Narrator: Hi all!!! Thanks for making it to this point! Um, just so you know, I own none of those people mentioned in here... except the character of me because, well, duh! So, please, no suey the narrator!!! Thanks again!!!
Narrator: Also, I got the idea of this from my friend Danielle... Her name is DragonQueen16 on here... if you like this, go check out the Ultimate Dialogue Of Randomness!!! Looks at Danielle There! I plugged it! Happy???
Narrator: Oh, and one more thing, I wrote this for a book report (Hence the title) and that's why there's all kinds of suck-uppy
things to my English teacher, Ms. Calhoun, who is probably cooler than you!!!
Narrator: Last thing, chastity means never having sex, just so you know. wink wink You'll get it later...
THE FANFIC OF ENGLISH BOOK REPORTEDNESS!!!
By: Amelia-Ashe
Characters:
Me played by – uhh… me.
My gang – an odd assortment of my friends that I randomly decide to place in here
Silas – weirdo albino guy from The Da Vinci Code
Robert Langdon – hero guy from The Da Vinci Code
Lots of random people who I decide to place in here… RANDOMLY!!!
Setting: We begin in school during seminar. Me is bored and reading The Da Vinci Code for an English book report.
Me: thinking Oh God… so bored…
Random teacher chick: Blah blah blah blah blah!!! Wekrgnqetonaqekrvnqtoihbjqgijvj…. CHEESE!!!
Me: CHEESE?!?! shoots up in seat
Random teacher chick: What? I didn't say anything about cheese… did I?
Random student dude: Yeah you did… you said 'Blah blah blah blah blah!!! Wekrgnqetonaqekrvnqtohibjqgijvj…. CHEESE!!!'
RTC: Did I??? flips through fanfic to her opening line yup. There it is! No, no cheese… sorry!!! NOW GET BACK TO WORK MAGGOTS!!!
Me: defeatedly Awww…… thinking I wish something cool would happen because I'm about to get sick from all this boringness…
Announcer Guy Dude: Suddenly, from the pages of Me's book, Robert Langdon and Silas the creepy albino no one likes come to life!!!
Kaleigh: I like Silas… I mean, he's an albino. How can you not like an albino? They're so cool!!!
AGD: But he kills people!!!
Kaleigh: MORE POINTS FOR HIM!!!!
AGD: O…………….k……………… steps away from Kaleigh slowly Anyway, Silas and Langdon look around for a mere moment and then they… UHH!!!!
Silas: blowing smoke from his gun Forgive me Father…
Kaleigh: AGD was your father?
Silas: NO! Father as in God you dork…
Kaleigh: Ooooohhhh…. So you just shot someone because you felt like it?
Silas: Uhhhh…….. Yeah.
Kaleigh: …………………... COOL!!!!! I think I love you!!!!!
Silas: No!!!! Nooooooooo….. Runs away while tightening spiky belt thingy on his leg
Kaleigh: What was that about?
Me: He swore to chastity you dork.
Kaleigh: Oh, and who's chastity?!
All: roll their eyes and shake their heads
Kaleigh: What? Who is she???
Liz: walks in and whispers into Kaleigh's ear
Kaleigh: 00 Oh.
RTC: Okay, now that we're all properly educated, what the hell was that about?
Langdon: stands up from the floor and dusts himself off I think I can explain. Because of the symbology of the Goddess of the evening in the fifty-eighth solar plexus with a loop-de-loop round the bend and to the right…
Me: What? It's because I was bored and I'm writing this. Duh!
Langdon: Oh, yes. Of course… blushes and shrinks into one of the chairs
RTC: Well, Mr. Langdon, since you are apparently part of this class now, get out your homework and get to working on it.
Langdon: I don't have any homework…
Class: gasp and recoil
RTC: 0o No…….. homework? No…….. homework?! Well then…….. I'LL GIVE YOU SOME HOMEWORK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Begins throwing papers at Langdon like ninja death stars
Langdon: AHHH!!! WHAT RE YOU DOING?!?!
RTC: GIVING YOU HOMEWORK!!!!!!! HEEHEEEHEEEHEEHEEHEEEHEEEHEEHEEE!!!!
Me: crawling over to Liz and Kaleigh underneath desks This is the third time some random character has popped out of a book and said they didn't have homework…
Kaleigh: You really should start warning them…
Liz: HEY!!! LET'S SING!!!
Me: Okay! That always makes it better!!!
Me and Liz stand and throw on top hats
Me: HI! I'm emo Me!!!
Liz: And I'm shnazzy tap dancing acrobatic super cool extra bendable really pretty you-so-wish-you-were-me Liz!
Both: And have we got a dance number/really dorky song for you!!!
Piano slides in from nowhere
Both: Ohhhhhhhhhh…….
It's Moby Dick! Moby Dick the musical! Moby Dick! A whale of a tale! clap clap Moby Dick! Everything that's nautical! Moby Dick! We're havin' a whale! A whale of a tale! Whale of a tale! Whale of taaaaaallllleeee!!!!!
Class + RTC + now-bleeding Langdon: YEAH!!! WHOO!!! ENCORE!!!! Clap clap clap
Kaleigh: Eh, mediocre at best…
Liz and Me: evil glare
Kaleigh: Did…. Did I say mediocre? I meant…… tapioca!!! It's better than any pudding… especially tapioca because tapioca tastes like you're eating fish eggs!
Liz and Me:
Meanwhile, wherever the heck Silas is at…
Silas: writing in notebook Note to self: Fear girls named Kaleigh. Also, buy some milk. And tapioca. Tapioca is good…
Kaleigh: falls from sky and slaps Silas Now that's just nasty! Gets sucked back into the sky
Silas: still writing Also, stay away from sky.
Back in Seminar…
Langdon: whimpering quietly and cradling right arm which is all grotesque-ish looking from all the paper cuts and such Ms…. Ms. RTC?
RTC: head snaps over with creepy eye look thing that suggests mass murder Yes???
Langdon: Nev… never mind.
RTC: How's your…… homework……. coming?
Langdon: eye twitches at mention of homework fine…. under breath She thinks she'll break us, but noo, we'll never give up, will we precious?????? Is talking to shoe
Me: talking to reader By the way, Kaleigh wrote that… Kaleigh, that's creepy…
Kaleigh: grins I know… and THAT'S WHY I WROTE IT!!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Me: Liz, it's time.
Liz: YAY!!! Pulls out pretty box decorated in important manner
Kaleigh: What…. What's that?
Liz: opening box You'll see…
Box: is finally open ♪I write the songs that make the whole world sing!!!♪
Kaleigh: AHHH!!!! ANYTHING BUT BARRY MANILOW!!!!!!!!
RTC: swaying to music Oh I love this song…
Kaleigh: glares You would…
RTC: snaps back to reality What was that?! 0o
Kaleigh: shrinks away Nothing.
RTC: glares and eventually begins swaying again
Me: Ok, pulls out Barry Manilow proof earplugs she'd put in let's get out of here before she starts singing…
RTC: I wRiTe ThE sOnGs ThAt MaKe ThE wHoLe WoRlD sInG!!!
Everyone else: RUN!!!!!!!!! all run out
RTC: Continues singing without noticing that the group has left
At Wal-Mart…
The group appears at Wal-Mart
Langdon: How did we end up here precious?
Me: Two things: 1. Stop talking to your shoe and 2. Didn't you see the giant black hole we ran into right outside of the classroom?
Langdon: Looks offended at the fact that Me told him to stop talking to his shoe She just doesn't understand precious… pets shoe
Kaleigh: I've created a monster… YAY ME!!! claps and skips in a big circle
Me: Ok… ANYWHOO!!!! While we're at Wal-Mart anyway, let's buy stuff!
Langdon: We needs a inner protection for the precious!
Me: You mean a sock?
Langdon: SHHH!!! The enemy will find out what we call the inner protection for the precious!!! Then theys can DESTROY the precious!
Me: Oh, wouldn't want that to happen, would we? rolls eyes sarcastically
Langdon: No, we wouldn't. We would cry and then we would no longer be able to call ourselves we and that would be bad because then we wouldn't be able to meet all the people from Lord of the Rings while they're suing us because of copyright infringement!
Liz: Well, that was oddly specific…
Langdon:
Everyone: steps away from Langdon
Me: Well, I can no longer think of anything to write but this fanfic must continue to live to beat Kaleigh's… hmm… what to do, what to do… Any ideas?
Kaleigh: How about we go hide in the dressing rooms and jump out at people when they open the doors?
Me: …….. sounds good.
At the dressing rooms…
Me: Liz, you first.
Liz: Why me?
Me: Because upon reviewing this fanfic I've now realized you have few to no lines.
Liz: Sounds fair… opens one of the dressing room doors
Silas: Jumps out of dressing room BOO!!!
Liz: AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! runs away screaming
Silas: doubles over in laughter
Kaleigh: whispering to Langdon I really do like this guy… we think a lot alike, you know?
Langdon: He tried to kill precious one time… I hate him for that…
Silas: now standing straight and looking serious Actually, I just stepped on his shoe while trying to kill him but he insists I was out to get his shoe…
Kaleigh: You can have MY shoe!
Silas: NOOOOOO!!!! runs screaming in same direction as Liz
Kaleigh: You think he knows that Liz stopped right after that turn there at the donut table?
Me: 1. No, I don't think he does and 2. Why did I put a donut table in Wal-Mart?
Everyone: Thinking look on faces
Kaleigh: Be…cause donuts are good?
Me: Eh, we'll go with that… but seriously, I'm blank as to why it's there… oh well. Shall we watch as Silas sights Liz and then proceeds to run back this way only to run the other way again upon the realization the Kaleigh is still over here; at which point he will run back and forth until I get bored with it?
Box: Sounds like a plan to me!!!
Me: Who brought the box?
Kaleigh: Liz did.
Me: Why?
Liz: pops in from donut table With jelly donut in mouth Because I love him. He and I are going to run away to Denmark and be married once this fanfic's over! pops back to donut table
Me: So, uh, Box… is that your real name?
Box: Nah… it's actually Prince Boxxardigan Renald Boxxington III, but everyone just calls me Box. Easier to pronounce, you know?
Me: Dear God, I'm talking to a box… I've seen worse… glances at Kaleigh and Langdon who are now both talking to their shoes Ok, so, why don't we go somewhere else because I'm starting to get bored again and we all know what happened last time, don't we?
Kaleigh: 00 NOT THE MINI WEINERS!!!! NOT AGAIN!!! I JUST STARTED READING AGAIN!!!
Me: Heehee… good times…
At the donut table…
Liz: So anyway, there I was right? Staring into the mouth of a giant centipede when all of the sudden, BAM! A giant Science textbook falls on him and squishes him! And that's how I saved Nevada.
Cameraman 2: Wow… but where did the giant saucer come into play?
Liz: Oh, yeah, forgot about that part, didn't I? Well, as I was making my way through the land of midgets…
Back at the dressing rooms…
Fat old lady chick holding two-piece bikini and leather chaps while tapping foot impatiently: Excuse me! I need into a dressing room please!
Kaleigh: You also need to realize that you are no longer fifteen or a size two…
FOLCHT-PBALCWTFI: Well I never!
Box: would be able to fit into either of those things!
FOLCHT-PBALCWTFI: UH! How dare you!
Me: even think you could wear those!
FOLCHT-PBALCWTFI: Well, I'm going to make sure the authorities hear about this!!!
Langdon: Yes, you should. We thinks it should be a crime too. Fat ladies trying to fits in skinny ladies clotheses… we would never do that, would we precious?
Me: Good effort, Langdon… not really funny though… pats Langdon's shoulder
Shoe: shakes back and forth in no fashion
FOLCHT-PBALCWTFI: Is he ok?
Me: Not really… Kaleigh shaped his personality…
FOLCHT-PBALCWTFI: shakes head sadly and walks away
Kaleigh: God, is my reputation that bad?!
Me: Uh… no comment?
Kaleigh: begins to cry FINE! Maybe I'll just stop being funny and spontaneous! Runs wimpily away into a wall Falls down unconscious
Box: Ouch! Shouldn't we check on her?
Me: Nah. She does it for fun all the time.
Box: Well, that explains a lot…
Me: You have NO idea…
Langdon: We're tired, aren't we precious?
Shoe: nods
Langdon: Can you transport us using your magic ring back home, please?
Me: Magic ring…?
Box: God, he's seriously starting to creep me out…
Me: Yeah, me too… uh, poof?
Langdon: yells thank you as he pretends to be transported when he's actually running back into the school across the street where his book is located
Box: That was weird.
Me: looks at Box in "You seriously did not just call that weird! You're a talking box" way
Box: Point taken… hops toward donut table
Me: What to do now… stares at knocked at Kaleigh Nah, too boring. Glances at Liz and Box flirting No, too disturbing… notices Silas still running back and forth PERFECT!!! produces lawn chair from… uh… self and sits in it. Also produces pudding cup and begins to eat it
Silas: from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! from Liz's side AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! from Kaleigh's side AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Me: Okay, I'm done with my pudding. Now I'm bored. Liz?
Liz: appears from other side of store Yes?
Me: Let's sing again, ok?
Liz: I don't want to…
Me: Oo What was that?
Liz: throws on top hat Oooooooooooohhhhh….
Both: Cause a maannnn happennsssss to woooman. And suddenly she seems to beeeee a little closerrrr to LOOOOOOVVEEEE!!!!
Me: Liz, stop singing. This is my part.
Liz: But…
Me: Oo
Liz: shrinks away and nods
Me: How well he knew me! But how much have we chaaanged? And are we rearranged by the hands of timmmeee? My life's a whisper! I hang on his every word. And in his silence I have heard all that he's thinking!!!
All: clap clap whistle whistle
Me: I love the random songs… they're so nifty…
Kaleigh: Nifty?
Me: Oo Yes. NIFTY!!! Problem?
Kaleigh: No.
Liz: Stupid one-worded sentences… Ms. Calhoun would have a heart attack if she were here right now…
Ms. Calhoun: jogs up from English teacher clothing aisle Hey y'all. Wassup?
All: YAY!!! IT'S MS. CALHOUN!!!!
Ms. Calhoun: Yes, yes it's me. So, who said my name? Am I going to have to trip/punch?
Me: No. Liz was correcting my grammar or something… I don't remember and I'm too lazy to scroll up to the top of the page before this to check and see what was said for sure…
MC: Well, that's oddly specific, ain't it?
Me: Hee hee… you said ain't…
MC: Yup. I sure did. Problem with it?
Me: Nope!
MC: Okay… cause I was going to have to rough you up…
Me: Nope! No roughing needed. So, what do we do now?
Kaleigh: We could do the dressing room thing again…
Me: Hmmm… no. Anyone else?
Liz: Singing competition?
Me: Not fair. You and I would sweep up… Any other ideas?
MC: We could have a beat poetry contest!
Me: AWESOME!!!!
All appear in bluesy beat club
Beat Poetry Announcer Man: Whoa! Groovy dude! Well, welcome cool cats! Pull up a chair and stay awhile!
All: pull up chairs and stay awhile
First Bluesy Poetry Lady: Hey all. This piece is called Sing Bluebird, Sing. bongos sound I saw the little birdy. Chirping in its tree. I liked the little birdy, and named him after me. Me and my little birdy we had tons of fun until one day when I came home he was baking in the sun.
All in club: snap snap snap Groovy man! Deep!
FBPL: Thanks, man… er… men… and women. All right, next up?
MC: Right over here.
FBPL: You have to talk in a rasp-like voice and say man a lot, man.
MC: gives her that I'm-a-teacher-so-shut-your-mouth look that everyone knows and doesn't love
FBPL: Just kidding, man. Do whatever.
MC: Thanks, I will! All right. Name's Calhoun. Call me Ms. Calhoun or I'll eat your soul, m'kay?
Audience: OO
MC: Okay, here goes. bongos sound I grade your papers. You get an f. You come to me. Saying you did your best. I don't change your grade. You cry to your mommy's. I don't really care. WHO WANTS PASTRAMI?!?!
Audience: OO
Me and friends: YEAH!!! WOOT!!! RIGHT OVER HERE WITH THAT PASTRAMI!!!
Kaleigh: What's pastrami?
Me: Dunno… OH WELL!!! Your turn! turns to where Kaleigh was to push her on stage and finds that Kaleigh is already onstage
Kaleigh: Okay everyone, settle down.
Audience: Doesn't settle
Kaleigh: I said… SHUT UP!!!! bionic voice thingy makes her voice very loud
Audience: OO cricket… cricket…
Kaleigh: pulls out fly swatter and chases cricket in a 4-miles per hour chase around France then commences to squisheth the cricket Ok all, I'm back.
All: are eating pastrami
Kaleigh: clears throat
All: get quiet so as not to be the next cricket
Kaleigh: Ok. bongos sound Carrots are good. Broccoli is better. I pour A1 sauce on your polo sweater. This is an ode to my food choices. And your sweater covered in A1 sauce.
Second Bluesy Poetry Lady: That last part didn't rhyme…
Kaleigh: begins pulling out fly swatter
SBPL: But hey, man, rhyming is for squares anyway. It's just another way for the man to keep you down, you know?
Kaleigh: Silas is back?
Me: do you want him to be?
Kaleigh: bats eyes and sound effect… uh… sounds… like it does on Flavor of Love when Hottie used to blink… man, I miss the old one… Yes please.
Me: Never do that again and you have a deal.
Kaleigh: DEAL!!!
At the school…
Langdon: RTC? Guess what? We made up a song about the precious!!!
RTC: …….. Are you high?
Langdon: pulls out guitar Ooooooohhhh….. Happy peanuts soar over chocolate covered mountain tops. And waterfalls of caramel.
Shoe: whispers something in Langdon's ear
Langdon: Wrong one, precious? Oh, it is, isn't it… hmm… give us a second to find the right one.
RTC: …….. I could swear you're high…
Langdon: Oh, we founds it! pulls out tambourine Hello precious. Hello precious. Stinky sockses. Aren't the bestest. Thank you for staying through all our stinky.
MC: pops in from beat club Hey you. Yeah, the weirdo singing 'bout his shoes. Improper grammar dude.
Langdon: So?
Class: gasp and recoil
MC: O-o What was that? WHAT WAS THAT?!?!?!?! begins transforming into an evil giant robot who shoots thesauruses and dictionaries from the bowels of it's robotic stomach AND who can shoot 150 F's per second
Langdon: What's F stand for?
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MC:)
Class:
MC: I WIN!!!
Class: Awwww… all give her ten dollars each
Langdon: What…. Just happened…?
MC: I WON!!!
MC pops back over to the beat club
Kaleigh: I DIDN'T DO IT!!! is being held by in arresty position by an arresty-looking policeman
MC: What happened?
Kaleigh: While being shoved into the police car CURSE THAT CRICKET!!!
FIN!!!! (NOW GO BUY FOOD FROM THE CONCESSION STANDS OR I'LL GRAB A BLUNT AXE AND SAW OFF EACH OF YOUR LIMBS UNTIL THEY'RE SAWED OFF AND THEN YOU WON'T HAVE ANY LIMBS LEFT BECAUSE I WOULD HAVE SAWED THEM OFF WITH A BLUNT AXE THAT I PROBABLY FOUND IN A SHED THAT IS REALLY OLD OR I COULD HAVE BOUGHT IT FROM OUR NEW CONCESSION STAND WHERE YOU NEED TO GO OR I WILL CUT OFF YOUR LIMBS WITH THE BLUNT AXE THAT I BOUGHT FROM THERE OR FOUND AT THE OLD SHED PLACE!!! Have a nice day.)
Epilogue of characters
Langdon: shortly after participating in this story, Langdon was found to be mentally unstable by the board of Kindergarteners Who Find Out If People Are Cwazy Or Not (also known as the Board of KWFOIACON). Langdon is currently living in a utopia that does not allow shoes. Or inner protection for the shoes.
Silas: Silas continued as a monk for a while, but eventually decided he liked women too much. He then denounced his monkly title and moved to Las Vegas to become a showgirl. After his… 'operation', his name was Katrina.
Liz and Box: Liz and Box went through with their promise and were married by a German drunk in Denmark. They moved to Canada in hopes to start Liz's acting career. Box met Celine Dion and they instantly fell in love. Box left Liz as a single mother raising four boxes. She then retaliated by becoming the biggest star the world had ever seen. Besides Madonna. And Elvis. Well, and then there's Britney Spears… Ok, well she was kind of famous… Her next film is coming out next month. It's called 'My Heart Will Go On: The tale of a boxy single mother'.
Kaleigh: Kaleigh was held in prison for murder of the first degree and attempted Second-Bluesy-Poetry-Lady slaughter. She served her prison time for two and three-fourths minutes. She then went to Las Vegas where she ran into Silas….. oops… I mean Katrina. They went to California and were legally married as a gay couple. They both went and danced on the strip. Where they were run over by a plane… Kaleigh never was good about not dancing on plane landing strips…
RTC: RTC retired from teaching and tried to pursue a singing career. But, seeing as she continually yelled at her record label for 'not doing their homework' that didn't last long. So, she is now a CEO of the 'Give Your Child Homework Or Die' Foundation.
FOLCHT-PBALCWTFI: The fat old lady took our crude and possibly harassing to the point of being arrested comments and lost 1,765,098 lbs. on the Zone diet. She died the next day from choking on a protein bar. I love irony…
MC: Ms. Calhoun continued teaching. And may I say she's doing a FABULOUS job of it? I mean, it's like, WOW!!! She's so awesome! I mean, you've got her and then every other teacher in existence! Even Einstein couldn't teach as well… probably being as he wasn't a teacher, but still. She's so awesome and she gives SO many A's… like the one I need in this assignment…
Shoe: Shoe left Langdon after Langdon was taken to the shoeless utopia place. He has now set up residence in a dumpster outside of a McDonald's in Chicago.
Me: I am fine. All's well. Just hoping for an A on this assignment. nudge nudge
Everyone else I didn't mention: Is not important enough TO be mentioned…
This was made in loving memory to Cricket Oct. 9th, 2006 7:04 – Oct. 9th, 2006 7:05.