Disclaimer: Numb3rs is the property of CBS and the minds of Cheryl Heuton and Nicholas Falacci. I own it not, nor profit from it.
A/N: My contribution to a post When World's Collide world before season 5 makes liars and daydreamers out of us all.
References to The Art of Reckoning, among other things. Title for this fic taken from the Temple of the Dog song.
Pushing Forward Back
"So, how are we going to play this?"
A frown creased Charlie's forehead. "What do you mean?"
"What's the main objective, game theory wise? Do we help each other out to reach the top faster, or do we compete and sabotage each other to make sure we're the first?"
"Huh?"
Don sighed. "Seriously bro, your mind confuses me sometimes. Remember? Last year? A death row con named Pony wanted to reveal the location of his victim's bodies in exchange with a meet with his daughter? Any of this ringing a bell, kiddo?"
Enlightenment struck the young mathematician. "Oh, that." Charlie's eyes brightened. "You actually remember the analogy and the theory I used?"
Don rolled his eyes. "You go to enough trouble to make up a "cute little analogy" as Megan would say, the least I can do is remember it."
"Right." Charlie smiled. "Speaking of Megan, Larry said she's found an apartment for herself in Washington – she'll be moving out of her sister's place any day now."
"Don't know who's happier about that – Megan, or her sister."
"Larry's bet would be on Megan, from what I hear through him. What about you, talked to Megan lately?" Charlie asked.
"She called a few days ago at the office. We were only able to talk for a few minutes because a double homicide case came in."
Had things been similar to what they'd been even two months ago, this would have been the part where Charlie would've jumped in with a few questions regarding the case, fishing for information that could be used in a mathematical application.
But this was not two months ago. This was today, and the situation of today was very, very different.
Don cleared his throat as a slight feeling of awkwardness was injected into the atmosphere as had been the norm lately whenever Don's job came up as a topic. Standing up, he walked forward a few feet to where the chalk was.
"I'm guessing you must have a permanent layer of chalk on hands by now, so you won't be needing this?" Don queried with a grin as he held up his now chalk-dust covered hands, and just like that the brothers put the slightly off moment behind them.
"Wise guy," Charlie retorted as he too stood up and joined his brother.
"Not scared, are you?" Don asked. "We can always ditch this; go grab a bite to eat. Maybe play a round of golf if that would be less traumatizing for you?"
"No, no, I'm fine. No time like the present to get over an irrational fear, right?" Charlie smiled slightly to reassure his brother but it was with butterflies in his stomach that he glanced up at the over eighty feet high indoor climbing wall and thought back on just how he'd gotten here.
x-x-x
It had been a week ago and Charlie had been holed up in his office, working away. Ever since he'd lost his security clearance, he'd suddenly had more time on his hands then he knew what to do with. No longer called in on extremely time-consuming FBI cases ever so often that had him dropping his other commitments, he also was not able to collaborate with other CalSci professors on any classified projects.
Basically, Charlie was a very free man – not that he was complaining.
He'd suddenly found time to do things that he'd been neglecting for a long time. With his publisher and agent wanting him to lay low ever since his arrest, he no longer had any book-related events to attend. Although The Attraction Equation had become a bestseller and was still selling quite well, it wouldn't do for the vast majority of the public to find out that the man preaching better relationships, or at least a mathematical analysis of it, had been cuffed by federal authorities and was awaiting trial. To be honest, Charlie couldn't be happier. Though he was glad a larger part of the population had found something in math that they could respond and identify with, the last thing he wanted to do was be known for a self-help book.
All this allowed him to blow the dust off his Cognitive Emergence Theory which had been languishing in notebooks and a few hidden chalkboards for too long a time. With nothing else to do, other than his teaching related activities, he'd made leaps and bounds to rival the inspiration he'd experienced when he'd first started working on the theory, over two years ago.
In between those moments when'd he come home from a day on campus spent lecturing and holding seminars, only to then disappear into the garage and into his head, Charlie would sometimes pause. There was something missing, and he knew all too well what that was.
Don had done his best to be regular in his visits to the Craftsman but all too understandably, his visits were neither as frequent nor as long as Charlie and their dad would have preferred. With Megan on the opposite side of the country and her position not yet being filled, Don, Colby and David were now working as a team of three and there was more work to be shared on fewer shoulders and it wasn't as though the criminals were going to give them a break.
As for Charlie's breaking the law and subsequent arrest, the brothers had turned avoiding the topic into a well-practised, and often implemented, skill. Alan, comfortable with the knowledge that his sons were not actively avoiding each other, had taken a backseat to the whole drama and was not getting any further involved, letting his sons interact however they chose.
Regardless, Charlie sometimes wondered just how quickly the relationship between him and brother had shifted ground. No longer working together was not a new thing – after all, the fact that they'd worked together as long as they had was to be admired. But what mattered was that Charlie no longer had access to data with which he could attribute his brother's moods and state of mind. The newspaper was the only source of news for Charlie in terms of Don's cases – he would often try and guess if the latest kidnapping or murder had landed on Don's desk and if the specifics of the case were taking a toll on his brother's mind, whether he'd had to shoot anyone or something equally, if not more, distressing.
Charlie had never dealt well with lack of data. But he knew all too well that whereas once he and his brother had stood on the same side, fighting for the same cause in their own particular way, they now stood on opposite sides of the fence, one brother a law enforcer, the other a law breaker.
The irony of it all didn't escape Charlie – a family of four with half the family having been arrested at least once, the other half dealing directly with the law in the pursuit of justice.
Charlie was shaking his head as he wondered what his mom would think of his actions when the door to his office opened and his brother came in, not that he was surprised. Don had called earlier on asking if he wanted to do lunch and Charlie had agreed on the condition that they eat somewhere near campus since he had a lecture right after that he couldn't be late for.
It was one clock, and Don had always been the more punctual of the Eppes brothers.
"Hey bro, you ready?" Don asked, one hand still on the doorknob.
"Yeah, let me just grab my jacket." Charlie stood up, throwing down the pen he held in his hand as he did before grabbing his jacket off the back of the chair and shrugging it on, patting his pockets to check if his wallet was still on him.
As Don waited in the hallway, Charlie closed the door to office behind him and locked it.
"Alright. So where do you want to go?"
Charlie had already had his heart set on where he wanted to go for lunch even before Don had called, but he pretended to consider the offer nonetheless. "Uhh… I hear the cafeteria's specials today are great, you wanna try that?"
"The cafeteria?" Don peered at Charlie over the top of his sunglasses as both brothers made their way out of the building and started walking towards the cafeteria situated next to the library.
"You don't mind, do you? We can always go somewhere else if you like," Charlie immediately offered.
"No, no, the cafeteria's just fine. I was just wondering what the quality of the food will be considering half the people who eat there are probably too busy thinking of their latest scientific breakthrough to actually notice what they're consuming," Don replied.
"Hey!" Charlie protested. "The food's great. Why else do you think our brains work as well as they do?"
"That's a whole different ballgame, Chuck. I'm just thinking of the times when I've given you salt instead of sugar for your coffee and you were too wrapped up in your head to notice the difference."
Charlie frowned. "Did you do that to me last week?"
"Yup."
"Huh. No wonder my coffee tasted weird." As Don grinned, Charlie took the opportunity to punch his brother lightly on the arm before warning him: "If I were you, I'd bring my own beer from on; you never know what the house ones may contain."
"Duly noted, thanks."
The brothers had almost reached the cafeteria when they both stepped to the side to allow a colleague of Charlie's, Dr. Eliza Winters, to pass between them. To the surprise of both men, she did not pass quietly.
"Here to arrest more innocent members of the faculty, Agent? Please remind your boss that we have a new semester to prepare for and how would it look to our students if half our professors are behind bars?" With that, the Chemistry professor walked away, the clacking of her heels filling the silence she'd caused between the brothers.
As soon as Charlie recovered from the shock of his colleague's words, he looked towards his brother to see his reaction and inwardly cursed the fact that as the day was sunny, the sunglasses effectively hid Don's eyes from him. There was, however, no hiding the fact that Don's eyebrows had risen over the lens of his spectacles and his head was still turned, watching the professor walk away.
When Don noticed his brother's stare, he immediately smirked. "Ouch. Remind me to not get on her bad side. Although I think the ship's already sailed on that one."
Charlie, however, was not quite as ready to make light of what had just happened. He fumbled with his words, still slightly reeling from what he considered to be an uncharacteristic move from a woman he thought he knew. "Don… I'm… I don't know why sh-"
Don held up a hand to stop Charlie. "Don't worry about it. Let's just go eat, I'm starving."
As his brother reached the cafeteria doors, Charlie threw one last look over his shoulder at the retreating figure of the Chemistry professor and made a mental note to have a little 'chat' with her soon, before following his brother inside.
Five minutes later, both brothers found an empty table to sit at. Don had chosen to go the salad route while Charlie had given into temptation and ordered the mammoth cheeseburger the cafeteria was infamous for.
Of course, Don's healthy choice for a meal still didn't stop him from stealing Charlie's fries.
"Hey!" Charlie smacked at thin air as Don's hand vanished far too quickly from his plate as his brother stole yet another chip. "Get your own."
"Now why would I want to do that when I've yours right in front of me, waiting for the taking?"
Charlie knew a lost battle when he saw one and sighing, he pushed the plate of fries forward slightly so that it rested between the brothers on the table, shaking his head as brother smiled in triumph.
"So how's Larry doing? Haven't seen him since Megan left, I think," Don asked as he speared a lettuce leaf and an olive on his fork.
"He's alright. He and Amita are pretty busy working on the Higgs-Boson project lately."
Don nodded. "Sounds good. I kinda miss his coming over to the office and fighting with the espresso machine but with Megan across the country, I think the machine has a good chance of surviving."
Charlie smiled slightly. "Speaking of which, gotten around to filling Megan's position yet?"
Don shrugged. "Not really. I've looked at a few personnel files but nothing really serious. The AD will probably end up someone assigning someone soon enough, with or without my say so. I'm just hoping it won't be a rookie straight out of Quantico."
Conversation and time flowed as Don and Charlie had lunch but the younger brother couldn't help noticing just how often Don would look up and cast a look around the cafeteria before dropping his eyes again. His brother's checking his watch also increased in frequency and Charlie found himself thinking back to the time when he and Megan had been discussing "tells", especially in poker, and the profiler had mentioned that Don would look at his watch especially when he felt threatened.
They were in a cafeteria at CalSci. What could Don possibly feel threatened by?
Taking advantage of Don taking a sip of water, Charlie looked around. It was lunchtime and he wasn't surprised to find the dining hall mostly filled, with students and teachers alike. What surprised him was the fact that the table he and his brother were sitting at seemed to be the centre of attention with regular glances coming their way, most of them not at all friendly.
He then realized that this was the first time since the whole debacle with Dr. Sanjrani and his own arrest that his brother had come on campus – and from over four years of visiting Charlie, Don's was a recognizable face around campus. Perhaps too recognizable.
And of course, his brother with observation skills trained and honed by the FBI, wouldn't miss the fact that he, and the body of government he represented, was no longer very welcome here.
Charlie was just about to suggest that they go off-campus for dessert when Don's cell-phone rang. He didn't need to listen to Don's side of the conversation to know he was about to leave and he waved off the apologetic glance his brother sent his way, knowing that Don was probably just a little bit relieved to have the excuse to get the hell out of Dodge, and rightfully so it seemed.
Don slipped his cell-phone back into its position on his belt and gathered the lunch tray. "Hey, I just remembered, I won two vouchers off David in a bet. Feel like going rock climbing at that gym on Stevenson Avenue next week?"
At that moment, mortified as he was over the actions of his colleagues and students, Charlie would have said yes to just about anything that his brother might have asked for.
x-x-x
"By the way, what was the bet?" Charlie grit out between clenched teeth and he reached forward and grabbed a pink hold with all his might, his body inching higher on the climbing wall.
"What'd you say, Random?" Don asked from about four feet above him on his side of the wall.
"I asked, what bet did you have with David that led to you getting the vouchers for this place? And I am not random."
"Of course you are," Don immediately contradicted. "David and I bet on how long it would take Colby to muster up the courage to ask out Wright's new secretary."
Charlie shook his head. "Don't you guys have better things to do? Wait. Scratch that. What would have given David if you'd lost?"
"Me?" Don smirked. "I would have ordered Colby to do all the food runs for the next week." He glanced at his brother. "How you doing down there?"
Charlie scrambled for a foothold. "Just peachy, thanks."
"Right." Don didn't sound too convinced. "The blue one over there," he advised. "Why'd you agree to come if rock climbing isn't your thing?"
"It's not that it's not 'my thing'," Charlie replied. "I'm just not very good at it yet."
"Alright. We'll just play Scrabble next time, then."
"Why must you be so cruel to me?"
"Why must you make it so easy?" Don shot back.
"Speaking of Scrabble, I hope you didn't take what Dr Winters said last week personally?"
"Who the hell is Dr Winters?"
"Chemistry professor at CalSci. You… met… her briefly outside the cafeteria."
Don frowned. "How did you get from Scrabble to Dr Winters?"
"Uh…. The Periodic Table?"
"Charlie… believe or not, but if I cared about what people thought of my being an FBI agent, I wouldn't have gotten past Mom and Dad. Besides, I've been called a whole lot more for a whole lot less than what dear Dr Winters or anyone at CalSci might say."
Charlie didn't respond. He'd made no apologies for what he'd done, firmly believing that he'd done the right thing for all that he'd had to break the law. He also hadn't been naïve when it came to expecting consequences but when it came to his brother, he hadn't wanted Don to be affected more than necessary. He'd known Don would feel hurt, maybe a little bit betrayed, by what Charlie had done and aside from that and perhaps a few minor ramifications at work, Charlie thought Don could stay clear of his mess.
However, the visit to CalSci had proved him wrong.
Taking a deep breath, Charlie decided it was now or never to discuss what their father had aptly referred to as "the rather large elephant in a relatively small yard."
"By the way, I got a letter from the court a few days ago. My trial's set for August 27th."
There was a slight pause. "Alright."
"Will you be there?"
"Charlie, of course I am. I'm just hoping it'll be in the capacity of a brother, rather than federal agent."
Charlie allowed a few minutes to pass in silence before finally asking something that had been plaguing his mind recently:
"You're never going to be ok with what I did, are you?" Resignation coloured Charlie's tone as Don's hand paused in the act of reaching for another hold in the wall as both brothers steadily worked towards the peak.
"What?"
"What I did… I didn't do it to go against the FBI. If I could have found a way to send the information without breaking the law, going against you and your job, I would have."
"Charlie… breaking the law is still breaking the law at the end of the day."
"I did it to save lives."
"Oh yeah?" Charlie was surprised at the steel that had suddenly entered his brother's tone, along with something he couldn't quite identify. "So using your reasoning - breaking the law to save lives - the next time a serial killers walks away a free man because… I don't know, we don't have any evidence, or what we do have is thrown out by a judge, I should follow him home and put a bullet between his eyes because hey, we both know he's guilty and we both know he's just going to pack up, move to another town and start killing again. I might be breaking the law but at least it's going to save lives, right?"
When Charlie thought back to this moment later on, while safe in the confines of his garage where he did his best thinking, he wasn't able to pinpoint quite what his reaction at that moment was. All he could remember was that the turmoil and anger he'd seen in his brother's eyes at the moment, he'd never seen before, nor did he ever wish to see again. For all he knew, he could've stared open-mouthed at his brother as Don reached forward and pressed the red button that allowed him to rappel down the wall since he'd reached the peak, but not before telling Charlie, sounding more resigned and tired than Charlie had heard him in a long time, that he was going to get a taxi back to the office, Charlie could go home if he liked after he was done
He'd continued watching as Don reached the ground, unhooked the safety rope from the harness around his body and strode towards the door which led to the lockers and showers, his brother not once glancing back at him.
That had been three days ago, and Charlie still hadn't mustered up the courage to talk to his brother yet.
Khatum (The End)