Disclaimer: I don't own X-Men:Evolution. Kisha-Ra came up with the idea in her fic 'Homework Excuses from the X-Mansion'.
Summary: We all have excuses for why we didn't do homework. What would the X-Men say?
Homework Excuses From The X-Men
1) I live in the Xavier Institute. Do you really want to know?
No. As a matter of fact, Bayville High's Physics teacher didn't want to know why Xavier's students had failed to turn in their homework.
She just knew that the explanation would only give her a headache.
The first (and only) time she had asked for an explanation, it had taken nearly an hour of bizarre but verifiable reasons, and the end result of calling in a substitute for her next class, and spending the rest of the day curled up with a plushie toy and the strongest alcohol she could find.
2) A FOH mob saw it. It was my homework or my life.
All right. Mrs. Bygone, the Sophmore History teacher in Bayville, had no particular love for mutants. However, she was quickly developing even less love for the Friends Of Humanity, a very extremist Anti-Mutant group who probably would attack a Mutant on sight, allowing them to sacrifice their homework.
She agreed that Mutants and Humans shouldn't mingle, but she didn't approve of killing people just because they had an extra chromosome or two. Just look at all the other instances throughout history! The KKK, the Holocaust, the Crusades; all of them ended badly.
Besides, lack of homework from students meant more work for her when she tried to write lesson plans based on the entire class, which was very difficult when a lack of assignments meant she had no idea where they were up to.
Mutant students needed to hand in homework as well, not have the FOH providing them with plausible excuses on a daily basis!
3) I left it on the kitchen table. When I got back the New Mutants had come down for breakfast.
In all fairness, that did explain everything. Curious about Mutants, and one of the few teachers who didn't care about the occasional extra chromosome, the Biology teacher at Bayville High School had set up an appointment with Professor Xavier to discuss how the Institute Students were faring in school.
Unfortunatly, he had set the appointment for early on a Saturday morning. Upon arrival, he had been nearly run over by a group of children rushing for the dining room and fighting over the remote for Saturday morning cartoons.
The meeting with Professor Xavier had gone well, and the Biology teacher had recovered from the shock by the time he had left. However, the sight of the dining room, covered with frozen eggs, sausage-shaped charcoal, and a loaf of bread stuck through the table, was not one that he would be forgetting any time soon.
Ruined homework via those hellspawn was not as far-fetched as some other teachers might think.
4) Principal Kelly said that it was "Contaminated by Mutie Scum". I have to e-mail it to you once it passes quarantine.
Normally, this would be counted under the 'Top Ten Worst Excuses Of All Time' and met with a detention. On the other hand, Principal Kelly was somewhat irrational when it came to Mutants. Rumour had it that he was even connected to the FOH, and the only reason that the X-Men were still in school was because the school board refused to let Principal Kelly throw them out without a good and provable reason.
The Advanced Maths teacher stormed into Principal Kelly's office, throwing a pile of paper down on the desk. It was a stack of homework assignments, each with a large red stamp of 'CLEARED' on the front page.
The teacher's ire only grew as Principal Kelly looked supremely unconcerned, and didn't quail under the teacher's Glare of Doom. The Principal of Bayville High raised an eyebrow at the furious teacher, who obviously wanted an explanation. "Is there a problem?"
Principal Kelly faced Glares Of Death from the Rogue whenever she caught sight of him, and had developed a high tolerance against any lesser glares. He was unshaken as the Math teacher practically hissed at him. "Yes, there is a problem! My students are always late handing in homework because it supposedly has to pass quarantine first! That stops now!"
Principal Kelly sighed. The Homework Screening had originally begun as a way to try to convince the X-Men to drop out of school from sheer frustration. However, it was only supposed to be one set of homework from each class per week. If it was happening every day, then that meant the mutants had figured out what he was doing and were using it to their advantage. He would have to stop.
Bloody Mutants.
5) Pyro was visiting. I didn't finish fire-proofing my room in time.
St. John Allerdyce, the Acolyte codenamed 'Pyro', was infamous for his obsession with fire, which went above and beyond being intrigued by his mutant power.
He had joined the Acolytes because Magneto had promised him that he could light all the fires he wanted during fights, without The Un-named Australian Mutant Team (no one ever bothered to think up an official name) interfering. The team was very efficient when it was needed, and headed by a mutant who reportedly could face down a Tsunami without flinching. Whether this was true or not, the UAMT had a nasty habit of putting out all his lovely fires, and taking away his lighters and flamethrowers.
The truth was, Pyro liked fire, and the X-Mansion had this amazing Sheila who could turn herself into living fire, his greatest fantasy come to life. She was his goddess, and he was determined to prove his devotion to her.
Unfortunately, Pyro only knew one way to prove his devotion: Fire. Therefore, his methods of displaying his awe and devotion tended to involve burning things, or making fire-creations in her honour, which literally sent everything up in flames anyway.
Even though the X-Men, Acolytes and Brotherhood had formed something of a truce after Apocalypse, everyone still stocked up on fire extinguishers and anti-flammables, and fire-proofed their rooms whenever there was even a hint of Pyro visiting. Un-announced visits were considered the stuff of nightmares.
Well, the stuff of nightmares and ruined property, especially homework.
6) Gambit was trying to impress Rogue. He failed. My homework was a casualty
Gambit tried to impress Rogue on an almost daily basis. The only problem was, it never seemed to work.
Rogue held grudges better than anyone Gambit knew, except maybe the Assassins. She also hated to be used or manipulated. Charming her in the battle with the Acolytes, and later kidnapping her and using her to rescue his father had landed Gambit a permanent position in her Black Books.
Even worse for Gambit, he was not the only one competing for Rogue's attention. There was Jamie, who had adopted Rogue as his honorary 'older sister' and frequently spent time with her alone, as both had mutations that didn't go well with crowds. Gambit was the self-proclaimed King of Hearts, but that somehow fell short of Jamie's 'superior cuteness'.
There was Angel, who had become friends with Rogue in their initial encounter during Christmas in New York. When Rogue permenantly absorbed the ability to fly, Angel had been the one to help her master it, and stop crashing into trees. Gambit had many skills, but following the two when they decided to go for a fly was not among them.
Then there was Sam, with his boyish good looks, and Rogue's fellow Southerner at Xavier's Institute. He had been with her when the X-Men fought Apocaplyse, and that had created a strong bond between them. Not to mention that he was the Southerner who hadn't kidnapped her, which put him above Gambit.
That day, he had been watching Angel trying to chat up Rogue, who was responding far better than she ever did to him, and decided to remove the competition.
Gambit had spent the day following Rogue around the Institute, watching from the shadows and throwing charged cards whenever someone looked to be getting a little too close. Finally, Rogue had cornered him and told him in no uncertain terms to leave her alone. Gambit had taken this as a sign that he needed to try harder to impress her, but Iceman had accidentally slammed into him, causing him to fall and accidentally charge a table covered in various X-Men's homework.
Needless to say, Rogue had been even less impressed than usual.
7) Colossus doesn't read English and thought that it was his contract with Magneto. You try arguing with a large metal Russian who can send you through the nearest wall with a single punch!
The gym teacher had actually considered the excuse, but eventually decided that even mutants would bow to the almighty Gym Coach and marched right over to the demolition site where the Russian had gained a temporary job to give him a piece of his mind.
Sadly, 'a piece of his mind' involved stomping up to the tall mutant and starting to yell at him. Even worse, the Coach started his rant with: "I don't care if Magneto's holding your baby sister at gunpoint! You can't just…tear…up…"
He trailed off at this point as the seven-foot-tall mutant grew even bigger, turning into solid metal. He would never admit to his very audible gulp at Piotr's death-glare, or the distinctly girlish scream as he went flying through the air, making a very large crack in a block of cement as he landed.
Seeing a twenty foot structure turn to rubble with only a few punches, the Coach decided that he could let the homework slide for once.
8) Warren Worthington came to visit. It was do my homework or gaze at an angel. I just became religious.
Professor Xavier sighed as he looked out the window. He liked Warren Worthington, he really did. The winged mutant was a genuinely good person, and had been a great help in the battle with Apocalypse.
Unfortunately, he the young man lived up to his codename of Angel in both deed… and appearance.
In contrast to his frequently rowdy students, it was nice to have the calm, well-mannered youth around, but it was impossible to deny that nothing would ever get done when he was around.
The girls were mooning after him or fighting each other over who sat next to him, or spoke to him, or called him to dinner, (Rogue usually won) and the boys spent their time trying to re-gain the girls' attention, and/or running around, trying to make sure that Angel was never alone with any of the girls.
Oddly enough, Warren seemed to get on best with Rogue, possibly the least likely of the Institute's girls. Even stranger, Rogue actually flirted back, much to Gambit's somewhat-more-obvious-than-he-might-have-hoped dismay and horror.
Turning back to his desk and the letters from Bayville High, Professor Xavier sighed again. Deciding that he might as well get it over with, he opened the first one, trying to think up a suitable explanation.
Somehow, he felt that mentioning angels as an excuse would not be taken well.
9) Remember how the Home Ec. Assignment was practical, and we had to actually cook something? Kitty's was taking over the kitchen for her assignment. It'll take far more than a passing grade to make me go in there with her.
Baking muffins is a perfectly innocent experience. In fact, if left alone, Rahne was sure that the muffins themselves were innocent. It was when Kitty started looking for a taste-tester that things got ugly.
There were the muffins that had actually bounced, that even Kurt refused to go near, and spent the rest of the day teleporting to the other end of the Mansion whenever he heard so much as Kitty's footsteps.
Then there were the rock-cake muffins, which had actually put a hole in the floor, and had sent 'Fearless Leader' Cyclops running.
After that, there was the fudge that Kitty had somehow tricked Rogue into tasting before Kurt could port in and rescue or warn his sister. That time, Rogue had put an end to the whole cooking disaster by draining Kitty and 'accidentally' phasing her cook-books into the wall.
In all fairness, that had been the best-case scenario, and had only happened after a good half-hour of being restrained from draining Shadowcat and phasing her into a wall, complete with experimental power inhibitor to stop her from getting out again.
Despite walking on eggshells around her room mate for days, the moving, talking cooking-disaster failed to get the message. Two weeks later, Kitty had forced her way back into the kitchen, and could easily be located afterwards by listening for the moving zone of complete silence in the otherwise noisy Mansion. Even the New Mutants knew better than to go near her, when Kitty was looking to try out a new recipe.
Attempts to foist the cooking disasters off on the Brotherhood had also failed, as not even Blob would go near any of it, and even Lance refused to taste-test, no matter what Kitty did. Even trying to beg Wanda into using her powers to make them edible had come to naught. As the Scarlet Witch had pointed out to Rogue "Some probabilities just won't be defied."
10) My homework was on the computer, I swear! Then Ray shorted out the power and about six Jamies fell on my laptop.
Rogue and the Scarlet Witch had formed what Quicksilver had termed 'an unholy alliance', bonding over evil parents and being female members of the Brotherhood, though Rogue had left for the X-Men.
It had been Rogue who stopped Wanda from murdering Magneto when Mastermind's lies wore off and her memory of the Asylum returned. It was Wanda who provided someone to talk to that didn't leave Rogue with an urge to strangle the cheerfulness out of them.
Still, that didn't mean that anyone wanted to be around when they were together, or when someone managed to annoy them. In the case of the lost homework, Bobby had thought it would be amusing to make an ice-caricture of the two. He had managed to escape before they could get him, but the two girls had not been amused, and were intent on hunting him down. A well-aimed hex had stopped Iceman from using his powers, so he was forced to rely on just running.
Rogue and Wanda had chased him into the library, where most of the institute was doing their homework
In a panic, Ray had shorted out the power and everything had turned to chaos as people stumbled about in the darkness. Sunspot had fallen over an upturned chair, then Cannonball tripped over him, crashing into Multiple. Multiple had promptly turned into about twenty Multiples, and several things got trampled.
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A/N: So, what do people think? I'll probably do more, and any suggestions are very welcome.
Review, everyone!
Thanks,
Nathalia