"I can't remember our last kiss…"
Felicity punched the code in the secret back elevator to take her down to the lair. She took a deep breath as she felt it begun to move taking her down. The last time she'd been down here, she'd told Oliver that she couldn't be a part of the team anymore, because it was too hard for them to work together. She knew it had been a lie as the words were leaving her mouth. It was never hard working with Oliver, it had always been as easy as breathing. But she knew if she continued to be with him and the team every night, she would eventually want to run right back into his arms and she couldn't do that right now. No matter how badly she wanted to. She needed to heal and truly be able to move on from their relationship before she even considered going back to the team.
The elevator stopped and the doors opened. Before she stepped out, she could tell she wasn't alone. After all these years working with Oliver, she began to learn a sixth sense of her own and to always be aware of her surroundings. She knew she wasn't in any danger right then, but someone was here. She just prayed it was Digg, Thea or Laurel. She couldn't handle seeing Oliver right now. But she had left her back-up tablet here and had to get it back.
She made her way around the corner and her breath hitched in her throat when she saw him sitting at her computer. He was leaning back in his chair, lost in his own thoughts and she didn't think he'd even noticed her standing there. But then he turned his head, and their eyes locked.
Those beautiful blue eyes that she swore saw straight into her soul and took her breath away. Oliver always had a way of looking at her like she was the only person on the planet.
"Hi", he finally said with a sad smile.
She recovered the pained look she knew was on her face and just barely managed to whisper out a "Hey".
He turned in the chair so he was fully facing her.
"What are you doing here?" he asked.
"I left my back-up tablet here and needed it for work", she said simply as she began to walk forward again towards the desk where her tablet lay.
"Oh", was all he said. She could see the deflated expression on his face and knew that he was hoping for a different answer.
"How come you're here so late?" she asked.
"Couldn't sleep", was his only answer.
She slowly nodded her head, knowing that meant he had been having nightmares again.
He'd told her once that his nightmares didn't come anymore when he was lying next to her in bed. That being happy and content with her stopped the demons in his past from haunting his present.
Felicity felt a sting of guilt run threw her, knowing that because she was no longer laying beside him in bed at night, his nightmares had returned.
She tried to push the guilt away and reminded herself that no matter how much it hurt her to know he was struggling, so was she, and this was for the best. They couldn't be together because Oliver still didn't trust her. He would never open up to her in the way she needed him to.
She was pulled from her thoughts when she heard him speak again.
"Felicity…"
Just hearing her name on his lips made her whole body shake. She closed her eyes and tried to steady her breathing.
She finally opened her eyes again and found his fixed on her. The look on his face telling her that he was still so in love with her and would never stop.
She cleared her throat and stopped in front of the desk to grab her tablet.
With it in her hands, she took one final look at him and realized that this would be the time of night that she would lean down and kiss him goodnight before heading back to their loft for the night, waiting for him to come home after he'd finished his night work.
And then a sudden thought crossed her mind.
I can't remember our last kiss…
"It was the night of the debate" she heard him say and she mentally kicked herself because once again, what was supposed to be her internal dialogue had actually slipped past her lips and she had said it out loud.
Her gaze lifted upward to look at him.
"What?" she breathed out.
"Our last kiss. It was the night of the debate."
She slowly nodded her head, but still couldn't remember.
And as if he was reading her mind, he began to speak again.
"After all of the craziness of the debate had ended, we went home."
She pulled in a deep breath when he said the word home, knowing it was no longer their home.
"I made us dinner and as I cleaned up, you started falling asleep on the couch. I picked you up in my arms and carried you upstairs and laid you down on our bed."
She saw his lips pull up in a sad smile as he was remembering the memory.
"I could smell the lilac scent you always used, I swear it's burned into my brain at this point." He said with a small laugh.
Her lips pulled into a tight smile as he continued.
"I remember laying down next to you, and just drinking in the content smile on your face as you looked at me. Like I was the only person in the world." Her heart pounded in her chest as he said this, knowing that was exactly how she felt when he looked at her.
"I remember loving the feeling of you running your fingers up and down my arm as we just starred at each other. I felt so at peace at that moment. Even with all of the craziness of our lives, just laying there with you and knowing that we were going to be able to do that every night for the rest of our lives. Nothing has ever felt more right than that moment."
She could see the tears beginning to brim in his eyes, mirroring the ones she knew were now in her eyes as well.
"And then, right before we fell asleep, you leaned in and kissed me. It was slow and lazy almost, but god, I could just feel the passion in it when I kissed you back. And we laid there, slowly kissing for what felt hours. You whispered how much you loved me as you drifted off. And that was our last kiss."
She knew tears were rolling down her cheeks now, and he stepped forward and gently brushed them away with the back of his hand, causing her eyes to close.
Her breath caught in his throat once again at the feeling of his skin on hers. It felt like it had been years since she felt that.
She slowly opened her eyes again, and the way he was gazing lovingly at her knocked all of the breath out of her body. God she loved this man.
His hand fell from her face and they stood there looking into each other's eyes.
She finally broke eye contact and took a step back.
The look on his face as she did that made her feel like she had slapped him. But she knew they couldn't do this right now. It was too soon and everything was still too fresh.
She grabbed her tablet and turned away from him, walking back towards the elevator.
She stopped before she was completely away from him.
"Thank you", she whispered.
"For what?" he asked in return.
"For telling me. And for reminding me that the man I fell in love with is still in there."
She turned away and walked to the elevator, her body still somewhat shaking as more tears threatened to spill over.
Oliver watched her retreating form, his hands shoved into his pockets. He took a deep breath he hadn't even realized he was holding.
She still loved him. That was all he needed to hear. He would prove to her that he was worthy of that love. He would get her back. Somehow.
And he knew that once he did, there wasn't a chance in hell that he would ever let her go again.