Disclaimer: Don't own Glee. Don't own nothing but the fragile feeling thing called my mind.
A/N: I feel worthless and disgusting, I can't stop being hurt, ... I can't stop hurting myself. Tomorrow and the chance to try again not to, just for a day, just for one day at a time ... It feels so far away. Not yet too far, but I'm scared of the day, that one time, that it might.
never
„I want to stop hurting myself," Blaine whispers, quietly curled up in Kurt's embrace, the sheets covering the boys' bodies feeling increasingly suffocating to Blaine, Kurt's touch too light. It is as if he is drowning in the fabric, drifting away from Kurt.
Kurt feels his breath entirely knocked out of himself for a second when Blaine's hold on him tightens to a sharp grip, something running like a shockwave from Blaine's to and through Kurt's body.
Kurt feels Blaine bury his face in Kurt's neck in an instant, hears a muffled, "Sorry."
Kurt lifts his hands to Blaine's hair, freshly cropped short from today's haircut, runs fingers through the now barely there curls. "I love you."
Blaine almost knocks the breath right back out of Kurt there and then, restrains himself in the last moments to a tight hold, leaving Kurt free to breathe … while Blaine is still choking on the inside, on his insides, Kurt knows. And so he keeps his hands moving in calming waves until Blaine lifts his head from Kurt's skin and looks up at him. "Why can't I stop?"
In that second, there are no tears for Kurt to wipe away. There is only earnest wonder.
"I don't want to allow people to hurt me anymore. Why do I let them?" The tears break sudden with this question breaking open on Blaine's tongue. "Why do I allow them to do so much to me?"
Kurt is left to hold on tighter, to hold the boy he loves together, to hold him close and dear and to let him know, by being there, each time Blaine questions it, out loud or silently, that he is here because he wants to be with Blaine, because he wants that icecold tremble filling Blaine's body, as his mouth wells over with thoughts driven by bile and pain, to be a thing of the past.
"I feel worthless and disgusting," Blaine chokes out, while Kurt peppers his face with soft kisses in silent protest, but they cannot calm the mind already broken open, new cracks everywhere ... in and out of sight.
"I can't stop being hurt, ... I can't stop hurting myself."
"Tomorrow and the chance to try again not to, just for a day, just for one, one day at a time ... It feels so far away. Not yet too far, but I'm scared of the day, that one time, that it might."
The rest are tears, drowning out space and time, and washing away the remains of the day's light.