Title: Of Startling Revelations & Anti-Climactic Mary-Sues
Author: sithmarauder
Pairing(s): Multiple pairings.
Disclaimer: Hetalia and its affiliated characters are not mine, and never will be.
Warnings: Utter crack, possible OOC-ness because of the crack, Switzerland and America's language… and that's about it.

Requested by Super Cheyenne with the pairing specifications and the line: "Fuck this shit, I'm going to space."

Written in thirty minutes, so it's shit. Also, because I wrote this between 2:00-2:30 AM, it'll probably still have some errors. I'd apologize to Super Cheyenne, but knowing her, she won't care either way, as long as the line's in there somewhere (;

Edit: I apologize for the two alert emails some people may have gotten.

-x-

He had never seen anything like her before. It was just… strange. And irritating. In fact, he really wanted to shoot something right now – or rather, he wanted to shoot the girl that was currently draping herself over a very confused and flustered-looking Austria. This was a sentiment that Switzerland apparently shared with the rest of the gathered nations, for not only was the girl human (as in, not the personification of a country), but she seemed to know exactly what they were, along with their individual names.

Switzerland hissed in irritation as he remembered how the girl had rushed in – all shiny auburn hair, mismatching eyes and general tininess – and gasped as she saw them all.

"Oh my gosh, you're Switzerland!" The girl had gushed, rushing forward to hug him, but yelping and stepping back when he whipped out a pistol to point at her, eyes narrowed with distrust. The girl looked at him strangely, before she relaxed, as if remembering something.

"I thought they banned you from carrying guns into the meeting?"

They had, but she didn't need to know that.

The girl had stayed away from him after that, introducing herself as Sisyphen Amelia Petrova Galia before proceeding to float around the room and flirt with the nations. This, Switzerland remembered, had been soul sickening, as even France had looked uncomfortable when she ran her hands up his chest, cooing lightly.

However, it wasn't until Austria and England arrived that everything went straight to a very metaphorical hell.

"Roderich!" The girl had cried, launching herself across the room as Austria took his seat at the table. Austria had watched with wide-eyed horror as the girl wrapped her arms around his neck, trying to kiss him while the once-superpower averted his head, trying (and failing) to keep his composure.

Switzerland fumed. Normally this would be hilarious, but this girl…

"Roderich, It's me! Sisyphen Amelia Petrova Galia! You remember, your one true love?"

"I… pardon me?"

"What the bloody hell is going on here?" This came from England, whose face was tinged red with anger.

"Iggy!" The girl smiled, still dangling off of Austria's neck as the violet-eyed nation tried to pry her off gently. Switzerland huffed. The other nations seemed rooted to their seats, watching with that kind of fascination people get when they see something really bad but cannot seem to look away.

England did not look impressed.

From across the room, Canada was burrowing into France's side, hiding his head in the folds of the other man's… cape. America had paused his speech, chalk in hand, frozen with awe. Germany's back was stiff as a rod, and North Italy was looking uneasy as he sat between the blonde nation and a pissed off South Italy, who was yelling at Spain to go do something.

China was sitting in his seat, hands at his sides, completely oblivious to the creepy smiles Russia was sending him. Japan's face was like a blank slate, and Greece was… asleep again. Switzerland scowled. That man could sleep through anything!

His mind was drawn back to the apparent conflict, however, as Whatever-The-Fuck-Her-Name-Was was currently trying to kiss Austria. And when she succeeded, Switzerland heard something snap.

That something was England, who had just broken his pen in half, and was currently advancing towards the girl, expression and eyes irate as he grabbed her arm, yanked her off of Austria (she was too surprised by his "uncharacteristic actions" to fight back), and proceeded to state, very loudly, in front of the whole room:

"Touch him again and I'll kick your bloody ass over to France and let him deal with you."

Switzerland would have laughed at the expressions on everyone's faces (and the funny shade of green France turned) has his own look not been the exact same thing.

Austria and England.

Austria and England.

Austria and England.

When the girl started to yell with surprise and anger, England growled something out in a language no one understood and she promptly vanished in a very anti-climatic way.

Then he grabbed Austria, kissed him, and the two proceeded to leave the room to do God-Knows-What.

Switzerland's hand was frozen on the trigger of his gun as the people in the room started to react, shaking their heads as if waking up from a dream and mouthing something along the lines of "England and Austria" (or, in France's case "I knew l'Angleterre fancied Roderich! As the country of love, I have to know these things, non?")

However, it was America who finally broke the awkward silence. Looking at all of them with an unreadable expression, America threw the chalk he had been holding at Russia and, very pointedly, stalked over to the door England and Austria had just vanished through five minutes before. What he said next would be forever ingrained into the minds of every nation present.

"Fuck this shit, I'm going to space."

And he did.