This story will be extremely angst ridden, not my typical writing. If that is not your cup of tea, turn back now. For those of you who remain, this story takes place where Annihilated left off, after the Royce case, and continues. Please keep in mind that this story picks up where the episode left off. It does not change what happened during the episode.

Rating: I am rating the story T, but please be advised that there is a sex scene in this first chapter only. The smaller sets of - - - - - divide that scene so you can skip it and still understand the story.

Looking through the Glass Darkly

"For now we see through a glass, darkly, but then face to face: now I know in part,

but then I shall know even as also I am known. 1Corinthians 13:12

As we go through life, we see only pieces of the truth, as parts of the glass are rubbed clean.

Sometimes, it's the pieces that we do not see that will become our downfalls.

Chapter One: The Beginning of the End

Olivia let herself into her apartment that night juggling take-out Thai food and a stack of files. It had been a long day of nothing but paperwork, and she was dreading settling in with more tonight, but it had to be done. She and Elliot were hopelessly behind, and Cragen was getting impatient. Elliot. She was worried about him, as pissed off as that would make him. When she had gotten out of the elevator that morning he had looked so out of it. He had looked right through her as he'd boarded the elevator, mumbling some empty reassurance.

She sighed as she set out her work for the night and took a bite of Pad Thai before glancing down at the first DD-5. The man was so infuriating sometimes, well all the time, and she didn't always know why she put up with him. But she did, he was her partner, her best friend, no matter how strained things were between them.

This case had gotten to him, it hit too close to home. Their suspect had murdered his mistress/fiancée, and then a few days later had shot and killed his wife and their three children, before trying, unsuccessfully, to kill himself. When she had gotten to work that morning, Cragen had told her that Elliot had gotten the confession and to wrap up the case while her partner went home to sleep. She stifled a yawn at the thought of sleep, pushing away the paperwork and sitting back against her couch to finish eating.

A heavy handed knock at her door drew her attention to the clock. 12:13AM Only one person would come to her apartment so late. She stretched as she stood, brushing stray grains of rice from her lap as she made her way to the door. She sighed as she caught a glimpse of her partner through the peep hole. His hands were shoved deep in the pockets of his jeans, something resembling a scowl on his face. She sighed again as she pulled open the door.

"Hey El." She smiled.

"Hey."

She opened the door wider, allowing him to come inside. He brushed past her and headed to her couch. Her face fell as she watched him. "You look like hell, Stabler."

He scowled up at her. "Gee thanks."

"Sorry," she shrugged, closing the door and joining him on the couch. She pushed the paperwork into a stack on the edge of the coffee table as he grabbed the carton of food from the table and took a bite. "What's up?"

"Nothing," he sighed. He placed the carton back on the table leaning back and closing his eyes.

"Bullshit."

"Olivia," he warned, eyes still closed.

"El." She laid a gentle hand on his arm and he tensed. "What happened this morning?" He shrugged her hand away and stood up, pacing away from her. "Don't do this again Elliot."

"Do what?" He turned on her.

She stood up, getting defensive. "Shut me out, damn it!"

"Olivia," he growled.

"Elliot," she growled back mockingly. "I thought we were over all this El, you shutting me out all the time."

"We are."

"Then talk to me Elliot. When you left this morning you couldn't even look at me. You looked like you wanted to punch something."

"I did," he muttered under his breath and she raised an eyebrow. "I almost killed him."

"Royce?" She asked and he nodded. "What did you do?"

He ran a hand over his head. "Remember the move he used on his fiancée?"

She thought for a moment, then winced. "Oh Elliot, please tell me you didn't…"

"Not really," he shrugged, "just made him think I was going to." Then he grimaced, "and I blocked the door so Cragen couldn't pull me out."

Her hand flew to her mouth. "He's going to-"

"Kill me, I know." He groaned, flopping back onto the couch. "I couldn't get the kids out of my head," he said softly a few minutes later. "Every time I think about it, I see my kids in those beds," he choked out in a pained whisper.

Without thinking, she pulled him into her arms. Her heart broke for him as his arms came around her waist and he buried his face in her neck. She could feel the tension in him as he struggled to control his emotions. She rubbed his back comfortingly. She felt the shift a moment later. This was the most physical contact they had had in- well, ever. There was a different kind of tension in his body as he pulled back slightly. Her arms fell from his back to his arms, his own still on her waist. His eyes were intense on her, and she couldn't breathe as she looked away, making a half hearted attempt to pull out of his arms. His grasp on her waist tightened, pulling her into his body. She gasped as a hand left her waist, tilting her chin up, making her face him. Her lips parted involuntarily, her breathing quickening, as he lowered his head torturously slowly and slanted his lips over hers.

- - - - -

She moaned into his mouth as she opened to him, the kiss deepening instantly. She was kissing him back, her arms drifting around his neck, fingers dancing through the hair at the nape of his neck. He nipped lightly at her bottom lip as he trailed kisses along her jaw line to tease the spot behind her ear. She gasped and moaned again as his lips left a trail of fire, kissing a path down her neck, pausing to torture the skin at its juncture with her shoulder, before continuing downward. His fingers made short work of the buttons of her blouse, opening it and pushing it from her shoulders. Her own fingers were tugging at his T-shirt as he kissed a path to her breasts. She moaned, her task forgotten, as he peeled away the cup of her bra placing open mouthed kisses on her breast before taking it into his mouth. Her fingers threaded through his hair, her back arching as waves of pleasure when straight to her core.

She had to touch him, she decided through her haze of arousal, reluctantly pushing him away from her breast to tug the T-shirt up and over his head. He unhooked her bra and tossed it somewhere behind him as he pulled her flush against him. Both groaned at the feeling of skin on skin. Her hands danced to the waistband of his jeans and he growled, standing and lifting her into his arms. She wrapped her legs around his waist, groaning as his denim encased erection pressed against her, and her arms around his neck. He stumbled down the hallway to her bedroom, finding it hard to navigate with her wrapped around him in that way, especially as she nibbled at his earlobe.

He finally made it to her bedroom, laying her out on the bed as he stepped back to remove his jeans. She was watching him with a look that was a cross between amusement and arousal as she unsnapped her own jeans and shimmied out of them. His eyes darkened at the sight of her in nothing but black lace panties, and in an instant, the amusement in her eyes was gone leaving pure arousal. He slipped out of his boxers before joining her on the bed.

He kissed her deeply, groaning into her mouth as her hand crept between their bodies to wrap around his impressive length. After a moment, her touch was too much. He pulled her hand away, pressing it above her head as he growled, nipping at her breasts and leaving faint marks. She moaned and arched into him again, his hardness pressing against her inner thigh.

His mouth left her breasts to travel down her body, stopping to press a kiss to her belly button before continuing to her lace panties. She groaned as he took the material in his teeth and tugged, wiggling them from her hips. When they were off, he pushed her legs apart, opening her to him. She couldn't breathe as he lowered his face to her. She felt him place open mouthed kisses on her inner thighs, avoiding the place she needed him most. Finally, she couldn't take it any longer.

"Please El-" She moaned, threading her fingers in his hair as he gave in, running his tongue along the length of her opening before thrusting inside. Her hips arched off the bed, pushing towards his mouth. He nuzzled her clit, circling it with his tongue, before pushing two fingers into her. Her body clenched around his fingers, the pleasure building as he withdrew them and thrust again, this time adding a third finger. His mouth was still torturing her clit, tongue circling and flicking, his teeth gently scraping over the sensitized bud. He threw an arm over her abdomen to control her bucking hips as he sucked her clit into his mouth and she screamed as her orgasm shattered around her.

He kissed his way up her body before pressing his lips to hers. She moaned beneath him as the head of him pressed into her. She dug her nails into his back, leaving marks, as he thrust into her sheathing himself completely.

"God, El," she gasped into his ear as he stilled inside her, giving them both a moment to adjust.

She clenched her inner muscles around him and he groaned, "Jesus Liv."

She grinned and did it again, "Move."

"As you wish," he growled as he pulled out of her before slamming back.

"Oh!" She gasped again, wrapping her legs around his waist and bringing her hips up to meet his as he drove into her body harder and faster. She moaned a combination of his name and God's as the pleasure built and he pushed her closer and closer to the edge.

He was so damn close. "Come Liv," he ordered, bringing his hand down to swipe a thumb over her clit. She screamed as her orgasm washed over her and she came apart around him, biting down on his shoulder. He groaned her name as he thrust two more times before his own climax overtook him and he exploded inside her. Her arms were still wrapped around his back as they rode out the aftershocks of their orgasms. He collapsed to the side, rolling onto his back as he tried to get his breathing back to normal. She turned her body into him, laying her head on his chest, a leg tangling with his as they drifted to sleep.

- - - - -

A few hours later, she felt the bed shift. Quietly opening her eyes, she glanced around the room. Her heart sank as she spotted him. He was pulling his clothes on at the foot of her bed, his back to her. She felt the tears spring to her eyes as he stood, and she closed them, waiting until his footsteps faded and she heard the apartment door close.

She took a shuddering breath as she opened her eyes and stared at the ceiling. He left. Elliot left. She fought the tears that threatened as she got out of bed. Her eyes fell on a single sheet of paper on her nightstand.

I'm sorry.

She crumpled the paper in her fist. She reached out and tore the sheets off of her bed, balling them up and shoving them into her hamper. She'd wash them and give them away. She snatched her scattered clothing off the floor and shoved them in after the sheets. She put new sheets on the bed before climbing in and curling into a ball. As she finally let herself begin to cry, her only thought was that, for the first time, even with her history with one night stands, she felt…cheap.

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She went in to work then next morning determined to carry on as if nothing had happened. She made the coffee, joked with Munch, and went on a case with Fin. When they returned, Elliot was sitting at his desk, working on paperwork and a sandwich. She acknowledged him with a slow nod before sitting down to her own paperwork. She made a lunch date with Casey; they talked about mundane topics, summer plans and shopping. She returned to the station to finish her paperwork and interview a witness with Fin. When she left for the day, she grabbed her notes and her jacket from the back of her chair. Glancing up, she caught his eye. With a sigh she nodded again. Last night would be forgotten. They had worked too hard over the last nine years to let something like this ruin everything.

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I am looking for a beta so that I can post this on SVUFiction (dot) com. If you are interested, please let me know!! Thanks