Special thanks to animefanatic15 / Leona for her undying support. :D Thanks so much for the corrections. Me love you much much!
And because of that, I am dedicating this work to her! Yay! After all, she's the one who made me write again. :)
Written: March 25, 2010
First Edit: April 27, 2010 ; Second Edit: April 28, 2010
A oneshot
..
Reminiscing the past was never a comfort.
For the past could have wonderful memories...
...and the present does not.
..
A Graduation to Remember
Dedicated to my dearest friend, animefanatic15/Leona
The little him walked to the stage and grab hold of the microphone. The introduction. He uttered words so familiar; words that I have spoken not too long ago. Memories started to leak; I remembered snippets of what used to be. I shook my head and concentrated on the stage. I must not get distracted...I must focus.
Little kids on the queue started to ascend the stage. Reciting verses they don't even understand. I smiled as I remembered the kindergarten me, holding a piece of paper and speaking into the microphone, never sparing the paper a glance.
..
"Mikan, it's your turn now, sweetie."
"Hai." I slowly walked to the stage. Jii-chan, this is it. Eyes, lots and lots of eyes were staring at me. Jii-chan, I'm scared.
As I went to the center of the stage, I looked right, I looked left. Jii-chan, where are you? My eyes had tears in them when someone pulled on my pigtail.
"Oww." I turned around and saw.. "Natsume, you bully."
"Baka. You don't cry on graduation day." He took my hand and pulled me to the center.
"Your Jii-chan's over there," he said pointing to the crowd, "He's waiting for you, baka."
I didn't look for Jii-chan anymore. I believed in Natsume. I smiled and said, "To all teachers and non-teaching staff, may you continue nourishing us students to the best of your abilities. We pray. Response." Lord, hear our prayer.
I turned around and smiled at him. "Thank you, Natsume."
He looked away and did that shoulder thingy. He always does that when I thank him.
I giggled. "You're so funny, Natsume." This time, he made that 'tch' sound. Bully. "Oh! That's right? Why are you here, Natsume?" His eyes widened by a little bit. "You said you didn't want to--"
He grabbed my hand and pulled me to the exit. The crowd was saying "aww". Gasp. "Oh! They heard us?"
"Baka."
..
Ah, sweet, innocent memories of the past. Who knew that even at the innocent age of six, his feelings for me were already on display. Sigh. I really am one dense idiot.
Reality hit me like a bucket of ice-cold water splashed on my face. It's in the past. It's all over. He's not here by my side anymore.
The mass ended then the graduation rites started. The graduates—kindergarten and elementary students walked down the aisle. Watching them, a faint smile graced my face. While he might walk casually, with a hand in his pocket and the other at his side, his little version was proud and confident. In that, they are different but the expression was a complete replica: Unreadable.
Youichi was called to the stage to deliver his speech. I eagerly recorded it on video; I smirked. He doesn't look like him--nor does Youichi sound like him. He had his own style...so different from his.
Youichi stepped down from the stage and put on a stoic face. Ba-dump. Ba-dump. It's him. I stared but I snapped out of it at the sound of the emcee's voice. My mind was in turmoil; the memories swirled all around.
I looked left, right, back, front. None--no sign of him. I felt my stomach plunge into my pelvic cavity. Darn it. I knew it was useless coming here in the hopes of seeing him. I should have known better than to expect him to attend an occasion such as this--an occasion he knows for sure that I will attend. He really doesn't want to see me that badly.
I flinched when I felt someone sit beside me. With dread and hopeful feelings, I turned and sighed, relieved and disappointed. It was Hotaru, my dearest Hotaru. She knows when I need her.
She looked right at me with those amethyst orbs of her--orbs filled with understanding and warmth. I guess she's on leave from her Ice Queen duties.
"Mikan, let's go."
"No. I'm fine." I held her hand. "Really, I am. I can take this." A reassuring smile was all that was needed to make her concentrate on the stage. "The awarding is about to begin." She says in a monotone. Same old Hotaru.
I just nodded and averted my gaze to the stage. Just in time. Youichi went up the stage, again, to receive his trophy, medals, and diplomas. Yes, plural. The runt.
He stayed on stage while a girl was called up to receive her awards. The Valedictorian, the Salutatorian. You have got to be kidding me.
..
A squeeze on my trembling hands told me there's nothing to worry about.
"Don't tell me you're turning back now."
"Natsumeee..." I turned to the person sitting next to me on the awardees' area.
"Baka. You can't turn back now." He looked at me straight in the eyes. Crimson and Hazel clashed. Fire and Earth. And like fire, he thawed me from my cold dilemma. "You're not six anymore."
"I knooow. But...there's a lot of people." Just like how it was six years ago. But now you're not going to be with me on stage. That's why I worry. :(
I wanted to tell him all of those but.. "What if I fall on my way to the stage? What if I stepped on my toga? What if I tripped over some invisible object? What if I messed up my speech? What if people laugh at me, jeer at me? I need you on that stage with me, Natsume. Natsumeee...I can't do this." I said while his grip on my hands tightened. It was like magic. His warmth flowed to me through our hands. I can fee his warmth, his concern, his love. The tension in me slowly faded.
"You worry too much. Stop it or I'll burn you." His eyes released mine as he looked at the stage.
"Natsume, that threat would have worked on me if we were six. We're 12 now. You think I'd fall for that?" I giggled. Same old Natsume.
"You're relaxed." He stated calmly. I paused. I am. Tsk. He really has an effect on me.
"Thanks." I smiled at him and squeezed his hand.
In return, he just squeezed my hand. "You don't need to worry."
"Huh?"
"I'm going on stage with you." Shock. Bewilderment. Realization. He stirred something inside me. I felt tears well up in my eyes. "So when you do fall, I'll be there to catch you."
I turn to look at him and miraculously, he didn't try to hide his face from me (like what he usually does). Instead, he faced me and looked at me with an intensity that had me melting.
I gave him a smile—a smile he knows that's only for his eyes to see.
"I love you." I told him.
He spared me a little smile and let go of my hand. The absence of his hands had an immediate effect. I felt cold and lonely and lost. But then I felt him hold my hand and intertwined our fingers. Warmth rushed back to me; an obvious proof: My face was flushed.
"As I, you."
..
He did go up the stage with me. The emcee, Narumi, told him that the Salutatorian wasn't supposed to climb the stage yet but he didn't listen. And he did catch me when I tripped on my toga. And did make the crowd swoon when he held my hand throughout my Valedictory Speech. Camera shutters went wild when he bent down and whispered, "Good job."
A sharp intake of breath made Hotaru forget about the happenings on stage.
"Mikan." As the good best friend she was, she patted my back as I clutched my heart. She waited for me to reply but when I didn't, she continued.
"Mikan, I know this hurts you. Why are you doing this?"
"I promised everyone that I'd attend their graduation. I cannot let what happened in the past stop me from fulfilling my promise."
She remained silent for a while. "Suit yourself." She said as she turned to look at the stage.
I composed myself before I dared to face the stage. I can do this. You can do this, Mikan.
On stage were Youichi and his classmate. Their necks were adorned with multiple medals, their hands with trophies and diplomas. The emcee (still Narumi) was still busy reading out the awards they garnered. Youichi, feeling burdened with all the awards, turned to Narumi. It seemed that they talked about sitting down as Narumi announced that they would be called later and proceeded to call the other graduates.
The rest of the awardees ascended the stage and got their awards with big smiles on their faces. They all look so happy. Finally, after how many years, they finally graduated. High school, here they come.
Little kids ascended the stage after their senpais got down. Excited and beaming, they shook hands with the principals, posed for the camera, and went down the stage; all eager to start a new chapter in their lives.
I smiled but it quickly faded when I saw Youichi and his classmate stood up and ascended the stage together. Fate is cruel.
..
"I wish Hotaru was here." I said as I leaned on his shoulder. "I miss her, Natsume. Why did she have to transfer?"
"It's for her own good, baka."
Sigh. "I know. But sometimes I wish she was here."
"Mikan Sakura, Valedictorian..." Narumi's sing-song voice echoed through the walls of the grand hall. I stood up, looked at Natsume, and ascended the stage. The principals each shook my hand and congratulated me for a job well done. I smiled and thanked them. The ESP handed me my trophy. […cringe]
"Natsume Hyuuga, Salutatorian..." He stood up and casually shook hands with the three principals. I saw him throw Persona a look. Persona nodded and Natsume returned the gesture. I'm glad they're on good terms now. He took his trophy from the ESP, dodged a teary-eyed Narumi (as he tried to give him a bear hug), and proceeded to stand beside me.
"Idiotic teacher. Pedophile."
I laughed. "Oh Natsume, stop it. You're about to graduate. At least let him hug you for the last time."
"I'd rather have you do it, Polka." Ooh, how I wish I could wipe that smirk off his face.
"Tough luck. I'm not giving you any free hugs today."
"Is that so?" Unexpectedly, he pulled me and let me lean on his chest. "You're standing too far."
"Mmm." Camera shutters…Oh well.
..
"The ceremony has ended, we thank you for..."
Narumi's voice woke me up. Darn it. I spaced out again.
I sat up and let my gaze wonder around the hall. I saw my little kawaii friends with their families and friends. Sweet goodbyes. I saw the principals walking together towards the exit; they seem to be in good terms now. That's good. I saw Persona and…:O Narumi?! What happened to the world?!
I cringed…a gesture Hotaru didn't fail to notice.
"Cold?"
"Yeah. 'Cause with you being the Ice Queen and all. ;)" She just threw me a cold glare. "Joking. ^-^v" To make it up, I pointed to the two…mismatched souls walking side by side. She merely raised an eyebrow at them. Wah.
I started to giggle but then stopped short. For in the distance, I saw someone—someone I have been wanting to see for a very, very long time. But that someone was engrossed with the conversation she had with no other than Mr. Valedictorian himself.
Aoi. Yes, Aoi.
Aoi was busy blushing and talking at the same time. Congratulating Youichi, I see. I smile at Aoi's bashfulness. Standing up, I was about to go talk to them when…
"Hijiri sure is like Hyuuga."
..
"Ladies and gentlemen, we proudly present to you, the graduates of year 2007!" There was applause and cheering and crying. Graduates, I repeated in my mind. We're leaving our elementary years behind. But at least I get to keep…
"Natsume, we graduated!"
A single smile was all I got from him. "Ne, just like how we planned, okay?" He merely rolled his eyes at me.
"Promise meeee."
Sigh. "I promise to go the same high school as you."
"Thank you, Natsume."
"Is that all I get?" Ooh. He's playing dirty. Tsk.
"Bully. What do you want then?" I'm already regretting this…
"You know what I want." A sly smile replaced that tender smile he had on a while ago.
"I'm sorry. I don't follow." Bushing furiously, I fidgeted at the hem of my toga. Just to tease me, he zeroed the distance between us. Gulp.
"I know you know. So step pretending." He playfully whispered at my ear. I could swear my cheeks were burning. Panicking, I tried to push him away. But the instant my hands landed on his chest, he grabbed them. No escape.
"Natsume. Uhm…we shouldn't. There's…there's a lot of people. The principals, the teachers, our senpais, kouhais, classmates, Hotaru! Natsumeee…" His grip on my hands only tightened. Is he still teasing me or is he for real? With my mind blank, I resorted to just closing my eyes.
A faint chuckle made me open them. He was there, five feet away from me, standing proudly with a smirk on his face. His eyes that seemed to only have known emptiness, pain, deception, warmth, and love were dancing playfully. Why the devil…
"Natsumeeee!" Embarrassed, I charged at him. But then…
Foot + Toga = Disaster. Slip. Catch. Step. Slip. Land. Bugsh.
"You should stop eating Howalons…pig."
"What would I give just to shut that mouth of yours." Ding ding ding! Idea!
"Well, you could--"
…
"Idiot."
"You're blushing." Aww, so adorable. "Effective, isn't it?"
"Whatever." He quickly pushed me away. He stood up, brushed off the invisible dust from his toga, and headed towards the exit. He looked pissed, really pissed. And I was standing there like an idiot. I gave him what he wanted and this is how he treats me?!
"Natsume…YOU BAKA!" Everyone in the hall turned to look at us. Huh. I guess they didn't witness my little stunt back there. "How could you just walk away like that? How could you have the guts to push me away and leave me here? How could you be so pissed?!" Tears had started to blur my vision. Bending my head down, I let my tears hit the ground. I guess my ego got hurt. "You--"
…
He hugged me so tight, I felt like we were one instead of two individuals. This was bliss…but why?
"I was pissed at myself." Huh? "I'm a man and I have my pride."
I broke away from his hug, shocked. "So you mean…you're mad because I initiated the kiss?"
"Idiot."
..
Familiarity. Happiness. Pain. Anguish. Loneliness.
I broke down silently. I could not possibly cry in the middle of a sea of faces. I resorted to thinking, but all I can think about was him--my undying love for him, my longing for his touch, my longing for his warm embrace...and I cannot deny that my hands long for his. I can only think of how much I miss him; how much I miss what we used to be.
I miss the man who hugs me from behind, who won't let me break away from his hug, who intertwines his hand in mine, who tightens his grip when I try to pull my hand, who teases me for being such a pig...and ending up eating my howalons. I miss the way he hates it when I talk of another man, when his friends get too friendly with me, when I cry or get hurt, when a single tear drops.
I miss his voice, his eyes, his lips, his hands and his fingers, his embrace...his love. I miss the sweet nothings he whispers, I miss how he manages to make me laugh when I'm down, I miss the long talks under the Sakura tree...that usually end with an I love you. I miss getting hyper when my phone beeps and I see his name. I miss his possessiveness, his over-protectiveness, his care...him.
And as Youichi pulled away from Aoi, there was only one thought in my mind: I miss him...the man I loved, love, and will always love. I miss my Natsume.
.. End ..
And this is my failed attempt at a oneshot. I'm sorry if it seems...weird. Originally, this is a diary entry. Actually, this is the story of what happened during my brother's graduation--the story of how much I miss my first love. So that would explain why Mikan topped the class instead of Natsume. :D
And as you can see, this is revised. Thanks to Leona, I realized that the only one who could truly understand what this fic means is me. LOL. That's why now you can see the past and all. Ooh. I'll give a cookie to whoever could pinpoint which events actually happened during my graduation. :D
Hope you like it, though. :)
Oh! Corrections and criticisms would be welcomed with open arms. :)