Author's Notes: Dedicated to the amazing FioriParty! I love your videos! lol I might add another chapter.. if people want it.
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. :( Or Bush-san for that matter.
The Day Bush Said Jutsu
"Hello my many fine merry men!" Konan exclaimed bouncing into the meeting room. Momichi took one look at her beaming smile and died a little inside. What was it this time and where was Pein to stop her?
Apparently reading her thoughts Konan announced in a clear voice, "Since Pein is away on some business, I'm in charge."
"OH GOD!" Deidara and Sasori gasped in unison.
The others –including even Hidan— reflected their horror. While a fuss broke out over this sudden turn of events, Momichi leaned over to Tobi speaking lowly, "She isn't that bad is she?"
"Momo-chan has no idea…" Tobi whispered back.
Konan slammed a hand down on the table sending the sitting men bolt upright in their chairs. She smiled sweetly despite the hushed atmosphere, "Now, we have a new member to welcome into our loving family today."
Hidan coughed. Konan's sharp eyes were instantly on him. The masochist shrank down in his chair under her death filled gaze, "Sorry uh… allergies?"
Konan continued on as if nothing had happened, "Everyone I would like you to meet our newest member Mr. George W. Bush."
A man with gray frosted hair stepped into the room. He was averagely built with slightly pointed ears. "Hello," he greeted them with a strange drawl to his voice.
Momichi covered her mouth and fought the urge to giggle. George was wearing the typical Akatsuki cloak with clouds but he had it opened enough to show the white collared shirt and bright blue tie underneath. It was strangely amusing along with his odd accent.
"I am George Bush. George W. Bush," he said absentmindly, "You can call me George… or Bush."
"Tell us a bit about yourself," Konan said trying to steer his awkward words.
"Well," George paused. A grin crossed his face, "I come from a country called America. Where purple mountains soar into the sky and long rivers flow through golden plains…"
"Never heard of it," Hidan blurted out.
Konan's glare silenced him. George looked at Hidan with surprise, "Really?"
"What are some of your… special skills?" Sasori asked quietly.
"I can shoot a gun like any freedom loving American," George replied. Pride flashed in his eyes like it was the greatest achievement ever.
"A gun?" Momichi blinked, "What in the world is a gun?"
"Come outside and I'll show you Miss," George answered.
The others glanced at Konan who nodded her consent to go. The members of Akatsuki marched out the door in single file. The meeting was taken up again in the training grounds on the north side of the base. Momichi observed the straw dummies set up across the field.
"Well, where's this gun, hm?" Deidara inquired not hiding the boredom on his face.
George drew something from his cloak. Momichi leaned in to look at the metal sparkling in his hand. The 'gun' had a grip along the bottom and a long tube on the top. In between there was some metal thing that looked like it would rotate if she touched it. "It doesn't look very effective," Kisame commented eyeing it as well.
"You'll see," Konan told him shooing him away from George.
"Stand back," George commanded. Everyone took a couple steps back. Momichi watched him curiously as he aimed the gun at one of the targets. It was impossible for something so small to have ranged capabilities, unless it shot something like arrows or darts. It just didn't seem plausible.
The group waited restlessly. Deidara yawned next to Momichi, "This is boring—"
BANG!
Momichi jumped with a terrified squeak straight into Tobi's arms behind her.
The dummy across the field exploded in a rain of straw and stuffing.
"Holy crap un!" Deidara exclaimed wide eyed.
"Interesting," Kakuzu murmured inspecting the damage with a keen eye. Greed flickered in his green eyes, "How do you create these guns and what sort of ammo do they use?"
"I use chakra for my ammo," George replied not picking up on Kakuzu's greedy thoughts, "I've never made a gun, just bought it a few months ago and haven't seen a gunsmith since."
Kakuzu's mood dropped instantly, "Oh."
A terribly terrific idea popped into Momichi's mind, "Hey Mr. Bush, what kind of damage would that thing do on a normal person?"
"Depends where you hit and what type of chakra I use," the man responded merrily.
The kunoichi grinned deviously and shoved Hidan out of the group, "I want to see!"
"Don't worry, he's immortal," Deidara whispered to George. He had caught onto the idea immediately.
As the masochist protested, George nodded and raised the gun, "Fine with me."
People ducked out of the way as Hidan screamed, "I FUCKING HATE ALL OF YOU!"
The gun went off with a resounding crack. Hidan fell backward in a burst of blood and smoke.
"Wahhh!" Tobi panicked flailing his arms.
A choked laugh escaped Hidan as he lay on the ground, "Piece of shit that hardly tickled."
Momichi walked over with big eyes. Hidan had a freaking hole in his chest and it had only tickled?! She knelt next to him with a grim smile, "Anyone else and you'd be dead."
Hidan spluttered on his own blood trying to laugh. The fact that his trachea and probably a lung were blown to hell didn't help his cause. Momichi reached out to start healing the gaping wound in his chest. Momichi caught Hidan's fist as he tried to hit her, "Get the fuck away bitch!"
Momichi twisted his arm and heard a sickening pop. Hidan howled with pain and laughter as his arm fell uselessly at his side. "BITCH!" he screamed, "FIX MY ARM!"
"Oh go cry to someone who cares," Momichi replied frostily. She laid hands on the sides of his head, and the masochist was out cold a moment later. A little chakra to the temple was a nice way to put out screaming idiots.
Her hands hovered back over his ruined chest. Momichi took her time coaxing the already healing cells to a faster pace.
"Wh-what else can you do George-san?" Tobi stuttered while she worked.
"Well, I got a special jutsu…" George answered slowly sounding like it was a powerful technique that not many people could see.
"Shooow us!" Tobi bubbled bouncing around the new member.
"Ugh, I'm out of here yea," Deidara grunted. He turned back to the base with Sasori and Kakuzu right behind him.
George smiled sheepishly ignoring the retreating party, "Well all right."
Momichi looked over as he glanced around the group and at the ones walking away. A second later George threw his hands in the air in two peace signs and shouted.
"AMERICA NO JUTSU!"
Momichi screamed as the world exploded in red, white and blue. Eagles flew past and she was smothered in the waves of color. She heard other screams as the wave crashed over the others. Momichi closed her eyes and found red, white and blue flags waving in her vision. She heard fireworks going off and an eagle screeched. Was this a genjutsu!? As quickly as the colors assaulted her eyes everything dimmed and Momichi's vision went black. The world she knew fell away and cold oblivion took her as she fainted.