Porcelain Regrets
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Disclaimers : CSI and its characters are not my property. CBS, Jerry Bruckheimer, Anthony Zuiker , own them. Rating: PG Thanks to : Allison for your support and for beta-ing my fic. Also, thanks to the Graveyard shift for inspiring me to write another story after such a long time. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Catherine tried to smile at the young woman sitting on the chair in front of her. The woman's eyes were red from crying as was her nose, and her pale face and the distant look on her face told the CSI, she was far from ready for questioning. She looked so fragile, like one of the porcelain dolls Catherine had seen once when she was little. Beautiful, but 'oh-so' fragile.
She had to ask though.
" Miss Layton, I'm so sorry for your loss " The woman didn't respond. "I..um. need to ask you a few questions" Catherine's voice was soft and friendly and she hoped she could get something..anything out of this witness without upsetting her too much.
" I.. " The young woman slowly looked up at Catherine and drew in a shaky breath before she could continue. "I told the. police officer everything..everything I know"
"I understand that you gave him your statement already but I need to know some other things, okay?" The woman nodded. "What was your relationship to the victim?"
The woman sniffled at the mention of the word ' victim' and glanced away. "Dan was my..best friend. My love. ...He was my life" Tears started to roll down her cheeks as she stared out the window, wishing this was just a bad dream.
Just when Catherine was about to ask Miss Layton if she should come back later, the woman spoke up, her voice trembling. "I never told him. I never told him how I felt." A faint smile appeared on her pale face and her watery eyes seem to sparkle for a second at the remembrance of the person she had just lost. " We used to talk. A lot. He always told me that sharing was a good thing. 'you shouldn't keep everything to yourself, Em' he used to say."
Catherine listened carefully. Over the years she had questioned a lot of witnesses and suspects and had gotten somewhat immune. Not that she didn't care for the victims and the witnesses but being a CSI and doing what a CSI does, requires a certain professionalism. You had to keep your distance and don't get too emotionally involved.
"I'm sorry I need to ask this, but I have to write this down. You were lovers or married?" Catherine blinked a few times, uncomfortable with the question herself, and her bright blue eyes reflected the compassion she felt for this young woman.
"Friends. We've known each other since we were eight years old. We've been friends for twenty years and I never told him..I never got the chance to tell"
Catherine nodded and looked down at the sheet of paper she was holding. The next question on her mind was even more disturbing than the last one, but in order to do this investigation, they needed to know as much as possible from the victim. "Do you know if your friend was suicidal? Had he been depressed lately?"
"This is all my fault, you know" The woman didn't even bother to look at Catherine when she answered. Her voice sounded low, controlled..ghostlike. "I made him do this. All this time, I loved him and I never told him. I was so afraid. I was so afraid. I knew he felt the same way. He even told me, a week ago. He told me loved, had always loved me, will always love me."
The same faint smile appeared on her face again, causing Catherine to think of the porcelain doll again. One wrong word and the woman would break. The CSI shook her head lightly, pushing some blonde locks from her face as she tried to focus all of her attention back on the woman's story.
"You turned him down?"
The green, red rimmed eyes widened and the woman nodded her head. " I was a coward. I thought..I thought it would ruin everything. What if it didn't work out and I would lose his friendship. I would miss his company, his jokes, his big beautiful smile...."
Catherine tried that smile again. That reassuring smile she often gave people to let them know everything was going to be all right. But it wouldn't work this time. Instead, a painful grimace appeared on her face.
"I never got to tell him. I didn't tell him about my doubts I just said 'no'. That simple. I broke his heart without giving any explanation as to why I didn't want to be in a relationship. And now..I've lost him. Forever. He didn't know..."
Catherine just stared her. She couldn't help herself. The woman was still gazing out the window, watching the rain fall down outside his apartment. His apartment. The love of her life. The one she lost because she was too afraid to take a chance. Catherine swallowed. This reminded her of...someone. Someone she'd always...loved. Glancing to her right, a weird feeling came over her. He looked up at the same time, nodded at her and then went back to searching the bed for clues.
She smiled back, then blinked a couple of times. This case had affected her, more than she had thought. It made her reflect on her own friendship. Her own love. What if she never got to tell him? It all became so clear to her : She needed to tell him, even if he wouldn't feel the same way. The incident a few weeks ago at a crimescene had taught Catherine that life was short and unpredictable. Instead of regretting something for the rest of your life, you should take a chance. Slowly getting out of her chair, she put her hand on Miss Layton's shoulder and pressed it lightly. "He knew. I'm sure of it"
The woman nodded and watched the blond CSI walk up to one of her colleagues.
"Gil" She crouched down next to him and smiled at her long-time friend for a second time. "After we finish up back at the Lab, with this case...could we.....talk?"
He looked up, surprised. Frowning and even a little bit suspicious it took him a few seconds to reply. " Sure, Cath. What do you want to talk about?"
"There's something I need to....share with you. Something that's been on my mind for a long time." She rose from her crouching position and, amused at his confused expression, leaned in and whispered, "Let's just say that I'm not a coward and ...I don't want to end up a porcelain doll"
If you want him to be the very part of you
That makes you want to breathe
Here's the thing to do Tell him that you're never gonna leave him
Tell him that you're always gonna love him
Tell him, tell him, tell him, tell him right now I know something about love
You gotta take it and
Show him what the world is made of
One kiss will prove it If you want him to be
Always by your side
Take his hand tonight
Swallow your foolish pride, and...Tell him
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - I haven't written in a long time so please review and tell me what you think. Also, if I made any spelling mistakes; blame it on me being Dutch and..18 years old, LOL.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Disclaimers : CSI and its characters are not my property. CBS, Jerry Bruckheimer, Anthony Zuiker , own them. Rating: PG Thanks to : Allison for your support and for beta-ing my fic. Also, thanks to the Graveyard shift for inspiring me to write another story after such a long time. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Catherine tried to smile at the young woman sitting on the chair in front of her. The woman's eyes were red from crying as was her nose, and her pale face and the distant look on her face told the CSI, she was far from ready for questioning. She looked so fragile, like one of the porcelain dolls Catherine had seen once when she was little. Beautiful, but 'oh-so' fragile.
She had to ask though.
" Miss Layton, I'm so sorry for your loss " The woman didn't respond. "I..um. need to ask you a few questions" Catherine's voice was soft and friendly and she hoped she could get something..anything out of this witness without upsetting her too much.
" I.. " The young woman slowly looked up at Catherine and drew in a shaky breath before she could continue. "I told the. police officer everything..everything I know"
"I understand that you gave him your statement already but I need to know some other things, okay?" The woman nodded. "What was your relationship to the victim?"
The woman sniffled at the mention of the word ' victim' and glanced away. "Dan was my..best friend. My love. ...He was my life" Tears started to roll down her cheeks as she stared out the window, wishing this was just a bad dream.
Just when Catherine was about to ask Miss Layton if she should come back later, the woman spoke up, her voice trembling. "I never told him. I never told him how I felt." A faint smile appeared on her pale face and her watery eyes seem to sparkle for a second at the remembrance of the person she had just lost. " We used to talk. A lot. He always told me that sharing was a good thing. 'you shouldn't keep everything to yourself, Em' he used to say."
Catherine listened carefully. Over the years she had questioned a lot of witnesses and suspects and had gotten somewhat immune. Not that she didn't care for the victims and the witnesses but being a CSI and doing what a CSI does, requires a certain professionalism. You had to keep your distance and don't get too emotionally involved.
"I'm sorry I need to ask this, but I have to write this down. You were lovers or married?" Catherine blinked a few times, uncomfortable with the question herself, and her bright blue eyes reflected the compassion she felt for this young woman.
"Friends. We've known each other since we were eight years old. We've been friends for twenty years and I never told him..I never got the chance to tell"
Catherine nodded and looked down at the sheet of paper she was holding. The next question on her mind was even more disturbing than the last one, but in order to do this investigation, they needed to know as much as possible from the victim. "Do you know if your friend was suicidal? Had he been depressed lately?"
"This is all my fault, you know" The woman didn't even bother to look at Catherine when she answered. Her voice sounded low, controlled..ghostlike. "I made him do this. All this time, I loved him and I never told him. I was so afraid. I was so afraid. I knew he felt the same way. He even told me, a week ago. He told me loved, had always loved me, will always love me."
The same faint smile appeared on her face again, causing Catherine to think of the porcelain doll again. One wrong word and the woman would break. The CSI shook her head lightly, pushing some blonde locks from her face as she tried to focus all of her attention back on the woman's story.
"You turned him down?"
The green, red rimmed eyes widened and the woman nodded her head. " I was a coward. I thought..I thought it would ruin everything. What if it didn't work out and I would lose his friendship. I would miss his company, his jokes, his big beautiful smile...."
Catherine tried that smile again. That reassuring smile she often gave people to let them know everything was going to be all right. But it wouldn't work this time. Instead, a painful grimace appeared on her face.
"I never got to tell him. I didn't tell him about my doubts I just said 'no'. That simple. I broke his heart without giving any explanation as to why I didn't want to be in a relationship. And now..I've lost him. Forever. He didn't know..."
Catherine just stared her. She couldn't help herself. The woman was still gazing out the window, watching the rain fall down outside his apartment. His apartment. The love of her life. The one she lost because she was too afraid to take a chance. Catherine swallowed. This reminded her of...someone. Someone she'd always...loved. Glancing to her right, a weird feeling came over her. He looked up at the same time, nodded at her and then went back to searching the bed for clues.
She smiled back, then blinked a couple of times. This case had affected her, more than she had thought. It made her reflect on her own friendship. Her own love. What if she never got to tell him? It all became so clear to her : She needed to tell him, even if he wouldn't feel the same way. The incident a few weeks ago at a crimescene had taught Catherine that life was short and unpredictable. Instead of regretting something for the rest of your life, you should take a chance. Slowly getting out of her chair, she put her hand on Miss Layton's shoulder and pressed it lightly. "He knew. I'm sure of it"
The woman nodded and watched the blond CSI walk up to one of her colleagues.
"Gil" She crouched down next to him and smiled at her long-time friend for a second time. "After we finish up back at the Lab, with this case...could we.....talk?"
He looked up, surprised. Frowning and even a little bit suspicious it took him a few seconds to reply. " Sure, Cath. What do you want to talk about?"
"There's something I need to....share with you. Something that's been on my mind for a long time." She rose from her crouching position and, amused at his confused expression, leaned in and whispered, "Let's just say that I'm not a coward and ...I don't want to end up a porcelain doll"
If you want him to be the very part of you
That makes you want to breathe
Here's the thing to do Tell him that you're never gonna leave him
Tell him that you're always gonna love him
Tell him, tell him, tell him, tell him right now I know something about love
You gotta take it and
Show him what the world is made of
One kiss will prove it If you want him to be
Always by your side
Take his hand tonight
Swallow your foolish pride, and...Tell him
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - I haven't written in a long time so please review and tell me what you think. Also, if I made any spelling mistakes; blame it on me being Dutch and..18 years old, LOL.