Acceptance
The circumstance in which he fell in love were, in one word, tragic.
He, Hotohori, Emperor of Konan, fell in love with someone he would never have. And he knew it.
It was unbelievable that any woman would not fall for him. He wasn't saying it to be arrogant. No, it was just the simple truth. Many women would die to just garner a speck of his attention, whether it was because of his looks or position.
And yet here she was…
The only woman ever to deny him…
"Miaka…"
He wouldn't have minded if it was just a passing infatuation.
But it wasn't… far from it.
He fell in love, even when he knew it was futile.
Why had he fallen in love with her? The Maiden of Suzaku, a regular high school student with an obsession with food.
Many people have wondered about that. Few garnered the courage to ask him, and whenever they do, he would say: "She knew me."
A rather cryptic answer is it not? And rather confusing as well. People would then say: Everyone in Konan knew him. He was the emperor of Konan. Who wouldn't know him?
And he would shake his head, amber eyes tinged with deep sadness. He would answer then: "She knew me as Hotohori, not as the emperor."
Miaka knew him as himself, not the person he chose to present to the crowd or the council. That made him happy.
Even with people surrounding him, he always felt alone, until she came into his life.
Being with her was like a breath of fresh air, like his dark world was suddenly exposed to blinding sun light. With her, there were no pretences. With her, he could be himself. There were no rules and expectations to hold him down.
For a few moments, he was free.
He never would have thought it would be his downfall, not that he regretted it.
And then there was Tamahome, one of his fellow warriors, the one who held Miaka's heart.
He fought for her, long and hard. No one could deny that.
Some would ask: Why?
Why fight for something that was hopeless even in the beginning?
He would smile then: "A cause will not be lost as long as there is a fool left to fight for it."
He wasn't a fool though, far from it.
But he had hoped…
Contrary to popular belief, he never wished to replace Tamahome in her heart, for he knew that the man was a big part of her.
He only hoped that someday, he would have a place in her heart as well, even a small one. He was content with that.
He married Houki out of duty, to give an heir to the kingdom. Not that he didn't love the concubine, he did, but in a different way. Houki knew it, and accepted it, which he was grateful for.
He knew he would never love someone as much as Miaka.
He had accepted that.
He knew he would always love her and wait for her. He would always be there for her, answer her every call.
Hotohori's eyes fell on the small bear she had left in his care. It was still sitting there, on his bed.
A forlorn sigh escaped his lips as his gaze turned towards the view outside of his window.
He remembered Houki ask him once: "Do you regret anything?"
Do you regret falling in love with her?
No.
He didn't.
Even when he looked back and relived all his memories, even the ones that had caused him pain of the deepest kind…
He couldn't find it in himself to regret anything.
He accepted that as well.