Author's Note: A 2x1??!! FROM ME???!!! Have I gone completely mad? Hn. Oh well, didn't take long did it? My muses seem to enjoy taunting me with humorous storylines, then giving me writer's block before I can finish them. Maybe a little angst will appease them enough to let me work a bit on my other fics. Here goes nothing...
Disclaimer: Don't own Gundam Wing. Don't sue. Squiggly lines ~ ~ are for emphasis, and pretty stars * * show thoughts. AND YOU MUST REEEEVIIIEEEWWW!!! Please? Pretty please? PLEEEAAASE??? (I'm definately not above begging) Oh well, just enjoy the fic.
Heero sat on the twisted sheets, arms wrapped around his knees, chin resting on his forearms. Beside him, curled into a lump of blankets, was Duo. He stared at the braided boy with a blank expression. A shiver traced his bare back, but he didn't noticed it.
His emotions roiled in his mind, though he gave no outer sign of it. He waded through them, organizing them, trying to calm himself. Trying, and failing. He recognized a many of them. Anger. That was always in him. Anger at the world, at what was happening to it, to the people in it. Anger at his enemies, and sometimes at his allies. Anger at Duo. That was usually there, too. Duo was always there, an annoyance simply because his prescence intruded on Heero's mind no matter how hard he tried to block it out. Duo was persistent and loud and ~there~. And it was Duo that had initiated it. Was he stupid, to do such a thing?
*No. He's not stupid. He can't be, he's a gundam pilot.*
And surely he, who seemed to know Heero frighteningly well at times, must have known what Heero's reaction to that first kiss would be. A twinge of guilt flashed through his mind as he recalled the way Duo had reeled from the punch. Even in the dim moonlight from the window he could see a bruise darkening on Duo's cheek. He hadn't meant to hit him that hard. But Duo hadn't been deterred for long. And Heero hadn't been as forceful in his objections the next time, merely pushing him away. And the third time... well...
He felt the slightest flush spread across his face.
Shame and anger at himself also floated within his mental perception. Shame that he'd let himself be so... weak. Anger that he'd given in to urges that were supposed to have been eliminated by his thourough training. A mix of the two emotions scorched at him because he had done so with Duo, an ally... maybe a friend...
*He damn well ~better~ be a friend, considering you just had sex with him* he snarled at himself. *And why even care? This was a mistake, surely he'll realize that when he wakes up. It was - stress relief... hormones... It was a breech of training and an endangerment to the mission.*
He gave a miniscule soundless sigh. It would've been better if he could believe what he was telling himself. Duo wouldn't have been happy when Heero rejected him, but he would've recovered. He might've hated Heero afterward, but it would've been so much simpler -
Heero caught himself when he realized he wasn't planning on letting Duo go. He tried to locate the reason for this leap of logic, but found his thoughts clouded with memories. Being clasped so tightly in the other boy's arms, skin to skin, the rhythm of lovemaking flooding his senses, the fact that it was Duo making the pace magnifying the feelings... It had felt so ~right~...
*It ~can't~ be right... It just can't be...*
Duo sighed and rolled over in his sleep, stretching out of the ball he'd been in. Heero examined the exposed upper body with an almost clinical detatchment. Smooth tan skin on his arms, fading to off-white over the shoulders and chest. Well-toned, wiry muscles stood out, proving that while he may look slight, he was indeed strong and fit. A heart-shaped face now calm in sleep, thick lashes fluttering as he passed into REM. The braid remained intact, though mussed from earlier activites. He found himself wondering whether he should've undone that rope of chestnut hair and run his fingers through the unbound mane... He stopped that thought abruptly, forcing it out of his mind. He shouldn't have such thoughts...
*...I guess that's a moot point now.* He continued staring at the American, and a revelation dawned. It wasn't a major one, not really. But despite it's seeming simplicity, or perhaps because of it, Heero found himself thunderstruck with the observation.
*He's not pretty.*
And he wasn't.
...but he might be beautiful. Not that Heero was one to judge beauty.
He snort softly in self-derision. He was mooning over Duo like a lovesick school girl. He tore his gaze away from his - his what? Fellow gundam pilot? Friend? ...lover?
*Lover...* Somehow that adjective didn't seem to apply. Not to himself anyway. He knew for a fact he'd never shown any sign that could be interpretted as affection. He hadn't even acknowledged he'd had feelings for Duo, beyond a vague sense of comradeship, before tonight. He hadn't said so aloud, but he felt that what had passed between them stated it for him. What were these feelings, anyway? They were unlike anything he'd felt before, making him light-headed and hopeful while at the same time nawing an aching hole in the pit of his stomach with an interesting form of pain. Unfamiliar and strange and discomforting, not unlike some of the drugs Dr. J had made sure he'd gained a strong tolerance for. What could it be?
*Lust.* his mind and conditioning replied. *Teenage hormones, the effect danger has on them, and the nearest welcoming body. Completley physical.*
No, that wasn't right. Yes, there was lust. But there was more to it than that, and he didn't understand. He hadn't been trained to cope with something like this. He scrounged his mind and heart for the source of these emotions. He gave a small snort at that thought.
*Didn't think the Perfect Soldier would have a heart left.*
But despite his self-contempt, he was indeed acutely aware the 'human' part of his mind, the part no amount of training could affect. It was the part of him that wouldn't let him kill Relena, no matter how beneficial to the mission it would be to take care of ~that~ obstical. It was the part of him that kept him from losing himself in the ZERO system. It was the part off him that reminded him just what he was fighting for when the weight of the war bore down on him, threatened to break him. It was the part of him that... the part of him that harbored his ambiguous and confusing emotions for Duo...
Suddenly restless, he stretched out from his position on the bed and got up, walking over to the window, unmindful of his nudity. He opened the window, then braced his arms on the window sill, letting the chill late spring breeze carress him. The shock of the cold cleared his mind and he gazed up at the velevet sky, eyes of the same midnight-cobalt asking a silent question. Above him the scattered crystals that were stars flashed, and the half-moon shown in his eyes. Neither offered an answer.
*Dammit. Why does he always have to make complications?*
A short, quiet moan from behind him alerted to Duo's awakening. He didn't turn as he heard Duo get out of the bed and cross the room. He felt Duo's bodyheat from mere centimeters behind him, but Duo didn't touch him, and oddly was silent. He knew that Duo knew either gesture could break the tenuous thread that held him here. The unfamiliar warmth at his back was oddly comforting, though, and the breath on his neck was as intimate as the earlier consumation. A shiver ran down his spine. The human part of him told him that it was all right, that this was what people did. They fell in lo-
*No.* He denied it. It was against his training. It was weak. It was stupid. He tried to cast it away from him, drive it out, destroy it. *NO. I can't afford to-...*
*But... I do...?*
He closed his eyes and bowed his head. It was an unspoken signal of... Not defeat. That wasn't what Duo was seeking anyway. It was more... an admission, a conceding of a point. And with an intuition that at once comforted and frightened Heero, Duo understood. Warm arms wrapped around his bare waist as Duo pressed himself against his back, resting his chin on Heero's shoulder. Heero slid his eyes open and glanced sidelong at him. He was staring up at the sky, moonlight making his eyes liquid and luminous. After a long moment, Heero followed his gaze.
He still didn't understand what this was. He didn't know if it would last. He didn't know what would happen if it did. He was terrified of what would happen if it didn't.
Disclaimer: Don't own Gundam Wing. Don't sue. Squiggly lines ~ ~ are for emphasis, and pretty stars * * show thoughts. AND YOU MUST REEEEVIIIEEEWWW!!! Please? Pretty please? PLEEEAAASE??? (I'm definately not above begging) Oh well, just enjoy the fic.
Heero sat on the twisted sheets, arms wrapped around his knees, chin resting on his forearms. Beside him, curled into a lump of blankets, was Duo. He stared at the braided boy with a blank expression. A shiver traced his bare back, but he didn't noticed it.
His emotions roiled in his mind, though he gave no outer sign of it. He waded through them, organizing them, trying to calm himself. Trying, and failing. He recognized a many of them. Anger. That was always in him. Anger at the world, at what was happening to it, to the people in it. Anger at his enemies, and sometimes at his allies. Anger at Duo. That was usually there, too. Duo was always there, an annoyance simply because his prescence intruded on Heero's mind no matter how hard he tried to block it out. Duo was persistent and loud and ~there~. And it was Duo that had initiated it. Was he stupid, to do such a thing?
*No. He's not stupid. He can't be, he's a gundam pilot.*
And surely he, who seemed to know Heero frighteningly well at times, must have known what Heero's reaction to that first kiss would be. A twinge of guilt flashed through his mind as he recalled the way Duo had reeled from the punch. Even in the dim moonlight from the window he could see a bruise darkening on Duo's cheek. He hadn't meant to hit him that hard. But Duo hadn't been deterred for long. And Heero hadn't been as forceful in his objections the next time, merely pushing him away. And the third time... well...
He felt the slightest flush spread across his face.
Shame and anger at himself also floated within his mental perception. Shame that he'd let himself be so... weak. Anger that he'd given in to urges that were supposed to have been eliminated by his thourough training. A mix of the two emotions scorched at him because he had done so with Duo, an ally... maybe a friend...
*He damn well ~better~ be a friend, considering you just had sex with him* he snarled at himself. *And why even care? This was a mistake, surely he'll realize that when he wakes up. It was - stress relief... hormones... It was a breech of training and an endangerment to the mission.*
He gave a miniscule soundless sigh. It would've been better if he could believe what he was telling himself. Duo wouldn't have been happy when Heero rejected him, but he would've recovered. He might've hated Heero afterward, but it would've been so much simpler -
Heero caught himself when he realized he wasn't planning on letting Duo go. He tried to locate the reason for this leap of logic, but found his thoughts clouded with memories. Being clasped so tightly in the other boy's arms, skin to skin, the rhythm of lovemaking flooding his senses, the fact that it was Duo making the pace magnifying the feelings... It had felt so ~right~...
*It ~can't~ be right... It just can't be...*
Duo sighed and rolled over in his sleep, stretching out of the ball he'd been in. Heero examined the exposed upper body with an almost clinical detatchment. Smooth tan skin on his arms, fading to off-white over the shoulders and chest. Well-toned, wiry muscles stood out, proving that while he may look slight, he was indeed strong and fit. A heart-shaped face now calm in sleep, thick lashes fluttering as he passed into REM. The braid remained intact, though mussed from earlier activites. He found himself wondering whether he should've undone that rope of chestnut hair and run his fingers through the unbound mane... He stopped that thought abruptly, forcing it out of his mind. He shouldn't have such thoughts...
*...I guess that's a moot point now.* He continued staring at the American, and a revelation dawned. It wasn't a major one, not really. But despite it's seeming simplicity, or perhaps because of it, Heero found himself thunderstruck with the observation.
*He's not pretty.*
And he wasn't.
...but he might be beautiful. Not that Heero was one to judge beauty.
He snort softly in self-derision. He was mooning over Duo like a lovesick school girl. He tore his gaze away from his - his what? Fellow gundam pilot? Friend? ...lover?
*Lover...* Somehow that adjective didn't seem to apply. Not to himself anyway. He knew for a fact he'd never shown any sign that could be interpretted as affection. He hadn't even acknowledged he'd had feelings for Duo, beyond a vague sense of comradeship, before tonight. He hadn't said so aloud, but he felt that what had passed between them stated it for him. What were these feelings, anyway? They were unlike anything he'd felt before, making him light-headed and hopeful while at the same time nawing an aching hole in the pit of his stomach with an interesting form of pain. Unfamiliar and strange and discomforting, not unlike some of the drugs Dr. J had made sure he'd gained a strong tolerance for. What could it be?
*Lust.* his mind and conditioning replied. *Teenage hormones, the effect danger has on them, and the nearest welcoming body. Completley physical.*
No, that wasn't right. Yes, there was lust. But there was more to it than that, and he didn't understand. He hadn't been trained to cope with something like this. He scrounged his mind and heart for the source of these emotions. He gave a small snort at that thought.
*Didn't think the Perfect Soldier would have a heart left.*
But despite his self-contempt, he was indeed acutely aware the 'human' part of his mind, the part no amount of training could affect. It was the part of him that wouldn't let him kill Relena, no matter how beneficial to the mission it would be to take care of ~that~ obstical. It was the part of him that kept him from losing himself in the ZERO system. It was the part off him that reminded him just what he was fighting for when the weight of the war bore down on him, threatened to break him. It was the part of him that... the part of him that harbored his ambiguous and confusing emotions for Duo...
Suddenly restless, he stretched out from his position on the bed and got up, walking over to the window, unmindful of his nudity. He opened the window, then braced his arms on the window sill, letting the chill late spring breeze carress him. The shock of the cold cleared his mind and he gazed up at the velevet sky, eyes of the same midnight-cobalt asking a silent question. Above him the scattered crystals that were stars flashed, and the half-moon shown in his eyes. Neither offered an answer.
*Dammit. Why does he always have to make complications?*
A short, quiet moan from behind him alerted to Duo's awakening. He didn't turn as he heard Duo get out of the bed and cross the room. He felt Duo's bodyheat from mere centimeters behind him, but Duo didn't touch him, and oddly was silent. He knew that Duo knew either gesture could break the tenuous thread that held him here. The unfamiliar warmth at his back was oddly comforting, though, and the breath on his neck was as intimate as the earlier consumation. A shiver ran down his spine. The human part of him told him that it was all right, that this was what people did. They fell in lo-
*No.* He denied it. It was against his training. It was weak. It was stupid. He tried to cast it away from him, drive it out, destroy it. *NO. I can't afford to-...*
*But... I do...?*
He closed his eyes and bowed his head. It was an unspoken signal of... Not defeat. That wasn't what Duo was seeking anyway. It was more... an admission, a conceding of a point. And with an intuition that at once comforted and frightened Heero, Duo understood. Warm arms wrapped around his bare waist as Duo pressed himself against his back, resting his chin on Heero's shoulder. Heero slid his eyes open and glanced sidelong at him. He was staring up at the sky, moonlight making his eyes liquid and luminous. After a long moment, Heero followed his gaze.
He still didn't understand what this was. He didn't know if it would last. He didn't know what would happen if it did. He was terrified of what would happen if it didn't.