Building Bricks of Chocolate
Chapter 1: Job Interview
I looked myself over in the mirror for the hundredth time this morning. My application for the new confectioner, Willy Wonka, had come to something. I was only applying for the part of personal assistant, but it was better than working for the local social services office. I smoothed my blue suit out for the millionth time. I inhaled deeply, soothing my nerves completely. I would really only be working on the paper work, not that hard not much to learn. I looked at my watch, grabbing my coat I ran out the door. I looked up at the sky, that horrible drab grey English sky. I missed my own American sky so much, but work was work. Cherry Street was not very far from the small apartment where I lived. Taking brisk steps, I barely beat the rain that poured the moment I stepped through the door.
In the waiting room, there were several blonde girls, mostly wearing skimpy clothes and snapping their gum. It unnerved me slightly. I hoped dearly that this Wonka man was not sight based; ah me, what was I saying all men were. I handed my resume into the person at the desk. I took my seat and sized my competition up. Most of the girls, as I said were blonde and skimpily dressed, also they were skinny, almost anorexic looking. The one next to me had nose ring and her lips lined in dark black lip liner. Mentally, I prayed that she did not bend over anywhere near my line of sight. I looked down at my shoes. They were frumpy, I guess, but what was to be expected. I compared myself to the girl on my left, she was tall, blonde, skinny, and I suppose other things that men would think good about her commended her. I, on the other hand, was shorter, my hair was dark jet-black and my clothes, well there was something to imagine about me. I tried to make some conversation, but mostly the other girls were on their own little planet. I did hear one of them say how attractive this man was supposed to be.
"I hear that he like is going to give his new secretary like all the chocolate she wants." One of the others said.
"Oh my gosh, I so totally hope that's true!" Another replied.
I laughed mentally. "Well, that explains most of the girls here." I thought sardonically with a roll of my green eyes. Another girl came out of the interview room. She was giggling childishly.
"Julie Carpenter?" I heard my name called finally from over the P.A. system. I stood and walked into the interview room with an air of purpose. A man sat at an oversized cherry wood desk. He was concentrating on his paper work (which I incidentally noticed was a poorly drawn squirrel). I was there for ten minutes, before I cleared my throat.
"Is this your appli- applicationmabob?" He held out my paper.
"Yes, sir it is." I replied reaching for it, but he snapped it back. I sighed and took a moment to observe the room. It was extremely unkempt and messy. "Here is a list of my references, sir."
"Great" His voice was childlike. I don't believe he even looked at it. "Do you want to be my girlfriend?" He said the last word with a childish distain.
"No, sir, I believe that dating inside-
"Great, I don't care." He cut me off, for the first time, Mr. Wonka looked at me. His hair was dark brown and cut close to his head, and his eyes were violet. "You're hired kay?"
"Mister Wonka, this is the most unusual interview I've ever had. Have you even looked over my references?"
He just continued his drawing. "Did you say something?"
"Yes-
"No, all righty then, you got the job." He laughed weirdly. I raised a thin black eyebrow at him. I opened my mouth to protest. "And your first job is to tell all these girls to leave. They have cooites!" He cried. I wasn't about to argue with the man. He was giving me a job, with such little insight. I watched him take all my papers and shove them in the trash.
"I… d do?" I stammered. I was terribly shocked.
"What, you got wax in your ears?" He giggled strangely.
"Ye- yes sir" I turned to the door. "Oh dear," I thought ruefully. "This is going to be a long time running." I opened the door and looked at the other hopefuls. I sighed and trying to think about what I was giving up as far as working for the government. Then, that was the American government, not then English government. I had never been one for chocolate, but I was not about to turn down this man in his proposal to allow me to be his personal assistant. Naturally, as with many things, I had no idea what I was getting myself into with this man.
I walked through the door. "Ladies!" I called; no one paid attention "HEY!" I screamed this time in my less formal more American voice. The door to the office clicked open and out walked out a top hat and a coat. "Mr. Wonka, can I help you?" I asked blushing; obviously, I had been too loud.
"For why are you yelling, lady?" He pointed at me. I didn't get to answer, one particularly skinny girl saw Willy Wonka and screamed his name. We barely had time to blink before a stampede of girls came at us, all screaming his name. I jumped out of the way, but he just stood there with a deer in the headlights look.
"Mr. Wonka!" I yelled trying to push all the girls out of the way. No such luck, these girls were determined to get a piece of my employer- correction, former employer. I wanted to scream in frustration, sit down and cry, and then go back to America and admit defeat to my parents. I couldn't do with out their connections.
"LADY! Help!" He called out to me. I grew a little with determination; maybe I hadn't lost my job yet. I pushed through the girls. Finally, I arrived at a central pile of girls, who were screaming.
"I got his hat" or "I got his coat" among other things. They were all piled on top of Wonka, I could see his arm sticking out, and there was a foot in another spot. It was such a riot that if I jumped in I was sure to be eaten alive. I sighed and my eyes landed on a red box on my left. I jumped over some girls and pulled the fire alarm. As the sprinkler system went off, all the girls began screaming and running. The idea of getting wet was not appealing to these girls. They shrieked and ran away, I ran to Mr. Wonka and pulled him into the office.
"EW! YUCK!" He yelled. I gasped and leaned on him. He was pulling funny faces and looked like a little boy. "I've got to get cootie shots!"
I furrowed my brow. "Those aren't real." He glared at me and pouted. "Mr. Wonka, there are no such things as cootie shots." I repeated.
"Yeah-huh, I keep a stash of them in my drawer." He declared, still pouting. He held up his finger in the wait fashion. He scurried into his office, coat billowing behind him. He came out a minute later holding something that looked like a cigar box. He popped it open inside were four old fashion needles. He took one out and shoved it in his mouth. "See," he said, mouth still full. "It's a candy. It keeps you from getting sick" He shuddered. He took one out and before I could protest, he popped one in my mouth. I did feel a little better; suddenly my arms started itching. I pulled up the sleeve, there were large green splotches showing up on it.
"Erm, Mr. Wonka, is it supposed to do that." I asked him showing him my arm.
"Yup, it'll go away in a few days." He gave me a zany smile. "But until then you should wear long sleeves."
I know I blinked several times before the reality set in for me. "WAIT!" I shrieked. "This can't last for a few days Mr. Wonka, I look like I have some sort of fungus!" He laughed and patted my head. I wanted to strangle him, at his insensitiveness. I growled and ran my fingers through my hair. "This is insane." I muttered under my breath. "What else could possibly go wrong?" I growled. From somewhere inside his office there was a loud explosion. "Oh my word!" I cried. I threw his door open and found him standing him there sheepishly. There was a large blue cloud of dust settling everywhere. Suddenly, something hit me in the face. I coughed and wiped my eyes. I checked my fingers and found blue powder all over them.
"Isn't it great?" Wonka asked excitedly. "It's this new candy I'm inventing, but I have got all the bugs out yet." He looked at me and started giggling manically. "Well, you're kinda messy aren't ya?" He laughed. I held my tongue; this man was slowly grinding away at my extremely short patients.
"Yes, I am" I grabbed a handkerchief from my pocket and wiped everything off my face. "But, why pray tell, is it exploding?" I asked irritated.
"Well, like I said I haven't really got all the bugs out. But you see you take this powder, and poor a little water in it." As he talked he demonstrated. I assumed that it was the water making it explode.
"MR. WONKA!" I yelled, too late he pour a whole bottle of water in to the pot. I squeaked and ran back into my office. I barely shut the door when I heard an explosion. I waited for a few minutes so nothing left over would splat me in the face again. I took that moment to look myself over; my dark blue suit (my favorite one might I add) was ruined. That blue powder stuff covered it. I wiped it off the best I could, and sighed. As I went back into the room, I saw Mr. Wonka sitting on the desk, whistling. He was still covered in blue, and he just seemed content to be that way.
"I think I should try something other than water, maybe chocolate milk. Yeah…"
"The milk would curdle waiting the shop." I said rubbing my forehead.
"What?" He asked.
"The milk, it would curdle," I repeated.
He pouted and crossed his arms. "Well, then I'll just have to make a new kind of milk that won't curdle." He harrumphed. I sighed again and nodded. "Well, you go do some paper work stuff." He waved me out of the room. "Shoo" I turned and suddenly found myself on the other side of the door. I sighed and went back to my desk. No time like the present to organize.
"Folders, paper work, filing cabinet, need Wonka's signature." I placed the papers and such on the desk in neat little organized piles. I refused to turn around and see all the other papers that were still in disarray. I kept muttering to myself. I was deep in concentration, so when my cell phone went off it terrified me. My ring tone, a Captain Jack Sparrow quote, scared me into thinking that another man- that was not my present employer- was in the room. I screamed and realized it was my phone.
"HELLO!" I snapped.
"Hello, dere gurlie," the person imitated one of the trolls from the tenth kingdom ©, and then in a regular voice continued. "What happened you never called?" It was the voice of my best friend Lissa Kendrick, my only friend here in Europe. I sighed.
"Hey Lissa, I've got the job. So be happy, actually I'm at work right now." I held the phone between my shoulder and ear so I could continue working. She gave a delighted squeal and I grimaced.
"Oh, you want I should let you go." She asked her voice pitch changed from happiness to worry.
"Nah, Wonka's a little, well wonky"
"Wonky?" She repeated. I wasn't sure if it wasn't an American word or what, but she didn't seem to know it.
"Yeah, it means weird and crazy."
"Oh, my stories on the telley got to go." She hung up. I sighed and looked at my watch. It was five, well past any lunchtime, as if on cue my stomach grumbled. I sighed and knocked on Mr. Wonka's door.
"PLEASE ENTER!" He called over the intercom system. I went into the room. "CLOSE THE DOOR!" He continued. "WHAT DO YOU WANT?"
I sighed. The man was like a kid in a principal's office. "Mr. Wonka, I'm leaving for the day." He stopped playing with the intercom and looked at me.
"But you can't leave"
"But I can't pay the rent" No, Julie focus on the fact that your employer just told you that you cannot leave. "Mr. Wonka, it's quitting time and I need to go home and feed my fish."
"You have to stay."
"You must pay the rent." I shook my head and focused. "Mr. Wonka, I'm leaving, I'll give you my phone number and address." I told him.
"I want you to stay that's final." He crossed his arms and pouted.
"I'll pay the rent." That is it, I'm going home. "Mr. Wonka, I'm leaving." I took a piece of paper and quickly scribbled my phone number and address on it. "If you need me you can reach me at this phone number." I handed him the paper. He took it and looked at it. "Good day Mr. Wonka" I turned and left.
"But, Lady, I need you to assist me and do stuff!" He yelled following me.
"Good day Mr. Wonka." I called over my shoulder.
"No, You can't leave!" He yelled again stamping his foot. I sighed and turned around. He was standing there with his arms crossed. "You're supposed to stay here and work for me!" He shouted. I crossed my arms and looked down and my feet. Green splotches covered them.
"Fantastic," I thought sarcastically. I'm not sure which horrible thing it was that was fantastic. Both I suppose. "Mr. Wonka" I said firmly. "I need to go home, you need to go home. We both need to go home." From some random spot in the back of my mind, an old nursery rhyme poked out at me. "I scream you scream we all scream for ice cream." No, Julie, again with the focus.
"But… But… why?" He stuttered, his bottom lip quivering in the most childlike manner.
"To eat, bathe, sleep so we can get up and do this all over again tomorrow." I explained making wide arm gestures. He just looked at me and I stared back daring him to say "But why". He didn't, so I turned to leave again. I opened the door to the front office and water hit me in the face. I looked up at the water sprinklers that were still pouring down. "WHY DO YOU DO THESE THINGS?" I screamed at no one in particular. I pulled out my cell phone and called the fire department.
"Lady, what are you doing?" Mr. Wonka approached me. He looked at the sprinklers. "Why is it raining inside?" He asked. Something about this place makes a body loose focus. I suddenly imagined that I was a kindergarten schoolteacher and he was the little kid asking me ridiculous why questions. I just narrowed my eyes at him and tried to shake the image from my head. "Yeah, in door rain…." He muttered trailing off. As he walked away, his coat swished behind him.
I had to wait for thirty minutes, before the fire men got there. Some one quickly shut everything off and just stared at me. "Miss, there's enough water in there to water a small farm." One man stated. "How could you not notice?"
Several different things ran through my head. "I didn't notice because…
… I'm stupid and I have no clue why.
… I was so lost in your lovely blue eyes.
… My employer is off his beanpole, better yet, the beanpole had been hacked to bits and used as animal fodder.
… My day has just completely stunk, like sour milk.
I finally settled on "… it's just one of those days." He smiled and looked at me pityingly.
"Well, I'm sure it's going to get better." He chuckled with the cutest English accent. "My name is Hugh Wolfson, and if I give you my phone number you'll promise to call me?" He smiled. I furrowed my brow at him. I knew I looked absolutely heinous, so he must have a lot of pity for me.
"Yes, of course, because you're either very blind or just that sweet, it doesn't matter, both benefit me."
"I think it's the sweet one, here" He handed me the number on a sheet of paper from his pocket.
"Thanks, my name is Julia Carpenter." I took it and stared at it. I tried to decipher what type of person he was from his handwriting, not much luck though.
"Well, it was nice meeting you Miss Carpenter."
"Yes, it was very nice." He shook my hand and walked away. I trudged through the water. It was getting in my shoes and annoying me. I squished the whole way home.
I threw open my door and tottered inside. I sighed as I plopped on my sofa recounting the day. Could I handle a mental case of a boss? Yes, maybe, no, I don't know…. Any more days like today and I just might quit. I looked down at my arms and legs. they were still covered in green splotches. One thing was for sure; he was never sticking anything that was not clinically tested down my throat again. I peeled my wet shoes off and put them by the door then I went to take a shower. Maybe I could get some of this blue gunk out of my hair.
She's out of our hair, and when I said dare she said oh contraire, but she out of our hair! I palmed my forehead. I thought I left the inability to focus at work, but apparently, it followed me home like a little puppy dog. Wasn't that just so fantastically wonderful. My mind sauntered off to a certain Mr. Hugh Wolfson, he was really sweet and handsome. He was tall and broad his eyes were a lovely blue, goodness, do I sound British or what? His hair was sandy blonde and he had good teeth. What I mean by good teeth was they were better than usual. I had braces when I was younger, so I knew what a pain it was.
I got out of the shower and opened the bathroom door. I started down the hall towards the kitchen. "Oh don't bother going in there love, you don't have anything." I screamed and almost dropped my towel. I searched frantically for the source of the voice praying that I wasn't delusional. I wasn't yet, thankfully. I was Lissa, sitting on my couch watching my DVD of the Patriot.
"Lissa, how, who when why are you here?" I stammered.
"Door was open," She explained not turning away from the television. "You Yanks got this all wrong."
"That doesn't matter, Lis, what are you doing here." I asked going into the bedroom. She followed closely behind and opened my towel closet.
"They shut my electric off, water, and gas." She shrugged. "So I though us being such good friends could bunk up." I opened the door a crack and looked at her.
"Get a job!" I said firmly. "It will open a whole new world."
"But, Jules," She whined. "I'm a starving artist, have a heart." She pleaded make that face that looked like pouting cat. I came out fully dressed. I had to stifle the laughter picturing Mr. Wonka with that self same pout. "Well"
"Everyone has a heart, Lissa, we couldn't live with out them." I laughed. She narrowed her eyebrows and became indignant. She crossed her arms and gave me a mean look. "All right," I said finally, "I guess you can stay." She squealed and hugged me. "Ah, under one condition though."
"Condition?" She repeated.
"Yes, condition," I said holding my finger up. "You have to get a job," She balked. "Don't argue, or go to the shelter." She harrumphed, but agreed.
"Fine" She snarled. "I don't get what your obsession with jobs." Lissa pushed her dark black hair with bright pink streaks in it back. I sighed. She was so different from me, so I would naturally get her as a best friend. Lissa was an artist, trying to get a break. Her eyes were brown and she was always dying her hair funny colors. I didn't argue since she was the one who helped me get my apartment and everything when I got here. I sighed and looked at the fridge, it was so empty. I guess that was the point of having a job, to get money, to buy food. I thought about Mr. Wonka at the store on Cherry Street. It was ridiculous to think that the man thought I couldn't leave to go home. He was a strange man. I sort of wondered what that stemmed from, the man was so weird, like beyond all reason.
Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka, he's the one that your about to meet. He's the genius who just can't be beat.
You know it's going it's going to be one of those days when you wake to find crickets doing water ballet in your shower. As I woke up to find the crickets, green splotches, and a jobless garbage disposal, I knew it was going to be worse than just one those days. I just stared at the crickets, "They are not doing water ballet and you're sleep deprived." I tried to comfort myself and pretend that I was delusional. I was hungry, so I followed my stomach into the kitchen. I opened the fridge hopefully and slammed it shut. I swear the olives were blinking at me. "That's it!" I yelled. "I'm cleaning this refrigerator out."
"What's all the yelling for?" Lissa asked sleepily. She came into the kitchen rubbing her bleary brown eyes. "Can't you see I'm trying to sleep?"
"Well, wake up and get some ambition." I snapped. "The olives were blinking at me. We in America take that as a sign to clean the fridge out." I said as I got a trash bag and some rubber gloves.
She snorted. "If you're going to clean that fridge out, get a HAZMAT suit, love." Lissa laughed as she went towards the bathroom. I heard the shower curtain open, and then shut again. She came out with her lips in a thin straight line. "You do know that there are crickets doing water ballet in your shower, right." She asked with an insane smile.
"Oh goody, now I know I'm not crazy." I said sardonically. I ruefully shrugged as I stuffed some yodeling bologna into the back. It started hacking. Now I know I'm crazy. I thought. I continued to pull out disgusting rotting food. I don't know what became of Lissa. Somewhere in my concentrating, I heard her scream. "Look out, it's got blow torch." I just assumed that I was going a little crazier. I started wondering if working for Mr. Wonka was going to be worth it. Yesterday, I had normal life, filled with normal things. Now, well now, a cricket was chasing my best friend around with a blowtorch.
The alarm on my cell phone started ringing. "Oh, darn, it's that time already?" I asked myself. I ran into my bedroom. I took a shower last night, so I didn't bother to deal with the pyromaniac crickets. I threw on a pair of pants and a turtleneck. I pulled my hair back into a messy ponytail and started running out the door. "Lissa, at least attempt to look for a job today, please."
"All right, fine, after I beat the cricket in a game of cards." She said. I just closed my eyes and pretended that I didn't hear that.
I practically ran all the way to Cherry Street. I didn't get the sonic boom I was hoping for, but I do think I heard my lungs explode. I panted as I ran into the office. "Good" Pant, pant "Good Morning". I said to my boss as I leaned on his desk.
"Lady!" He shouted. It scared me half to death. "You're back!" He jumped to his feet. "Good." He said. "Now get to work." I sighed. I wasn't about to argue with the man. I'd have a better time reasoning with a three year old. I went back into the desk and looked out into the factory. There weren't any people. I sighed. Maybe he opened later than usual. Hardly good for business. I thought with a great amount of distain.
Of course, when noon rolled around and no one was here, I got suspicious. I pushed my chair back ignoring the rude noise it made. I walked a few steps to Mr. Wonka's room. I knocked, but there was no answer. I sighed. This was getting old fast. I threw the door open and was immediately covered in a black gummy substance. I flexed my jaw. I couldn't think of anything to say. I was just so flabbergasted. If this continued, I would have no more clothes. I looked at myself and stammered. Well, it was more of whimper really, the kind you make when you're so shocked that you can't think of anything intelligent to say.
"Oh, Lady" He said. "Come here" He grabbed me by the hand and started dragging me. I was still too stunned to protest. Yes, that's how appalled I was. He dragged me a few steps to a large burgundy velvet curtain. "All right, since you are my assistant, and you have assist me. I want you too" He walked over to a large golden tassel and gave it a good hard jerk. It wooshed back dramatically, revealing a large tank filled with sharks. I jumped back and stared at it. "All righty, then, smear this all over yourself and get in."
I gave him an incredulous glare. "What?"
"Oh come on, you got wax in your ears?" He said bouncing on his feet childishly. "Take all this" He motioned to a large vat. "And get in there." He said as if it was the most normal thing ever. I disagreed greatly. "Come on, let's boogie." I looked at him, then the vat, then and the sharks several times. I tried to see his point in doing this, but alas, I was blind. I decided immediately that the whole of the matter was: Willy Wonka was crazier than a…. My train of thought crashed and burned right then and there. I saw Mr. Wonka taste the stuff I was about to wear all over my body. I was quiet for only a second more before I passionately screamed.
"WHAT IS YOUR MENTAL DEFECT?" I yelled at him loudly. He jumped and gave me a look. "I mean, what is the point of doing this?"
"Well, it's a shark repellant suit, silly. Everyone knows that sharks hate licorice." He said in a duh tone. I crossed my arms and tried not beat the man. He was driving me insane, which was not hard to do, apparently. Last I checked most sane people didn't have crickets that do water ballet at home. And I'm fairly certain that their processed meat didn't sing.
"Of course, a shark repellant suit, why didn't I think of that?" I replied in that tone people use when dealing with small children and potentially crazy people.
"Because you're not the genius chocolate maker, duh." He knocked on my forehead. It took all of my self-restraint not to throw him into the vat of licorice and then into the shark tank.
"NO!" I yelled. "I wish to have an ambulatory lifestyle thank you. Mr. Wonka, if you want some one to do crazy things for your own personal amusement, then you'll have to hire workers." Oh yeah, I suddenly remembered why I came into this mad house to begin with. "Mr. Wonka, where are the workers?"
"Workers?" He repeated staring at me blankly. I nodded my head furiously. "Workers." He narrowed his eyebrows as if he were trying to think. The most active word in that statement is "trying". "Workers…. Yeah, workers," He started saying it over and over again.
"What is there an echo in here?" I asked. "Mr. Wonka, the store can't open unless you have workers." I explained crossing my arm.
"Well then lady, you're my assistant, go get some!" He demanded. His eyes got wide. I sighed. "Tick Tock Lady!" Suddenly, that inability to focus from yesterday came back and the nursery rhyme "Hickory Dickory Dock" started playing in my head. I rubbed my face and tried not strangle something. "All right Mr. Wonka, I'll be back later." I went back into my office. I sat down and buried my head in my hands. This was fantastic, really. I was going crazy "For you touch me once and you'll know it's true…" I started thinking about that song. "Oh, goodness, I really am going crazy." I shook my head and grabbed up the phone. "Hello, information, will you give me the number to the inspectors office." She connected me.
"Hello, James Van Buren, private investigator..." I slammed the phone down. The dumb operator gave me an investigator's number, stupid girl. I tried again however. I figured that I should get this place inspected and hope he tells me what exactly I need to do. It was going to be difficult trying to get Mr. Wonka to agree to anything conventional, but that was going to have to get over it. I was going to go about this properly, no sense in getting up just to shut down. I waited for the phone to ring. Finally, I got some one on the other side. It was scheduled for ten am, tomorrow morning.
TBC…..