Rating : Rated S for silly.
Genre : Guy-Tells-Stories-to-a-Baby
Disclaimer : I don't own Lost. In fact, I don't own anything. So if you want to send me some money, or a stereo, It would be appreciated. Heck, I'll accept Reeses Peanut Butter Cups, if you can manage to mail them to me in one piece.
Summary : Charlie is a pathetic loser that does whatever Claire wants. So he's always taking care of Aaron and telling him stories to entertain him.
One day, Charlie was walking peacefully through the jungle, in deep meditation.
Just then, everything changed.
"Charlie!" Claire screamed in terror. You wish. No, Claire just called him, probably about to ask him to do something stupid. "Could you take care of Aaron for a while?"
Most cool people would find some way to get out of it, or just say no, but Charlie isn't cool. "Yes!" He squealed. He would be happy to. Not only did he like Claire and wanted to be all nice and junk, but he had not an inner child, but an inner baby, which always loved to hang out with his infant brethren. As he was pondering such stupid things, he realized how lame he sounded squealing how he would love to hang out with some baby. That was when his manly I-don't-want-to-look-stupid self, restated with a deep voice.
"Um, yes. I guess I can hang out with the little guy."
"Okay. If you need me, I'll be walking peacefully down the beach."
As Claire walked away, he sat down on some lump of wreckage, a little depressed, and started doing nothing. He looked at Aaron's crib. He didn't know why it was so awesome that Locke thought to build the crib. He could build one. He knew plenty about building stuff. He used to build giant monuments out of linkin' logs and legos. And he knew a lot about cribs, too. Heck, he slept in one the first four years of his life.
"Can you at least like…try to entertain me?" Aaron didn't say. Actually, Charlie said it with a little high-pitched voice, as if it were Aaron talking.
"Well sure. I guess so, Aaron. What do you want me to do?"
"Why don't you tell me a story or something?"
"I don't know…I'm not a very good storyteller."
"Please?"
"What are you gonna do if I don't?"
"I'll tell everybody you fold your socks individually."
"How do you know that? I never told you that!"
"Hey everybody! Charlie-"
"Okay, okay!" Charlie said. He tried to ignore everybody's stares.
"I'm ready."
"Once upon a time, there was a little bunny named Bottlecap."
"Bottlecap? That's the best you can think of in two seconds?"
"I'm telling the story here, Aaron!" Charlie roared very unfiercely, "Bottlecap was a happy little bunny that loved to eat bananas. But he didn't have any bananas. There was also a little monkey that loved to eat carrots. He loved to eat carrots, but he didn't have any carrots."
"What was the monkey's name?"
"Probably Bob. Bottlecap and Bob both really wanted their favorite food, but they didn't have any of it. But it just so happened that Bob had the bananas that Bottlecap wanted, and Bottlecap had the carrots that Bob wanted. You'd think they should just trade, right? Unfortunately, they didn't live in the same country, so they couldn't. In search of their favorite foods, they searched in the trees, they searched in the farmer's house, they even looked in Wal-Mart (Why doesn't Wal-Mart have good produce?), but they couldn't find what they wanted. So they both looked in eBay, and what did they find? Their favorite foods! It turned out, they had both put their not-favorite foods on eBay. So they traded online and got their favorite foods. So they lived happily ever after, eating their favorite foods. The end."
"Is there a moral to the story?" Aaron asked, looking up hopefully.
"Oh…" Charlie said. He didn't ever think to create a moral to the story. And you can't just tell a baby a story without a moral! It's taboo in society! "Um…monkeys are better off than us?"
"What?"
"Monkeys can have their favorite foods, because they have access to eBay! Why can't I have my favorite food? All I want is a couple of Reeses peanut butter cups! Is that too much to ask?"
"You know, the Hatch's computer has internet access-"
"Nobody cares about me! I wish I could just have one or two packs!" Charlie complained, not seeming to hear Aaron.
"And the Hatch has like a thousand Apollo peanut butter cups in the pantry and-"
"Don't try to make me feel better, Aaron. I'm just gonna leave."
"But Claire's gonna yell at you when she finds out you left me."
Charlie was already gone.
A/n : So how do you like it? I've got plenty more chapters if I get some positive input. Eh…I'll probably post them anyway, actually, but positive input me writing more.