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Clark Reveals His Identity
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Clark Kent, busy at his desk one morning, reaches to switch on his computer when -
Everyone in the office: "OH MY GOD! IT'S SUPERMAN!"
Everyone stares at him. Clark looks down at himself and notices that instead of a suit, he is wearing his blue and red trademark outfit. Oh bugger.
Jimmy (in raptures): "Wow! I wish Clark were here to see this! He's going to just die when he finds out that Superman was sitting right at his desk!"
Clark (to himself): The only thing I'm going to die of is disbelief at your stupidity.
Everyone rushes towards Clark and threaten to engulf him.
Clark panics in the face of this hurtling stampede and does the first thing he can think of.
He puts on his glasses.
Everyone: "Woah! Where did Superman go?"
They all rub their eyes in surprise and stop bull-dozing their way towards Clark. They instead search frantically under desks and chairs and start rewinding the CCTV to see if they can capture Superman's movements.
Jimmy and Lois turn to each other in complete bewilderment.
Lois (close to tears): "I – I don't get it - one moment he was sitting right there, then the next – he just disappeared - " She sobs her heart out.
Jimmy: "Shut up Lois. Oh, look - Clark is back from another one of those mysterious unexplained disappearances that he never accounts for. Let's ask him how his weekend was."
Lois (still sniffling): "Who on earth is Clark?"
Jimmy: "The person you've shared an office with for an eternity."
Lois: "Oh, Clark."
(Clark is still sitting at his desk in full red and blue glory - but with his glasses on - so naturally, no one has the foggiest idea who he really is).
Jimmy: "Clark! You won't believe what just happened!" He proceeds to tell him everything.
Clark (to himself): The only thing I can't believe is what complete idiots you all are.
Lois starts crying because Superman has again left without saying goodbye. This is becoming something of a habit. Tears stream down her cheeks and she realises she doesn't have a hanky.
Lois (quietly to Jimmy): "That man in the blue lycra suit and red cape – what's his name again?"
Jimmy: "Clark Kent"
Lois (to Clark): "Clark, can I wipe my nose with your red cape?"
Clark (rolling his eyes): "Yes of course, Lois."
When Lois has quite finished, Clark comes to the conclusion that it's time to reveal his true identity. He decides to break it to everyone gently.
He stands up and addresses the room.
Clark: "Has anyone ever wondered why Superman and I are never in the room at the same time?"
Office worker (to colleague): "Who on earth is this guy?"
Colleague (looks at Clark for a good few minutes before answering): "I've got absolutely no idea. I don't think I've ever seen him before."
Everyone ignores Clark. He clears his throat and tries again.
Clark (loudly): "Has anyone ever wondered why Superman and I are never in the room at the same time?"
Everyone (in bored voices): "Shut up and do your work."
He tries again.
Clark: "Has anyone ever wondered why I've got the same eyes, nose, mouth, accent, build, height, likes and dislikes, and genetic make-up as Superman?"
Everyone looks at him blankly.
Clark: "How about if I do this?"
Clark picks up fourteen desks with his little finger and raises them all above his head.
No one bats an eyelid.
Lois: "What are you trying to get at, Clark?"
Clark groans in frustration. He takes off his glasses and parts his hair in a slightly different way.
Everyone: "OH MY GOD! Look! Look! It's Superman! HE'S BACK!" Cameras flash and forty reporters rush up demanding an interview. Lois swoons in his arms.
Jimmy (whining): "Oh I can't believe Clark has gone again…. I WISH he could see this…."
Clark (dejectedly shaking his head): "God almighty…."
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Heheheeeee! Hope you enjoyed that! Long live Superman!