Twisting
Disclaimer – I don't own anything mentioned in the books or movies.
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I've got a
hunger/Twisting my stomach into knots/that my tongue has tied off
my
brain's repeating/"If you've got an impulse let it out"/But
they never make it past my mouth.
Hermione Granger isn't your average kid. No, she's anything but average. Hermione is brilliant. She's purely marvelous. And I, Ronald Bilius Weasley, am totally, completely infatuated with her. I think I may even love her.
When I look at her beautiful chocolate brown eyes, I see her soul. I don't care how over-used that sounds. It's true. When I look into her eyes, I see her soul. In a way, it makes me afraid. Can she see my soul when she looks into my eyes? I hope not. Then she would know the truth.
I've tried to tell her about my love for her. It never works. I practice what I'm gonna say to her, over and over again. I play it all out in my mind. I can see it now. She's standing by the lake, it's windy and her hairs blowing around her face. She's laughing, making her even more beautiful than before. I walk over and ask for a word, she says goodbye to her friend and we go sit on the grass underneath the oak tree. I take her hand in mine and rub my thumb over it, and then I tell her. Just tell her, no poems, cryptic messages or gifts, just plain out tell her. And then we'd kiss and it'd be like a fairytale. We'd have our happily ever after.
But, it never works out that way. I always manage to get tongue-tied. My stomach gets butterflies every time she walks by. I can barely move when she's around, let alone talk without sounding like a complete idiot. If I open my mouth, I know I'll stutter and start babbling about the 'Lovely weather we're having'. I ache for her. I need her. Without her, I have nothing.
But, who am I kidding, she doesn't love me. She doesn't even notice me. In her eyes, I'll always be the boy that insulted her behind her back in first year. First impressions are the most important they say, and boy, are they ever right. I wish I could go back, I'd tell myself not to be an arse and shut up before I lose the best thing that ever happened to me … before I got it.
I realize that I need to tell her. I'm not being fair to her. She has a right to know. I've twisted my stomach into enough knots over this. Ever time I see her now, the voice in the back of my heads shouting to tell her already, just say it, but I can't. What if she lets me down, what if she hates me because of it? What if I lose her forever?
I have all these words in my head that I need to say to her. But they never ever make it past my mouth. They're all pounding against my skull. They want, no, they need to get out. The words need to be said. I know that if I don't give her some of them, they'll all fall out my mouth at once. And that won't be good. She'll get overwhelmed.
Tomorrow. I'll tell her tomorrow. I swear on Merlin's beard I'll tell her. I need to. She needs to know. I just hope I don't make a complete fool of myself. Please god, let her feel the same way. I love her too much though, what if she doesn't love me? What if she… wait, I need to stop with all the what-ifs. I just need to act on my impulse. I need t take a chance and make a change. I need to help myself.
Well, I'm a fool. I asked Hermione Granger out. And I got rejected. Big time. I guess I was a little bit rude about it. But still. I wish I could have told her what I really wanted to say. I didn't mean to say what I did. But once I started, I couldn't stop. Oh, and now she's mad at me too. I mean, I know she's a girl. I wish I told her what I was hearing in my mind. And now, someone else is taking her to the Yule Ball. I am an idiot.
Well, the Yule Ball was a bust. Hermione showed up with Krum. I still love you Hermione though. Just because you broke my heart, and showed up at the dance with my idol, doesn't mean I hate you, if anything, your guts make me love you more.
I guess I'll always love you Hermione. Even when you're old and wrinkly with gray hair, I'll love you. On days your hair is frizzy, wavy, straight, or bushy, I'll love you. Whether you wear makeup or not, I'll always love you. When I'm old and lonely, and you're old and have a giant family, will you promise to think of me? I'll think of you. And when I do, I'll think of what we could have had and wish I'd thought of something charming to say. I'll think of what our love could've been. And I'll fantasize about what our children would have looked like, and if they would get your eyes or mine, your brilliance or my red hair.
I'll miss you Hermione. But I'll be happy, because, I know that you'll be happy in whatever you do. Hermione Jane Granger, you are brilliant, and my love for you is undying. If I could, I would kiss you right now, in the great hall, in front of all these people, and you know what, I wouldn't go red at all, because it'd be the love of my life I was kissing.
Our youth is
fleeting/Old age is just around the bend/And I can't wait to go
gray
And I'll sit and wonder/Of every love that could've been/If
I'd only thought of something charming to say.
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Author Note; This one-shot is for my friend Lisa. Just because she loves Ron and Hermione love stories. The song used was 'The sound of Settling – Death Cab for Cutie' Read and Review please! Thank you! : )