Secret Agent Man
Jezyk
Spoilers: Anything that's aired
Disclaimer: Not mine.
AN: This is a little different for me… but you'll like it. I swear.
It was just supposed to be SG-1, hanging out, having fun, pretending everything was just great. But Carter had backed out at the last minute, making up a list of haphazard, unconvincing reasons why she couldn't attend. As much as Cameron wanted to pretend her presence, or lack thereof, wouldn't ruin the whole night, reality ignored him.
Cameron found himself in his car, a handful of movies balanced on top of the four pizza boxes on Daniel's lap, Teal'c sitting in the backseat, warily eyeing the ridiculous amount of beer Cameron had purchased. Daniel wasn't a big drinker and Teal'c didn't drink at all, so it was truly an appalling amount of alcohol for two, alarming when one backed out. But Cameron explained there was a sale and then he brought up the rest of his plan - the part they were currently pursuing.
They were parked half a block from Carter's house and they were going to wait and see who her date was because, after a two hour debate about what could possibly be behind the thinly veiled lies she'd made up about being unable to attend their little party, the consensus was that she had to have a date. And, because she hadn't mentioned a man to any of the three, Cameron was determined to find out who it was. Actually, Cameron was fairly certain that Carter would have told Daniel or Teal'c about her date and he decided they were leaving him out of the loop again and he didn't like it, so he was determined to discover the identity of her boyfriend.
Of course, after a half hour in a car that he'd never previously considered cramped, Cameron was rethinking the idea. Naturally, having a beautiful woman there while they hung out would be a vast improvement, but having a guys' night wasn't really as pathetic as he was making it out to be. But then, he'd already informed the others of his plan, and although it had originally been designed just to get whichever one of them who knew the identity of Carter's mystery man to spill it in the interest of getting to pizza faster, the idea of spying on Carter was sure to be as much fun as watching Clue, Teal'c's new favorite movie, for the four-hundredth time.
Cameron was actually kind of hoping the heat from the pizza would somehow erase the DVD, although he was pretty sure Carter, had she been privy to the thought, could have listed an entire shitload of reasons why that was utterly impossible. Cameron sighed and told himself that if Carter was there, it would have prevented them being stuck in a cramped car with nothing better to do than to contemplate the erasure of digital media.
"She's on the move." Daniel shifted slightly as he squinted to see better.
Cameron started the car, deciding that Daniel was far too interested in the results of spying to have known the answer. He decided Teal'c was the one holding out - because Cameron had learned quickly that if Carter confided in anyone, Teal'c was usually it. Which was rather unfortunate, for Cameron, not Carter, as Teal'c would take her secrets to the grave sooner than betray them.
Cameron had watched plenty of movies in his day and he knew that to properly conceal himself, he needed to hang back several cars from Carter. He was wishing he'd thought to pick up a rental too, since Carter was far too observant to not already have recorded his license plate in her memory bank. Unfortunately, Carter lived on a quiet street and Cameron found himself having to pull over behind a parked car when Carter hit a traffic light at the end of the block.
Cameron told his teammates to duck, explaining that she was less likely to recognize him if she only saw him as opposed to all three of them. Daniel and Teal'c had only glared at him like he was crazy, rather than expending the energy to dispute his statement.
He drove at a crawl, pulling over every two seconds in a pathetic attempt to not be noticed. He wasn't paying attention for a second and wound up directly behind her at the next light. He bent down, trying to hide his face in case she looked in the rear view mirror. Daniel's cell rang, distracting him.
When he looked up, he saw that Carter's arm was raised, holding her phone to her ear. Cameron shook his head in defeat.
"Hey, Cam, Sam says you shouldn't quit your day job."
Seeing that the light had turned green and Carter was busy grinning in the rear view mirror, Cameron leaned on the horn.
"Sam wants to know why we're following her."
Cameron smiled placatingly. "We're not following her. She's just paranoid."
Daniel parroted his words into the phone. A second later, he looked back at Cameron. "She says we were sitting outside her house for a half an hour and, frankly, she's surprised we could hold onto pizza that long without eating it."
Cameron grabbed the phone from Daniel. "Who is he, Sam?"
"Who's who?" Cameron watched as she glanced in the mirror, obviously checking to see who was talking. "You know, not only do you bear a frightening resemblance to one another, you and Daniel sound an awful lot alike on the phone. Except for a staggeringly different vocabulary, you guys could be twins."
"Don't change the subject. Who is he?"
"Who's who?" Her repeated question seemed innocent enough, except that she followed it by flooring it through a yellow light and hightailing it around a corner halfway up the next block.
"Damn it!" Cameron tossed the phone back on the pizza boxes and tore through the red light, trying to catch up. He could hear her laughter lilting through the open phone.
Daniel picked it up, and with his next words, proved Cameron's assessment that he too was in the dark. "So, you've got a boyfriend? Nice of you to tell us."
Cameron didn't hear the response, but he didn't miss Daniel's sudden turn or his pointed glare at Teal'c. Teal'c pretended not to notice, but Cameron saw the gloat.
Daniel closed the phone and put it back in his pocket. "Cam, I think we'd be better off going back to your place and trying to wrestle it out of Teal'c."
He looked at Daniel and shook his head. "While I'm sure Sam suggested that and while I'm sure Sam is typically not known for her lies, I assure you it will be much easier to figure out who she's meeting by simply following her there and seeing who opens the door."
Daniel nodded. "The pizzas are getting cold."
Cameron said nothing.
"The beer is getting hot."
Cameron said nothing.
"I'm actually kind of tired and I'd like to go home now."
Cameron glared at him. "She told you, didn't she?"
"I have to go to the bathroom?" Daniel looked scared, probably because he knew Cameron was much more likely to be able to torture the answer from him than from Teal'c.
"Just tell me, Daniel, and we don't crash the party." Cameron could see the taillights of Carter's car up ahead. He wasn't about to give up. Not when he was so close.
"She didn't tell me, I swear."
"I don't believe you." Cameron didn't like being the only one out of the loop.
"I swear on Cheyenne Mountain, Cam, she didn't tell me."
Cameron's eyes darted to Daniel's for a second. "But you know. How do you know?"
Daniel sighed. "I recognize the neighborhood."
"Who lives here?" Cameron pulled to a stop as Carter turned into a driveway.
Teal'c smiled from the backseat. "I am sure many families live in this area. It is densely populated."
"I'll find out soon enough."
Carter got out of her car, turned to face them, and folded her arms over her chest.
Daniel shifted uncomfortably. "Cam, we should really go. She's going to get mad."
"Give me a name, guys. Just one little name and we go."
Teal'c and Daniel exchanged glances, but neither man said a word. Cameron didn't like to be the odd man out. He didn't like to be the last to know something. He didn't like that his friends apparently didn't trust him. But he'd already taken a stand and he'd be damned if he was going to back down.
"Give me a name or I go knock on that door."
Daniel and Teal'c exchanged another glance, but they remained silent.
"Fine." Cameron opened the door, pausing to grab the stack of pizzas out of Daniel's grasp. "Bring the beer, would you?"
Teal'c and Daniel remained silent still, but Cameron noticed that they did as he said. The three of them fell in step behind Carter as she crossed the porch. Cameron had no idea whose house they were at, but it didn't stop him from reaching past Carter to ring the bell.
The door swung open too quickly. "Don't you have a key, Carter?" The words had left his mouth before he could fully process the group standing on his porch.
Cameron felt like an idiot. He so should have known. If Carter was dating someone, of course it was someone important who outranked him. He looked at Daniel. "You really could have told me we were crashing a general's private party."
He was waiting to get hit or dressed down or reprimanded in some way. He thought about putting the pizza down for fear it would get ruined in the fight, but then he thought better of it and decided that offering pizza might ward off a physical assault.
The screen door swung open and Carter stepped forward, although Cameron wasn't convinced she would stop her boyfriend from beating the crap out of him. "They followed me. I tried to lose them."
Cameron watched in disbelief as General O'Neill stepped onto the porch, wrapped his arms around Carter, and pulled her into a very deep, very long, very passionate kiss that Cameron would have had a hard time explaining to children. In fact, he felt rather embarrassed for seeing it himself.
Daniel leaned toward him, red coloring his face as well. "I told you we should go."
"You could have told me who it was."
Probably due to a lack of oxygen, O'Neill came up for air, although he did keep a quite willing Carter in his arms. "At least we don't have to buy dinner."
She looked up at him and grinned. "Or beer."
"Daniel, Teal'c, come on in." O'Neill nodded at Carter as she took the pizza out of Cameron's hands. "And you, Mitchell, you can drop and give me twenty."
Cameron heard Carter's delighted giggle as his palms hit the concrete. There was no guarantee he was even going to get in the house, but a general had given him an order and he didn't see any way around it. When he finished, he stood up to find O'Neill was staring at him. The rest of his team was in the other room, their laughter and voices wafting through the air.
O'Neill didn't look happy, but Cameron wasn't sure that he ever looked happy. He didn't actually know the man that well. "Mitchell, as tempting as it may seem right now, this does not go back to the SGC."
"No, sir." Cameron had no intention of hurting Carter; he'd only wanted to tease her.
"And if somehow it does get back to the SGC, you won't be going back there, is that clear?"
"Yes, sir." Cameron felt small and stupid when O'Neill finally opened the door for him.
"You can wash your hands in the kitchen." O'Neill pointed and Cameron nodded.
He so had not expected to wind up at a general's house. He hadn't really intended to spoil Carter's evening either. "I'm really sorry about this, sir. I figured Daniel or Teal'c would fold before anything like this happened."
O'Neill grinned. "There's only one thing they're both afraid of, Mitchell, and that's a pissed off Carter."
Cameron nodded. "Well, sir, she is a force to be reckoned with."
O'Neill's eyes clouded. "You ended that sentence with a preposition."
"I won't do that again, sir."
"Good. You'd better hurry. The pizza's getting cold." With that, O'Neill turned and headed into the living room.
Cameron washed his hands and followed, pausing at the doorway. He'd felt like an outside before, but seeing the four of them sprawled around the coffee table, he felt even further removed. They were a family. It suddenly made sense to him why they'd all gone different ways when O'Neill had been transferred. It suddenly made sense to him why they all looked slightly annoyed when he walked into the room - because they were somehow expecting their fourth. He wondered if he shouldn't just turn and leave, allow them to have their time together.
But Carter looked up at him and smiled. "Come on, Cam, I saved you some pepperoni."
Cameron saw the plate next to her with his pizza on it. He saw the way she batted O'Neill's hand away when he reached for it. He saw the beer Daniel pulled from the pack and left by the plate.
He smiled as he sat down next to Carter, pretending not to see the way O'Neill's arm curled around her. "Ok, let's start the movie." Teal'c nodded and pressed the play button, obviously having been waiting for his presence.
Cameron looked around and realized he wasn't an outsider. They were a family and had been for a very long time. But they'd expanded to include him. He took a bite of his pizza. "This pizza is ice cold!"
He couldn't help but join in the laughter.