Disclaimer : If I owned GUN×SWORD, I would have glomped Dann to death a long time ago. Or maybe El Dorado. Or both.
Warnings : Slight spoilers for the ending of the anime.
Author's Notes : Joshua needs to be emo. Seriously. He can't be happy all the time. Set post-anime, with Joshua around the same age as Wendy in the last episode. Many thanks to KC and IC for the beta.
GOAL
Joshua always thought that when he fell in love, it would be with someone who looked like Ray. This is why he wonders why the man that's currently kissing him—with his tongue in Joshua's mouth and his hand under Joshua's shirt—doesn't look like his brother at all.
The man has dark hair, green eyes, and a warm smile that reminds Joshua of happier days when he and Ray were both young, carefree, and naïve. He's also gentle and even now, he isn't pressing Joshua against the wall that hard and his other hand is cradling the back of the blond's head to provide a little comfort. It reminds him of the way that Ray used to hold him; carefully and tenderly and all those little things that make his heart break when he thinks about them too much.
"Joshua."
His name is whispered into the darkness of the room and he looks into green eyes that look nothing like Ray's icy blue ones. "Joshua, you're drifting away again," the man says and for the life of him, he wishes that he could remember the man's name.
He thinks about asking the man what his name is but instead wraps his arms around the brunet's waist, burying his face against the side of the man's neck. He cries for some reason that he can't comprehend and the man holds him close and lets him. It's comforting the way Ray's touch was comforting and Joshua cries even harder at that thought.
He doesn't know when he stops; all he knows is that the brunet has somehow brought him to his bedroom and is tucking him in. He kisses Joshua's forehead and straightens, about to leave. Before he knows what he's doing, the blond grabs the man's wrist, asks him to stay, begs him to stay, to not leave him, to not abandon him and he almost starts crying in relief when he says 'yes'.
He doesn't fall asleep right away—his arms around the man next to him on the bed and the brunet's arms holding him protectively, and he wonders why he can't remember the man's name—even though the man has dozed off long ago. Joshua lies there and thinks about those years gone by, the smile on Ray's face as he fell and died, the words that left his lips.
Joshua should hate Ray for leaving him like that but he doesn't.
He could never hate Ray.
Morning arrives and he's surprised to find that he managed to fall asleep somewhere along the course of the night. The brunet is gone but the smell of food being cooked tells Joshua where to find him. He gets out of bed and walks into the kitchen, smiling as the man turns around to look at him.
"Good morning Rowan," he says, pleased to find out that he can remember his name after all.
"Morning, Joshua," the brunet replies, a smile on his face as well, transferring the pancakes onto plates and setting them on the table in front of the blond.
"Call me 'Josh'."