"Suicide is man's way of telling God, 'You can't fire me, I quit!'"
Have you ever wondered what it's like to kill yourself?
Not that I'd want to. I'm not entirely depressed, and I'm not really brimming with issues that would call for such a thing. It's just...a thought.
It just bothers me how people can look at suicide as such a monstrous act against humanity. Like it's the worst sin committed and whomever shall dare cheat death out of a job will be barbecue for the rest of eternity. It's such a stupid thing to whine about. If a person wants to kill themselves, just fucking let them. Who are you to say someone has to live and someone has to die?
They tell you that there's always another way, your just depressed, it will get better. That's the thing, though. It doesn't get better for alot of people. It will never get better for some people. No amount of meds or therapy or counseling will change that. Some problems don't have a magic fix-it. Despite what Hallmark tells you, suicide is not a problem. Suicide is--for some people, that is--the best solution.
It's not even running away from problems. I'd say your pretty brave if you have the guts to pick up a gun and end it, do what so many people wish they could. You know your unwanted, and you want things you'll never have, and your basically a waste of oxygen, and you admit it, and you fix it. That's brave.
It's a good thought, being in control. You control how many pills you take, or how tight the rope is, or when the gun goes off. You command your heartbeats, and you monitor your breaths.
Again, not like I'm gonna do it. It's just nice to think about.
I count the aspirin in my hand, anyway, just for kicks. Fourty pills. White, chalky, with a brand printed blue in the center. I don't understand that. If it's going down the pipe anyway, who are you advertising to? Your intestines?
My head hurts so I take one.
In the general time line of the world, the death rate of everyone is zero. Humans die, it's what goes on. Even happy people. We all die anyway, so why does it matter how late or how early?
God, my head hurts. I take two more.
Humans are alot less awesome then we make ourselves out to be. We fight and kick and scratch our entire lives to get to the top of some corporate latter, only to die with a false sense of nobility. Our entire lives. From the moment we're born, to the moment our heart skips too many beats.
At least apes pick the bugs off each other.
I decide the twitch in my foot is cause for aspirin, and I take another.
No body gives a crap about anybody but themselves, anyway. They claim they do, yeah, but you stick any married couple in a burning building, you can bet one of thems gonna push the other into a melting stove and make a run for it.
Jesus, my head really hurts. I take another.
I glance at the phone, which is still not ringing. I hope my father gets cancer.
No, I don't. That's not painful enough. AIDs...zombie fever...tumors all over his body...and diarrhea.
I'm not thinking straight. I take a few more.
It's a shitty world. I wonder where the Flock is. They've been having alot of fun here, with Dr. M and Jeb. Like they've completely forgotten what he's done to us.
My head starts to throb, really throb, so I take another two.
I'm tired now, so I stumble from the bathroom, and into the guest room. My knees are buckling, and the aspirin bottle is clenched so tightly in my hands that I'm losing feeling in my fingers. I fall on the bed, my head missing the pillow by inches, and I feel like my heads going to cave in. I try to take another, but my fingers aren't working right, and I drop the bottle.
No, I'd never kill myself, I think, as everything starts to spin and I close my eyes. I'd never have the guts.
Authors Note: This started off as a contest for school, but then I realized it was crap and turned it into a Maximum Ride fanfic. Sigh.