Harry's Thoughts
Hello all. I'm currently rereading the seventh book and as I read, I felt the need to pen my thoughts on the subject of Ron and Hermione's relationship. This ONE-SHOT takes place when the trio first arrives at Grimmauld Place, and Harry wakes up the next morning, looking at Ron and Hermione's fingers. You will see that this piece of fanfiction fits nicely at the very beginning of Chapter Ten, Kreacher's Tale, American hardback pages 176-177.
Without further ado, please read and review.
Harry woke early next morning, wrapped in a sleeping bag on the drawing room floor. He shivered a little bit, slightly cold. His head throbbed. He stared out at the sky through a crack in the heavy curtains; it was a clear, solid blue, not quite dawn yet. As he woke, thoughts of horcruxes fluttered in and out of his mind; he was fully aware of the task ahead of him.
Ron and Hermione's breathing fell in line with one another, although Ron's was slightly more throaty, verging on snoring. Hermione's was lighter, somewhat healthier, in Harry's opinion. Hermione's arm fell in a graceful curve from the couch she was sleeping upon, her fingers inches from Ron's on the ground. Briefly Harry wondered if they were holding hands before falling asleep.
It was not has though Harry had not wondered about it before. Harry had certainly considered it for quite some time now; so long, in fact, that he had been thinking about it since last year at Hogwarts, when Ron and Hermione showed signs of seriously developing a relationship.
Had they been doing it? If so, for how long? Would they tell him about it? Why had they not told him yet? These questions frequently passed through his head; rarely had they been complete, conscious thoughts, but as he stared at Hermione's fingers mingling with Ron's, he could not help but think about it.
Harry squeezed his eyes shut uncomfortably. It seemed obvious. He could not pretend he didn't notice Ron and Hermione at the Burrow; even in the panicked chaos leading up to Bill and Fleur's wedding, he could not ignore the two of them emerging from a forgotten closet, Hermione's knees red, her hair messed up, or them stumbling up the stairs of the basement, faces flushed and out of breath. He could not help but wonder if they were simply doing innocent preparations for the wedding, or if they had other agendas.
Yes, yes, it seemed obvious, thought Harry as Hermione's finger twitched slightly. Yes, it was true; ever since Harry had arrived at the Burrow, there was something more masculine and strutting in Ron's demeanor and walk, and something more womanly and experienced in Hermione's posture. Harry could see it when the two exchanged glances with one another; something knowing, something secretive, something… mature. He had not realized it at first, but after the idea had popped into his head, he could not help but notice this subtle change in their conduct.
Then again, it was difficult to imagine Hermione doing anything out-of-line with rules or extreme social norms. At first, she had seemed so… prudish, conservative. But the more Harry thought about it, the more Hermione's personality fell in line with his suspicions. Come to think of it, although she had once had a love for rules, this love had decreased over the years; and come to think of it, there was nothing that suggested she had anything against underage promiscuity. She had not been opposed to snogging Viktor Krum at such a young age, especially considering the age difference between them; she had not admonished Fred and George for obviously disappearing with two French girls at Bill and Fleur's wedding the previous night, when it was quite clear what they were off to do. Had Ron blossomed Hermione into a woman, introducing her to passion, pleasure, and orgasm? In turn, had Hermione made a man out of Ron and shown him the same?
Although seventeen, still young, they were not children anymore. Not any of them: Not Harry, not Hermione, not Ron. They were aged beyond childhood; the three of them had a massive weight on their shoulders. Lives depended on their actions. This responsibility was huge. With a sudden pang of bitterness, Harry realized that it was true: They were growing up incredibly fast. Something that normally should have been reserved if not for marriage, then for some time in the distant future, Hermione and Ron had already participated in. Their lives would be cut short.
Along with bitterness, Harry felt a stab of regret. Their lives would be cut short. It was obvious that Hermione and Ron had already realized this, and were accomplishing now what they would normally want for the future. Harry thought briefly of Ginny. He was jealous, too, that his best friends would have something that he and Ginny would never have. He would die before he ever saw Ginny again, and he knew it. Ginny had given him a chance to take her virginity before he left the Burrow forever; Harry, stupidly, let it slip by, not realizing that he would probably never return to see her. His virginity would be his forever; he would never be able to share that bond with Ginny, nor with anyone else. His jealousy increased. His two best friends had that bond; not only would he never have it, not only would he never have it with Ginny, but Ginny would, someday down the road, share it with somebody else. He could not help but resent Ginny, Ron, and Hermione. The weight of his quest fell harder on his shoulders now, heavier than it ever had before.
Harry could not stand lying there with nothing but bitter thoughts for company. He tore his eyes away from the tips of Ron and Hermione's fingers, hating himself for allowing his thoughts to drift where they had gone. He tried to clear his head. He had to stop thinking of lost hopes and personal dreams; these things were trivial to the rest of the wizarding world, which relied heavily on him. He knew that he could not let his desires hinder him on his quest. Harry got up and began walking towards the staircase, desperate for something to do, for distraction. As he climbed, he knew he mustn't lose sight of his goal: fulfill Dumbledore's last wish, and destroy the remaining horcruxes.