Yugi Joins a Nudist Colony
Howdy ho! Here's another deliciously wicked one-shot I wrote that I just had to share. This was originally posted on Quizilla, but it was probably one of my greatest stories on that entire site so I decided to post it here too! Of course, I edited it and added some stuff. It still sucks though. :P And guess what… NO OC'S! GASP! O.O But there's still plenty of OOC goodness. Also, this is a lot shorter than any of my other stories here… Oh well! Enjoy! .
Disclaimer: The fact that I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh is proof that there truly IS a God. :P
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The sun rose up in the sky and shined above the great city of Domino. The bright rays of light from the sun found their way through the blinds of a young boy's bedroom. But no, this was no ordinary boy; it was none other than the famous Yugi Mutou; a boy known for his dueling skills, his star-shaped hair, and his fetish for wearing tight leather pants with belt buckles.
Yugi lazily opened his violet eyes and sat up, rubbing the remaining sleep out of them. When he was completely awake, only one thought came into the small boy's peanut-sized mind:
"I'm gonna' join a nudist colony!" the young boy joyfully exclaimed as he climbed out of his bed, wasting no time in shedding off his PJ's and his favorite pair of Superman tighty whities.
(Meanwhile, in the deepest, darkest pits of Yami's room…)
Yami Yugi awakened with a start from his favorite dream of pudding and prostitutes to the sound of Yugi screaming as he ran down the halls. Apparently the young boy hadn't taken his Ritalin yet.
"Feel the wind!" shouted Yugi as he swung open the door to his dark's room, as bare as the day he was born. And because this was truly a disturbing sight that would cause any mortal's eyes to explode and brain to implode, the authoress shall be merciful to you poor souls and not go into any more detail.
"Good lord, Yugi!" Yami exclaimed as he did his best to shield his eyes from his light's nakedness. "Put on some darn pants!" Yami would even allow Yugi to wear the pair of MC Hammer parachute pants he had recently bought, but had been forbidden to wear since it didn't show off his goodies, as long as it meant he wouldn't have to stare at Yugi's mini me any longer.
And to those of you that have no idea what Yugi's mini me is… Just use your imagination.
"NEVER! I'll remain free! There's no way the man is gonna' bring me down!" responded Yugi. While Yami was left trying to figure out who exactly the man was, Yugi then proceeded to run down the halls of his home in all his naked glory, only stopping once to fawn over his reflection in the family toaster, which not only toasted bread but bagels and pop-tarts as well. Mmmmmm, pop-tarts…
A thump was heard as Sugoroku Mutou, Yugi's grandfather, fell on the ground, dead. He most likely had a heart attack due to seeing a very nude Yugi and his even nuder mini me. Poor Mr. Yugi's grandpa. Poor old, creepy, decrepit, smelly, wrinkly, senile, retarded, annoying, pedophilic, bipolar, perverted… Wait, what were we talking about again?
"Yugi, what the heck is wrong with you! And why'd you kill Grandpa! That son-of-a-biscuit owed me ten bucks!" screamed Yami as he walked through the house while covering his eyes so as to not face the same fate as Grandpa. As you can imagine, he stumbled several times and broke many-a-lamps and possibly even many-a-bones. …But only Grandpa's bones since he tripped over the man whom was lying in the middle of the hallway.
Yami could've sworn that he heard the old man moan in pain and beg for his medication, but Yami deduced that it was just his mind playing tricks on him due to the traumatizing sight of Yugi and his lack of clothing. And this had nothing to do with the fact that Grandpa had left all his worldly possessions to Yami in his will…
"I want to join a nudist colony!" Yugi declared with a dignified look. Well, at least, as dignified as someone in that is butt-naked can be. Yugi then ran out naked in the streets so that he could share his dreams and his mini me with the world. Sadly, the world was not prepared for Yugi.
"AAAHHHHHHH! MY EYES, THEY BURN!" shouted poor Anzu as Yugi streaked by her.
The girl had decided she would go off on a friendly walk and make friendly with all the cute little plants and animals like Mrs. Rabid Possum and Mr. Poison Ivy. Oh, and let's not forget Mr. Skunky-poo! The young girl had simply been at the wrong place at the wrong time. Poor, stupid girl… she never stood a chance.
(Ten eye-burning, trauma-inducing minutes later…)
Yami was driving Yugi to a nude beach, property of none other than Pegasus himself, in his convertible, so that his light could fulfill his daily dream and join a nudist colony. Yami was just thankful that Yugi's dream wasn't to become a male stripper at a gay gentlemen's club… yet. Nope, Yugi wasn't allowed to do that until he was eighteen.
"Thanks again for driving me to the nude beach, Yami!" Yugi smiled up at his dark, gratitude shining in his violet eyes.
"Yeah, whatever… Just make sure you keep your boney butt on the plastic wrap" Yami mumbled as he made sure to keep his eyes on the road ahead of him to distract him from his light's clothing, or lack thereof.
A squeaking sound was heard. "Uh-oh Spaghettio's! The wrap slid off the car seat" Yugi declared as he looked down at his lap and glared at the plastic saran wrap. He would make sure that it would pay for its defiance and for chafing him in his danger zone.
"That's all right. I was planning on burning this car anyway…" growled Yami in an almost menacing tone. Sigh. This would be the third car this week that he would end up destroying due to his friends and their sick twisted fantasies which, for some reason, all seemed to involve his car. The freaks.
Yugi, hopelessly and utterly bored, looked up at the sky. "Yami, look! Seagulls!" Yugi pointed up towards the birds, an astonished expression on his face.
Yami, ignoring his better sense of judgment, looked up at the birds, then turned towards his light. He probably should've been looking at the road, but it didn't really matter. Just one look at Yugi and all the other drivers made sure to keep their distance from them. "Yeah? So what?"
"Let's shoot 'em!"
"What the heck is your problem Yugi!" Yami exclaimed. He was completely flabbergasted by his light's sudden peculiar behavior. "Did you rummage through Grandpa's medicine cabinet and eat all the colorful candies again? Wait-a-minute, did you find my secret pancake stash!"
"What secret pancake stash?" asked Yugi, a confused look spreading over his features as he stared up at his dark, whom was sweating profusely.
"Nothing!" Yami answered quickly as he slanted his eyes while darting them from side to side. Yami couldn't believe he had almost revealed to Yugi that he had been secretly selling flapjacks on the black market to the Chinese government. No one could know of Yami's deadly secret because if they did then he would turn into Banana Mana and defeat them with his great fruity justice and his even greater source of potassium.
Yugi sat silent for a moment. He put on a thoughtful expression as he stared up at the sky. "Hey, Yami…"
"What!" asked Yami, whom was very peeved for being interrupted during his Banana Mana fantasies.
"I'm hungry. Let's go get a taco!"
"No!" answered an enraged Yami. The former pharaoh couldn't believe his light's common sense, or lack there of. I mean, the boy was in the nude!Wasn't it he that taught him that it's indecent to show off one's goodies to young children while in public? Of course, what Yugi forgot to mention is that it's indecent to show a kid your goodies no matter where you are because that's what we call pedophilia.
And that's why Seto Kaiba is suing Yami for sexually harassing Mokuba.
"Why not? I'm hungry!" exclaimed Yugi as he struck a dramatic pose; the back of his right hand was placed against his forehead while his left hand rested over his stomach.
"Because you're naked" Yami stated simply.
"But I want Taco Bell! Yo quiero Taco Bell!" Yugi shouted as he crossed his arms over his chest and put on a juvenescent pout. "Me gusta mucho tacos y burritos. Tacos y burritos es muy delicioso."
"Put on some pants and then we'll see" said Yami as the nude beach came into view. Never in his life, be it as a spirit stuck in the Millennium Puzzle or as a mortal, had Yami been so relieved to see a nude beach.
"Never! I want to be able to feel the breeze! Come on, Yami, you gotta' try it. It's practically orgasmic! And I've never felt so free! Sure, our old clothes with all the chains and the buckles and other various bondage items are great and all, but nothing beats the all-natural look!" Yugi had on a determined, yet dignified, look as he spoke.
Yami gave his light a queer look. "Yugi, shut up or I'll be forced to call the men in the white coats to come and take you back to the room with the padded walls" Yami stated in a disturbingly calm voice as he parked his car just outside the nude beach.
"Yay! I love the place that has all the rooms with the padded walls! They, unlike you, give me all the tacos I can eat!" Yugi stated, his eyes glazing over as he reminisced about the good ol' days. "Besides, you know it turns you on, you old pervert of a pharaoh!" Yugi stepped out of the car and walked towards the nude beach, swinging his hips all the while. Of course, you must remember that this is a disturbing sight since Yugi was still pantsless and Yami could still see Yugi's mini me.
"Note to self," mumbled Yami, the right side of his face twitching, "Gouge out own eyes with a spork."
(Four therapy-filled hours later…)
Yami was reading his favorite book, Karma Sutra for Dummies, in the comfort of his living room when Yugi suddenly burst through the door. To Yami's surprise, and everyone else's for that matter, Yugi was no longer naked; covering his body was a long, tan trench coat.
"Thank the lord almighty!" Yami shouted to the sky as he caught sight of his light's now fully-clothed form. "Halleluiah! Miracles truly do exist!"
"Oh, so you noticed…" Yugi stated indifferently, doing his best to ignore the book his dark side was holding. Yugi didn't know much about his dark's social life outside the Kame game shop, but he was aware that Yami would often mysteriously leave the shop to attend to some important business with some shady characters…
"Well, yeah. It's the type of thing one notices when you were as bare as the day you were born just a few hours earlier" stated an amazed Yami. Yami was amazed because Yugi had actually put on clothes of his own free will. Last time Yugi had gone off naked, Yami had to drug him with roofies and some expired Tylenol before he was able to successfully clothe him.
"Well…" Yugi started, "Apparently just walking around naked isn't in anymore. The new fad is streaking!"
Yugi ripped off his trench coat and ran around the house seven times. Then he marched out in the streets, causing several women to scream in terror and cover the eyes of their children, but it was too late; those poor, unsuspecting children had already been scarred for life.
And those children grew up to be Ozzy Osbourne, Michael Jackson, George Bush, and Richard Simmons.
Meanwhile, Yami walked into the kitchen and grabbed a spork.
End.
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Yeah, that was really short… and stupid… I practically butchered the original story by adding all that extra stuff on... But at least it's something, right?
…Put the spork down. There's no need for any eye gouging… unless you're as traumatized as poor Yami is. O.o
And I'm truly sorry if I offended anyone with this story. I tend to do that a lot without even realizing it. One time I offended a girl on Quizilla by (jokingly) saying that Marik (the good one) was gay and then I listed a bunch of reasons why. Apparently she thought I was serious because she sent me a message saying I was a horrible person and that Marik wasn't gay. Pfft. How does she know?
--; And now I'm rambling. Well, I hope you liked the story. You can review if you think it will help you sleep at night, but you don't have to if you don't want to. I'm no review whore. :P