.Faith.

Chapter 1-. 3 A.M. Ponderings

A Gilmore Girl's Fan fiction

By- Eruva

A/N: I have not watched anything beyond the 4th season; except for a few of the episodes Jess was in. So if anything just seems absorbed, blame it on someone else. Set around the same time Jess gets a call from his mom and then he goes and steals his car back from Luke, I suppose.

Oh the irony, I have written this for two nights in a row and every time I look down at the bottom of my screen it's almost 3 a.m.

Excuse the title for this whole thing I couldn't think of anything better.

Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls and if I did, I wouldn't have let Jess be such an idiot about dropping out of school…

Hope you enjoy…

----

Contemplating, that was what he was doing now. Actually, it seemed to be what he was always doing when it came to Rory. She confused him. Not confused in the bad sense that made you want to rip you hair out of your skull. Or, the bad way that makes you want to drink a full bottle of vodka in one swig and see if you can still walk straight or, let alone stand. No. Confused in the way that he was sure he could never have felt this way unless he had met her.

He left. He didn't even say goodbye to her and it hurt him every time he thought about it, and he thought about it a lot. It was currently three a.m. and he couldn't sleep, something that happened regularly after Rory had that one sided conversation with him on the phone where we couldn't work up the courage to speak. He was stupid, a coward, and cruel. He knew he shouldn't have done it; he shouldn't have left her without so much as a word, no "sorry"s, no nothing. He tried moving on and found nothing to move onto.

It amazed him to no end. How could he be missing a town that he hated so much? Was it all for Rory, every second of his depression and his sorrow, was it for her? Was it all because he was too stupid and too much of a coward to pick up that phone and dial the number he had already memorized? He turned over in his bed and tried to fall asleep again, doubting it would come, but he had to try.

---

Rory Gilmore was depressed. At first she was angry. When she realized he was sitting next to her on the bus and hadn't bothered to tell her that it might be the last time he saw her. Rory Gilmore was beyond pissed off; she was enraged. She did was she usually did to clear her mind, she ranted off at her mother. Lorelei had been patient and kind, letting her cool off, but the angry time had passed.

Now, she was just depressed. She didn't have a number to call to tell him that she was sorry for what she said at her graduation. If she had the number, she would have told Jess so many different things, the possibilities ran through her mind too often. It was three a.m. and even reading the dullest book on her shelf hadn't made her fall asleep the night before. So she gave up, and switched on the light beside her bed.

Staring up at the ceiling she thought of all the things that had gone wrong recently. There was so much running through her mind that made her miss the simplicity of being ten years old. Thoughts kept running through her head at the speed of light and none of them were welcomed. All she wanted to do was sleep, but she couldn't get his face out of her mind; the face that would bring tears to her eyes when she thought about how he had left. Yet, there was this aching hole in her life since he left, something she knew only he could fill.

It killed her. It killed her thinking and knowing that he would never feel for her what she felt for him. She loved him. Despite all his shortcomings, all his faults and all the times he couldn't find the words to say, she loved him. It was probably, she thought, all this that made her love him. There was something that she would never understand about him. It was the way he made her feel safe, almost at home when she was with him, even though she knew how unpredictable he could be. She drifted to sleep with his face floating across her dreams.

----

Tbc I think.