"I'm home." Akane Tendo announced, wearily.
"Welcome back Aka- Oh my god!" Kasumi's welcoming smile vanished the moment she saw her little sister. She was covered in bruises and cuts, her uniform was torn. She had a black eye and a her lips were swollen. Her long hair had some obvious chunks torn out of it. "What… what happened?"
Akane let out an unladylike short. "Yesterday this asshole in Nabiki's class, Tatewaki Kuno, gets the brilliant idea that the only boys that can date me have to beat me in a fight first."
Kasumi raised an eyebrow at that. It wasn't exactly uncommon knowledge that Akane was a very skilled Martial Artist. A 4rd Dan in Kempo, 3rd Dan in Kendo and Kyudo, and studied their family's personal style Indiscriminate Grappling. "And then…?"
"Today, around a dozen pervs ganged up on me to try and beat me up. So I kicked their asses." Still, it didn't matter how good a Martial Artist one is, having to fight off a dozen people simultaneously would be hard and painful work. No wonder Akane looked like she'd gone through a meat grinder.
"Why didn't you try and get away?" Kasumi asked. Ordinarily she would be commenting on Akane's language, but decided that the circumstances excused them.
"They surrounded me before I could." Akane scowled, "And then, once I finished beating them Kuno himself comes up. He's better than me at Kendo I was already tired, and he had his bokken ready."
'So… you lost?" Kasumi was beginning to wonder if Akane should change schools.
"Uh-huh. And get this once he had be pinned to the ground and victory declared, he actually had the nerve to ask me out! Right there in front of everybody!" Akane clenched her fists, "As if I'll ever go out with him! My foot gave him my answer." A nasty smile popped up on Akane's face, telling Kasumi exactly where Akane had placed her foot. "I swear, if they try this again I'm calling the police."
Kasumi was considering calling the police anyways. "Do… do you want me to call a doctor?"
"No. I'm fine, just going to take a bath." Akane said dismissively, before heading off to the bathroom.
Their father, Soun, was not a happy man upon hearing the news. He was on the Town Council and swore angrily that he would use every connection he had to punish the mob of idiots that had attacked his little girl.
Nabiki felt a little guilty. She was in the photography club and Kuno had given her some money for some basic shots of her little sister. Nothing creepy, just shots of her practicing or performing at tournaments. Now, however, it seemed like the allowance supplement wasn't worth the price. Especially if Akane found out.
"I'll be fine Dad." Akane said, she looked a lot better after her bath. Still bruised and that black eye was obvious (Apparently it was courtesy of Kuno) but she no longer looked like a walking warzone.
"Gave em worse than you got?" Soun asked.
"Of course." Akane said, a bit smug.
Soun chuckled, "Good job Akane. But still, if you ever get attacked like that again. Try and get away first."
"I will Dad, they surrounded me after all..." Akane muttered.
Before any further discussion on the incident could happen, the doorbell was rung.
"Hmm? Who could that be?" Kasumi asked. "Nabiki, could you go get it?"
"Fine." Nabiki grumbled, standing up and heading to the front door. A minute later she called out, "Daddy! It's someone for you!"
"Saotome!?" Soun said to the man Nabiki had lead into the house.
Akane and Kasumi took a look at their guest. He was around their dad's age, wearing a white gi and bandanna. He pushed up his glasses and nodded, "Hello Tendo. Been a while huh?"
"You know him Father?" Kasumi asked.
"Yes! Genma Saotome here is an old friend of mine. The two of us trained together." Soun chuckled at the memories. "I believe he actually has a son around your age Akane…"
Akane frowned, was her dad going to try and set her up with this son of his old friend? She honestly had no desire for a boyfriend at the moment, getting assaulted kind of ruined that.
Genma coughed, "I'm afraid not, Tendo. My son, Ranma, err… passed away some time ago. Training accident."
A sudden silence fell over the table. Akane and Soun both knew that care was always taken to make training as safe as possible, there was always the risk. Akane felt a pang of regret abbout her internal complaints about the boy. Better to deal with some meddling parents then dead, right?
"I.. I'm sorry for your loss, Saotome. I know all too well the pain of losing a family member…" Soun closed his eyes, "The life of a Martial Artist is fraught with peril."
"Yes." Genma shook his head, "I never should have read that manual."
Something about that line made Nabiki curious. Always one to solve riddles, she decided to ask. "What manual?"
"This one." Genma reached into his gi, "I've kept it with me ever since that fateful day…" He threw it down at the table.
"The… Cat-Fist?" Akane asked, picking up the small booklet and reading it… and reading it… her eyes growing wider with each reading. "This is a joke, right?"
"No joke young lady." Genma shook his head sadly, "Who would have thought that instead of teaching the boy the Cat-Fist he'd just end up mauled to death?"
"Anyone with common sense!" Akane shouted back. "You don't tie sausages to a… how old was he when you tried this?"
"Seven." Genma answered.
"What the hell? You tied fish sausages to a seven year old boy, threw him in a pit of angry cats, and expected him to learn something from it?"
Soun's jaw dropped. He knew Genma had a tendency for hairbrained schemes, but this…?
"But it was supposed to be like the berserkers of legend!" Genma said, "Reawakening a lost art!"
"You know why they're a legend? Because they don't exist! Seriously? Look at this stuff this book says a "practitioner" can do! Cut through steel with invisible claws, enhanced smell and sight? This is a bunch of fantasy!" Akane could feel the anger building up for the sake of a boy who she would never meet, cut down by his idiot father.
"Err, please tell me this is joke in poor taste Saotome." Soun said.
"Come on Tendo! I thought you, at least, would understand after what we went through…" Genma said, beginning to sweat.
"Wait, what do you mean by that?" Kasumi butted in.
"Err, well, my wife didn't take it well. I've been kind of hiding from her… the past few years." Genma explained sheepishly, "I figured that if, by now she hasn't looked here, she never will, so I was going to stay here for a while.
All three sisters glared at their father. The message was clear. This sociopathic idiot would not be staying at their home. No doubt the police would get involved if he spended another minute here.
Never let it be said that Soun couldn't get the hind. "I'm sorry, Saotome, in difference to our old friendship I'll let you leave. But I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to never return."
"But Tendo!" Genma protested.
"Forgive me." Soun shook his head, showing that he would have no arguments.
Genma slumped over in defeat, "Fine." He grumbled, turning away. "Good-bye then, Tendo."
And then the man was gone. For a moment the Tendo family considered what had just happened.
"You know… suddenly I feel like my problems aren't that big a deal." Akane finally said, "Poor kid."
Soun shook his head, "Saotome was always… reckless. And a bit gullible. I remember when our old Master managed to convince him that a trick with some firecrackers was some forbidden powerful technique."
"Some people obviously shouldn't have children, at least." Nabiki added.
"Should I call the police?" Kasumi asked.
"No.. I think the man's been punished enough. Running from his wife for nine years." Soun said sadly. After another moment, he glanced back at Akane. "Still, I think tomorrow it would be best I escort you to school. Just in case those boys try something again."
Akane sighed, "If you say so Dad."
Epilogue:
All three Tendo sisters lived normal lives after that. The boys didn't bother her again, getting beat up once was insane enough, It'd be ridiculous to continue every day. Nabiki gave Kuno the cold shoulder, and he eventually got the hint. Kasumi left the house, got married, and became a housewife. Nabiki dated a ton of guys. Akane never did really find the man just right for her. She might have, but he died before she could meet him.
Elsewhere, Ryoga Hibiki went about his ordinary life. He often had to ask for directions because he had a bad sense of direction. His friends would joke about him getting lost in a closet, but nobody really has such a bad sense of direction.
Ukyo grew up helping her dad with her Okonomiyaki Stand. She didn't have any crazy food based fighting style. That's not something that exists in reality. She never met Ranma. Because he died.
Shampoo grew up in her small chinese village. She studied martial arts, but there wasn't anything crazy like grabbing chestnuts out of a fire or making tornados. That sort of thing doesn't exist. Never met Ranma either.
Genma eventually fled to China. He lived out in the woods for the rest of his days.
Nodoka had actually given up on hunting Genma down years ago She remarried and had a daughter.
The random Guide gave people tours over China to support his daughter Plum. He didn't have to worry about anybody getting cursed. Because curses don't exist.
And so, everybody lived, well not "Happily Ever After" because this isn't a fairy tale, but comfortably enough depending on their circumstances. Except for Ranma. Because he died.
And the moral of this story kids? If you see somebody writing a Ranma ½ fanfic which treats comedic and unrealistic violence seriously, hit them over the head with a giant hammer. Wait, no, don't actually do that. It will kill them.
Unless you're a cartoon character. Then go ahead!