I don't own Soul Eater... just my house.
So yeah, a random idea that I had while I was thinking on where I should take the "your Guardian Soul" sequel because I wasn't planning on it being popular AT ALL.
Warning: this IS meta and therefore a Mary-Sue, technically. It's just the characters' takes on YGS and the sequel.
Meta
Chapter 1: It Starts
Soul sat in the armchair watching an old rerun of Deadliest Warrior on TV. Maka was sitting on the couch, knees pulled up to her chest with her laptop balanced in the tops of her legs.
Spartan. Definitely going to be the Spartan that wins. Soul decided as the episode was nearing the climactic battle between the ninja and the Spartan.
Maka inhaled slightly, as if surprised by something. Soul inwardly sighed. Ever since Maka had discovered online novels, she had been inseparable form her laptop, except while at school and on missions.
This is getting good! I thought that the glass dust would get diverted by the helmet. Soul observed smugly as the ninja threw a hollowed-out egg filled with powdered glass at the Spartan's helmet in an attempt to blind him.
Just before the Spartan delivered the killing blow, a loud "Ehh!" erupted from his meister, making him look over and miss the victorious Spartan standing over his fallen ninja foe. He turned back to the TV silently cursing at missing the finish.
"What's wrong Maka." Soul asked, bored. When he got no reply, he looked back over to his meister, who was now the color of a tomato. "Maka?"
Maka started, remembering she wasn't alone and that someone was calling her name. "What?" she asked.
"I asked you what's wrong."
Maka blushed again, staring at her weapon for a moment, "Uh... nothing. Don't worry about it."
Soul arched an eyebrow at his flustered meister, curious about her reaction. "Uh huh. So, what's for dinner. It's your turn to cook."
"I was thinking burgers. It's so hot out that I don't want to use the oven."
"Sounds good to me." Soul said, licking his laps at the idea of burgers for dinner.
"I'll go get the meat out to thaw." Maka said, closing her laptop, setting it on the couch and walking into the kitchen. After a moment and some rummaging in the freezer: "Soul? Where are the patties I bought last week?"
Soul thought for a second. "Oh yeah... last time Black Star and Kid were over, we decided to mess with Black Star. He said he could eat anything, because he was so great. We got him to try and eat the frozen patties to prove he had the jaw strength and intestinal fortitude to handle raw meat." His tone was nonchalant as he recounted the tale, chuckling a bit at the end.
Maka just stared at the back of soul's head. "So that's why he was in the infirmary all Monday." Then realization set in. "Soul you ass! Now I have to go outside in one hundred plus degree heat to get more burgers!"
Soul turned around. "Sorry Maka. But it was funny to see him gnaw on those frozen burgers. I swear he chipped a tooth."
Maka was furious. First, what she had read unnerved her, now her partner was more concerned with knocking Black star down a peg than having her go out into that insane heat.
"Damn it Soul! I'm going to the store!" The door slammed behind her.
Soul shrugged his shoulders at the closed door and turned around, rewinding the show back to the battle he'd missed. Gotta love DVRs.
After finishing the battle, Soul looked over at Maka's closed laptop. "Wonder what got her so freaked out." He reached over, opened it up and was unsurprised to find the operating system locked. The hint was simple "A strong blank dwells within a sound mind and a sound body"
Soul thought for a second. "Too easy. S-O-U-L."
The operating system welcomed him back and he found the web browser open. It looked like a novel or short story, ill-formatted to the wide screen, white text on a dark grey background. He scrolled to the top, not reading anything.
"The hell is ''?" he asked the empty room.
The story was titled "Your Guardian Soul". For the next fifteen minutes Soul read with growing anxiety, fear and rage.
*ping*
"Hm? What's this?" Stein said, surprised that he got an email from Soul Evans on a Sunday afternoon. "A link?" He clicked it.
Ten minutes later, he finished the story and stared numbly at the screen. Then an evil smile crossed his face.
"Medusa?"
The nurse and witch in question stuck her head inside Stein's lab. "Yes, dear?" Her sing-song tone lightened his mood slightly.
"Take a look at this."
*ping*
"Oh, and email from Soul. If this is another link to an Escher drawing, I'm going to kill him." Kid sat in his perfectly symmetrical room, moments before expanding his knowledge of symmetrical locations he might visit this summer.
After a few minutes Kid sat back, more than a little discomforted by what he'd just read. He forwarded the link to Liz and Patty. Kid thought for a minute and forwarded the email to Black Star as well.
*ping*
*ping*
*ping*
"All right, all right! I'm coming!" Black Star yelled at his chiming computer, getting up from his bed, skyclad [1]. He moved the mouse, brining it out of hibernation and entered the password, one only a man as big as him could know: B-L-A-C-K-*-S-T-A-R.
"Three emails. From Soul, Stein and Kid. Wonder what it is." He was curious now, his loud nature stifled momentarily.
"What's going on, Black Star?" Tsubaki asked as she walked up behind him and wrapped her arms around him, similarly dressed.
"Got the same email form a few people." He clicked the link.
A short while later, Black Star stood over his destroyed computer and Tsubaki sat on the bed, blushing an unhealthy shade of red.
"I. Will. Kill. This. Person." Black Star raged through gritted teeth.
The found the place that Stein had pointed them towards without any issue. The house was on the very end of a cul-de-sac, completely innocent-looking. It was a one-story house that was painted a light grey. No cars were in the driveway, but Stein assured them that the person they were looking for was indeed home.
Four weapons and three meisters stood on the street, eyeing the house with varying degrees of hatred.
Black Star slammed a fisted hand into the palm of his other hand. "Let's do this."
Despite Black Star's initial plan to jump through the bay window at the front of the house, Kid convinced them to let him pick the lock of the front door, so as not to alert their prey.
The front door swung open slowly, revealing a modest dining room. Ahead of them was a kitchen and living room. To their left was a hallway with four doors, two on the left and two on the right, a closet sat at the end of the hall.
"So, where do we go now?" Maka asked, nervousness replacing the righteous fury she had felt before they added "Breaking and Entering" to their list of activities that day.
However, the question was answered once everyone had shuffled in to the dining room. From down the hallway, music was coming, rather loudly, from the second room on the right. The music was disturbingly familiar to Soul and Maka.
They crept silently, as silently as possible for seven people in a residential home anyways, towards the open door. They passed a bedroom and a bathroom on their left and right respectively.
Soul and Maka peered around the door jamb and saw a man sitting in front of a computer, sitting on... a silver balance ball of all things. His hair was short and brown, resembling a crew cut that had grown slightly. His pants were black and he wore a brown, tan and white striped polo shirt. He wasn't physically intimidating, not unless muscles hid beneath his bulk.
The song ended in a strangled-sounding cacophony of electric guitars. A few seconds later the next track began: it was heralded in with an acoustic guitar and a cello. Realizing what song it was, Maka reeled back, bumping into Soul. The shifting weight caused the floor to creak.
The man spun around and found himself facing a platinum blonde girl wearing a long black coat and a young man with snow white hair in a yellow and red sweatshirt.
He gaped at the pair as they gaped back. This was their transgressor? The horrific pervert who had written that slander? Well, not exactly slander. He hardly looked as though he had it in him.
"So..." The man said, as if greeting old friends. His face was warm, friendly even, a smile plastered on his bespectacled face. His voice was deeper than most, but no malice was carried in the tone. "Did I finally snap or-"
"YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Black Star screamed as he bounded over a confused Soul and Maka.
"Black Star!" Tsubaki cried after him.
"YOU MADE ME LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT! YOU'RE GONNA PAY FOR THAT!" Black Star screamed as he lunged at the man with an outstretched fist.
The man's eyes widened in shock for a second. Then, using the ball, he simply rolled it to the side, landing on the floor on his side. Black Star charged through were the man had been, missing his face by mere millimeters. The computer monitor and cooling tower took the hit in the man's stead. Liquid coolant ran to the power strip on the desk and electrocuted Black Star into unconsciousness.
Hearing a click like the sound of a pistol's slide releasing, the man looked up. Standing over him was Death the Kid with Liz and Patty pointed directly at his face, held upside down. Kid's face was that of barely controlled rage.
"You are scum. You made Patty have more lines than Liz! Don't you have any respect for symmetry? And this room! How can you work with clothing piled up, and asymmetrically at that! You're unforgivable!"
"Uh... um... I'm fix it in the sequel... after I clean my room?" The man groped for a way to calm Kid down, settling on a trick he hoped would work.
Instantly, Kid relaxed. "Good. Just don't let it happen again. And try to focus on symmetry as well." Kid's recommendation carried a hint of a threat that would be made good on if the man didn't make an effort. "Now, I'll be going outside. I can't stand this room. Tsubaki, you may want to bring Black Star out of here, I think Maka and Soul have something to 'discuss' with this man in private."
"Right." Tusbaki said as she picked Black Star up. "Sorry about this... uh..."
"Andrew. My name is, or soon to be was, Andrew."
"Sorry about the trouble Andrew." Tsubaki bowed slightly and left, having little reason to be mad at the man.
Kid closed the door leaving Maka and Soul alone with Andrew, who looked terrified. He glanced around the room, thankful he had left his large reference books and textbooks at school.
Maka stood fists clenched an head lowered, slightly shaking with rage. With the right eyes, you could almost see a black aura around her.
"You..." her voiced quaked in absolute rage. "You made me pregnant!" she creamed, using "Magically Induced Illnesses 33rd Edition, New and Improved" to nearly cave in his skull. Medusa had lent the weighty volume to Maka in exchange for a detailed account of what happened. She was still and evil woman at heart from time to time.
The man blacked out under the assault.
Andrew awoke a few minutes later, laying on his bed, Soul and Maka occupying a fold-out chair and his balance ball respectively. He sat up and glanced between the two of them; heavy silence filled the room as the computer had since overheated and shut down.
"So, how are you two planning on killing me?" Andrew asked, resigned to his fate.
Soul's right arm turned into a scythe. "Well, we were thinking of making you disappear, but Lord Death wouldn't like that much." Maka explained as Soul absently admired the blade on his arm.
"That and killing someone who hasn't eaten the soul of an innocent wouldn't be too cool."
"So instead we're here to warn you that playing with people's hearts is really low." Maka continued.
"And you better do the sequel right, or we'll be back." Soul turned towards the man, flashing his pointed teeth at him.
"I wasn't planning on there being annoying drama or anything like that..." Andrew said defensively. "It's a fluff piece, soaked in sex and dealing with the problems that will come from a pregnancy. That's all. I'm not a monster."
Having a failure of a ninja destroy your computer, the sometimes unstable son of Death himself point twin pistols in your face and then being threatened with dismemberment is a bit too much for most people, Maka realized. Sensing the same thing, Soul returned his arm to its normal state.
They stood. "We'll be checking in from time to time. Just do it right." Maka said, blushing slightly as she walked towards the door.
"Do a bad job and we'll see how uncool I'll let myself be." Soul added as he glanced over his shoulder. He wrapped an arm around Maka's waist as they walked out.
I wonder. Did reading my story make them realize... nah. Not gonna go there.
A week later, a pleasant surprise came in the mail. A letter from Kid contained a check. "Compensation for the computer." was the simple note accompanying it. The letter was typed and unsigned, likely because a handwritten note and signature would have taken months.
Time to get cracking I guess... Once I buy a new computer. Damned Black Star...
[1] "Skyclad" regardless of its Wicca origin, generally refers to being "clad in nothing but the sky". If you have to ask what that means, you're clearly not old enough nor good at picking up hints.
Author's Note: So yeah, That is indeed my house I described as well as myself. I honestly felt dirty putting my own name next to the actual characters, because I have a deep dislike of Mary-Sues, but this is a meta work, and its hard to do that if you don't include yourself. *sigh*
This "story" will indeed update along with the sequel. Also, because I had a hard time wrapping my head around it and I wrote the damned thing, the characters that interact in this story are not the characters in YGS and it's yet-to-be-named sequel. They are merely readers like yourself, who happen to be the characters portrayed in the stories. Yeah, its insane, I know, I wrote it. Nothing that happens in this story will be canon, (sad choice of word, really) in YGS or its sequel.
Thanks for reading, now please review.