Disclaimer: I don't own anything here. None of it. Do with it what you will. This was purely for my entertainment and the amusement of others. So please don't sue my poor backside. Legacy of Kain belongs to Eidos and "Do Virgins Taste Better?" belongs to Randy Farran or whoever owns the rights now. "The Dragon's Retort" belongs to Claire Stephens. I think I've covered all of my bases

"Do Virgins Taste Better? A Parody"

A vampire has come to our village today.

We've asked him to leave, but he won't go away.

Now he's talked to our King and they've worked out a deal

No men will he turn and no kids will he steal.

Now there is but one catch, we dislike it a bunch

Twice a week he invites him a virgin to lunch.

Well, we've no other choice, so the deal we'll respect,

But we can't help but wonder and pause to reflect.

Chorus:

Do virgins taste better than those who are not?

Are they salty, or sweeter, more juicy or what?

Do you savor them slowly? Suck them down on the spot?

Do virgins taste better than those who are not?

Now we'd like to be shed you, and many have tried.

But no one can get through your thick albino hide.

We hope that some night some Sarafan will com by.

Cause we can't wait around til you're too big to fight.

Now you have such good taste in your women for sure.

They always are pretty. They always are pure.

But your notion of dining, it makes us all flinch,

For you favorite entrée is a blood-drained wench.

Chorus:

Now we've found a solution, it works out so neat,

If you insist on nothing but virgins to eat.

No more will our number ever grow small,

We'll simply make sure there's no virgins at all!

"The Vampire's Retort"

Well, now I am a vampire, please listen to me

For I'm misunderstood to a dreadful degree.

This ecology needs me, and I know my place,

But I'm fighting extinction with all of my race.

But I came to this village to better my health

Which is ever so poor in spite all my stealth

But I get no assistance and no sympathy

Just impertinent questioning shouted at me.

Chorus:

Yes, virgins taste better than those who are not.

But my favorite snack food with peril is fraught

For my fangs will decay and my trim go to pot.

Yes, virgins taste better than those who are not.

Now we vamps are deep thinkers, at science we shine

And our world's complicated with every new line.

We must quit all the things that we've done since the war.

Like feasting on fresh corpses that are dripping with gore.

Well I'm really quite good almost all of the year.

Vegetarian ways are now mine out of fear.

But a birthday needs sweets as I'm sure you'll agree

And a blood-drained wench tastes like candy to me.

Chorus:

As it happens our interests are almost the same

For I'm really quite skillful at managing game

If I messed with your men would your excess decline?

Of course not, the rest would just make better time.

But the number of babies a woman can bear

Has a limit and that's why my pruning's done there

Yet and orphan's a sad sight, and so when I munch

I'm certain to take only virgins for lunch.

Chorus: