Hi lovelies, So apparently, I have been extraordinarily productive over the past few days. I've gone for something a little bit different with this one, sort of like an in depth character review? It's not in any way connected to Careful Considerations. Either way, I don't think I shall write many this dark, because, lets face it, the book had plenty enough of that! Sunnier things will be on the horizon! Sorry in advance!
Perhaps it had always been there, that odd love that seemed to strangle her when she thought it had all dried up. From those initial moments of loathing that had developed into a love so passionate, she was not certain that it could be comprehended.
Maybe it had been one of those types of love, the kind that lurked deep in their hearts from first sight, festering and growing with each interaction. She realised that it wasn't loathing from the moment she had rested that orange hat atop the green girl's pointed head. The way that the reflection looked back, seeming to be enduring the rain that smattered it. It taunted her. Or maybe it was the way that leaf had come to rest against Elphie's heart, displaying it for all to see. It was in there, and with the way Galinda stared, it was booming.
That night they tried to ignore those feelings, to no avail. The seed had been planted, and it thrived. Denial acted as incubation for the growing thing, ignored glances and rejected attentions only kick-started the blooming growth. Now it had grown, Elphaba felt as if the vines had clenched her heart, and grew throughout her veins, taking over her whole body. It wasn't hers any more, it was Galinda's.
Perhaps it had developed from the first time that Elphie's eyes had lit up when Galinda had showed a knowledgeable streak. Or when she'd taken her hand, when attempts at humour in Caprice on the Pines had backfired so horribly. The green girl had leant over, no eye contact was made, but their palms connected as long green fingers ran through those smaller pale ones. She'd taken Galinda, led her into new ideas, new ways of thinking. It was obvious from the way Elphie had looked down at her when she stared at the tight grip of those fingers.
She had no need to act upon these feelings, but it was becoming harder and harder. The faster she ran away from those sensations, the faster they chased her, manifesting in the form of green. She cried at night. Her parents would hate this. She hated this. She hated how much she needed Elphie, and knew that Elphie probably didn't need her half as much in return.
She'd never actually asked though. Elphie had similar thoughts. They existed, so close to one another, but never touching. How the green girl wanted to touch her, just ghost her digits over that pinked skin during the night when Galinda had succumbed to sleep, or maybe when a hearty laugh escaped her throat, and sunbeams escaped her face. Sometimes the green girl wished that the words would stop sitting so heavily in her mouth and burst forth. Deliver the verdict to waiting ears and wanting lips.
Perhaps it could have began when Elphaba had first leaned down and delivered a kiss to her lips. It didn't matter any more, she wanted Elphaba in every way imaginable. Hunger had consumed her soul, and that was okay. Elphie said she didn't have a soul, and had she believed it, Galinda was more than happy to share hers.
Galinda had always wondered that perhaps it hadn't really been there at all. Not love at first sight, nor something that developed over time. She wondered If she had fallen for the passionate and articulate personality, and learned to accept the repulsive, green exterior. A complete change from her usual love for pretty, shiny things. It was all so secretly novel though, and horribly exotic. From first touch she had marvelled at the softness of green skin. She had expected it to mirror Elphie's personality, prickly and rough, though she was shocked to notice the exact, polar opposite.
That wasn't true though. Galinda was certain it was real love. Confident even if the words were never spoken.
Perhaps if she had uttered those three words into Elphie's ear after nights of passion on the way to the Emerald City, perhaps she wouldn't have been so easily left behind, more important to the green girl. She had wondered it, but held her tongue. Elphie had never spoke of love. Those who had no soul had no capacity for love. It made Galinda cry.
After she'd stepped down from that carriage, the one in which her world had collapsed in on itself. The walls of which had fallen in and crushed her. She had wobbled back to their- no, her. Her room. Elphie didn't want it any more, nor did she want the blonde who'd tried to give her everything.
Elphie's half was still how she had left it, she took care of her things. Galinda wondered if he was taking care of her heart. She'd given it to Elphaba, and even after that stinging rejection, she still didn't want it back. Maybe she'd thrown it into the dirt as she'd moved back into the cover of the crowds. She pretended that maybe Elphie spent nights crying for her too.
She tried to leave Elphie's bed how the green girl had left it. A reminder of her own failure. Her cowardice. On her first night alone, after her tears had all been used, she studied the bed. Studied it until it grew to fill the room. At first, a sign of memory, which was quickly growing oppressive. She coped until the need could be resisted no longer. Warm feet touched the cold floor, and her face buried into the cool pillow. Remnants of Elphie remained. Taunting her.
After Nanny had pulled her from the room several days later, Galinda was gone. She'd left behind a hollow shell that ghosted through the halls of Shiz. She still held out, every day hoping that they would be one of those young love stories, reunited against all odds. That never happened. Elphie never came back.
She threw herself into her studies. Books allowed her to escape from the real world, and the dusty smell made her feel like Elphie was close by. If she tried hard enough, she could pretend that Elphie had nodded off to her on the bed next to her or that Elphie had just popped into Nessa's room. Though her daydreaming had to end, and Elphie would never step through that door. Only Nessa, who bore too much of a resemblance. It hurt to look at her, so she tried not to.
Time ignoring the real world in favour of books earned her a first degree. After opening the brown envelope she felt no more full. She imagined Elphie next to her, she'd pick her up and swing her around, ever so pleased for her, maybe even kiss her. But Elphie was not there. Only the reminder of a lost love awaited her. She didn't want to cry any more.
She waited at the corner of the stage for her graduation ceremony. She could see her parents, so full of love and adoration. An unwavering dedication. She wondered if they would love her as much if they knew what was happening inside her head. How she craved green skin. The touch of a woman who apparently didn't want to touch her. She walked to the platform to accept her scroll and looked out into the crowds.
Perhaps one day, she would learn to cope without her. And perhaps, If she had looked hard enough, directed her gaze past her clapping peers, she would have seen a green face at the back of the crowds, amongst the trees. Her biggest fan. Still full of love for the little blonde thing on stage. A smile cracked across her hatchet like face, tears spilling down her cheeks as she turned back into the forest. It was time to let go, though she still wanted to hold onto her hope.
She lived her life still in love with the blonde. Galinda lived her life in love with the green girl. Though memories distorted, love did not waver. Their love did not bloom either, the roots had been severed. Only water would provide relief, replenish the wilted flower, but taking it with it, the life of Elphaba Thropp.