A/N This is my first Divergent fic, but I am in process of writing another one. So I'll hopefully have two projects to work on. Yay! It would be awesome for you readers to review my material and tell me what you think! I haven't come across this idea before, so I'm really quite excited to see it played out.
I'm English, but I'm trying to write this the way Veronica does. American! So some terminology is lost on me. I hope I'm using it right, though!
The war does not happen in this fic. Yay! And there will be plenty Trobias fluff moments! Woop. They are the cutest! *fangirls* It will also be a multi-chapter story.
Anyway, I'll let y'all get reading this. Please R&R! But more importantly, enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own Divergent.
I wake up in a cold sweat. I had a nightmare. One that is always present and haunts me even in my conscious hours. It was of him. His frame mightier than mine, cowering me into the corner with the belt hanging loosely in his right hand. Then it hits my pale skin and I give out a shriek of pain. But all he does is laugh at me, and continue with the torture until my body has doubled over in pain. Instead of leaving me there, however, he'd sneak the mirror out of his back pocket and make me see the damage he has inflicted on my body. The bruises and welts would never be in a visible place. After all, he didn't want Mother and Father to find out his sick pleasure activity, or Caleb. Especially not the neighbours.
My torso, back, thighs and upper arms are covered in angry swells of blood and puss – these marks were always caused by the metal belt buckle, the black and blue bruises that also appeared were form the strap. They would take weeks to heal, but even then they wouldn't go completely. I would endure the torture almost all the time; especially when time progressed and I had gotten older. Apparently I had needed sense beaten into me since my 'smart mouth' was starting to show more. This gave my wounds no time to heal, so the scars would end up building and building until the place of impact was covered in them.
I don't look in mirrors, by faction morals, I'm not supposed to. But when I ever get the chance to use the one hidden behind the sliding panel in the bathroom, I always inspect how well they have healed in the two years of his absence.
It is lucky really, that we are Abnegation; where they teach us to be selfless, and therefore I am not obliged to show any of my skin. That is how he got away with it. That and always inflicting pain on me when no-one was around, usually taking me out of the house with the same lame excuse of 'helping his friends brother with the re-painting of his room' or 'help with my knowledge on the solar-system for his science project'. It is amazing really; that my parents never suspected what he was doing to their own daughter. Or maybe they had but hadn't acted upon it for selfish reasons. But my parents were not selfish, they were selfless. So I idly ponder on why I had never been rescued from the hellish nightmare that had robbed me of my childhood and teen years. I tell myself occasionally that no-one had known; that no-one had any reason to know. But that doesn't stop me from silently begging to be saved, to be freed from myself.
It is also unlucky that I am Abnegation, because I am not allowed to be curious or ask questions. I have no idea what happened to him. I didn't go to his Choosing Ceremony like my parents; I faked being ill with a cold so I could miss it. When they came home, he wasn't among the party. Not that I was surprised; he was always an Erudite to me. But that doesn't necessarily say he chose that Faction. Truth is; I haven't been able to get that information for the two years since he left our family, our Faction. The topic of him is not allowed in our residence any more, and many of the people our family is linked to steer clear of his name, also.
No that this bothers me; I have never wanted to speak to him, or about him.
The only thing he'd ever get out of me was my wails of pain, and usually, when I was younger, my vain attempts to get mercy.
But when the years stretched out in front of me, the only light I ever saw was his Choosing Ceremony. Or mine. And since he made that choice pretty easy, I have been safe for two years.
I use this term loosely, though. Because one can never be safe after being dragged through hell by someone who was supposed to be selfless; someone who was supposed to have the same blood as me; someone who was supposed to be my brother.
He wore a pretty great mask, it seems. As far as I know, no-one ever suspected my brother of abusing me. This makes the mental pain even worse to bear knowing that my torment has never been considered. Not even by the eyes of those closest to me.
This is what makes today such a great day; even though I have been informed of my Divergence and how dangerous it is supposed to be; even though I feel like I have the word branded on my forehead for the whole world to see. Today I finally get to be free. It doesn't matter whether or not he left our faction two years ago; or that I am presumed to be safe without him here. I still sleep in the same bedroom I did when he'd hit me. I still walk past the vacated room he occupied and hear the snap of belt against skin. I still have nightmares. Those nightmares run deeper than physical pain. It's mental. It's in my mind and will not leave me. I am haunted. The sooner I leave Abnegation, the better.
Erudite. Abnegation. Dauntless.
Divergent.
I know which I will choose.
As the bus drives along the uneven road towards the Hub, I start to relive the memories of my soon-to-be old life in Abnegation, and how my decision will affect my parents. I will miss them, that much is inevitable, but that is as far as it will go. I know that in my sixteen years of life they had a hunch of what their own son did to me. They knew. They knew! And yet nothing was ever done about it. I have this eternal grudge towards my family that threatens to break form my chest and hurt them for their unjust decisions. They're supposed to be selfless and they didn't do anything! I want answers that I know I will never get because soon I will be a faction transfer and a traitor to my own blood. Ha! Like they were never a traitor towards their own blood.
A week and a half from now on Visiting Day, they will not bother to turn up to see me, so I will not have the opportunity to ask them about it. The thought radiates pain through my body. But that much is hardly even noticeable from the amount of actual pain I'd endure hours of. I push this aside and try to think lightly.
Soon I will have a new life. One with new friends; new clothes; new morals. I can be different and no-one would even know. To them I could have always been like that, but to me it'll be a new Beatrice. The thought excites me.
When we stop in the city centre and begin towards the biggest building in Chicago, I feel my palms become clammy with sweat. Why am I so nervous? I supposed spending sixteen years in a Faction that teaches selflessness, it has seeped though my skin and controls every living act I do. I feel sick with a sudden realisation. Selflessness was probably beaten into me. Literally. I try to push this thought out of my head before it threatens to strangle me and the tears that burn from behind my eyes from falling.
As much as I'd like to admit that the decision to leave has been easy, I'd be lying. No wonder Candor wasn't an option for me. I am acting selfishly just by leaving everything I have ever known behind. I can imagine my Fathers face turn into a deep frown, and the contained anger within him spilling out when his daughter chooses a life without him. As much as I love him, he was never there to recue me. If only he knew, or acted to defend me, maybe my decision would be different. But then I realise I'm lying again, because I have never been selfless. As much as I try, it isn't as easy as it has been for Caleb. I am trying to be someone I'm not in Abnegation. I'd rather just be Beatrice, the Divergent. And I'm going to take that opportunity whether it goes against my faction morals or not. Even though being something as huge as Divergent scares the hell out of me.
Once we've entered the room where our entire futures are made, we're put in alphabetical order. So I am placed next to Caleb and Danielle Pohler. The names are read out in reverse order, so I make my choice after my brother. As the Ceremony begins, Marcus Eaton starts to talk about the morals of all five factions, and why we are here today. That we have to make the choice. But what's the freedom in choosing when there are five possible places we end up? Six is you include the Factionless.
My hands begin to shake so much that I have to hold tight to my shirt to calm them. Even though my choice is made I am still a nervous wreck. I will leave one place to fill a missing gap, only to find a new hole has formed without my parents. I almost miss Caleb's name being called as I start to think deeply into the situation.
I shouldn't feel this bad for leaving. It isn't like any of them came to my rescue. At least my brother will stay in Abnegation, this I'm sure of. But when I see him take the knife from Marcus's hand and slide it across his palm, the heavy crease between his eyebrows suggest otherwise. And just to prove my theory, his blood drops into the bowl full of water making it even deeper shade of red.
My brother. My selfless brother just chose Erudite. My brother is a traitor. This is something I cannot comprehend
I suddenly forget to breathe. The Prior family isn't as great as I thought. One brother abuses me, and the other scolds me on every occasion he gets and ends up being a traitor.
I almost miss my name being called. I look over at him to see him giving me a nod, as if he knows what I'm about to do. The irony isn't lost on me. He knows what I'm about to do here, but didn't know what had been happening to me behind closed doors! Or had he? I may never know.
I begin to move my feet slowly towards to podium where I will choose the rest of my life. It is harder to think about leaving Abnegation now knowing that my parents will have no children at the end of the day. I don't know why I find myself caring so much; they didn't save me when they needed to, even if that sounds selfish. It makes me even angrier to know that they knew and didn't help me.
I grit my teeth and slide the metal blade down my palm. Funny, I don't remember taking the knife off Marcus.
And all too soon I find myself hovering my hand over the burning coals; hearing my blood sizzle in the yellow and orange flames.
I am now Dauntless. I am now a traitor.
I am selfish. I am brave.
We are standing on the roof tops. Somewhere below me Rita's sister is lying dead on the rail tracks. It has just occurred to me that even the Dauntless-born initiates aren't safe. But I push that aside and focus on the now.
My elbow is pierced from the jump onto the rooftop, but no blood has risen from the wound. It's not like I need anymore. I have enough to last a lifetime.
"Oh, will you look at that! A Stiff is actually showing some skin"
I turn around to see Peter, the Candor boy, smirk down at me. I quickly shove my sleeve back down.
Of course, being the only Abnegation transfer I am bound to be taunted.
I don't say anything to him; I just listen harder to what Max has to say.
"We have to jump?" one of the female transfers asks horrified. I wonder idly why she's so surprised. We just jumped off a moving train. This is Dauntless life. If she doesn't know what to expect, why is she even here?
I walk up to the ledge and look down. There is nothing there but a black hole. But the Dauntless aren't that sick, they wouldn't let us fall to our deaths so there must be something down there. I use that information to make this easier on myself before I change my mind. I quickly grab the hem of my shirt and pull it off over my head, then balling it up I turn to my left and throw it at Peter.
I don't think. I just bend my knees and jump.
For a while, I am in a state of nothingness. Like a bird in flight. I feel infinite; free. Like I was never beaten by my brother and the mental scars don't haunt me. But all too soon I crash back down to reality.
It was a net. I hit a net. I almost laugh with irony. But the laugh seems to leave my lips, and it crosses the border to hysteria. I just jumped off a building! Maybe I do belong here.
Turing on my side, I suddenly feel the effects of my crash-landing. I feel like the wind has been thrown out of me: my limbs ache and I struggle to breathe. But the adrenaline puts all these feelings at bay and I grin like an idiot.
I just jumped off a building!
Then I feel a pair of hands grip my arms, helping me toward solid ground. I accept without a seconds pause. Once I'm levelled out, I feel him release his grip on me. I look and am momentarily lost for words.
The person who helped me, if in fact, a young man not much older than me. His hair is almost back, and his eyes are a piercing blue. Like the ocean, but I wonder if they change with his mood.
"Thank you," I say quietly, trying not to stare too long. He is handsome. Very handsome. But I only just arrived, and my intentions weren't to find a boyfriend. He nods and smiles at me.
"Can't believe it," I hear someone say behind me. I turn around to see a tall female with three silver rings though her right eyebrow. She is pretty, I'll give her that. "A stiff, the first jumper? Unheard of"
She is pretty, but naive and one of those characters that judge a book by its cover. Just because I am from Abnegation, doesn't mean I have to act as selfless and well...stiff as them.
It seems that the young man who helped me up has been reading my thoughts; "There's a reason why she left them, Lauren." He says, and I feel surge gratitude towards him. But an unsettling feeling occurs in my stomach. Surely that was coincidence, he can't possibly know about me. I mean, why would he? I haven't even met him before. My heartbeat rises. What if he does know? I tell myself that I'm being stupid because this man doesn't look familiar to me. The only reason he would, would be if he was from Abnegation. This looks unlikely. I breathe deeply and tell myself to forget about it and pull myself together."What's your name?" The boy asks, pulling me back to reality.
"Um..." Come on, Beatrice! A new Faction, a new start! I would pull myself to say "Beatrice" but I don't want constant reminders of my now past life. Plus, it seems to dull here. I need something striking.
"Think about it," The boy prompts, the corner of his mouth turning upwards. "You don't get to pick again"
He's right, of course. I could be remade here.
I look up and stare at him straight in the eye. Readying myself for this new life.
"Tris," I say firmly."Tris," the girl - Lauren – says and tells Four – the boy who helped up – to make the announcement. I see Dauntless coming out of their hiding to whoop and congratulate me. It feels weird to be the centre of attention, and I suddenly find myself disliking it.
"Welcome to Dauntless," Four says, planting his hand on the small of my back. I feel electricity run through me. It is a weird sensation. One that is gone as quickly as it came as Four pulls his hand away.
We are making our way to the cafeteria. Four and Lauren have just informed us of our initiation into the world of Dauntless. We will lose four initiates at the end of stage one. This feeling is unsettling. I am the smallest of the bunch, and the only Abnegation transfer. The odds are not in my favour.
As we enter the cafeteria, people stop and stare at us for a long moment. A moment where I hold my breath even without being aware of it. Then they all begin to clap their hands and whoop at us. It seems that they give Dauntless transfers quite the welcome. I release the breath.
Christina and I make our way over to a partially empty table, followed by Four. I wonder idly why he has decided to join us. We're just two transfer girls. Surely he has other friends? Maybe a girlfriend? I realise I am stalling myself. I feel nothing by flattery that he has sat with us.
I look at the food in front of me. It looks like some kind of meat that you place inside a bun. Four informs me that it is called a Hamburger and would taste nicer with red sauce he has placed in front of me. Christina is completely mind-blown that I have never had – or hear of - a Hamburger before.
"Extravagance is considered self-indulgent and unnecessary" I tell her, and see out of the corner of my eye, Four suppress a smile.
The doors to the cafeteria open and it suddenly becomes eerie quite. I look up to see what the commotion is about and stop dead on my train of thought.
I drop my food onto my plate and my hands become dead weight. I see Christina and Four giving me strange, concerned maybe, looks.
I feel like I'm about to cry, but there is a lump in my throat threatening to choke me instead.
Then, as if to make this whole ordeal worse, he comes over to our table. I was hoping he'd just move on. I was actually hoping that he was dead. No-one told me what had happened to him. I just assumed he was either dead or an Erudite transfer. If I had even the faintest idea that he was Dauntless now, I would never have considered it a faction of choice. But that's cowardice, and maybe an outright lie. I moved from Abnegation to get away from two things: one was because I was not selfless enough and I wanted to be more me than anything else, and the other was to get away from the nightmares of my past. The nightmares created by the person standing in front of me now.
I keep my stare locked on the table, hoping he doesn't recognise me. But obviously he will; I have not changed in two years. He would actually know me better than anyone, and not in a good way.
"Well, well, well," he begins, tapping his foot on the ground the way he did before a beating. I finally force myself to look up. His face hasn't change; neither has the scowl he wears now. But he has grown his hair and pierced a large section of his face. I also see that he wears a belt. And I involuntary wince form the memories. He never used to always use a belt. He'd use his fists and feet, but that was his weapon of choice and it makes me feel sick looking at it.
"I heard a Stiff transferred this year, but I never imagined it'd be you." he snarls at me, but I keep my gaze locked on him anyway. I'm not weak. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not.
It's ironic how he insults me with "stiff" when two years ago he was one himself. But I'm not surprised. He doesn't have a decent bone in his body.
"I was hoping you were dead" I spit back, surprised by how much venom six words can make. He gives me a funny look, and then slams both his palms on the table in front of me making Christina recoil back and gasp slightly. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Four giving us a wary look. Like he knows what Eric is capable of. I see his eyes shift to mine, and the concern etch across his face. I would ponder why, but I have other problems right now.
My eyes go back to him and stay there.
"I will break you," he whispers. It would have been better if he had shouted it, that way I wouldn't feel so eerie about his attitude right now. I am vaguely aware that the Cafeteria has stayed quite. I wonder how much they have heard from this little chit chat.
"I'd like to see you try," I retort, because I would. He may have beaten me, abused me, robbed me of my childhood. But one thing he hasn't done is break me.
I square my shoulders and set my mouth into a hard line. I will not be broken. I will not, I will not, I will not.
"We'll see about that," he claims, then stomps back out of the hall. I let out a breath I wasn't aware I had been holding. I can be brave, but I have a lot to overcome just yet.
"Who was that?" Christina asks, looking from me to Four, then me again. I haven't moved my gaze from the door he just exited from, but I can feel their gazes on me. In fact, I can feel everyone's. Before I have chance to answer, Four does it for me.
"That was Eric. He's a Dauntless leader," He informs Christina for me, but I find myself needing to explain the little scenario that had just played out in front of them. I finally remove my eyes from the door and back to them. They are staring at me expectantly. Even if I did want to lie, Christina's trained eyes would rat me out. Stupid Candor.
"How do you know him?" Four asks. I take a deep breath and exhale slowly.
"That was Eric Prior," I say, noticing Four nod and Christina's blank face.
"He's my brother"