He did some things in his life, things he was not proud of, things he wouldn't even whisper in the dark...things he'd do again.
Some things although they were against his nature, although they were wicked, he'd do them again, they sat well with him. Well enough anyway. That's what he told himself.
But it was more than once that he awoke screaming from the memories, that his body shook with terror. Some memories were his own doing, others were not, they all begged for the same cold sweats and turning of his stomach.
Spock often used the joining bathroom door to sneak through, although he often made a pointed effort to make as much noise as possible, Jim knew that was deliberate because Spock was always so cautious and quiet. He was sure to awaken his captain from his sleep, he then usually stared in an odd way and then made some excuse about needing him to review some scamatics that couldn't possibly wait.
Jim called him on it once. Spock tried to spin a line about human observation.
Neither of them believed it, Spock wasn't adept at lying, he knew that.
Jim looked at Spock in that moment and realized just how human he was, just how much concern he had...maybe he was adept at lying he does it every day with that emotionless bull.
Bones was a great friend for talking and stuff...the best drinking buddy, the best wingman, great at patching him up, not just with bandages and hypo sprays, but with words too. He was just the best buddy.
Scotty was a pretty good drinking buddy too and he just made Jim laugh even at the most tragic times, even when he beamed Jim up in place of another blue shirt, he still made Jim laugh.
Chekov made him happy in general; he was a good buddy, always sure to give a happy buzz, almost like drinking.
Sulu was a great training buddy, Jim loved sparing with him, physically and mentally, they were equally matched in physical strength and provided decent mental stimulation, yes Sulu was also a friend.
As was Uhura, they mostly liked to tease each other and pretend they hated one another, but they were good friends.
But Spock was the greatest friend. The very best. Spock although the most unlikely friend is his best friend, even greater than bones perhaps.
Spock was always there silently reproving, silently smiling, Spock was the one who saved Jim even when Jim failed to admit he needed saving, and Spock never asked for thanks or even recognition, he simply pretended all was well and that he had not just saved his captain from another night terror.
There were no longer any falsities, or civilities between the two men.
Jim wanted to nod a thanks, but he knew Spock would just raise his eyebrow and mumble something about his musings on Jim's masochistic mind, so Jim just smiled.
'Semantics?' Jim asked.
Spock let his lip curl slightly and nodded 'scamatics'
'Could I interest you in a game of chess then?' Jim asked.
Spock was going to ask exactly how chess aided the captain to change his mind frame, but instead he nodded 'Most certainly.'
Yes most certainly Spock was his best friend, he was always there for Jim.
Ever humble so as not to expect a thanks, and yet perceptive enough to hear it anyway.
Jim wished everyone had a friend like Spock.