Fighting
Proof that I've been listening to Yellowcard too much...
Disclaimer: I lack the ownership of Elfen Lied.
What am I fighting for anymore, really? I ask myself. Sometimes, I really didn't know. Was I out for revenge for what Lucy did to me, or...What? Now that I thought about it, it was kinda stupid to be out here.
No. You've made it this far, and Lucy could show up at any moment and start killing more people and doing what she did to you to others. I frowned, looking out to the sea. This again. I couldn't agree on this, with either side.
So what if Lucy starts killing again? Not my problem. I should get out of here while I'm actually still alive. Argue, argue. Arguing with myself. Isn't that a sign of being crazy or something...? Ah, hell. Who really cares anymore...
Well she could always go after that little shrimp. That'd be a problem. But why would she go after Mayu? What reason does a serial killer need to kill? None, of course. And that little shrimp gets thrown into the debate that I'm having with myself. Seriously, it's not like she's important. She's only saved me from Lucy and keeps bringing me food...
"Bandou-san! Are you here?" Think of the devil, and the devil will appear. Then where's Lucy? Shut up. I can't shut up. It's impossible to stop thinking, y'know. Yeah, I'm definately crazy. Oh well.
Mayu walked up to me with that little dog of hers by her side, some food on a plate in her hands. "Hello, Bandou-san!" She greeted cheerfully, and I wondered why exactly she was bringing me food. No complaints, though. Not that bad of a cook...
"Hey..." I muttered, and she sat down next to me. "Why do you keep bringing me food again?" She didn't reply and just smiled before looking out towards the sea. Why does she never answer that? Eh, whatever. It was quiet as I ate, besides the yipping of Mayu's dog and those pesky birds and the ocean. This dog keeps trying to eat my food...
"I was homeless once, too..." I tore my attention from my food and Wonton or whatever the dog's name was and placed it on Mayu.
"Huh?"
"Before I met Kouta and the others I was homeless. They took me in. So I suppose...I'm helping, right?" Mayu explained. She was smiling, but it was kinda obvious that she was acting happy. That why she brings me food? I'm not homeless. I have this place right here.
Which isn't exactly much, y'know. Just a shack. And I don't even legally own it...
Shut up, will you? I don't like being crazy. Too much of an effort to make a decent arguement.
No, I don't think I will. Why are we even here, anyways?
To kill Lucy, of course.
Is Lucy even here anymore?
Who knows? That other Diclonius hasn't seen her, and Mayu says she hasn't seen her.
Then why are we still here? And I know I don't like picking up the trash, so don't even use that as an excuse.
I wasn't going to.
Right.
Stupid smart-ass brain...I was gonna say that as long as there was still a chance Lucy was here, we might as well stay here.
Well what happens when we wait until you're dead? When's the quitting point on waiting? When will it be until Mayu just gives up and stops bringing me food? What then?
Well--
"Bandou-san?" I turned my attention to Mayu, who was looking worried.
"Yeah?" I looked at my plate and saw that all my food was gone, which was a bit of a disapointment.
"You seem a little out of it today..."
"Eh, just thinking."
"Mmk...Well, I suppose I'll head back to Kaede Inn...Bye..."She took the plate from me and started to walk off. Shouldn't I say something? Maybe thanks? Y'know, that's usually what people say when they're grateful for something. Shut it, you.
"Thanks for the food."
"Welcome!" Now doesn't that make you feel all bubbly and happy inside?
...You sound like my Mom. Annoying and happy.
But don't you really wonder what you'll do when Mayu stops coming around?
This again? I really don't care. I can survive perfectly fine without her help.
Then why haven't you told her to stop bringing food?
I think I have once or twice...'Sides, it's good and I don't have to go anywhere to get it.
But doesn't she have to, then? What if she randomly decides to stop?
Then I'll have to get food by my own hands.
But that means you'd have to get a job. Which means you won't be able to watch the beach all the time.
Which means that Lucy could come around and I'd totally miss her.
Exactly. What will you do then?
I wouldn't know. Wouldn't even know she'd been here.
What are we fighting for, really?
Revenge. And to stop her from doing that to anyone else, I suppose.
But what did we do to get this 'revenge'? We've assualted someone who helped us, thus putting us in a hole, then we're stuck on this beach hoping she'd decide to waltz on back here. All we have is this shack and Mayu. And maybe that dog of hers. But the shack can be destroyed and Mayu and puppy could die.
Everyone dies. So what?
So why are we wasting our life here, waiting for a chance to kill someone who probably just wants to be left alone?
Why do you keep repeating that same question?
Why can't you give a better reason why we're still here?
We're here and we're doing this.
She totally destroyed us. Lucy almost killed us, and because of that you can't get over it. We've fallen so fast in a blink of an eye. We didn't even realize that we'd fallen until we couldn't get our old life back, and by then it was too late. We're still half-dead, waiting to fully recover and head back on home.
So what? We're on our own. Not like we haven't been like that before.
We're not totally alone. Mayu is here.
Ocassionally. Not always.
But we still depend on her, right? Why haven't we fully pushed her away and made her leave us alone?
She saved us. And then she keeps being all nice and stuff.
We'd have died if we'd been left alone. We'll always die if we're alone. But Mayu is still here, so we're not dead yet.
Sometimes I think it would've been easier if I had just died...She just won't let us die, will she?
No, she won't. She won't abandon us, no matter how hard we push her away. She's rare like that, but she's also too trusting because of that. Delicate and hard to find. Just the way you like 'em.
...Do I even want to know what you're implying?
You already know what I'm implying, you just won't admit it.
No I don't.
Yes you do. The reason you won't give up on killing Lucy and why you haven't tried to fully push Mayu away is simple and they're connected. You love Mayu, and you'd be devastated if she were hurt or killed by Lucy.
Yeah right...
Heheh...You know it's true.
"Bandou-san!" I broke out of my thoughts and looked over towards the direction where the voice was caming from. It was Mayu, and she was running towards me with a look of panic and fear on her face. What the...?
"What is it?" I asked as she got closer.
"Yuka, Kouta, and N-neji were out and--" She started to hyperventilate, and I mentally cursed. Language!
"Shut up and take me to the problem!" Mayu nodded and she started to run off back the way she came, and I followed her. Dammit, what's happening? I swear if a burglar got into anything of hers I'll kill 'em!
Aww...See, you really do care about her.
Shut up and keep me alive, will you?
...Fine...
Mayu turned off the main street and started to run up a long set of stairs. Wasn't there a graveyard up this way? We soon reached the top of the stairs and I saw the Diclonius looking around frantically. "Nana, have you found him?" Mayu asked inbetween breaths. Nana shook her head, and I scratched my head.
"Found who?" I asked.
"Wanta! Yuka left the main gate open and Wanta ran away!" Nana explained before running off. I face-palmed.
"The dog? You made me run all over 'cause you lost your dog?" I asked angrily, and Mayu nodded, looking away. "You gotta be kidding me..." On the bright side, no burglar!...Shut up, you. Aww...Why can't you be more friendly?
"I've had Wanta since before I came to Kaede Inn! I wouldn't want him to be out without food and all alone..." Mayu replied, worry and concern written all over her face. I rolled my eyes.
"Whatever. Let's just look for the dog." Mayu smiled, before nodding and going off to search.
"Thank you, Bandou-san!" She shouted happily as she ran off, and I just rolled my eyes and went off to find that dog of hers. Half an hour later, the dog was found alive and well by the Diclonius. "Thank you for helping us search, Bandou-san!" Mayu said, beaming as she held her dog in her arms.
"Whatever. I'm off." I replied, feeling useless but a bit happy. Walking back to the beach, I replayed the day in my head as I usually did. So I got up, picked up trash, stared at the ocean and fought with myself until Mayu came and dropped food off at about six or so, fought with myself some more...
You know you love it, "Bandou-san"!
And then Mayu dragged me off to search for her mutt. Now I'm gonna go to sleep.
Aww, you forgot the part where you realized that you loved Mayu-chan and that she's the reason you're still homeless and waiting for Lucy to come kick our asses!
You've gotta be kidding me...This again?
Don't deny it! You were worried when she came to you like that, and pissed when you thought of what could've happened to her home! You were realeaved that it was jut her dog being lost! You were even happy that she praised you.
Why do I get the feeling that you're grinning...? And I hardly call that praising.
Heheh, because I am grinning. Mentally. And you know you liked it!
Whatever...So I got a bit worried and pissed and happy. So what? Not everyone enjoys seeing others in pain.
Really? You usually do, though.
Go to hell.
Sorry, they've got a restraining order on me. Too crazy. I can still go to heaven, though.
Well go somewhere I'm not!
Aww...You sad 'cause I'm right? A little annoyed 'cause she didn't kiss you?
...You're right. You are crazy.
Which means you're crazy, too. But don't tell me you don't like fantasizing about it.
That's pedophilia.
So what? You've already got assualt charges. Not to mention in about five or so years it won't be. Just keep her alive until then, okay?
Whatever. I plopped down onto the sand of the beach, about a few feet in front of the shack, and laid down. Though I'd never admit it to anyone, I liked to look at the stars. Sometimes I'd even wish on the frequent shooting stars to bring Lucy to fight with me. Hasn't worked yet...Obviously, because we're still alive.
There weren't that many out, since it was only about nine or so, but there were definately enough to look at. "...Bandou-san?" I looked over to see Mayu once again standing a few feet away from me.
"..Did you lose your dog again?" I asked, smirking. Mayu frowned, blushing a bit.
"No. Kouta and Yuka are arguing, so I thought I'd get out of the way. Yuka tends to get a bit violent when she's really angry." Yuka and Kouta...Those were the two she lived with besides the Neji person and the Diclonius and the dog. "Um...You don't mind if I stay here for a bit, do you?"
"Don't care." Yes you do...Don't be tough. Mayu laid down beside me, staring at the sky. "How old are those two, anyways?"
"Yuka and Kouta?" Mayu asked, and I nodded. "Umm...They're in college. Kaede Inn belongs to Yuka's Mom, I think, so she usually pays for it. But..." So two College students, a middle-schooler, the Diclonius, and that other person. "Do you like looking up at the stars, Bandou-san?"
"...Sometimes." Mayu giggled, and I frowned. Stupid girl, laughing at me...
"I use to look up at the stars all the time. I don't do that very often anymore, though."
"Hn..." It could be worse.
Hardly...
There was a long stretch of silence, and after a while I started to get a bit bored. I sat up, yawning and scratching the back of my head. Mayu was still lying on the sand, but now...she was asleep. I smirked a bit and walked over to the shack, deciding that'd probably be a good idea to get to sleep soon. Bad idea to be tired if Lucy came. I found a spare blanket and tossed it over Mayu before lying down on the floor of the shack.
"Mm...Thank you, Bandou-kun..."
"Welcome." It was dark when I woke up, this time to someone yelling. I heard someone calling out for Mayu. It was a guy, and there was the ocassional female voice. I sat up, rubbing my eyes, and saw Mayu curled up in a ball, clutching the blanket. She looked a bit cute like that, and I smiled a bit. See? You think she's cute. You wouldn't mind pawning Lucy to keep her safe, right? After all, that's the only reason you're here now.
"Heh. Yeah, I suppose I'll keep on fighting. I won't give up 'cause she might die if I do. Gotta keep waiting for Lucy, so I can kill her and keep her and everyone else safe." I agreed, nodding as I agreed with myself for once.
"Thank you..." My eyes widened, and I stared at Mayu. She was still asleep, but now she was smiling. She had an almost angelic look to her, sleeping on the beach in a tight ball and clutching to that blanket as she smiled softly.
"Thank you for everything, Bandou-kun..."
Gah, so cheesy...But after a while I just wanted to end it. That, and I couldn't find a better ending. -sigh- I listen to too much Yellowcard...