The taste of salt swathed inside of Rey's mouth as she flicked swear from her face. She couldn't stand the bitter heat of the small dwarf planet she had escaped to. The sun was larger than the one looming above Jakku, making it swelter as if Jakku was as cold as Starkiller Base.
There was barely life to be found outside of the makeshift Resistance bunker. All of the partitioned quarters were well rooted beneath the surface of the barren planet. And she felt no urge to leave her stitched together family behind should she leave.
They were small in numbers. Perhaps, she thought, thicker of a pack than they had been when they escaped Crait. Yet, they were not as grand as the Rebellion that Leia had guided. She was a missing figure that left a begotten hole in their hearts.
Rey felt a painful tug at her chest and in the back of her mind. It was a familiar touch that had been absent for many moons. She felt her presence as she peered into the vent system she was trying to repair. Leia was made of stars, and every night Rey would climb to the top level and stare out into the murky light they spilled over the planet.
The Princess, latter the General, was graceful as she departed. And she was always with them in one way or another. Rey clipped her knuckles on the sharp mechanisms as she flinched at the sensation of the woman passing through her.
Rey was uncertain if it was real or if it was the faintest pulse of her bond with Ben. Leia was more present when Ben seemed to think of her, and it made her heart churn as she sucked the blood from her skin.
A defeated sigh escaped her as she hunkered down on the top of a bare cot. Her legs crossed beneath her. Her hair clung to her throat as she closed her eyes, suffocating in the humidity.
She tried desperately to search the great expanse that lived inside of her to find the piece she was missing. Kylo had been more present than Ben, and she felt lost at the walls that built around his mind.
There was no way to discreetly pull and prod at the pieces of him she longed to see. That was an open wound that had yet to heal, and no Bacta tank could repair the damage.
Rey tuned out Poe's boisterous voice barking out orders from the main cooridoor some distance away. No matter how loud it rang, it became one with the humming that spread through her mind.
Leia's enigmatic eyes flickered through Rey's vision, and it made her heart thrum. She was young, dark headed, and wild with desire and urgency as she floated through a memory that she knew belonged to Ben. She was sharp, and her voice was dark and thick with a warm rasp that made Rey impervious to her surroundings.
Leia was calm in the moment. Her arms covered in heavy layers of red fabric, were outstretched as a child ran into them. The boy's hair was black as night and his eyes were heavy and tired as he nestled into her bosom. He appeared to be young, but not young enough to be picked up and coddled.
Rey felt moisture creasing across her eyes, spilling over the canvas of her face. She sniveled, feeling the dull ache in her chest throb with newfound intensity.
She knew better than to utter a word. Yet, as she became more engaged with the imagery carving itself into her own memory. The distance between Rey and her mirror seemed to shrink and she felt the sensations she did on Atch-to. This bridge had been burned and did not need to be crossed again.
Yet, in a moment of weakness, Rey gripped her hands to the hard mat beneath her and gritted her teeth as she pushed against the bond she had tried to sever.
She pushed with urgency until her voice became a ghost in the back of Ben's head, or Ren's - whichever chose to hear her.
Ben, I'm here.
Rey echoed into the void between them. Nothing came to fruition for the first few moments.
I feel everything.
She pressed, still finding nothing but resolute emptiness around her. Leia and the boy vanished from her vision, and she was left with nothing. It was an unsettling reminder of how alone she was. She could still feel him roaming the galaxy and could not pinpoint his whereabouts.
It was a secret that pained her, and that she could not willingly share with her comrades. It broke her heart in a way that losing her parents had not. And she fell slack as she let go of the Force to become one with the mattress.
All of the noise flooded back to her ears and she wanted to scream. There was no relief to the heat, or the droning sound of voices on the base. She could not breathe.
The girl grabbed the saber she constructed from the remains of Anakin's hilt and crystal. Leia had given her a piece that belonged to her before she passed, and it was put to good use.
Running her fingers across the cool hilt, Rey shuddered. There was something dark that she couldn't place. It ran through her veins like poison as she pushed herself to her feet.
The prickling sensation gnawed at the wires that connected her mind to reality and it was growing more ravenous. With each small stride on the slick, warm marble, her body became heavier and heavier with its weight.
She felt dizzied by its presence. Pressing her fingers to her forehead, she pushed and prodded until some relief came. It felt as though she was disconnecting and it made her body spasm slightly.
The further she strode down the corridor, the worse she began to feel. The vocal patterns of Poe and Rose arguing over stations and strategies became dissonant as she raised her eyes.
She saw them in the grand room, faulted by hanging wires and dripping condensation - definitely not safe but manageable considering the situation at hand.
Rose's work worn face was thinner, and her eyes were dotted with concern as she watched Rey stagger into the chamber. She looked frail, ghastly beneath the dimly glowing blue light.
Poe furrowed his thick brows, adjusting himself as well as his damp uniform. Finn was rummaging for plans that BB-8 stored in its compartments, far too busy to notice the girl.
There were others scattered around like debris, half dressed with their hands creating a breeze. There were too many bodies in the room, making it feel like a swamp.
Rey rolled her eyes over their faces, smiling weakly in repose. "Has anyone found where the First Order ships have stationed?" She asked with a raspiness staining her voice.
Poe slicked the moisture from his face and pointed across the outer edges of the luminescent map. Drawing in closer, he gestured to a cluster of moons. "All I see is this shit. I've found one ship outta a heap of them. If they've finally made it to the Unknown Regions and have mapped parts of it, we're all screwed."
His fire was dwindling, but still kindled by his own sheer will. Rose traced her fingers, still scarred from previous battles, along the flickering lights. "We've spent the past few hours honing in on this one ship. It's the largest in the fleet. It's heavily armed. You can see it's sheer size compared to the planets."
Finn peaked his head up from the droid and shook his head. "They're still penetrable. It's different from the others, but it still is structurally the same. This unit has more shield capabilities and our reconnaissance vessel managed to put a tracker on one of the Tie's when it was in the ports." He interjected with a calmness about him. The planet in question was on the furthest stretches of the map and Rey could hardly process the information.
She listened intently to the systematic droning she had heard a million times. Yet, when the name she feared would come up did, she froze.
"Ren is on that ship. It's his." Poe said, brushing his hands over the coarse stubble that surrounded his mouth. "We've got to obliterate it at the right time."
Rey closed her eyes, feeling a shot of energy piece her core. "I'll do it." She breathed, feeling the laziness in her consciousness slip. She caught her eagerness and swallowed. "I'm the only one strong enough to combat him. He will allow me to come on board."
Finn shook his head defiantly, "Rey, you keep putting yourself in danger. He will kill you if you do this. You can't do this alone."
Poe almost spoke before he recoiled. He was an eager and daft man, but the clumsiness of his planning got the better of him. He wanted nothing more than to rip Kylo's spine from his body and watch him collapse.
Though, he bit his tongue as Rey flicked her eyes over them. She seemed indifferent, very astute and stoic as she thought in silence. No matter what choice she made, it was already made for her. If she was to die saving the very she fought so hard for, this freedom to exist with such a purpose, then she would.
"Give me three days." Rey said, watching her companions expressions falter knowingly. The girl knew that she would lose everything dear to her if she didn't become the sacrificial lamb, and it was an accustomed role.
Finn seemed distraught, but had grown to keep his emotions to himself. He steeled his strong jaw, as his dark eyes consumed her. She could easily read his mind. Though, in the moment, she resisted. It was written well enough on the man's face to note his displeasure.
Rose seemed rational, but eyed her conspicuously. Poe threw his hands up and mumbled beneath his breath as he walked away. Rey felt the weight inside of her shift?
It wasn't relief. It was something more daunting, and her mind wandered down a dangerous path. It was dark, but not dark enough to be blind.
Closing her eyes, she channeled her energies elsewhere until she and Rose were alone in the chamber. The woman turned to her and raised her cherubic face until she stared deeply into Rey's opening eyes.
She was caught off guard by it and stepped back.
There, amidst the incandescence, Rose peered past the hazel, past the black holes that sucked her in and saw it.
"Do you love him?" Rose asked quietly, eyes probing for answer she already knew. "You may be a Jedi, Rey, but I can see things you don't think I can."
Rey scoffed, furrowing her brows as the darkness gripped at her heart. "That's preposterous. I don't know why you would assume so."
An involuntary flush settled on the woman's hollow cheeks.
"I make be naive, or an idiot, but I can read people. After meeting DJ , I saw people differently. I can see things that you try to hide and I understand that. I can't read your mind, but I can read the things you carry on your sleeve." Rose said in a sweet, childish tone. It was still serious but demure and truthful. "That's why you always volunteer yourself. You go to him and you can never find him."
Rey said nothing in response. She wavered, taking what she considered the high road. "I said three days, Admiral." She was curt. Inexplicably upset, the woman remained silent as she excused herself.
Rose inhaled sharply, balling a fist in irritation. She stayed two wide strides behind the woman for a distance. When Rey turned around, the sweetness is in the Admiral's face had diminished. There was a shadow looming across the warm tones of her skin.
Rey looked her in the eye. She didn't have to probe Rose's mind. It was so blatant she could have seen it in a holo-display.
"This has been the case for months, Rey." Rose bit sharply. "I can see it in your eyes. You can deny it to yourself and to the rest of your commanders and fleet, but why keep lying?"
Rey clenched her jaw, scowling slightly as she thumbed over the lightsaber attached to her side. "And even if I was, what difference would it make to this crusade? I am only trying to do a job and provide a service to the people I care about, not be picked a part by-"
She bit her tongue as her voice began to ascend into a crescendo of unwarranted volume. Rey sucked in a breath, still peering down at Rose's short stature. She felt it. The darkness inside of her besieged her consciousness. She desperately wanted to push it out, but could not.
The selfishness of her actions did not go unnoticed by the Force, or this woman. She knew exactly why Rose mentioned it, and if she admitted her feelings for the creature, it would be treasonous.
"Take your lightsaber and swing it around pretending to be a hero." Rose retorted, "Just remember that others will start to notice and you will, in the end, have to answer for it."
And in the moment, Rose left as swiftly as she came, leaving Rey listening to the echo of her footsteps.
She shook her head as she continued her pace to the hose that they used as a makeshift fresher. Anger seemed to swell in the pit of her stomach as she cleaned herself up with warm water she wished was cool. It did little to ease her temper, but it helped her focus on something other than Ben.
Rose was in no position to call out any grievances but her point was solid and Rey knew it deep down. As she dried off, she plucked a cleaner set of robes from a compact container and tied them to fit her slender body.
When the morning came, she would be gone and there would be no time to waste. On the third day, Rey knew what had to be done. And as her eyes settled on the cool steel compartment, she caught her reflection. She stared intently a face she recognized well.
The dim light made her ominous. She looked like a serpent, hair slick and wet. Her robes were dark, laced with grays and black threading. There was nothing weightless about her now.
Her bare shoulders produced a contrast against the scar she wore from the skirmish in the Supreme Leader's throne room. It was a keepsake, much like Kylo wore his own across his rigid face.
Rey closed her eyes, erasing the image of herself as she prepared for the inevitable. She was going to find Kylo Ren and bring the First Order to its knees.
AN: I'm nervous about this story, but I hope that it ends up being enjoyable! Happy reading.
Jiru