Disclaimer: Characters and locations are property of ABC Daytime's One Life to Live. Lyrics are property of their respective authors and publishers. I claim no right, ownership, or affiliation. No copyright infringement intended.

Author's Notes: I've tweaked with a few things, like character ages and time elapsed between certain events. A lot of this fic diverges from what's actually happening on the show but I am using a few things that have happened plus my own spoiler-based speculations.
I actually have 9 parts already written and just decided to post it here. A new part will be uploaded every 2-3 days.


"Roads are like people; they have personalities -- colored by how we see and feel about them at particular times…. Losing a loved one can break your heart, but it can also open your eyes. Now when the road is snarled or long and hard, I break it into pieces in my soul. I divide it into four-mile stretches. You can endure anything for four miles -- even find beauty and acceptance along the way." - Sharon Randall


Part 1

Sunday, November 2, 2003
Cottage

The front door of the cottage swung open and Natalie Buchanan Vega glared at the man outside, "What the hell are you doing here?"

John McBain wasn't expecting her to be thrilled to see him or even receptive, but he was still thrown by how much she blamed him and hated him -- not that he didn't hold himself responsible for the way things had turned out. "I just -- I wanted to see how you were doing."

Her voice was cold. "Like you care. And I meant what are you still doing in Llanview? I thought you were reassigned to some case in New Jersey."

"I was."

"Well?"

"Seems that the case has moved here."

She let out a mirthless chuckle, "That's just my luck, isn't it? You know, come to think of it, I've had some pretty rotten luck ever since I met you." She met his eyes, "You're like my very own bad luck charm." Her eyes traveled past him, looking at nothing, "Or maybe I'm just cursed."

He didn't know what to say. Not that anything he said would help. "I never meant for anyone to get hurt. No one was supposed to get hurt let alone--"

"Die? Get killed?" Her hard eyes were focused on him again. Her voice rose with her anger, "Oh, well, that makes it all better except -- no, it doesn't. My husband is still dead. Do you get that? Do you? Do you understand that I was only married for three days before I became a widow? I am twenty-three years old and Cristian was twenty-five; I should not be a widow, damn it! I should still be on my honeymoon. My husband should still be alive. I should be happy. Do you know that I'd never really known what it was to be truly happy until I met Cristian? That he is the only person who always made me feel good about myself and never, ever wanted me to change? And now he's gone. Because of you. I don't give a damn if you were just doing your job and that your superiors at the Bureau didn't give you much of a choice in things. It's a lame excuse and it's bullshit. You chose to recruit me and use me as a pawn. You chose to threaten me when I tried to back out of the tournament. You chose to try and threaten me into throwing the tournament. You chose to never give me the slightest indication that you were going to endanger my life and the lives of the people I love. You chose this for me, this pain. You chose to never give me a choice."

"If I could have changed the way that things went down -- if I'd handled it differently…. If I would have been able to." He sighed. "I wanted to tell you, Natalie. Honestly, I did."

She let out a snort as she leaned against the door frame, "Am I suppose to believe that?"

"It's the truth."

"You wouldn't know the truth if it bit you on the ass, McBain," she spat. "You lied to me for weeks. Every word that came out of your mouth was a lie --"

"That's not true--"

She threw him an icy glare for interrupting her before she continued, "-- part of some elaborate cover story. Hell, I don't even who you are." She laughed as a realization hit her, "Oh, my God. Is John McBain even your real name?"

"Yes."

"Oh, well, guess you didn't lie about everything after all."

They stood in silence for several seconds as she continued to glare at him and he debated whether or not he should just leave things as they were.

"I know it doesn't mean much to you -- not now -- but if there's anything I can do for you, if there's anything you need -- while I'm still in town -- don't hesitate to give me a call," he said quietly, knowing how empty his words must sound, handing her his card.

She looked down at the card then back up at him, "You've got to be kidding. Unless you can bring my husband back to life or turn back time and make it so that you and I never meet, don't hold your breath waiting for me to call. On second thoughts, hold your breath." She pushed herself off the doorframe, ready to slam the door in his face then paused, "Would you trade places with him?"

Her query caught him completely off guard, "I'm sorry?"

"If you had known that Cristian would end up dead, would you have traded places with him? Would you have died in his place? Would you have given your life so that he could live?"

He didn't say anything and looked down at the ground.

Natalie slowly nodded her head, "That's what I thought."

"It's not that simple."

"Yes, it is. You say you're sorry but those words don't mean anything. Especially if you wouldn't do everything in your power to change what happened if you could."

"Yes, I would," he said sincerely.

She ignored him, "You want to make things easier for me? You want to make amends for screwing up my life and getting my husband killed? Then stay the hell away from me."

Then she slammed the door in his face.