Akatsuki and Sasuke's New Girl

Big thanks to Curo-Hatake1 for this fabulous idea. I hope everybody enjoys this as much as I enjoyed the concept! Enjoy!

"Hmmmm I just don't know Sasori. A nuclear fission reaction can only occur when the appropriate properties combine and…." Lola stopped talking she could feel Sasori's eyes all over her. She smiled at him. "You know, forget this. You are way too sexy to waste my time trying to figure this out." Lola put her books down. But just as Sasori was going to kiss her…the moment was completely destroyed by Itachi storming into the living room.

"Move! I need to use the phone on that couch." He ordered Sasori.

"Itachi, you do not own the living room, go somewhere else." Sasori said agitated.

"Right now I own YOU. Listen to this….Sasuke has a girlfriend…I just found out and I have to meet her in order to see if I approve."

"And you HAVE to have the living room for that?" Sasori was still unhappy, although Lola's arm around him made it a little better."

"Uh, yeah! I also have to call that jewler and see if Dana….." itachi stopped midsentence. "Never mind, just scoot over." Itachi made himself his own spot on the couch.

"Hey! Which one of you dumbasses left the fabric softener on the bottom shelf where Tobi could reach it? Now our robes smell meadow fresh." Kisame scolded.

"Hey, sorry Kisame I didn't know, I was washing sheets." Lola said apologetically.

"Oh, oh, oh, if it was you Lola there is no problem here." Kisame quickly said.

"Has anyone seen the checkbook, the leader dropped off a check and I need to take it to the bank." Kakuzu said.

"Hmmmm, Hidan had it last." Kisame answered.

"That ass." Kakuzu stormed off to find him.

"Oh my gooooooooooood!" Marisol screamed as she barged through the front door. "Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Where's Deidara?" She asked, her head about to explode.

"He's in the shower. Are you going to be okay?" Zetsu asked suspiciously.

"Oh…..my……god….. you'll never believe this…..I'M GOING TO BE IN SPORTS ILLUSTRATED! Oh my god…I know NOTHING about sports! I'm so excited!" Marisol was on the verge of a meltdown. Itachi dropped the phone.

"Congratulations, go tell Deidara, we won't say a word!" Itachi said picking the phone up from the floor. Marisol ran off down the hall and into the bathroom.

"Wait, wait….she will surely wait on him to get out of the shower…..right?" Lola asked.

"This is Marisol we're talking about…..she will get in the shower with him."

"She's wearing a pink pleated skirt that's like 6 inches long and….you know what never mind I think I understand where you're coming from." Lola said.

"The thing is, Deidara will be so happy for her….but he's going to freak out when he realizes that she's going to be a magazine…..a magazine with a wide male audience….he won't realize it though until the issue comes out." Zetsu said. The screaming down the hall was the indicator that Deidara just found out Marisol's happy news.

"Okay, everyone my stupid brother is coming over with his girlfriend. Now, Dana will sail her up a river as far as hotness is concerned but tell her that my girlfriend is ten times hotter….let her figure it out on her own." Itachi ordered. Just then Dana came through the front door.

"Itachi! Oh my god, come here honey. I so got an amazing deal on Nautica boxer briefs today, come check them out, yeah!"

"Dana! Those NEVER go on sale!"

"I know! Come on baby, let's get your pants off, yeah."

"Good god, seriously this is completely out of control." Hidan said coming into the living room to avoid Kakuzu.

"I can not believe my little brother is finally a man! God, I am just so proud of him, finally maybe he and I can get along for more than 30 seconds. Oh my god, I should get a camera!" Itachi said going off to dig through the closet for the digital camera. He soon found it. He turned it on but then quickly looked at everyone in the room. "Hey…..have any of you gotten a hold of this camera since our Miami trip?"

"Nope." Itachi heard voices answer around the living room. He let out a long sigh.

"Okay, good." Of course before Itahci had a chance to turn the camera off Marisol and Deidara appeared behind him.

"Oh my god! You finally got that camera out of the closet, yeah! You know you really need to get those pictures of you and Dana cleared off that thing, yeah, God, I had no idea she photographed that well naked, yeah." Deidara said innocently still toweling off blonde hair. At that moment every head in the room turned toward Itachi.

"Deidara…..remember that little talk we had about how you always say too much." Itachi said through gritted teeth. Deidara thought a moment.

"We had a talk like that, yeah? I don't remember a talk like that. Now I do remember the one where we were talking that one night about which would be better to have sex in a….."

"Deidara shut up! Shut the fuck up! Just SHUT UP!" itachi ranted.

"No Deidara, please tell us more." Sasori said laughing and ridiculing. Itachi quickly turned the camera back off and put it back in the closet. It was time for him to try on Dana's most recent Nautica purchase for him.

"Okay, so we're meeting Sasuke's girlfriend, yeah? His girlfriend isn't going to be in Sports Illustrated, yeah….MINE IS!" Deidara beamed nearly squeezing Marisol in half.

"Oh my god, that reminds me. Dana was supposed to bring like….10 bikinis for me to try on! Deidara, baby, you HAVE to help me decide which one!" Lola rolled her eyes, Sasori lipped something sarcastic and probably mean at her. She had to keep from laughing.

But all of this would have to wait…..there was a knock at the door.

"Itachi! I think your brother and his girlfriend are here!" Kisame yelled.