and tries to resurrect it. "I can't do this Nat."
"Can't do what?"
He lets out a short breath. "Talk about this. Not now, not here."
"Not with me?" She asks, sitting back. "With who then? Casey?"
He closes his eyes. "Natalie, if I could talk about it, I could talk about it with you, but I can't, so I can't."
"Yes you can." She said, spreading her arm around the restaurant. "It's empty Danny. Nobody will ever know."
"I just… I don't know how."
She smiles. "You open your mouth and let words come out."
He smiles back slightly. "I know how to speak, I don't know how to talk about this… about this particular thing."
"About your dad?"
He looks at her sharply. "How did you know that?"
She shrugs. "I know things."
"You know things… well, that's a pretty amazing thing to know…"
"Your Plexiglas is pretty thin. Plus, your door was open."
He sits back. "So, you were listening in on my conversation this morning. How often do you do that Natalie?" He asks, slightly angered.
"Oh no you don't, don't misdirect your anger towards your father at me."
He looked away. "Well, Natalie, I'm kind of incapable of being anything but angry right now, so I could call you a cab if you'd like…"
"What I would like, Danny, is for you to open up to me."
He groaned and rubbed at his eyes. "I can't Natalie, what part of that do you not understand?"
"The part where you can't."
He looked at her and there were tears in his eyes. "Cause it hurts too much."
She pulled his hand closer to her and leaned towards him. "But doesn't it hurt worse to hold it in?"
"I honestly don't know."
"Well, it can't hurt less. Danny, how long have we known each other?"
"Four years."
"And how long have we been friends?"
"Four years."
"Four years is a long time Danny. You were there for me always. You were there for me when Chris attacked me in the locker room; you were there for me when Jeremy and I broke up, both times. You know what? There was never a time when you weren't there for me, Danny. Of the people in the office, including Dana, even when me and Jeremy were together, there is no-one I've felt closer to than you."
"I feel the same…with the exception of Casey of course…"
"Well, you and Casey have known each for over ten years." She paused. "But, Danny, whenever I'm upset, you hound and hound me till I cave and tell you, am I right?"
"Yes."
"Well, consider me a hound dog, Danny, cause I'm not going anywhere until you talk to me."
"There's nothing to say, Natalie. My father is coming to town and he didn't tell me. He doesn't want to see me. He doesn't want to see me 'cause he hates me. End of story."
She shook her head. "Except that that's not the end of the story. The end of the story is that you agree with him."
"What?"
She shook her head. "You think he has the right and reason to hate you."
He hung his head. "It was my fault. He calls me on it."
"It was not your fault Danny. So you smoked pot. So you did drugs. What teenager doesn't? What college student doesn't? So, maybe your brother Sam looked up to you." She covered his hand with hers. "It was his decision to get in that car high and drive. He died Danny, you didn't kill him."
"I should a told him not to… I should have…"
"He knew not to. He knew not to and he did it anyway. Anybody who does drugs knows they shouldn't. That's why they do them most of the time."
"He's dead Natalie. He's dead." He closed his eyes and one single tear fell down. "And my father will hate me for the rest of his life for that fact."
She leaned back. "And will you hate you for the rest of yours?"
Looking back up at her he managed a wan smile. "Probably."
It was then that their meal arrived and they began to eat. Natalie kept looking at him, the taught lines in his face, the sadness in his eyes. Her heart ached to be able to take that away from him. She wanted Jay Rydell to be there right then, to see what he had accomplished. To see what damage he'd done to his son.
[Dan's Apartment : 3:00 a.m.]
"Natalie… Nat?"
Natalie laughed as she took off his shoes. "Yes, Dan. I'm right here, I'm the one you feel tugging on your feet."
He laughed, closing his eyes, his head resting on the back of his couch. "Natalie, I think I had one too many beers."
She smiles as she sits down next to him. "Well, that's okay, Danny."
He takes her hand in his and stares into her eyes. "You're so good to me. I love you Natalie."
She smiles and touches his cheek. "I love you too Danny."
He smiles and looks away. "You guys are all I have."
"Hey Danny," she says, waving a hand in front of his face slightly. "There's only one of me here."
He laughs a little, slightly, as if he were forcing himself to. "I know that Nat, I'm not that drunk." He shakes his head. "I mean you guys are all I have anymore. You, Casey… Dana, Isaac… Jerem… uh, sorry."
She cocks her head to the side. "I don't expect you to cut him out of your life Danny. You were friends before we broke up, you're friends after. It's been over a year. We're through, and you don't need to spare my feelings… You don't ever have to watch what you say, Danny."
He nods. "I know, I just don't want to bring up any bad feelings for you…. I don't want to be the reason for you to ever be sad."
She shrugged. "It's his loss."
"What?" He asked, rubbing his eyes gruffly.
"It's his loss." She repeated, rubbing his back.
"Who?"
"Danny, you know full well who."
He sighs. "My Dad?" She nodded and he snorted. "So, how come I feel like I've lost something?"
"You have lost something Danny. You've lost the opportunity to have a good relationship with your father. What I'm saying is, his loss is greater. Cause it cost him a relationship with you."
He continued to hang his head, she suspected because he didn't want her to see the raw pain in his eyes. "I tried Natalie. I tried to be a good person. I've worked very hard. I… I tried to be a person he would like. I tried to be a person he could love… and respect…. I tried to be the person he would have been if I hadn't…"
Natalie felt tears of her own start to fall down her face. "Oh, Danny, please stop. You are 100% not responsible for Sam's death." She said quietly. "You are one of the best people I know, and it really hurts me to hear you talk about yourself like this." At the sound of her quivering voice he looked up at her. "You are so smart, so kind, so generous, so loving, so pure… you're such a beautiful person… and it… it just kills me to know that you think so lowly of yourself."
He turned her to face him. "Oh, hey, I'm sorry Nat. Please don't cry. I didn't mean to upset you…"
"No, Dan, you didn't make me cry. Your sadness did." She wiped the single tear that had fallen down his face. "Danny, I wish you could see what we see. I love you. Casey, he loves you, even if he never tells you. And Dana, she does as well. And, yeah, I have to say it, Jeremy actually adores you. He told me once that he thought you were the best person he'd ever met."
Dan laughed, the kind of laugh you do when you're on the verge of a complete emotional torrent. "That's cause I gave him woman advice and he scored you."
She laughed. "No. It was cause you're you. He truly admires. If I could be half the person Danny is, he's said. Truly."
He looked at her and she saw him crack. He tried to smile, she could tell he wanted to make a joke, but all that came out with a slight moan and he clamped his hand over his mouth. She watched him fight the tears in his eyes and she saw him lose that battle. It wasn't until he actually sobbed out loud that she hugged him to her. "Good, Danny, you need this."
"Oh god, Natalie, what's happening to me." He choked out, almost hyperventilating.
"Fourteen years of pain is coming out."
He suddenly pulled away, sitting up straighter. "No, I can't do this. I don't cry… I never cry, Natalie." He said, his eyes pleading with her to make him stop crying. "Never."
She stood and kneeled before him. Taking his face in her hands she smiled sympathetically. "It's good to cry Danny. You can't keep all this pain bottled up inside of you. It's not healthy. You've got to let it out."
He tried to breath in but all he could do was sob again. "I can't stop… I… I can't stop…" He looked away from her and clenched his arms tightly around his stomach. "It hurts…"
Her eyes wandered over his body language concernedly. "Danny, relax, you're working yourself into a frenzy. Just let it out… relax and let it out."
He leaned forward and let out a painful cry. "Stop it… help me stop it…" he said, pounding his fist into his leg.
She bit her lip, not having expected this. "Danny, hey…"
But he continued to pound on his leg. "I can't breath," he whispered, "I can't…"
Feeling helpless she watched her friend go through pain she had never seen much less experienced before. Not knowing what to do she did the only thing that came to her mind. She grabbed his face in her hands and she kissed him.
After a few seconds she pulled back and looked at him. He was staring back at her, eyes wide, silent tears running steadily down. "Natalie?" He asked shakily.
She stood and pulled him up with her. Smiling she wrapped her arms around his neck and slowly pulled his head to her, kissing him again. She kissed him slowly, passionately, taking it easy. Finally she felt him start to respond. He wrapped his arms around her waist and began to kiss her back. Suddenly all pretenses ceased and he was taking her breath away with his intensity.
When they came up for air she grinned at him, took his hand, and cocked her head towards his bedroom. "Shall we?" She asked.
He wasn't up to answering. She didn't even think he was up to thinking. She didn't think he knew what was going on. All she knew is that he could breath now and the pain in his eyes had subsided slightly to a dull flicker. All she knew is that this is what he seemed to need right now. Not want… need. And she could give him that much.
Tuesday
[Int. Dan and Casey's office : 11:20 a.m.]
"Did you sleep at all last night?" Casey asks Dan without looking up from his monitor.
Dan, laying on the couch with his arm over his eyes. "I think so."
Casey sighs and looks at him, tapping his pencil against the desk repetitively. "Danny… will you please…"
"Case, can I talk to you?" He asks, swinging his legs over and sitting up.
Casey blinked in surprise. "Anytime, Danny. You know that."
"I think I'm in love with Natalie."
Casey rolled his chair over to the couch with lightening speed. "What?" He asked, incredulous.
"I know."
"Natalie? Our little Natalie?" Casey asked, leaning forward.
Danny nodded, "I'm just as shocked as you are."
Casey swallowed, still taken aback by Dan's admission. "What happened last night?"
Danny told Casey of the details as he listened intently, his chin propped up on the back of his chair. Danny still had yet to look at him. "And afterward, I guess we fell asleep. But I woke up, around 5:00 I guess, and I had to go to the bathroom. When I lied down next to her, I just… I just looked at her. And there she was… Natalie Hurley… my curtains were open and the sun was just about to peek out.. it was like poetry, Case." He shook his head. "Listen to me… but that's what it was like, man. She was that beautiful… and I just felt, my heart just…" He closed his eyes and put his hand to his chest. "It just felt whole for the first time in a long time."
"That's beautiful Danny." Casey said, smiling at him and putting his hand on his head. "That's great, truly."
"Except I must have fallen back asleep cause the next time I looked at the clock it was 8:00 and she was gone."
Casey furrowed his eyebrows. "Gone?"
Dan spread his hands out. "No goodbye, no note… nothing, just emptiness."
Casey looked at his friend with concern as he saw his eyes fill up with tears. "Danny?"
"I feel like she broke me last night, Casey." He said, looking up as one single tear slipped past. "I haven't cried since I graduated from college, man. My old man didn't show up and I vowed that he'd never make me cry again… and I haven't cried since, not for anything." He took shuddering breath. "And it all fell apart last night… I… I felt as if my world had exploded… Casey I cried like I didn't even know was possible, and I can't believe I'm telling you this…"
"You can tell me anything Danny." Casey said, getting up and sitting next to Danny. He put his hand on the back of his neck and squeezed. "Anything."
"Have you ever cried so much you felt like you were bleeding? Like, you were dying? Like, this is it… it's the end… I don't want to live anymore."
Casey swallowed past his own lump and nodded. "The first time Lisa left me."
"And she was there… she helped me through that… But now, that feeling won't go away." He looked at Casey for the first time. "On my way to work this morning, I watched a leaf fall from a tree and it made me cry… a leaf." He moaned and leaned forward. "I feel like a fucking psychotic!"
Casey stared at his back for a moment. "The day I got my divorce papers I left the office in the middle of the day, remember that?" Dan nodded. "Somehow I ended up at the World Trade Center. I stood in that room and all these people around me were screaming… buy… buy… sell… sell… But I didn't hear any of that. I walked over to the window and I remember thinking, if I jumped, I wouldn't feel a thing. Nothing. I'd just be dead."
Danny looked at him. "You did?"
Casey shook his head in the affirmative, his own eyes glistening with tears. "And then my cell phone rang…"
"That was me, wasn't it?"
"You okay man? You disappeared on me."
Dan sat up straighter. "And if I hadn't called?"
"I don't want to know, and I don't think you do either." Casey said. "The point is, Danny, that things like this happen. And they really knock you on your ass. People just can't go through life and not be broken once in a while. It's what makes us human. It gives us humility. God's cruel trick or God's divine wisdom, I don't know." He smiled and rubs Dan's back. "But whatever it is, it leaves us feeling broken, scared, alone, and most of all, sad. You're not psychotic Danny… you're human."
"You know, I don't think you've ever been this open with me about your feelings before. Ever."
Casey nodded. "I know, and I'm sorry. It's how I was raised… old man McCall didn't believe in emotions. He was all about honor, and tears were anything but honorable. So… I hid them." He smiled sadly. "I don't think he ever once told me he loved me."
Danny looked away. "But you knew he did."
Casey nodded. "I saw it in his eyes. Danny, your father does love you. He may be unjustly bitter, and accusatory, but he does love you. You can't not love your son."
Dan breathed in through his nose. "Even if he's responsible for your other son's death?"
Casey felt his heart thumb painfully for his fallen friend. "Even if you think he's responsible for your other son's death." He took a deep breath. "You know, I have a theory…"
"What's that?" Danny asked, looking at him.
"It's this… he doesn't blame you. He blames himself." Dan gave him an incredulous look. "I know, he's taken it out on you Danny, but maybe that's just his defense mechanism. Maybe he feels like if he blames you, he can let go of a little of that guilt. Maybe he feels like loving you, like being close to you, would be betraying Sam… like he'd be loving you instead as opposed to too."
"That's ridiculous."
"Maybe so, but it also might be true." Casey said.
"You really think so?"
Casey nodded. "But what I know is that you need to talk to him, Danny. You need to have it out with him, scream at him, yell at him… hit him, I don't know. Whatever it takes to get him to talk to you. 'Cause this is killing you inside. 'Cause I don't want to one day find out that I should have called you cause you were standing in front of a five story window."
Danny looks at him. "I don't think I can."
Casey smiles encouragingly. "You can Danny." He stands up and starts to walk over to his desk. Suddenly he turns around and caught Danny's eyes. "Danny… I never say it… I've never felt comfortable saying it… but I love you."
Danny took in a sharp breath, overwhelmed by the conversation and the admission. He blinks as a few more tears fall out. "I… I love you too, man." He finally chokes out.
Casey sits and smiles at him. "Remember that." He said, smirking at him in a joking way. "Now, the twelve o'clock meeting is in ten minutes, so you may wanna straighten up, buddy."
Danny stands and wipes at his eyes vigorously. He starts on his way to the bathroom, turning at the last second. "Casey?"
"Yeah?" Casey says, looking up, a pencil in his hand.
"Thanks, man. You are truly the best friend I've ever had."
Casey grins. "The same goes for you man." He watches Dan walk briskly to the restroom and his smile falls into an expression of concern. Biting his lip he thinks to himself that this is only the tip of a very large, very detrimental iceberg that's been hiding for way too long.
He just hoped Danny could handle it. And if he couldn't, he hoped he would let him help him handle it.
[Int. Dan and Casey's office : 10:15p.m.]
Dan and Casey are sitting at their respective desks as Natalie sprints into the room. "Penn State is dropping Johnson and instead picking up another kid, Natedy… we've changed the scrips, here's the rewrite." She says quickly, tossing a package onto Casey's desk and turning to do the same to Dan.
Dan smiles at her and she returns it. She winks at him and his grin widens. "Hey, Nat."
"Hey Danny. How are you feeling today?" She asks, slouching against his desk. Casey winks at Danny behind Natalie's desk and Danny's stifles a laugh.
"I'm feeling… better.. slightly." He said, shrugging. "You know, there are… residuals…"
She nodded and put her hand on his. She missed the slightly flushing of his face and the sharp intake of breath. "Glad to hear it… I try."
Casey tries to stifle a laugh, but can't and turns it into a coughing fit. Natalie smirks at Danny in a way that lets him know she knows he told Casey. But she's not mad, she knows they're close, and that Casey would never look down on her. "Anyway, I've got to get back to Dana…"
"Hey, Nat… I was wondering if you'd… I wanted to know if you would want to maybe get a burger or something tonight… after the show?" He stumbled out. Casey grinned at him and gave him a sarcastic thumbs up, as if to say 'smooth talking, go getter'. "And this will purely be fun… no morose bull shit… just a nice dinner… a da…"
"Oh, Danny, I'm sorry, I have a date tonight. Maybe tomorrow."
Dan sat there for a full minute before his mouth cooperated. "A.. a date?"
She giggled. "Yeah, he's so cute.. he's in accounting on the fifth floor… I ran into him this morning.. no, literally ran into him, he knocked my purse to the floor. Poor guy, my tampons fell out, cause I always have them… he was so embarrassed."
"But he still managed to ask you out?" Dan asked, his face slightly stiffening.
"Yep, he's adorable. Blond hair, blue eyes… typical surfer boy type ya know… but like I said, tomorrow." She stood and started to skip out the door. "See ya Danny… Casey…"
"Bye Nat…" Casey said, his eyes staying on Danny's frozen features. "Danny?" He asked, his voice stern, trying to break him out of his reverie.
"A date?" Danny said, his voice hurt. "A date?"
"Danny…"
Danny shook his head. "No, it's fine… it's not like we had an agreement… it's not like we're dating… it's not like we're exclusive…"
Casey sat back in his chair. "Danny… I'm sorry…"
"A date Casey?" Danny asked, his eyebrows furrowed together, for all the world looking like a hurt little puppy. "I feel like such an unbelievable asshole…" he drifted off as his phone rang.
"You're not an asshole, you're just gonna have to tell her how you feel."
He looked at him incredulously. "How I feel… are you mental? No way, she obviously doesn't feel about me the way I feel about her, and I really can't handle anything else right now…" He picks up the phone after its fourth ring.
"Dan's seventh circle of hell, how may I direct your call?" He sardonically jokes. Casey shakes his head and starts to go back to his work when Danny's voice breaks into his thoughts. "Dad?" He looks up to see Dan's eyes widen and his breath starts to come in short little spurts. "Dad… uh… what's up?" Casey quickly strides over to Danny's desk and puts his hands on his shoulders, trying to calm him down. "Oh… uh, you're in town? … No, no, I was just… busy, I was across the room when the phone rang and I had to run to catch it… yeah… yeah, I talked to her yesterday… yeah, she mentioned you were coming in to town… well, I was surprised, I didn't know she meant you were here already… frankly, I didn't think you were going to call me… no, yeah, sure, I get off at midnight… Meet me here? That's fine…sure no problem, I'll see in my office…. Okay Dad… bye…"
Casey lets go of Dan as he hangs up the phone. Danny spins his chair around. "He called?"
"He called." Casey said, smiling.
"That's a good sign right?"
He nodded. "Can't be too bad."
"He probably just called cause Mom told him it slipped." Dan said, nodded, standing up nervously. He raised his hands and looked at them. "Casey, look at my hands."
Casey looked at Dan's trembling hands. "Calm down Danny. Give him a chance man… maybe he wants to see you… that is a distinct possibility."
Dan covered his face with his hands. "Man, why is this happening now? Why does it all have to happen at once? Why?!"
Casey pulled Danny towards him, forcing him to look at him. "Come on man, snap out of it. We've got a show to do tonight… concentrate on that… worry about him later."
Dan nodded. "You're right. Worry about him later… worry about this later… I'm in love with Natalie but she's got a date, my Dad's in town for a week, and he wants to see me for one hour, for one night. Worry about that later… 'cause right now, I have a show to do!"
Casey sighs as Danny walks determinedly out of the office. Glaring at the enemy phone he turns and follows Danny to the control room. As they sit in their seats he glances at Danny's tense frame. "I'm sorry, you seemed ready to explode and I was trying to…"
"Can we do this later?" Dan asks, pointing to the makeup girls powdering their faces.
Casey nods. "Sure… later."
"We're on in five!" Natalie's voice break over the PA system.
Dan flinches and Casey sighs. It was going to be a long night.
[Int. Dan and Casey's office : 12:05 a.m.]
###
What ravages of spirit
Conjured this temptuous rage
Created you a monster
Broken by the rule of love
###
"I think I'm going to be sick." Danny says, holding his stomach as he and Casey walk to their office.
Casey puts his hand on his back. "You'll be fine, Danny, trust me."
Dan plasters a fake smile on his face. "He comes to me this time… I'm not hugging him, he's hugging me." Flinging open his door he nods at his dad. "Hey Dad, how's it been?"
Jay Rydell smiles and thumps Danny on the back. "Hello son." He smiles, a little more genuinely, at Casey. "Hello son, how are you?"
Casey fights back a derogatory comment and plasters a smile on his face somehow. "I'm good Mr. Rydell…"
"Jay…" Jay says.
The door flings open and Dana appears ready to explode. "Guys, that show was really stiff, do you mind…"
"Why, Miss. Whitaker, enchanted as always…" Jay says, taking her hand in his and kissing it.
Dana's eyes widen at Dan and he shrugs. "Jay Rydell, what a nice surprise!"
He smiles and bows. "You're looking mighty lovely tonight, Dana."
She giggled slightly, in that cute way she has. "Why thank you, Jay, I see where Dan gets his charms from… how long are you.."
Jay raises his eyebrows at Casey, like they have an inside joke. "I doubt that, Dan's really not very much like me at all…"
Dana frowns as she sees Dan's crestfallen expression. "Well I don't know, Jay, he's quite the charmer."
"Anyway, we're going out to dinner, would you two care to join us?" He said, waving off her praises.
Dana looks oddly at Casey, who shrugs. "Dad, I thought this was the last night you were in town…"
"It is."
Dan tries to control himself. "So I thought maybe we'd spend it together…"
"The more the merrier, Dan. Right Casey?" He bellows, laughing and smiling at Dana, making like Dan's suggestion is preposterous.
"Gee, Jay, I don't know, I'm pretty tired, and Casey and I need to…"
Dan throws up his hands. "Don't be ridiculous. Dana, Casey, join us… the more the freaking merrier." He growls, grabbing his coat and walking out of the office.
"Now Dan, there's no reason to be so pissy…"
"I've just had a long day, Dad. Sorry, can we go now?"
Casey and Dana follow behind. "Is there any chance that we're about to have a nice, pleasant dinner?" Dana asks.
Casey frowned at her. "I'm pretty sure there's virtually no chance of that Dana."
Dana nodded, grabbing her purse as they walked past the desk she'd laid it on. "I was afraid of that."
###
And fate has led you through it
You do what you have to do
And fate has led you through it
You do what you do
###
[Simolina's : 1:30 a.m.]
"So, it's quite the accomplishment, Dana, being a person of high authority in the field of sports. You're parents must be proud." Jay says, digging into his Fettuccini Alfredo.
Dana smiles and swallows her spaghetti. "Well, all the guys are anyway. My mom hates sports, and anything to do with it. She doesn't get it." She looks at Dan. "But yeah, my Dad's real proud of me… as you must be of Danny."
She smiles at Danny but is taken aback by his less than delighted return stare. She doesn't know why until Jay responds. "Well, we woulda been happier if he were actually in sports, but if he wants to report them, that's fine too…" That's Jay Rydell, a dig disguised as a compliment.
Dan glares at his dad, who has yet to direct a single comment to him and gestures to him, looking at Dana, his eyes saying 'you see?' "So, Dad… how come you didn't call sooner… Mom said you were here for a week."
###
I had the sense to recognize
That I don't know how to let you go
Every moment marked
With apparitions of your soul###
He looked up. "I called didn't I? Isn't that enough?"
Dan lets out a half laugh. "Sure, but it would have been nicer if I'd gotten to see you more than once."
"We can't all have what we want Dan. That's life." He says. "Casey, how's your son?"
Dan can't help but feel that was a dig. The correlation between that statement and the one that followed said to Dan just as sure as if it had been said outloud… 'like I couldn't have Sam.'
Casey cleared his throat, obviously in sync with Danny's thought process. "Uh, he's fine."
"Good." Jay said, nodding as he finished his dinner. He looked at his watch and his eyebrows rose. "Geez, it's getting late."
Casey shook his head in disgust. Was this really all Jay Rydell could do for his son? A tense and nearly conversationless dinner?
###
However swiftly moving
I'm trying to escape this desire
The yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
###
"I should be going soon." Danny slammed his fork down on his plate, much to the surprise of Dana, who jumped nearly out of her seat. "Well, son, I have to catch an early flight tomorrow…"
"This is really all you can stand isn't it, Dad?" Danny said, his hands tightly gripping the white linen tablecloth. "An hour with me… and not even just me… me and two other people you don't even know, not really. Do you realize you haven't even asked how I've been doing? You haven't even once asked what's going on in my life? That you've spent the past hour catching up with Casey and getting to know Dana?"
"Lower your voice, people are starting to look at us, Daniel…"
"And I don't give a rat's ass if the MAYOR is looking at us… whom I personally happen to know…not that you give a shit who I know, or who I am. Or who likes me, or respects me.. it's all about you, isn't Dad?" He takes a deep breath and he says it.. he finally says it. "Or, actually, it's about Sam."
Casey looks up, wide-eyed with shock. Though uncomfortable to be in the middle of this father-son fight, he smiles proudly at his friend for finally standing up for himself.
"Excuse me," Jay asks, pulling Danny back down. "Couldn't we do this later?"
###
The yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
And I had the sense to recognize
That I don't know how to let you go
###
"When? When we're alone? Sure, except, when is that, huh Dad? When are we ever just you and me? You make sure you never have to spend time with me, your son. And why? Because it's me. Because I'm Danny, not Sammy… well I can't be Sammy, Dad.. I'll never be Sammy, and you know what, I shouldn't have to be. Cause you should love me anyway! You should love me for being me, God Damnit! I love what I do, and I'm good at what I do. I got good grades, always, and people like me. I'm a good person, and if you would just let go of Sammy for one fucking second, maybe you could see that. Maybe if you could just forget about Sam for one whole second, you could see me for me… Maybe you could love me." Shaking and trembling he stood up. "God knows why Dad, but I love you. And it really kills me to know that you hate me… it kills me to know that you wish it was me in that car and not Sammy… but it wasn't me, Dad. It was Sammy, but I'm still here. I'm still here, and I can't replace Sammy, but I can be me. That's all I can be, is me. And that, really, should be enough." Nodding he threw twenty bucks on the table. "And if it's not, then I wish you would just say it and let me get on with building my life around that fact that I no longer have a father, because for the past twelve years, I've been deluding myself. I've somehow allowed myself to be under the mistaken illusion that one day you'd snap out of it, that you'd come back and say 'I'm sorry son, I didn't mean it, but I'm back now.' " He paused for a second, still clinging to the hope that he would say just that. When he didn't he nodded and closed his eyes. "And clearly that's not gonna happen… so good-bye Dad. You're as dead to me as I am to you."
###
I don't know how to let you go
A glowing ember burning hot, burning slow.
Deep within I'm shaken
By the violence of existing for only you
###
They all watched in silence as Danny walked as calmly and with as much dignity as he could muster through the dining room and out into the busy streets of New York. Clearing his throat Casey smiled at Dana, who was looking like she'd just seen a ghost. And in a sense, she had, because that simply was not Danny who had had the guts for that speech just then. He wasn't sure what had gotten into Danny, but he was glad it had gotten into him.
Jay cleared his throat. "Of all the untimely, ridiculous things…"
"Not so ridiculous to me." Casey said. Dana shot him an incredulous look.
"Pardon me?" Jay said, livid.
"If you ask me, the only thing wrong with what Danny just did was that it took him so long to do it. Do you have any idea what you have done to that kid? What damage you're lack of being there, your lack of love, has done to his soul? To his heart? He truly believes that you blame him for Sam's death, and if you do.. if you truly blame him, then you are one worthless piece of shit and I can't even believe that I'm sitting at the same table as scum like you… But if it's a façade… if it's a cover, as I have to believe it is… you've got to tell him. See, I have a son, and I can't imagine ever losing him, but if I was to, and I had another son, I can't imagine ever not loving him. For any reason. And I can't imagine ever letting him believe that I didn't love him. It's unfathomable to me that one could ever stop loving someone that they produced. Someone that they created, that they raised, that they loved… for the whole of their childhood. Unfathomable."
###
I know I can't be with you
I do what I have to do
I know I can't be with you
I do what I have to do
###
"Well…" Jay said, standing and placing his own fifty dollars on the table. "Casey, this is actually none of your business, so kindly mind your own..."
Dana reached up and caught Jay's jacket sleeve as he was about to turn and go. "Actually, Mr. Rydell… it is our business, cause we love Danny. And we see him hurting, and we know that it's you we have to blame for that. So, it is our business in that… as friends… we have to help him to not hurt. And for him to not hurt, you need to forgive him, so we have to try to get you to. So, I'm sorry that you feel we are overstepping our bounds, but please do know that we do for one reason… we care about Danny. We love Danny."
Jay turned and left at that, without a backward glance. Casey sighed and looked at Dana. "Did we do the right thing?"
The person behind them leaned over and tapped Casey on the shoulder. "The worst feeling in the world is to know, or think you know, that your parents either don't love you, or don't care about you. Anyone that does anything to remedy that isn't wrong. I admire what you just did."
Casey smiled. "Thank you sir."
The older gentlemen smiled and held out his hand. "Casey McCall right?"
Casey nodded. "Carroll O'Connor?"
Carroll nodded. "Yep. Nice to meet you son."
###
I know I can't be with you
I do what I have to do
And I had the sense to recognize
That I don't know how to let you go
But I don't know how to let you go
I don't know how to let you go.
###
# "Do What You Have To Do" by Sarah MacLachlan