(A/N: Hi! If you're more of the slow burn type I have another fic. called "I Feel it Too" but in an effort to prove that I do listen to reviewers I've written this one shot lemon to hopefully get them by.
I like writing smut, but I haven't practiced a lot, so please let me know what you guys think.)
She comes to him in the night before the battle. He has hidden himself in a cave beyond the First Order camp, but she can sense him. Even when they are systems apart she senses him. She finds him meditating, he sits so still in the dark corner that she might have missed him if his presence wasn't like a lightning storm being released on her senses.
Rey waits for him. Jedi do not disturb each other's meditation. Or at least she assumes. She assumes many thing about the Jedi. It is all she can do since the death of her master. She wonders briefly if he would know, but of course he would. The real question is what she would pay for that knowledge. The price is something she cannot afford, though. There is too much at stake. Her friends, her followers, they are all back at the Resistance camp over the hills. She will not leave them, she must leave him. Forget him. That is what she is here to do.
She sits at the cave entrance, waiting for him to finish. It could be hours, she knows this, but if she leaves it for another day the task will go undone. That is not how she wishes for things to end. The desert outside is still warm, heat radiates off of the sand. Were this Jakku she would be freezing, but there are two suns in this system and the second is not far from rising. A slight wind tugs at the dunes outside and disappears. Everything is navy and violet and silver on this planet. It is like the sea from her dreams, but all dried up and blown away. Wasn't that the way of the world? You dream of the thing and when you actually obtain it, it is so much less...
"You should be resting." He speaks from the back of the cave. She would have sensed if he'd so much as stretched his arms.
"So should you," she replies without looking back. He stands then and moves towards her. Feeling his presence on the move is thrilling. It is thrilling to have her back to him, to allow herself to be this vulnerable.
He sits down next to her softly. He is barefoot, she notices and almost winces. He always acted so human around her, and it frustrated her to no end. She had prompted him to remove his mask on their first meeting only, yet he had done it over and over again, peeling back layer after layer for her to see. His feet were long, and his toes were boney. Just as hers were.
He unwinds the cowl from around his neck and places it to the side. "So what are you doing here?"
There is no point in beating around the bush. The sooner she tells him the sooner she can leave, after all, and she does need rest before the next day. "I've come to say that no matter how tomorrow ends," she allows herself to take a deep breath, "you and I-this- it can't happen anymore." She feels sick as she says it, and he knows it. She can see on his face that he sensed her discomfort.
He smiles, that small, crooked smile of his. "But you still came."
"Well, of course," she sputters, "I had to tell you."
Kylo Ren closes his eyes and turns his head ever so slightly, the smile still tugs at his lips. "No, you didn't have to. You could have never come to see me again."
Rey bristles. It is true, but this had been her attempt at showing him some sort of respect. Didn't he understand? She could have stayed away, after all, he had never come to her. He wouldn't have been able to, Rey would have never allowed it and she had told him so. Still, he had always allowed her to slip past the First Order's defenses without alerting anyone. He could sense her, just as she could sense him but he was obviously more trusting than she was. She would put her own safety on the line to see him, but would not allow him near her friends.
"We've done this before," he says softly. His eyes open and he pulls his knees to his chest, looking every bit like the lost boy that he was. She knows that, but she also knows that she can not save him.
He is looking at the moon, she realizes, and she hadn't pulled her eyes away from him the entire time he'd been next to her. "So?" She looks away then, almost too quickly.
"So," he drew the word out, Kylo Ren never rushed his words, "Will this time be any different?"
Rey chews her lip, not wanting to answer. She could not save him, she could not save him. She had to remember that, and no matter how many times she visited it would not change his mind. Not to mention, that if anyone ever found out-Well, it just couldn't happen.
He is looking at her now, his eyes wide as if he were still looking at the moon. He is expecting an answer that she can not give him, especially not when he is looking at her like that. How horrible it was to be so strong, to show no weakness. Yet, here she could be weak. Here she had found the one other person in the galaxy that knew what it was like to bear that burden. Could she give that up?
She kisses him then. It had been a long time, and she all but throws herself at him. Ren braces himself with one arm and wraps the other around her possessively. He tastes of salt and ash, the taste of battle and Rey kisses him all the harder for it. He is a Knight of Ren, he is a Jedi killer, and yet he is the only one that understands.
He is working on her hair now. He has always done this, untied the careful loops before going any further. Rey had never asked him why. She did not need to know. When the last tie was undone he knits his fingers close to her scalp and pulls. Rey lets out a soft hiss before straddling his lap, and lunging for his neck. Kylo Ren tugs at her hair again, and her chin juts up and out away from him, leaving her own neck bare. He approaches her throat tentatively, slowing their momentum to a frustrating crawl. He finally brushes his lips over her shoulder right where it meets her neck, and begins to work his way up to just below her earlobe. Rey exhales shakily, realizing that she had been holding her breath the entire time, and Ren takes at his cue to attack. Once again, they are moving fast. He is biting and sucking up and down her throat, and she fumbles with his shirt.
They part briefly so that she can pull it over his head. She discards it hastily deeper into the cave. Kylo Ren puts a large palm against her chest to keep her from lunging back at him again. His eyes hold a question, asking if she truly wanted to continue.
"Yes, really," she says aloud. Her tone is earnest and eager.
Slowly, Ren moves his hand away, and begins to un-knot the back of her tunic. Rey does not lunge for him again. The animal need is there, but so is a new sort of clarity. They had always devoured each other, but this seemed like a moment that needed savoring. As he works diligently on the wrappings below her tunic she reaches out to his face. The flinch was instinctual she knew. It had been a long time since anyone had touched him gently, she regretted not doing it sooner. With the tips of two fingers she traces his long jawline to his chin and up to his lips. He huffs good humoredly before pulling both the overshirt and bindings off and away from her. They sit there for a moment, and she leans forward so that she can feel his skin with her own. He is warm, everything about him is heat. Their eyes lock, and neither Jedi moves. There is something new happening here, they can both feel it.
He breaks first, cupping his palm behind her head and urging her towards him til their lips meet. It was an unspoken rule between them that kissing should hardly ever be done mouth to mouth, but Rey cherished it even more so because of the rarity. She bites his lip now lightly, playfully and feels Ren's eyes open as she releases him. Something like shock lay behind them, but he is kissing her again before she can properly decipher what the expression had meant. He kisses her deep like an ocean, and soft like the sand and she tries to keep it up.
Before long his arm moves from her hair and down to her back, giving her just the slightest bit of support as he lays her down on the cold, stone ground. He kneels at her feet, taking her in for a moment before touching her ankle and tugging at her boot. She sits up to help him, but he puts his hand on her chest again and leans to kiss her.
"Let me," he breathes. Something about the way he sayas it made her shiver. She nods slowly, and lays back down until she is only propped up on her elbows. Of course they had met like this before, but the intimacy of this meeting has made her feel as if it were her first time again. It helped that Ren looked just as inexperienced as she felt, though. He starts on her leggings next, tucking his thumbs into the waistband, and she lifts her hips off the ground to help him. She shivers again, this time from the night air and the feel of his fingers running down her legs.
When he stands to remove his own pants the moonlight glows against his side. The scar from the bowcaster is large, and its tendrils reach almost all the way up to his chest. It looks like an explosion frozen onto his core, white against his already pale skin. She knows he can see her watching the scar, but he does nothing to hide it, nor does he hide his face or arm from her. She had given him two of three, if anyone should feel guilty...Rey shakes her head, and pushes her eyes downward over his now bare hips.
His cock is fully erect, and even from the ground she could see the glisten of precum at its tip. He knels before her again, and guides her knees apart slowly, agonizingly slowly. For a few seconds he leaves his hands on her knees before letting his right pointer and middle fingers glide up her thigh and, without hesitation, into her. He exits her once, before moving inside of her. Rey breaks the silence, letting out a small whine that is also a sigh of relief. As if he is healing her. He strokes up and against her gently. Her fingers scrabble against the stone floor, searching for something to hold onto, but there is nothing. She is so desperate that she hardly notices as he lowers his head onto her.
She cries out at full volume then, and Kylo Ren lifts his mouth away from her. She raises her head to meet his gaze. He blinks once, and quietly says, "Someone will hear you."
Rey bites her lip and nods. This seems to be enough assurance for him as he moves his mouth back down to her clit again. It feels like too much. Like an airship battle in her very center, the explosions manifesting behind her eyes. Ren's tongue moves slowly up her, and she reaches for his hair, tugging on it as if it were reins. He moans into her then, and the vibration push her desperately close to the end. She whines again in need just so that he could hear, and he moves his tongue over her clit once more before pulling himself up so that they aree nearly eye to eye.
"Fuck," she curses quietly, and squeezes her eyes shut. She is so close...
Ren's forearm lays next to her, so he can prop himself up over her, and she turns her head into his elbow so that he cannot see her face. He lets out a low laugh at that, and gives her another long stroke before kissing her neck. As he leans down his fingers press even deeper into her, and the pressure that has been building inside released. Without fully intending to Rey clamps her teeth on his arm, and moans deeply into his skin. She rolls her hips with the pleasure of the orgasm and squeezes her eyes tight against the explosions happening inside of her brain.
When the feeling begins to ebb away, he strokes her again before he fully withdraws his fingers. Slowly, she comes down from the stars and back to the lonely cave in the desert. Kylo Ren lowers himself so that he lays next to her.
She doesn't know what to say, so she asks, "Did I hurt you?"
He lifts his bicep in front of his face and examines it closely. At least there is no blood. "I barely noticed," he finally says. Of course, this was a man that could be shot and keep fighting. It was a silly question.
"Oh." And his lips are upon hers again. The kiss isn't hard, but it is full of longing and it ignites new longing in her. Now it is her turn to put a hand to his chest and push him back. But this time she pushes him back to the ground. She swings a toned leg over his hips and sits astride him. She licks her lips, tasting herself, and then she circles her thumb around the tip of his cock, looking for something that she can taste. She brings the pad of her thumb to her lips, and lets her tongue reach out for it. The act of tasting him is invigorating, she lowers her head to put him in her mouth, but he reaches out to stop her.
His eyes are narrowed, but not menacingly. "I want you to fuck me," he says, and then quickly, "If you want to."
Without knowing why Rey reaches her forefinger forward and rubs the rest of the precum gently on his lips. That was his answer. Before she withdraws her hand, though, he has placed his lips around her, sucking quickly and releasing her. She brings the finger back to herself, and draws it across her wetness. She wants him alright.
Rey moves up to a kneeling position above him, and guides him into herself. She squeezes instinctively and Kylo Ren winces. He reaches for her hips and stops her. "Slower." Rey nods and begins to move down his shaft even slower. Ren sucks in a loud breath when she is done, and she knows to stay still. She watches his face, though nothing much changed. She can only imagine what he is thinking. Finally, he nods and she begins to move.
Usually, their roles were reversed with her on bottom, so Rey rocks her hips cautiously against him at first. She moves all the way up him and then rolls her hips as she descends. Ren grunts and mutters a curse as she continues this pattern faster. Eventually, unable to control himself he thrusts up to meet her and Rey moans loudly. He did not stop then. If they were heard then so be it. He had to have her, had to make her feel the way she was making him feel.
He sits up on his elbows even as Rey arches her back, and throws her head up. She looks like an anooba, getting ready to howl at the moon, he thinks. Instead, she gives a few short cries as she continues to ride him. Her hands grip his shoulders, and after one particularly hard thrust she digs her nails in. He groans again and sits up so he can get closer to her. Her movements become smoother then, but even faster, she squeezes herself around him even as her pace increases.
"Rey I can't-" he pants into her chest.
She does not reply, he isn't even sure she has heard him. Instead she stiffens and calls out, "Oh gods...Ben!" It was not his name, she had called out the name of a dead boy, but he still comes inside of her. The contractions around him were to much to hold off from.
They sit there for what seems like a long while, her head over his shoulder, embracing him. Until slowly she pulls away from him and sits next to him on the stone floor. She does not feel guilty for using his real name. In fact, she feels relieved. Her enemy was Kylo Ren, but Ben Solo iss her lover. If she could not save Kylo Ren, perhaps she can save Ben. She felt no shame in letting him know this was how she thought of him. This time would be different, she had known that and so had he from the beginning of their encounter.
"Ben-" she says softly, but he cuts her off.
"That boy is dead."
She turns to face him, "I will come back." He looks over at her warily, the moonlight glistens against the scar on his cheek. His mouth almost seems to snarl. " I will come back for Ben, or I will not come back at all."
He does not answer, suddenly faced with the same decision she had had to make before, and he has no answer. Kylo Ren remains silent even as she dresses, wandering the cave, trying to locate the pieces of clothing he had carelessly tossed away earlier. And he does not speak as she leaves, looking back at him one more time before shouldering her staff and starting slowly out into the night.