Spoilers for 6x09 - I have seen the promo and my imagination went off on a tangent!
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For Lydian; for her support and for putting this plot bunny into my head xoxo
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His tired eyes scan the crowd that has gathered at the Old Haunt tonight. It's quiet. Thankfully. Besides the five of them, there is only a handful more. Kate and Lanie had snagged their usual booth upon arrival from the precinct. The three guys had been nominated, in unspoken agreement, to get the first round. The two girls had clearly needed a moment to gather themselves, before their group had reformed.
He laughs at Kate, although it's more absent minded than present; the way she is re-enacting her surprise over his gift. The way she hams it up for the group. It has been a rough couple of days and they are all tightly wound. It's funny how she takes this role, a role that he usually fills. She knows in the way that they do these days; his heart just isn't in it.
This must be what being in a proper relationship is about. Picking up each other's quirks, the mannerisms that used to belong to them alone are entwining, combining, blending. Suddenly he is verbalising theories that make sense and she is taking it upon herself to lighten the heavy weight that rests on each of their shoulders.
Relationships are not a new concept for him. Hell, he has been married, twice, but in all of his years, this concept, this metamorphosis- this is a first.
He hurts for Lanie and Espo; all the mess that this case has dragged up. For the difficult dance that they must do on a daily basis. It's a very real fear. His very real fear. It whispers to him on his darker days, the 'what ifs' that could play out if Beckett and him were to implode.
He suddenly feels his thigh being gripped tightly, a fleeting squeeze. Her lithe fingers pushing against his muscle. The feel of her touch chases away his doubts. She knows in the way she does now that he needs her, needs a moment of reassurance; though these days it's rarely required. The solid state of them only becomes stronger with each day, but regardless he is always grateful when she reinforces that she is here. Beside him.
And his thoughts travel full circle as he comprehends that it's a trait that he used to be in charge of. He was the one that would encourage her out of her shell. Now she is doing her part, sharing the load.
He mimics her action, sliding his hand onto her leg, leaving it to rest there.
His eyes go back to their earlier perusal, spots Espo sitting at the bar. The detective had gone for round three, or maybe four. Either way, he went and has yet to come back.
Bending toward Kate, he closes the distance between them. Pushing his lips against the side of her face, and she turns. Catches him on the mouth, taking a second one for herself. He lingers, before breaking the kiss and forcing himself up.
Every muscle aches. Bones grating. Skin tightening.
He is too old for this. To run around as if he is ten years younger than he really is. He likes to think that he keeps up with them. As he shuffles more than he walks, he has qualms about how true that thought is.
He collapses onto the vacant stool next to Esposito, and the gray cloud hovering over Javi, stretches to encompass Castle.
The younger man ignores the intrusion, gives him the cold shoulder. Espo instead focuses on the glass in front of him. His fingers glide through the moisture that has formed. The alcohol inside remains untouched.
His movement is hypnotic. Back and forth. Back and forth.
But Rick waits. The last few days have been especially hard for Javier. For Lanie. He had sensed the storm brewing; each setback they had faced, every frustrating moment that had passed. It's all been leading to an outpouring. The crash of thunder. The sting of hail. So he waits.
"What do you want me to say, Castle?"
"Whatever you want."
There's a drop of condensation at the top of the glass, and it rolls down, blazes its own trail. Rick admires it. The ability to move without resistance. Without worry. Free of apprehension.
"Dude, I'm not you. I don't need to get it out."
Castle humphs. How does he not take that personally? Except that it's true. He and Ryan are the sharers whilst Beckett and Esposito are the silent pair of their little make shift family.
Still he waits.
"Have you ever been so fucking powerless, Castle? Been humiliated in front of your friends? Your colleagues?" Espo spits each word out, referring to the torment that they had all just lived through.
"I have."
His affirmation sits heavily. His thoughts drift back to last year. Time may fade, but his memory hasn't. All the recent activity. The strangulations. The talk of serial killers. It brings those images forth. Tyson.
Being wrongly arrested for murder will always remain with him. His hands stretched behind his back. The way the cold edge of the steel had cut into his skin while he had been left with no other option but to stand there.
"Let me tell you a story, Espo. I once opened my own home to my friends, my girlfriend. And they entered. Searched my belongings. Read me my rights. Handcuffed me." A puff of humourless laughter escapes.
He doesn't blame them. Places that squarely on Tyson's shoulders.
But he can close his eyes, even in the middle of the bar, and see it all unravel. Hear the silence that had descended on the room. The feel of everyone's eyes as they had stood, judged him. The smell of disgrace. The taste of embarrassment.
Javi angles his head and waits.
"What Tyson did to me, in a way to all of us; it ate at me. Had me questioning everything. My competency. My abilities. If I really had the power to control my life. My destiny. Could I protect my family? But there was still… a reason to keep going."
He can still feel Kate's warm skin contrasting against the cold bars of holding. The way she had reached forward. Had tangled their fingers together. Had given him a glimpse of hope when all had appeared lost.
"It'll take time. For a while, everyone's eyes will be on you. Whether it's true or not, you'll still feel them. They will follow your movements. Stalk you."
Sometimes he still wonders. He'll walk into the break room and it suddenly goes silent. Are they talking about him? What had happened?
It was a horrendous accusation, and their team has never really discussed what went down. Moved on with their lives. The next case. The next disaster.
"And…"
"And? What, Javi? You'll get over it. Eventually. Sort of. The next thing will come along and you will focus on that and this will become nothing but a distant memory." But you don't forget.
Castle glances across the room finding Kate. She is giggling with Lanie over something that has happened to Ryan and her happiness washes over him, even with the space that is between them. It slides its way into the places of his heart that are hers alone and he smiles at her delight.
"A wise woman once told me that even on the worst days, there's a possibility for joy."
Espo chuckles low at that. His head dips, twice. Agrees.
"Lanie and I have had a chance to talk. Got some of the air cleared about… past mistakes."
Rick's smile grows wider. Whatever has happened, whatever will happen, there's always a silver lining, a ray of sunlight that can stream through the thickest of clouds.
His eyes connect with his fiancée's; sometimes if you are lucky enough, that little sliver of brightness will glow so vividly that it can withstand even the strongest of storms.
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Thank you to Trish and Lousie ;-) for their late night edits xoxo
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Would love to hear your thoughts, especially as this is not my normal writing style!
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