Title: The Importance of an Embrace
Summary:
Death ... dying. What if nothing could prevent it? Will Arthur find the power to go on when someone very close to him is dying? A very sad day has to be overcome in Camelot. No slash, only friendship/bromance.
Warning: Character Death
Hello everyone,
this story just crossed my mind without warning and kept me off my sleep, forcing me to write it down. Which was not really a good timing because I wrote until 4.30 am and had to get up 5 am for a stressful day of work. I hope, I'll get this day over without passing out ... yawn.
I guess it's nothing great but maybe you'll still like it. It's much sadder than my other story. I apologize to let this character die. Generally I'm not one who loves to "kill" main characters but somehow I had to do so this time. Hope you can forgive me …
Disclaimer: Merlin doesn't belong to me, even not in death.
"Where is he?"
The prince yelled to a servant standing nearby. The boy was still out of breath.
"I'm sorry, Sire, we haven't found him yet."
"Then go on, hurry, there's not much time left!"
"At once, Sire!"
The servant rushed out of the dark room again leaving the desperately looking prince behind. Arthur started to pace through the room but stopped again when a weak groan filled the room.
At once he returned to the bed, taking the powerless hand of the person lying on it, speaking pleadingly.
"Please, you have to hold on until he comes. Don't give up until then."
For a moment the person opened his eyes and nodded before a new wave of pain ran through his body. Again the man pressed his eyes close to endure it. His heart was at its limit, it couldn't take anymore … not for long ... no matter how hard he tried.
Arthur couldn't watch him suffer and again rose from the chair to meet the door, spotting out if he would finally come. Just where was he? He was needed here so urgently but no one had found him yet.
The prince had sent out servants and knights alike to search for the man in need about an hour ago but no one succeeded in his search.
Another groan came from the bed and Arthur turned around. The prince eyes filled with little tears of compassion. The man lying there would die within the next minutes and still he fought so hard just to hold out some more minutes. Mere seconds just to see his last wish fulfilled. He wanted to see him one last time before he died.
Arthur wiped away the little drops on his face and went for the door again.
Dammit, Merlin, just where are you!
The servant had just picked the last herb the physician had instructed him to get. Merlin looked up to the sky. It was time to get back. The sun was already about to go down and Arthur would surely go mad if he wouldn't get him his lunch in time.
Sighing he shouldered his back and went back to the cities entrance.
Suddenly he heard loud noises. Quickly running foot noises approached him.
Curiously looking up to the sound Merlin recognized Sir Leon whose eyes widened when he spotted the servant.
"Merlin! There you are!"
The knight overcame the last distance and remained staying in front of Merlin, heavily panting for air.
But he didn't wait for his lungs to recover but shouted out the urgent words:
"Merlin … quick … you have to hurry! Get back to the castle at once. He's near death, he'll die any moment! Leave, at once!"
Merlin was totally shocked and confused.
"Who?"
"Gaius!"
Merlins shock remained only for a second then he sprint as fast as he could towards the castle.
It was a way of about five minutes but it occurred to Merlin as if it were hours that he needed to get to his mentors room.
How could it be? When he had left Gaius this afternoon he was totally fine. Nothing seemed wrong and now he was dying? No way … it just couldn't be!
Merlin hurried. His legs cried to stop but he pushed on not listening to them until he had finally made it.
He pushed the door to Gaius' room open and nearly stumbled but was able to hold his body upright.
The mood that hit him from inside was horrible.
He saw several people standing near the door, watching in some respectful distance at Arthur sitting on a chair next to Gaius' bed, who blocked the view on the person lying inside.
When Merlin approached them quickly he just came to see how Arthur cautiously shoved Gaius' eyelids close and guided the lifeless hand to the breast of his owner.
Merlin broke to his knees right in front of the bed, seeing that it was too late. Gaius had just died seconds ago.
"No!"
His eyes filled with tears at once.
"Noooo!"
He couldn't hold his crying voice back or the flood of tears that quickly ran over his face and dripped to the ground.
It was too much for him to bear. His body lost every strength. His hand couldn't even cover his face.
Why did he have to go so far away today of all things? He could have helped Gaius, maybe even rescued him or at least say Goodbye if he had just hurried some more with the stupid herb picking. But no, he had enjoyed the peace and quiet out on the field. He had rejoiced to be alone, no one picking on him, ordering him around. He had just dawdled for not to go back to the castle too quickly.
And now this was his reward. It tore him apart mercilessly.
Just when Merlin had entered a small number of people had come in there too either slightly former or later. There was Gwen who was already crying since a while. The Knights of the Round Table had just arrived because they had searched for Merlin as well. Sir Leon, Percival, Elyan, Lancelot and Gwaine, they all stood around, serious and mourning faces described their silent feelings.
Arthur would have expected his father to wait by his old friend's side until the end but Uther had just accompanied Gaius about an hour ago. He had sent Arthur out of the room to talk to the physician in private. And mere five minutes had passed until he left the room again, serious face on but no sign of tears or deep sorrow.
Arthur had watched him and didn't know what he should think about this … sort of cruelly cold behaviour. But maybe his father was just able to mask his feelings. Who knew ...
The prince had entered the room again to watch over the old physician until his ward would arrive. He hadn't dared to join the search for Merlin because he didn't want to leave the old man alone with his suffering.
It had been just half an hour ago that Arthur had entered the chambers of the physician in order to find Merlin and make him fix a shirt that the prince had just ruined within his practicing with the knights.
And then he had to watch in total shock how Gaius lay on ground unmoving.
At once he had ran to him and tried to get him awake. He needed some time but finally the old man regained some weak consciousness.
Arthur had helped him to his bed where Gaius' hand pressed on his own chest right to the heart.
"Gaius, what is it? How can I help you?"
The old man couldn't speak clearly but he was totally aware of his situation.
"No ... Arthur. There is nothing ... you could do. ... Heart attack. Nothing ... able to cure. I will ... die. Just minutes ... left. Please ... I have to ... speak to Merlin ... one last time. Please!"
At once Arthur had called every servant and knight within reach, ordering them to search for Merlin and inform the king and Gwen immediately. He also summoned another physician who couldn't make any different diagnosis. Gaius would die and nothing could change that.
The time had passed and after the king had left the room allowing Arthur to accede the room again he found Gaius lightly able to speak.
"Arthur, please ... come to my side."
Arthur followed the wish at once.
"Merlin will be here soon, don't worry."
Gaius smiled weakly.
"Sire, you know better than me how often Merlin tends to be late."
Arthur would have agreed laughingly but not today.
"He will come, you have to believe!"
Gaius shook his head.
"No, I can feel that I have only minutes left and these I cannot waste waiting."
Gaius coughed before he continued.
"Sire, I have one last wish."
"Say it, I'll do everything."
"Thank you. It is Merlin."
"What about him?"
"I beg you to look after him. Please keep him safe, he is like a son to me and I can only go without regret if I know that someone will care for him."
"Of course, Gaius. But I've always protected him, don't worry, I won't stop it."
"There is more."
"What do you mean? Has he done something what could put him into danger?"
"Not directly. It is just ... I cannot tell you. But Merlin has a secret that he kept from you since you've met."
"A secret?"
"Yes, but you have to believe me. It's no bad will or anything like that. Merlin is no evil person but one day you will know what I am talking about and when this time comes, I beg you with everything I have that you won't reject him. Forgive him and don't condemn him. He had very hard times because of this and he needs some guidance and comfort from time to time. I can't provide it any longer. Of course I don't expect of you to fill in this position but please be friendly towards him when he's down. It will help him more than anything because he values you very high."
"Are you sure about that?"
"Please, Arthur, no jokes right now. You know that I am right. Of course, Merlin often acts differently around you compared to other servants and speaks out of term but this he only does to advise you, make you realize things. It is his way to show you the right way."
Again Gaius coughed and this time it got worse. The pain got stronger and denied Gaius to speak further. With his last strength he tried to get his hand up to the prince.
Arthur saw it and took Gaius' hand.
"Arthur ... please ... promise ..."
"I do, Gaius. I promise I will protect Merlin, don't worry."
"Good. ... Then ... fare ... well!"
The old man's voice died away, his hands weight fell lifelessly down and was only prevented to hit the ground because Arthur was still holding it.
The prince looked terrified at the old physicians face but it was meaningless. Gaius had died.
Arthur needed a moment to steady himself. Gaius eyes were still open but all life was gone.
He heard a noise behind him. Someone had pushed the door open, making Arthur jolt back to his duty. Surely it was Merlin and he didn't want his servant see the lifeless eyes of Gaius. Merlin would have hard times anyway but he shouldn't have to remember this picture burned into his memory.
So Arthur shoved Gaius eyelids down and placed the dead hand to Gaius' chest. Then he got up turning around slowly just to see Merlin kneeing on the ground screaming with tears in his eyes.
It was horrible to watch him filled with such sorrow and pain. But there was more: Regret an Anger.
Arthur understood. Merlin reproached himself for not being able to make it there in time. It was hard, if he had just been some minutes earlier he could have said Goodbye. But now it was over.
Merlin looked broken as if he could never get up again.
Arthur turned around. The others had lowered their heads and were mourning silently except for Gwen who as a woman was allowed to cry in such a situation. It was an unwritten law that men weren't allowed to cry in public.
If it wouldn't have been that sad Arthur would have called his servant a girl one more time but he could totally understand. When his own father would die one day Arthur knew it would be hard to hold the tears back no matter what. And he knew as well that Merlin would be the last who would laugh at him then.
However it wasn't necessary for half of the castle household to watch Merlin mourning though they all stood far enough away so that they weren't able to hear Gaius last words before. By now also other knights, servants, court members and further people had come to the room. Arthur didn't want them there right now.
The prince didn't need to say much to make them vanish.
"Everyone, I beg you to leave."
They all obeyed. Those close to Gaius bowed a little to the dead body to pay their respect before they left. Gwen followed Sir Leon, Percival, Lancelot, Elyan and Gwaine at last. Each of them had bowed very deep to honour their old friend.
Only Merlin remained. It was as if he hadn't heard what Arthur had said at all. But that was all right because Arthur didn't want him to go.
The prince approached his servant and crouched down to be on the same height.
One moment longer Arthur just looked into empty eyes.
Merlins thoughts haunted the servant. Many unsettling things rushed through his mind. There were so many times that Gaius had embraced his ward when he went out with Arthur to a dangerous quest because both knew of the possibility that they wouldn't meet again.
But this time it was impossible. Merlin could never ever feel the embrace of the man again who was like a father to him, his guidance who kept him away from going mad at all the difficult things in the warlocks life.
Merlin thought about when the last time was that the old man guided his arm fatherly around the boy. Merlin couldn't remember exactly. It was weeks ago, maybe months. Why couldn't he remember?
Merlin startled when he suddenly realized that Arthur was close to him.
He twitched, his terrified eyes ran around wildly in terror as if he expected someone would hit him.
Arthur spoke calmly.
"Merlin!"
A mere sob escaped Merlins mouth when he tried to answer. He swallowed it down and wiped away some tears. Arthur realized how futile this attempt was. Merlins face looked as if he had cried since days, eyes deeply red and the skin below swollen.
Finally the servant got a shaking word out, the voice still shaky and high.
"Sire?"
Arthur sighed and placed a hand on Merlins shoulder. The servant twitched under the touch but calmed down after hearing Arthurs words.
"Today you may cry. There's nothing wrong about it."
Merlin tried to take the words into his head but seemed to struggle. He lowered his head and tried desperately to bite down the urge to cry on.
Arthur sighed. Why did Merlin never understand him?
"Merlin. It's all right, don't hold it back."
Merlin shook his head, clearly trying even more not to cry, making his face structure strangely.
"No, it's not all right! It's my fault. Why couldn't I just be back in time? I could have helped him."
Arthur felt how Merlin was shaking under his hand and couldn't take it any longer.
He pulled Merlin closer into a comforting embrace, placing his arms protectively around him.
"Stop talking such nonsense! Gaius told me himself, there was no cure. And now stop trying to act manly. It's not the time for it. Cry because this is what you need to do now. Biting down the mourning doesn't help, believe me."
Merlin took in the words and wavered. He was so confused. Gaius was dead, he would never come back, never embrace him ever again.
Realizing that Arthur had taken in this place suddenly Merlin wasn't sure if this was fitting for the prince. How often had the heir to the throne obviously rejected to embrace his servant and now he just did it. It couldn't take away the pain of sorrow but no matter what, Merlin was thankful because it helped a lot to endure.
Arthur felt Merlins rejection finally vanish. Eventually the boy let himself sink into the embrace and soon warm teardrops reached Arthurs back and more silent sobbing filled the room.
The prince couldn't help but to shed some tears as well remembering Gaius who was always a good friend and mentor.
Arthur had cried in the past from time to time, of course never in public. He had avoided crying whenever someone was near him but today it didn't matter.
This time they would share their sorrow.
And though Arthur was still confused about Gaius' last words he knew one thing for sure: No matter what Merlins secret was he would fulfil Gaius' last wish and protect his friend forever.
- End -
So, what do you think? Too cruel? I know I am but I hope Gaius can forgive me killing him without giving him an opportunity to say Goodbye to his ward.
In fact I came across this idea thinking about a situation when Arthur would stop being a prat and go to embrace Merlin without any hesitation and this was the result.
I intentionally kept open who was dying at the beginning. Did someone fear it was Merlin?
Please review, it would light up my momentary very sad mood.
Bye, Cennamace