Insensitive
For all those years people thought he was incapable of tears, incapable of shedding tears, of feeling any human emotion. He was there, they could see him now but they couldn't see how he was truly feeling. No one could see that he had cried before and now, he was in his own little world. In the first world championships that he had been a part of everyone didn't even see him as human, that's why after that they didn't think he was human at all. He had done something against what he was taught but in the end that didn't change their opinion of him. It was a horrible thing to feel. Feeling that everyone around you didn't think you were human, or, human enough to feel something at all.
Imagine that everyone around you, the people you see everyday, the people that walk past you everyday, the people you wish cared, all thought that you were nothing, not even human. Imagine someone telling you that you aren't normal, that you aren't right, that you aren't like everyone else. How would you feel if that happened to you? Maybe it already has so how did you feel when it did?
Needless to say it obviously didn't feel very good and Tala knew the feeling far too well. No one should be treated that bad, but he felt it all the time, if not in worse ways than already described. He had it bad, pretty damn bad for a boy his age. So what could he have possibly done to deserve being treated in such horrible ways? What? Well as a child he fell victim to Boris and being only a child, he had no other choice. Because of what happened three years before in the Abbey, he was being put through hell. All because he grew up differently than everybody else.
It's not the being alone that bothered him that much, it was the fact that everybody would see him and maybe even say things to him that they thought wouldn't affect him. The problem was that they did affect him, they just never realized because they never could believe that he had emotions like everybody else.
Not even his team really believed it. Yes, of course, they had a tendency to ask what was wrong if they saw him even slightly out of his cold character but that wasn't the same thing, he wanted them to care about him and not to forget all the pain he went through, all the help he needed from his friends. He really didn't want to burden them but he wanted help too or else he was going to end up the rest of his life feeling alone in a world where everyone didn't notice his human side. Who wouldn't hate living like that?
No one knew the tears he cried at night and you'd think, how could his team mates not notice it? Like, you'd expect your room mates to notice wouldn't you? Especially after you would have spent half your lives together, he was sure if they wanted to ask what was wrong that they would but they only did when they thought they needed to, which were almost always the wrong times or just the wrong sort of questions. You'd expect a friend to know when something is wrong, wouldn't you?
So how is it they didn't notice? He always noticed if something where wrong with them, and in the end, he did try to help them but they just never did the same for him. When they were kids, when he was still as kind and innocent as any other kid, he used to protect them, stand up for them and get beaten for their sakes, they always appreciated it but now the least they could have done was tried to help him. For the past few years he had tried so hard to convince himself that it didn't matter to him anymore but now, being around all the other teams for a reunion, it hurt because no one took any notice of him in the corner, or at least, those that did didn't bother to talk to him or even acknowledge his existence.
Of all the teams there, the rest of his team was the only one that wasn't there so from Russia, he was the only one that bothered to go. The only reason he even decided to go was maybe that he had a little hope, hope for something but not quite sure what. He went there with the thought in mind that someone might notice him or at least maybe he'd have a good time but the whole place, the people, they all stirred up old feelings he had and that was the worst part of the whole night, sitting there by himself in a corner, heart pounding furiously in his chest with tears almost ready to stream from his eyes.
Although the feeling persisted he wouldn't allow himself to cry. Years of training and almost nothing could bring himself to cry around other people, those he didn't trust in the least. Then again, who could really blame him for that? After all, if all this was to be blamed on someone it would be Boris, wouldn't it? He was the one that hurt Tala so badly, he was the one that taught everyone such horrible things, things that didn't really apply to what life was all about. So now that he was free from all the ties of the Abbey, he didn't quite understand why exactly he couldn't bring himself to do the things he wanted to do but was never allowed to.
Most likely because Boris had such a strong affect on him. Also, with a man as terrifying as Boris, who wouldn't be scared as a little kid around him? While living so horribly for so long, anyone would be scared and hurt, and a mentor like Boris didn't help any one in the least.
True that life wasn't all that great to him but now being free, living with his friends, it all seemed great if you put aside the fact that he was hurting the whole time around them but still, he did enjoy their company and they could all be a little bit more like themselves when they're alone and away from everyone else so basically their true characters where constantly hidden and a secret that was kept inside the Blitzkrieg Boys team.
Keeping their characters only to each other in the team wasn't a real problem, they never found that they had a problem with keeping that kind of stuff between them because they all tended to share their pain with each other too, all except Tala of course.
Now at the reunion he sighed, thinking it was some reunion if no one even bothered to talk to him. He sat forward, shielding his head from the world as he tried to hold back the tears that had grown so quickly in his eyes. His consentration on the task at hand didn't help him enough and even through all his bravery, all his strength, he couldn't control the pain so with little hope left in him he cried, a part of him hoping someone at least noticed that, despite all the rules he was bound by.
Sadly, because of the little light in the corner he was in, not many bladers saw him shaking in the corner. Because of the music no one heard the sobs from the bound and broken boy that sat by himself but…the worst part of it was, that people did think he was crying but all shrugged it off with the thoughts in their minds that ran along the lines of, 'Tala Ivanov can't cry.'
A/N: For some reason this fic came to me while writing chapter 16 of Cats and Dogs and I think I kind of see why these two are so attached and why I thought of this but you need to read that chapter to see what I mean. I hope someone out there liked it, sorry I couldn't make it any better but I'll work on it again if I see there are things to fix.
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